IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[cansha]

@cansha thank you for review my first letter writing task. It helps me a lot to correct mistakes and suggestions for reading more.

Below I have written a letter again with trying some improvements.

Q. Write a letter to your manager about parking problem and suggest some solutions.

Ans.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Lila, I am working in a Software department which is located at 1st floor. Genuine question ... why do you need to tell this to your manager? Wouldn't he know you if he/she is your "manager". Do not follow same formula of writing for every task.

I am currently facing a serious parking problem in basement of newly constructed office building.I am requesting you to take it in high priority to solve.

Also, comment on this paragraph and all paragraphs following it. WHY there is no space between two sentences. First I thought it may be a typo error but you literally don't have a space between any of the sentences. I hope you don't write this way on paper.

On daily basis I used to park my car(number is "3485") at allotted parking in basement.Due to our new recruitment process our new staff members are have increased and they also required require parking space for their vehicles.Daily I keep my car in plot number 4 but due to new staff somebody uses this space and I am not finding proper place to park my car in underground parking.So I have to park my car beside outside of our building on ground floor.As you are well aware with government rules that you cann't park vehicles outside near service road.If we park our car over there, the Toe Van will seal our cars and we have to pay high penalties to reliese car.

Okay I don't want to be harsh but this paragraph has a lot of spelling and grammar issues. The content is fine but it could have been written in a much better way. My suggestion is that you please start reading a lot of essays as well as other English magazines.

To combat this situation, I would like to share my thoughts. We can request builder to provide more space allotment allot more space for parking. We can also arrange our 2 wheelers and 4 wheelers vehicle separately in a queue.

I hope you will consider this action immediately. I am looking forward to you positive response.

Yours sincerely,
Lila

You will have to work hard. I see you have already sent multiple essays and letters for reviews. It won't help to send everything in one go unless you learn from your previous reviews.

So the positive is you understand the task and you know how to provide task response. Your ideas are correct. But, sadly your English needs to be much better than this.

 

[Moeedkh]

ok

Don't worry I point out wherever I think you should be careful about mistakes. You need to relax a little bit! You will do well on exam.

OK.. Thanks.

 

[Tech_girl123]

On balanced stand which is fine but I think in introduction you could have expanded the topic a little bit. Define what does it mean to spend on art? may be museums, art gallery etc.Also, define what other sector mean?



I get the idea ... example is good but the execution of paragraph is not up to the mark. You have written much better than this so I will consider this an aberration. .








Conclusion is fine. May be one more line emphasizing benefits of investing in each sector would have helped.

Overall, I think task response is a little weak. You have written much better essays before so don't worry it happens. Just spend more time and think of points you will write if you get this on test. All the best!

true i think i need work more on task response... as i am not good with giving better evidences. Will work on that !!!!!

 

[Ricky1124]

Hi All,

I'm fairly new here. I have taken up IELTS 4 times in the year 2018 and every time I've managed to score only 6.5 in writing. I've managed to score 8 in other three sections. not sure where am i going wrong?

I have taken ielts exam more than 15 times for the same reason. Finally got 7 in writing, practice and focus on band descriptors.
1. Intro should consist of topic sentence, paraphrase the question and you opinion if required.
2. For body paragraphs, don’t write too many points, just one or two points each. Elaborate your idea by supporting sentences, examples, alternate situations.
3. For conclusion, never write any new points.... just summarise whatever is written in essay.

NOTE: Your opinon(if asked) should be clear throughout the essay for task achievement.
Use different type of sentences- simple, complex, compund.
Try not to repeat the words and use task related vacab.

 

[MaryNguyen]

Hello brothers and sister, I'm new.
I have just known this forum today, but I also read main topics.
Dear FaithandHope and other friends who are struggling with writing. There are a bunch of people who stuck in writing 6.5 after many times sitting the exam. Some even studied in Australia, Europe, meaning their English is nearly as good as native. So, I believe Ielts is a global scam. No need to say about this, only people have experienced feel.
My English is not good because my nation and my family are poor. I got 7.0 overall in July and intend to study until reaching clb9 all skills. But, it seems unlikely. You guys are better than me, huge gaps. So, I have some quesions, hopefully you, generous friends, help me see my road.
1. FaithandHope, from 01/2018, have you spent all your time on Ielts, or you have to work while revising. It's been 9 months you have stuck in 6.5. Fuck Ielts.
2. The same question for other friends. Could you kindly share your timeline stuck in Ielts?
3. I have a friend who can sponsor me to settle in Manitoba, because he owns a restaurant in a remote area. He agrees to help me. I have to pay lawyer fee, only 15000 cad. I firstly intend to follow FSW program, but due to this scandal about Ielts, I'm considering my friend's help. He is as older as my mother. my far relative is his friend. That's it. My question is: should I follow my friend' sponsor, giving up FSW because of Ielts? My birthday is May 13, I'm afraid that I can not reach writing 7 before May, and my score for age will lose five. If I get clb 9 all skills before May, my CRS will be 453. Who know I may stuck till 2020!!
I appreciate all your answers. Wish we will settle in Canada soon.

 

[MaryNguyen]

Just one more question for those who are standing at 6.5 writing many times. Have you ever written in the paper when registering the exam that your purpose is not migration, maybe work, private reason, promotion... Or maybe, they have already saved your data on preceding times?

 

[Moeedkh]

Hi Cansha/Hope & Faith,


I think I have two issues :

1. Right lexicography doesn’t occur to me while writing . For instance, hassle-free is such a clichéd word for banking essay, but it dint occurred to me.

2. Rights idea doesn’t not come to me while writing, though I know a lot about that subject. I don’t know how to overcome this.


Can you suggest me a quick fix to it ?

 

[Ricky1124]

Just one more question for those who are standing at 6.5 writing many times. Have you ever written in the paper when registering the exam that your purpose is not migration, maybe work, private reason, promotion... Or maybe, they have already saved your data on preceding times?

You can write whatever you want... TRF doesn’t show the purpose for exam.

 

[cansha]

I have taken ielts exam more than 15 times for the same reason. Finally got 7 in writing, practice and focus on band descriptors.
1. Intro should consist of topic sentence, paraphrase the question and you opinion if required.
2. For body paragraphs, don’t write too many points, just one or two points each. Elaborate your idea by supporting sentences, examples, alternate situations.
3. For conclusion, never write any new points.... just summarise whatever is written in essay.

NOTE: Your opinon(if asked) should be clear throughout the essay for task achievement.
Use different type of sentences- simple, complex, compund.
Try not to repeat the words and use task related vacab.

100% agree with each and every point here.

 

[Ricky1124]

Hi Cansha/Hope & Faith,


I think I have two issues :

1. Right lexicography doesn’t occur to me while writing . For instance, hassle-free is such a clichéd word for banking essay, but it dint occurred to me.

2. Rights idea doesn’t not come to me while writing, though I know a lot about that subject. I don’t know how to overcome this.


Can you suggest me a quick fix to it ?

Think about one idea per paragraph that you can elaborate.
Format of body paragraph-
Topic sentence
Support idea
Example
Alternative...
Something like that... don’t add too many different ideas. Hope this helps

 

[Ricky1124]

100% agree with each and every point here.

Thankyou.

 

[Tech_girl123]

@cansha I have tried to add relevant examples here to achieve task achievement. pls let me know if you find this one better
Also, the word count of essays I write at home nearly touches 330. Is that ok ?


In recent years children have been given more freedom than in the past.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

-------------------------------------------

Nowadays, there has been an evolution in the children’s behavior and mindset. Earlier, they used to have less freedom than they have now. In my honest opinion, this progress has more negatives than positives due to its impact on their lives and society.


To begin with, undoubtedly the technological advancements have made the youth more informed than before. As a result, they now have access to all kinds of information online. For instance, they do not have to rely on their parents to help them with their homework. They can search online and complete their homework and school projects without any parental guidance. Also, with time, parents have become more open-minded and they now allow their children to take important decisions. For example, teenagers nowadays take up part-time jobs and earn their own pocket money to spend on their needs, instead of depending on their parents.


However, the demerits of this development cannot be debunked. Firstly, although children depend on the information online, many a time contradicting information is available, when acquired from different sources. As a result, this can confuse children and can make them take the wrong decision. Additionally, elders earlier had a track of their children’s activities and hence were able to guide them better. The youth nowadays do not consult their elders for any advice and instead, rely on the internet for relationship advice or other serious life decisions. For instance, cases of adolescents trying medical abortion by themselves have spiked. Instead of confiding in their elders, they resort to the quick fixes offered online and fail miserably. Therefore, the independence which today's children enjoy can have a negative impact on the present generation.

In conclusion, unlike the past, the youth today is self-sufficient and enjoys a sense of emancipation. This is an unavoidable change but certainly has a negative impact on their lives and society since consequently, parents do not have control over their lives which makes the youth of today make the wrong choices.

 

[cansha]

Hi @cansha Please review this task 1. Thank you.

Your brother could not join you on a trip that you guys planned.Write a letter to your friend inviting him to join trip,explain about the trip,why your brother could not make it,give details about trip.

Dear John,

I hope you are pink in health.Wrong phrase. Google for right one I am happy to inform you that you can join the Mount Abu trip with us which is finalized on Wrong preposition. 12th November.

I and my brother has in English mostly you should write My brother and I .. plus has is wrong .. My brother and I is two people and hence plural so you need to use "have"" decided to visit Mount Abu on coming Saturday with friends.Unfortunately, my brother will not be able to join us due to his final year examination.The date of exam was not declared when we have had booked our hotel on yesterday. Suddenly, missing comma his college has announced surprized test before exam on this Saturday. If he will not appear for test his marks will not add to final result.

Too many grammar errors.

I remembered you have had expressed interest on for this tour when we met on last Sunday. But due to some unavoidable circumstances you denied to join. I am further want you to come with us if you are still interested and situation under controlled from your side. You need not to worry about stay because we can replace my brother's booking with yours.

I know you love adventureous trip and you will not miss this tour.I just want you to inform me about your decision prior.So that we can confirm same with reception of hotel.

Best regards,
Mark

There are a lot of Grammatical errors. You really need to revise concepts of tenses and prepositions.

 

[cansha]

Hi Cansha/Hope & Faith,


I think I have two issues :

1. Right lexicography doesn’t occur to me while writing . For instance, hassle-free is such a clichéd word for banking essay, but it dint occurred to me.

2. Rights idea doesn’t not come to me while writing, though I know a lot about that subject. I don’t know how to overcome this.


Can you suggest me a quick fix to it ?

I have addressed both issues in past.

For the first one I had suggested to build a vocabulary bank of 20-50 good words. The variety of topics in IELTS are predictable. We know the topics are for arts, sports, education etc. So why not create a list of good words for each type of topic and read those in free time whenever possible. Also, rather in your essays just try using them in a few sentences just to practice their usage.

For the second one I have suggested many times to not write full essays but pick essay topics and brain storm, organize ideas and just write the introduction. Start with no time limits... do 5 topics ... then start with one hour time limit ... then 30 minutes ... so on and so forth till the time you can force your brain to do this in 10-12 minutes. There is no "quick fix". You need to train your brain to THINK ideas and organize them. At least this was the approach I took. I had written a long post about this sometime back in this thread also.

 

[Akhil Soni]

Hi Cansha,
Please evaluate this essay and suggest improvements. Thank you.

Topic- the tendency of human beings to copy one another is shown in popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent you agree or disagree.

Since ages people have emulated their contemporaries to upgrade or maintain their social status. I completely agree with the statement that this inclination to follow others can be gauged from the popularity of fashionable clothes and consumer products because of rise in sales of branded products as compared to others.

Over the years, footfalls in branded showrooms and malls have increased tremendously. People, in order to copy their style icons, visit these showrooms to dress up themselves in a similar manner to their idols. For instance, this propensity to follow others can be witnessed at auspicious occasions such as festivals and marriages where people wear attires which are in vogue and are endorsed by celebrities. However, mass following of a particular designer wear is ephemeral and is replaced by a new fashion trend after some time.

Similarly, this pattern to follow the footstep of others can be seen in the buying trends of the utility products. Often, people make the decision for their purchase based on the feedback of other individuals and the proportion of sales of that product as compared to its competitor. To illustrate, sales of Xiomi brand in mobile phones overtook that of Samsung in the year 2017 by more than 50% indicating people follow a particular trend by copying each other.

In conclusion, I firmly believe, mass following in terms of purchase of branded apparels and consumer articles is a good indicator of human habit to copy others in the society