IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[K3nda]

Overall, I would say ... it is very clear you can write well. You have good English. There are no grammar issues. But, you need to spend more time in structuring your ideas and essays. The way you have written your ideas are not consistent and coherent to read. This is easily fixable if you spend time reading good essays and some more time reading some previous reviews.

All the best!

Hi Cansha, I cant express my gratitude enough for your time and detailed feedback. I will definitely work on your suggestions. It was not harsh at all I actually appreciate your honesty. Hopefully I will come back with better essays. Thank you so much

 

[Tech_girl123]

Hi @cansha please evaluate

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Many people believe that the government should not squander its funds on the arts, instead, it should provide financial aid to other sectors of the society. Although this subject is contested by many, I disagree with this claim and believe that the government should invest its money on the arts and the other sectors equally, as per need.


To begin with, it is believed that the government should concentrate on public services only. This is because the public infrastructure of a nation reflects its global economic status. For instance, Shanghai is a megalopolis which has state of the art public services and hence it is considered one of the top ten cities to visit in the world. Also, with the growing affluence in the developing countries like India and China, their basic public services such as roads, transport system, toilet, and garbage dumps would have to be ameliorated for them to grow in par with the developed nations in the future. Therefore, the government will have to staunchly support this growth trend, by providing funds to the public sectors of the society.

However, despite the aforementioned points, the merits of the government funds to the arts cannot be debunked. Firstly, the arts is also a service to the society. Visual arts such as painting, sculpture, films and performing arts such as theatre, dance, and music amuses and entertains everyone. Paradoxically, the proponents of the opposite view cannot spend a day without listening to music or watching a movie or series themselves. Secondly, well-paid artists, who perform these art forms, are mostly amongst the highest taxpayers. Therefore, the money invested is recouped via the tax paid by them. This money is then used for the overall development of the nation. For instance, In India, Hindi movie actors and singers are the highest taxpayers. As a result, the nation only benefits from its artistic sector.

In conclusion, a society needs the art form as much as it needs the public services for it to grow. In my honest opinion, the government should provide financial aid to both the sectors in an unbiased manner.

 

[p_u]

@cansha thank you for review my first letter writing task. It helps me a lot to correct mistakes and suggestions for reading more.

Below I have written a letter again with trying some improvements.

Q. Write a letter to your manager about parking problem and suggest some solutions.

Ans.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Lila, I am working in a Software department which is located at 1st floor.I am currently facing a serious parking problem in basement of newly constructed office building.I am requesting you to take it in high priority to solve.

On daily basis I used to park my car(number is "3485") at allotted parking in basement.Due to our new recruitment process our new staff members are increased and they also required parking space for their vehicles.Daily I keep my car in plot number 4 but due to new staff somebody uses this space and I am not finding proper place to park my car in underground parking.So I have to park my car beside outside of our building on ground floor.As you well aware with government rules that you cann't park vehicles outside near service road.If we park our car over there, the Toe Van will seal our cars and we have to pay high penalties to reliese car.

To combat this situation, I would like to share my thoughts. We can request builder to provide more space allotment for parking. We can also arrange our 2 wheelers and 4 wheelers vehicle separately in a queue.

I hope you will consider this action immediately. I am looking forward to you positive response.

Yours sincerely,
Lila

 

[p_u]

Hi @cansha Please review this task 1. Thank you.

Your brother could not join you on a trip that you guys planned.Write a letter to your friend inviting him to join trip,explain about the trip,why your brother could not make it,give details about trip.

Dear John,

I hope you are pink in health.I am happy to inform you that you can join the Mount Abu trip with us which is finalized on 12th November.

I and my brother has decided to visit Mount Abu on coming Saturday with friends.Unfortunately, my brother will not able to join us due to his final year examination.The date of exam was not declared when we have booked our hotel on yesterday. Suddenly his college has announced surprized test before exam on this Saturday. If he will not appear for test his marks will not add to final result.

I remembered you have expressed interest on this tour when we met on last Sunday. But due to some unavoidable circumstances you denied to join. I am further want you to come with us if you are still interested and situation under controlled from your side. You need not to worry about stay because we can replace my brother's booking with yours.

I know you love adventureous trip and you will not miss this tour.I just want you to inform me about your decision prior.So that we can confirm same with reception of hotel.

Best regards,
Mark

 

[cansha]

Thank you so much for the detailed explanation Cansha. Really appreciate your efforts in helping aspirants. I will try to improve my writing taking your suggestions.

Regarding taking side of Individual sports, even I thought I picked the wrong side by the end of the essay. But the deed has been done. So I modified it and gave some final touches to make-believe Individual sports have more benefits. I gussd it's not convincing enough. Your suggestion on balanced approach in the conclusion is bang on. I will take a note of it in future essays.

I tried my best to Paraphrase but had little scope with the term individual sports. Also, I intentionally didn't force any unnatural vocab into the essay, does it stand a chance of good marks in Lexical resource??

Once again, thank you for your kind support

Don't worry about lexical resources. Most of us have good enough vocab for IELTS. The most important thing to focus is on task response followed by C&C.

 

[p_u]

Hi @cansha Please review this task 2. Thank you.

Q. Some people say Olympic games are not relevant in 21st century.Do you agree or disagree.

Ans:

Olympic games are popular since ancient time.In some debates it is often considered that olympic games are not much important in this century.However, such events has unique place in peoples mind and countries too.These games cannot replace value with latest innovation and technical enhancement by physically,financially and socially.

Most important reason of disagreement is that Olympic games identify people's capabilities of talent and entertainment activity rather than materialistic item.Some countries specially known by their sport persons and their abilities.For example Though Portugal is small country but its football team is best in world.Same as USA swimming champions are well known among all nations.Secondly, the Olympic events would widen the horizons not only for the players but also for viewers from various nations.These attributes cannot get thought 21st century's development.

Likewise, Olympic games enhance the financial status of country and olympians.Such events flourish the economy by tourisum, players,viewers,delgates and habitants of host country.For example, When last to last event hosted in India, the effects of this event clearly identified by country people.The internet was speed improved.The roads were rebuild. The tourisum news was improved policies to attract people.Air fairs revized with discounted prices.The Indians who living outside country booked advanced tickets specially for these games.And also demanded for live broadcast on more TV channels.

To recapitulate, although these are controversy related to Olympic games, the satisfaction which people cannot get by latest technological improvements, they can get it by numerous sport events. So one should not avoid such games.

 

[cansha]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Today, it is not uncommon to observe some elective courses in any Bachelors or Masters degree programe. This has been done to allow students to pursue their desired field of study, providing flexibility in fixed and rigid program structure.
What is the use of these two lines. Why bring in Bachelors and Masters when the topic was on high school. If your intention was to show look we do this in higher studies so we should do this at school level also ... then in that case you have not linked it well to the topic.

Some people argue that course selection should not be allowed at high school level; Need a full stop here not semi colon. However, I strongly believe that students should be allowed to take courses pertinent to their area of interest and aptitude, as early as possible.

Some people have got special interest in various subjects of the world, but they do not get opportunity to learn about them in formal environment. Generally, they are asked to study some stereotypical courses which everybody is taking at their school.
As a consequence, they are deprived from learning about things that they are curious about and they spend most of their lives reading irrelevant stuff, which is also quite generic. Once again the argument is hidden in the third line after two generic statements at the beginning. Why?
For example, I was always pretty curious about economics. One day, I came across few books of my father on economics and I read them eagerly. I found great interest in reading about GDP or GNP, but unfortunately, I got the opportunity to learn about them formally quite later in my life.

Likewise, some people does do not have required aptitude for some subjects. See here your argument is in the very first line. This is good. However, personally I would write this in a bit positive way. Rather than saying people may not have aptitude for a subject I would say people may have better aptitude in a different subject and hence should be allowed to choose that subject. Then your example is perfect that someone may like dramatics / public speaking more than say mathematics.
For instance, some people are really bad at mathematics. Its not that they do not want to master it, but they just cannot do it. It is like, they do not have necessary acumen to become good at mathematics, but they are sometimes good in public speaking or other creative fields e.g advertising or sales etc. Students should be allowed to take the courses according to their capablity quite early in their lives. In this way, they can develop and hone their skills in a more effective way over a longer period of time.

Better paragraph. It sounds more on topic compared to the first one.

To recapitulate, students should be evaluated early on the basis of their aptitude and interest. Don't you think you are bringing in an entirely different idea in conclusion now.

They should be allowed to take the relevant courses from high school level in order to realize their true potential and provide them with the adequate time to develop themselves.

Overall, introduction could have been a bit more concise and on the point. You were better in para 3 compared to para 2. Just read your para 3 again and compare it to para 2 you will yourself see your para 3 is much more clear in message. This shows that you can write a good essay. Just need to be careful and review your own work better.

 

[p_u]

Hi @cansha Please review this task 2. Thank you.

Q. Shop should give preference in selling local food rather than imported food.Do you agree or disagree.
Ans:
Today,there is a tendency to import foods with high cost values from far distance countries.In this, I will discuss local food is more beneficial than imported food.

To begin with, there are more reasons to sell imported food in market.First is in this speedy life people preferred to eat fast food to take novel experience.We have a belief that the food prepared in developed countries is much better than domestic food.In India most couples preferred to gift international chocolates on wedding anniversary rather to purchase from local market.

Moreover, in this, I would like to suggest that we should organize some advertisement campaign or internal marketing style to provide valid knowledge about food preparation and method used in cooking.People should be aware about difference between local imported food hygienic level when we talks about food packing.The food which is imported from far distance may not fresh.It has to pass from different countries and have to sits into warehouses untill reach to your tables.Shopkeeper who are selling imported food needs to much take care about it.The maintenance process needs to follow according to country standards from which food belongs to.Seller has to purchase special international license to sell imported food.Not only maintaining food but sellers also has to pay international prices for importing food.

To put it in a nutshell, Selling a imported food helps to grow business financially in international markets due to people's tendency and experience of novel tests.Improvement and variations in domestic food can also beat the competition against imported food.One should get more advantages of local food by its hygienic and nutrients condition.

 

[Moeedkh]

Better paragraph. It sounds more on topic compared to the first one.



Overall, introduction could have been a bit more concise and on the point. You were better in para 3 compared to para 2. Just read your para 3 again and compare it to para 2 you will yourself see your para 3 is much more clear in message. This shows that you can write a good essay. Just need to be careful and review your own work better.

OK Thanks for the review..
Kindly do check my grammar carefully. Grammar mistakes can kill me at the exam.

 

[dvm.bilaeen88l]

Dear Hope and Faith
What about your EOR?
Please intimate about its result.
Best of Luck.
Regards.

 

[Sri11]

Hi All,

I'm fairly new here. I have taken up IELTS 4 times in the year 2018 and every time I've managed to score only 6.5 in writing. I've managed to score 8 in other three sections. not sure where am i going wrong?

 

[cansha]

Hi @cansha please evaluate

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that the government should not squander its funds on the arts, instead, it should provide financial aid to other sectors of the society. A better introduction would be if you define what this other sector mean. May be give some examples like roads, scientific research etc.

Although this subject is contested by many, I disagree with this claim and believe that the government should invest its money on the arts and the other sectors equally, as per need.

On balanced stand which is fine but I think in introduction you could have expanded the topic a little bit. Define what does it mean to spend on art? may be museums, art gallery etc.Also, define what other sector mean?

To begin with, it is believed that the government should concentrate on public services only. Other sectors of society and public services is not one and the same thing. Need to be more clear.
This is because the public infrastructure of a nation reflects its global economic status. For instance, Shanghai is a megalopolis which has state of the art public services and hence it is considered one of the top ten cities to visit in the world. Also, with the growing affluence in the developing countries like India and China, their basic public services such as roads, transport system, toilet, and garbage dumps would have to be ameliorated for them to grow in par with the developed nations in the future. You need to be really careful when you are mentioning 5 different things and some are positive and some are negative. The verb at the end should work for everything on the list. So garbage dumps should be ameliorated works... but does roads would have to be ameliorated work? Hope you understand my point.
Therefore, the government will have to staunchly support this growth trend, by providing funds to the public sectors of the society.

I get the idea ... example is good but the execution of paragraph is not up to the mark. You have written much better than this so I will consider this an aberration. .

However, despite the aforementioned points, the merits of the government funds to the arts cannot be debunked. Firstly, the arts is also a service to the society. Why and how?

Visual arts such as painting, sculpture, films and performing arts such as theatre, dance, and music amuses and entertains entertain everyone. Paradoxically, the proponents of the opposite view cannot spend a day without listening to music or watching a movie or series themselves.
Taunting and trolling is not a good argument for an essay. It sounds more like debate on twitter.

Secondly, well-paid artists, who perform these art forms, are mostly amongst the highest taxpayers. Therefore, the money invested is recouped via the tax paid by them. This money is then used for the overall development of the nation. For instance, In India, Hindi movie actors and singers are the highest taxpayers. As a result, the nation only benefits from its artistic sector. Does government spend in film making? Is that the kind of art you want to address? Your beginning is all about theater and all and yes they need government money to develop. But your example is from Movie industry. Does it need government help?

In conclusion, a society needs the art form as much as it needs the public services for it to grow. In my honest opinion, the government should provide financial aid to both the sectors in an unbiased manner.

Conclusion is fine. May be one more line emphasizing benefits of investing in each sector would have helped.

Overall, I think task response is a little weak. You have written much better essays before so don't worry it happens. Just spend more time and think of points you will write if you get this on test. All the best!

 

[cansha]

Hi All,

I'm fairly new here. I have taken up IELTS 4 times in the year 2018 and every time I've managed to score only 6.5 in writing. I've managed to score 8 in other three sections. not sure where am i going wrong?

Hi .. sad to know that you're not able to get desired results. Its difficult to say where you are going wrong without looking at your essays. May be it was a rhetorical question.

In any case .. I think you should go for EOR if not already. Sometimes there is a chance of half a band increase in EOR. All the best!

 

[cansha]

OK Thanks for the review..
Kindly do check my grammar carefully. Grammar mistakes can kill me at the exam.

Don't worry I point out wherever I think you should be careful about mistakes. You need to relax a little bit! You will do well on exam.

 

[Moeedkh]

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Plastic money has taken over today’s retail industry by a storm. Nowadays it is quite unlikely that you do not find debit or credit card in the wallet of any person. Banks have even launched supplementary cards for kids ! While plastic money is famous for its convenience and safety, their impact on our monthly budgets cannot be ignored.

Replacement of paper currency and metal coins by debit or credit cards has brought about convenience and safety in our lives. At one place, we do not have to rush to the bank again and again to withdraw cash for our daily expenditure and on the other hand, added safety features in electronic cards does not allow anyone else to transact on our behalf. For example, debit/credit has given us a 24 hours access to a large pool of funds which was not possible earlier with banknotes. Now you do not have to keep a large amount of cash with you everywhere and everything has shrinked into a piece of plastic. Similarly, added features like pin code or puck code deter any malicious or unauthorized transactions into your account.

Conversely, plastic money has promoted a thriftless lifestyle in today’s world. Since, everybody has access to large pool of their funds all the time, they tend to make more impulsive purchases. Such impulse purchases were not possible earlier because one had a limited cash in hand and they had to visit bank to get more cash for unexpected purchases, which in turn deterred them from recklessness. This was a blessing in disguise and it worked as an upper limit on the shopping list of individuals, but now, people go out of control at heavily crammed departmental stores.

By and large, everything has some advantages and disadvantages. it is up to the user, how he exploits it. It can add into utility or create havoc in your finances. It is better to keep a close eye on one’s debit or credit card spending.