All the best for results. We always feel we could have done better in writing. So don’t worry. Results will be good.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Yeah thats there ! My situation is pretty weird right now..... hopefully 27th one will the last ielts attempt for CLB 10 !
I don't think evidences carry much weightage. They are basically just considered as examples. What they look at is the sentence structure and the usage of words and whether you were able to clearly express your views.
Just don't repeat the same words. Use a lot of vocabulary. I scored 7 despite only writing 110 words in Task 1. Might have scored more if I had completed the task, so never know.
Can experts please evaluate and provide a detailed feedback.
Task 1
Write a letter to a manager whose company is constructing their new office next to your apartment.
-Introduce yourself.
-describe problems you are facing because of this.
-suggest solutions.
Dear Sir,
My name is Darshan Modi. I live in apartment no. 26 on Achole road. I am writing this letter to complain about the ongoing construction of your office next to my residence.
The construction work is being done just next to my parking slot due to which a lot of dust is accumulating on my car and hence I have to consistently wash my car. In fact, in last one week I have washed my car more than three times. Also, the noise arising due to the construction activity is making the whole situation more worse. Everyday I am continuously disturbed by the noise of heavy machinery being used.
I think if the new location of the office is shifted bit further to the opposite of the main building entrance then it would resolve both the issues mentioned above. I strongly assert that these problems must be addressed at the earliest. I am also sending a copy of this letter to my society.
Yours Faithfully,
Darshan Modi.
Task 2
Some people think it is better to change their career at least once in their life and do different things for jobs. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
These days there is a trend among the working professionals where they consistently switch their jobs for multiple reasons. According to some it is argued that it is beneficial to opt for a different career, whereas I am totally against it and will prove it in the following essay.
Firstly, there is no career progression due to change of the job profile. Since an employee will have to start from the ground level it will require dedicated rigorous hardwork to get into the momentum and it will have a tremendous effect on the productivity. For example, if someone from management opts for development and delivery, then it will have a huge impact on the deliverables. However, if the candidate sticks to his current skillset then the existing skills can be enhanced which will boost his career.
Secondly, the switching of the profile will have an impact on the total pay scale of the employee. Since the job profile is completely irrelevant there will be a huge dip in the earnings as he would lack the essential required skills. For instance, if someone from IT field enrolls himself for the banking profile then he will be offered extremely low remuneration as there is no relevant experience nor skills. However, if the employee focuses on his existing role and works on his weak areas then there could be an increment in the salary along with perks and bonus.
In conclusion, I believe if change is done in relevant profile then it is beneficial else it would affect the productivity and at the same time tumble the earnings.
Task 1
Write a letter to a manager whose company is constructing their new office next to your apartment.
-Introduce yourself.
-describe problems you are facing because of this.
-suggest solutions.
Dear Sir,
My name is Darshan Modi. I live in apartment no. 26 on Achole road. I am writing this letter to complain about the ongoing construction of your office next to my residence.
The construction work is being done just next to my parking slot due to which a lot of dust is accumulating on my car and hence I have to consistently wash my car. In fact, in last one week I have washed my car more than three times. Also, the noise arising due to the construction activity is making the whole situation more worse. Everyday I am continuously disturbed by the noise of heavy machinery being used.
I think if the new location of the office is shifted bit further to the opposite of the main building entrance then it would resolve both the issues mentioned above. I strongly assert that these problems must be addressed at the earliest. I am also sending a copy of this letter to my society.
Yours Faithfully,
Darshan Modi.
Task 2
Some people think it is better to change their career at least once in their life and do different things for jobs. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
These days there is a trend among the working professionals where they consistently switch their jobs for multiple reasons. According to some it is argued that it is beneficial to opt for a different career, whereas I am totally against it and will prove it in the following essay.
Firstly, there is no career progression due to change of the job profile. Since an employee will have to start from the ground level it will require dedicated rigorous hardwork to get into the momentum and it will have a tremendous effect on the productivity. For example, if someone from management opts for development and delivery, then it will have a huge impact on the deliverables. However, if the candidate sticks to his current skillset then the existing skills can be enhanced which will boost his career.
Secondly, the switching of the profile will have an impact on the total pay scale of the employee. Since the job profile is completely irrelevant there will be a huge dip in the earnings as he would lack the essential required skills. For instance, if someone from IT field enrolls himself for the banking profile then he will be offered extremely low remuneration as there is no relevant experience nor skills. However, if the employee focuses on his existing role and works on his weak areas then there could be an increment in the salary along with perks and bonus.
In conclusion, I believe if change is done in relevant profile then it is beneficial else it would affect the productivity and at the same time tumble the earnings.
same here !
will start for 27th from tomorrow ! essay writing has to improve for CLB 10
shawn18
Star Member
- Jun 28, 2018
- 45
- Category........
- FSW
- Visa Office......
- CPC - Ottawa
- NOC Code......
- 1252
- App. Filed.......
- 05-Nov-2018
- AOR Received.
- 29-Nov-2018
- IELTS Request
- Nov-2018
- Med's Done....
- 29-Nov-2018
- Passport Req..
- 06-06-2019
- VISA ISSUED...
- 17-Jun-2019
- LANDED..........
- 07-Sep-2019
May I request experts to please provide feedback so that I can improve. I'm struck in 6.5 since 2 attempts.
Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. However, some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming. Discuss about views and give your own opinion.
Sports help individuals to involve physically and mentally, and thereby promote overall health. While some people opine that playing sports in groups is more advantageous, others favor individual sports. This essay discusses both viewpoints and agrees with the latter.
On the one hand, it is believed by some that sports played as teams contribute for the development in a better way because they enable to acquire various skill-set by helping each other. As a result, they promote team-work, discipline and nurture friendship among teammates. Furthermore, experiencing the joy of succeeding as a squad is greater rather than winning individually. For instance, in football even if striker scores, the entire team contributes to create the goal scoring opportunity, and hence they often celebrate the ecstatic moment together. However, I believe that team sports can also effect the relationships adversely, especially when the team loses, and players blame each other for the dreadful performance.
On the other hand, some people feel that individual sports are more helpful for the benefits they offer. The main benefit of an individual sport is that it offers flexibility and freedom for the player to strategize his game plan and implement it. As a result, he can assume complete responsibility of a victory or a defeat and have no one to blame, except himself. Self-confidence and willpower are often more in sport personalities who play Tennis and Badminton because they perform solely on their efforts without relying on others. For this reason, I personally prefer individual sports rather than group sports.
In conclusion, while team sports promote collaboration and develop relationships, individual sports stimulate athlete’s confidence and self-esteem. For this reason, I support individual sports over team sports.
Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. However, some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming. Discuss about views and give your own opinion.
Sports help individuals to involve physically and mentally, and thereby promote overall health. While some people opine that playing sports in groups is more advantageous, others favor individual sports. This essay discusses both viewpoints and agrees with the latter.
On the one hand, it is believed by some that sports played as teams contribute for the development in a better way because they enable to acquire various skill-set by helping each other. As a result, they promote team-work, discipline and nurture friendship among teammates. Furthermore, experiencing the joy of succeeding as a squad is greater rather than winning individually. For instance, in football even if striker scores, the entire team contributes to create the goal scoring opportunity, and hence they often celebrate the ecstatic moment together. However, I believe that team sports can also effect the relationships adversely, especially when the team loses, and players blame each other for the dreadful performance.
On the other hand, some people feel that individual sports are more helpful for the benefits they offer. The main benefit of an individual sport is that it offers flexibility and freedom for the player to strategize his game plan and implement it. As a result, he can assume complete responsibility of a victory or a defeat and have no one to blame, except himself. Self-confidence and willpower are often more in sport personalities who play Tennis and Badminton because they perform solely on their efforts without relying on others. For this reason, I personally prefer individual sports rather than group sports.
In conclusion, while team sports promote collaboration and develop relationships, individual sports stimulate athlete’s confidence and self-esteem. For this reason, I support individual sports over team sports.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time.
Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter
· explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital
· say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do
· give details of when you would be available for this work
Dear Chief Operating Officer,
I am writing this letter to extend my services for the volunteer work you advertised in the local newspaper. I feel it is my duty to do some social work, free of cost, for the welfare of my country and wellbeing of our society.
Since I have been working as finance manager in a multinational company for 20 years of my life, I feel that I can best serve your hospital in the costing department. I have heard that hospitals have a very sophisticated costing deparment and I feel myself best fit for it. I am still working on weekdays, so I can join your hospital over the weekends for as long as you want. This will also help you in releasing employees from duty roster on weekends.
I hope your hospital will give me opportunity to serve for a social cause. Looking forward to hear from you soon.
Regards,
AMK
.
Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time.
Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter
· explain why you would like to do unpaid work at the hospital
· say what type of unpaid work you would be able to do
· give details of when you would be available for this work
Dear Chief Operating Officer,
I am writing this letter to extend my services for the volunteer work you advertised in the local newspaper. I feel it is my duty to do some social work, free of cost, for the welfare of my country and wellbeing of our society.
Since I have been working as finance manager in a multinational company for 20 years of my life, I feel that I can best serve your hospital in the costing department. I have heard that hospitals have a very sophisticated costing deparment and I feel myself best fit for it. I am still working on weekdays, so I can join your hospital over the weekends for as long as you want. This will also help you in releasing employees from duty roster on weekends.
I hope your hospital will give me opportunity to serve for a social cause. Looking forward to hear from you soon.
Regards,
AMK
.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Today, it is not uncommon to observe some elective courses in any Bachelors or Masters degree programe. This has been done to allow students to pursue their desired field of study, providing flexibility in fixed and rigid program structure.Some people argue that course selection should not be allowed at high school level; However, I strongly believe that students should be allowed to take courses pertinent to their area of interest and aptitude, as early as possible.
Some people have got special interest in various subjects of the world, but they do not get opportunity to learn about them in formal environment. Generally, they are asked to study some stereotypical courses which everybody is taking at their school. As a consequence, they are deprived from learning about things that they are curious about and they spend most of their lives reading irrelevant stuff, which is also quite generic. For example, I was always pretty curious about economics. One day, I came across few books of my father on economics and I read them eagerly. I found great interest in reading about GDP or GNP, but unfortunately, I got the opportunity to learn about them formally quite later in my life.
Likewise, some people does not have required aptitude for some subjects. For instance, some people are really bad at mathematics. Its not that they do not want to master it, but they just cannot do it. It is like, they do not have necessary acumen to become good at mathematics, but they are sometimes good in public speaking or other creative fields e.g advertising or sales etc. Students should be allowed to take the courses according to their capablity quite early in their lives. In this way, they can develop and hone their skills in a more effective way over a longer period of time.
To recapitulate, students should be evaluated early on the basis of their aptitude and interest. They should be allowed to take the relevant courses from high school level in order to realize their true potential and provide them with the adequate time to develop themselves.
High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Today, it is not uncommon to observe some elective courses in any Bachelors or Masters degree programe. This has been done to allow students to pursue their desired field of study, providing flexibility in fixed and rigid program structure.Some people argue that course selection should not be allowed at high school level; However, I strongly believe that students should be allowed to take courses pertinent to their area of interest and aptitude, as early as possible.
Some people have got special interest in various subjects of the world, but they do not get opportunity to learn about them in formal environment. Generally, they are asked to study some stereotypical courses which everybody is taking at their school. As a consequence, they are deprived from learning about things that they are curious about and they spend most of their lives reading irrelevant stuff, which is also quite generic. For example, I was always pretty curious about economics. One day, I came across few books of my father on economics and I read them eagerly. I found great interest in reading about GDP or GNP, but unfortunately, I got the opportunity to learn about them formally quite later in my life.
Likewise, some people does not have required aptitude for some subjects. For instance, some people are really bad at mathematics. Its not that they do not want to master it, but they just cannot do it. It is like, they do not have necessary acumen to become good at mathematics, but they are sometimes good in public speaking or other creative fields e.g advertising or sales etc. Students should be allowed to take the courses according to their capablity quite early in their lives. In this way, they can develop and hone their skills in a more effective way over a longer period of time.
To recapitulate, students should be evaluated early on the basis of their aptitude and interest. They should be allowed to take the relevant courses from high school level in order to realize their true potential and provide them with the adequate time to develop themselves.
Please send only one task per post else it is difficult to review and would be difficult for you also to follow the review
Okay the idea is clear but I feel like you could have written it much more clearly and cleanly.
You can do a better job in terms of paragraphing your idea. You had everything in terms of task response but the letter didn't give the feeling of being concise. There were a few minor grammar issues also. You need little fine tuning and you are there!
Sorry if this sounds harsh but this introduction is poor and weak. There is a lot to be desired in terms of introduction.
Both of your sentences .. beginning of first sentence and the whole of second sentence is in the list of sentences not to be used in IELTS. Have you seen this link http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/
So that's about the sentences. But other than that also the first sentence doesn't make sense. The way it is written shows you believe there is causal and effect relationship between free wifi and people not reading news. Is that justified?
I'm actually confused. If you read your introduction. You say younger generation has lost interest in news. Now you are arguing they are getting news on social media and Internet. So have they lost interest or have they changed source of news? What is your argument?
If you do not clear your position in a very logical way that would lead to less score on C&C and task response. Your English is good and no big issues in Grammar but task response needs to be better.
Again confused. first line says going back to newspapers is like going back in time. And then you give solution on how to do that.
Overall, I would say ... it is very clear you can write well. You have good English. There are no grammar issues. But, you need to spend more time in structuring your ideas and essays. The way you have written your ideas are not consistent and coherent to read. This is easily fixable if you spend time reading good essays and some more time reading some previous reviews.
All the best!
Please send only one task per post.
The letter is okay. But I can't see any paragraphing. I don't know whether it is because of copy paste or it was written this way. To be honest it was really difficult to read the way it was pasted. So, unless it was a copy paste error you need to really work on better paragraphing.
There is actually nothing in the introduction. It is weak! Same comments as the review above for introduction. Try reading a few high band essays and see if you can add glimpse of your essay in the introduction.
On the positive side the idea is very clear to me. the progression is nice and there is no ambiguity so good.
Again clear idea but phrasing could be better.
Conclusion could have been written a bit better. Overall I think at least in terms of task response there is no issues. But you can learn a few more ways of saying things and try to keep your essay "different" from other essays. You also need to write better introductions and conclusions which are very important for good scores.
The last line is one of the most used line on IELTS and hence not advisable to use it. Kills your essay in the introduction itself. Do you follow ieltsliz? If not see this link http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/ . That sentence is literally #1 on the list of sentences not to use on IELTS.
This is what is confusing in the approach. You spent 90% of paragraph talking about virtues of team sport and you have just one line for the contrarian view. And that is actually the opinion you want to deliver. Do you see something wrong with this approach? Let's say I asked you should I buy this mobile. You spend all the time explaining to me all the features and benefits of that mobile and end with one sentence but I think you should not buy it. It kind of felt that way reading that.
Don't get me wrong, it's well written. There are no issues with English or Grammar but the execution is flawed. Your task response seems all over the place. Think about your message and frame your paragraphs to deliver that message.
Very well written. This is clear, concise and there is no ambiguity in the message.
My suggestion is that in essays where you can not find enough drawbacks of a position take a balanced approach. So rather than saying individual sports are better because you are not able to really establish why you say that .. take a balanced approach and say they both have their own advantages and then show how both have their own advantages and an individual should pick a sport based on personal choices.
Overall, I think your English and Grammar is good. Your vocab is good enough for IELTS. Your writing in third para shows that you know how to build arguments.
My take is that you got stuck at 6.5 because of Task Response. Make sure there is no ambiguity in terms of your stand on the issue. You can easily score 8+ of you are careful about the task response.
All the best!
shawn18
Star Member
- Jun 28, 2018
- 45
- Category........
- FSW
- Visa Office......
- CPC - Ottawa
- NOC Code......
- 1252
- App. Filed.......
- 05-Nov-2018
- AOR Received.
- 29-Nov-2018
- IELTS Request
- Nov-2018
- Med's Done....
- 29-Nov-2018
- Passport Req..
- 06-06-2019
- VISA ISSUED...
- 17-Jun-2019
- LANDED..........
- 07-Sep-2019
Thank you so much for the detailed explanation Cansha. Really appreciate your efforts in helping aspirants. I will try to improve my writing taking your suggestions.
Regarding taking side of Individual sports, even I thought I picked the wrong side by the end of the essay. But the deed has been done. So I modified it and gave some final touches to make-believe Individual sports have more benefits. I gussd it's not convincing enough. Your suggestion on balanced approach in the conclusion is bang on. I will take a note of it in future essays.
I tried my best to Paraphrase but had little scope with the term individual sports. Also, I intentionally didn't force any unnatural vocab into the essay, does it stand a chance of good marks in Lexical resource??
Once again, thank you for your kind support
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