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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

cansha

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I came here after a long time and this thread seems dead :( I was hoping people were helping out each other. I hope folks who were here earlier have got their desired scores and have moved on. All the best to anyone who is looking to score a 7+ in writing.
 
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Varunaimar

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Hello guys,

I’m back after a long break. Since my last post on this forum, I’ve obtained Canadian PR and I’m more than half way towards completing the citizenship residency requirements. I’m now settled in the beautiful city of Vancouver (but hate the rain!).
This thread was one of my favourites and I frequently hung around to try and help. Since I’m now having a little more time at my disposal, I will try to add my comments on your essays. This is my Original Post from all the way back in 2018. Seems a long time ago now in a different world when we didn’t know how much damage a bat based virus could cause. In any case, happy to help and offer advice to anyone looking to improve their essay writing skills.
Please do not send any direct messages to my inbox asking for essay reviews. I would rather reply to you on the thread directly. Have a great year folks! 2020 won alright, but this is 2021!!
 

Varunaimar

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Here are my comments. Happy to help if you need further guidance.

Hello :)

Dear
H0peAndFa1th
cansha

kindly check my essay and help me to improve my writing skills. (Requirements : 8777)

Thanks in advance

‘’Prevention is better than cure.’’ Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
.........
Experimentation and treatment of illness is very expensive nowdays nowadays so it is always better to keep oneself healthy by adapting good lifestyle and some preventive steps. I completely agree with this statement. Not sure why you’ve broken the sentence here. Also, regurgitating the exact same words as the question adds nothing of value.

‘’ Prevention is better than cure.’’ People can make themselves at low risk this is a poorly written sentence statement. People don’t “make” themselves. People can “put” themselves. of getting catching infections or diseases by adding incorporating would be a better choice of words good habits in their lifestyle. By avorting did you mean avoiding? I would avoid starting a sentence with “By avoiding”. Also, missing a comma. they will would not only set themselves free from diseases missing a comma but also the expenditure will get reduced rephrase as “... it will help reduce expenditures towards medical care. For instance, the price cost of treatment and medicine are rapidly increasing increasing rapidly. The individual who hardly earn his bread, who can only afford basic living necessaries Having read this much, I’m not sure if the emphasis on “this person, that individual” is the right approach. You have to take a holistic view of the society and talk in plural terms. The question isn’t about an individual but concerns the society as a whole. will hardly be able to buy afford drugs or treatment for his family. This could cause mental stress to the individual. you should consider joining this to the previous sentence If that person see my previous comment about using “... person/individual” take takes preventive measures this could save his money and health as well.

Furthermore, this will aslo typo error? decrease reduce the burden on the (federal/provincial/municipal/district/government) health system healthcare is the more appropriate term. For example, in a 40 beded hospital, if the strength or not necessary number of patients are 50 then it will automatically increase the work load on the staff members as well as on the medical facilities. you could simply say “...It could reduce/ease the burden on facilities with limited capacity. If human being again check my previous comment about this. keep themselves fit and take primary preventive measures this would be hurting skills not entirely sure what you’re talking about here and smooth working environment.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea of preventing oneself from getting you don’t ever say “get” diseases. A more appropriate way is to write “falling sick”” catching infections”. diseases and maintaining good lifestyle.

After reviewing this essay I saw the improved version, which is much better than this one in terms of coherence but some mistakes have been repeated across both essays so I have retained my comments. I agree with @marosa points, and I would like to add that once again, I would pay closer attention to the context in which you use certain terms/phrases such as adapt/adopt as @marosa points out. For example, in the 3rd paragraph, what is the patient ratio? A ratio is in relation to something, so the number of patients is being compared to what? Secondly, in the same paragraph, nursing skills don’t get better because people don’t fall sick as often.
My advice would be to spend some time reading well respected newspaper’s editorial sections to get a better idea how some words and contexts are applied. While in India, I used to read “The Hindu” newspaper - it’s editorial section is simply top class. I haven’t read any newspapers here in Canada, but I’m sure you can look it up online.
 
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av4aviator

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Dear friends,
Kindly review the below essay and your valuable comments. please scrutinize it as possible.
@cansha @marosa @Varunaimar

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Many countries and people are involved in helping each other nowadays. Many people claim that aiding the local communities is the sole way to perform effective help, however, others argue that involving and helping other countries are still be feasible and needed. In my opinion, even though restricting helping hands to the confined circle is measurable, extending them to the global measure is vital.

On the one hand, the one improving their own communities leads as an example to the others to adapt and establish. When concentrating on closed communities, it is practicable and conspicuous to understand the immediate and essential requirements, therefore the helpers can perform swift actions to resolve the gaps. For instance, many rural establishments and factories are volunteering in educating the local children in many poor villages with low literacy, such action not only demonstrates their social responsibility but also make their contribution effective and measurable. In this way, companies can inspire a lot of various and adjacent villages or states to adapt and follow.

On the other hand, people should perform help based on the real requirements not by the distance or attainability. Extending the needful help to other communities improves social collaboration and nationwide involvement. The best example is that of the developed countries involve in reviving the affected nations during pandemic and emergency situations without any conditions. Furthermore, this essential aid has helped many affected nations to reconstruct their economy and has improved the living standard of many local people in the country. Henceforth, neediness, and necessity should be the primary concern while helping.

To conclude, though aiding local communities is remarkable and achievable, based on the real requirements the help should be extended to the needed people. So, to me, extending helping hands nation-wide is highly essential and primary than restricting them to localities.
 

Varunaimar

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See my responses below:
Overall a 6.5. A lenient checker might give you 7, but there’s only a 5%chance of that. Your ideas are good and well thought of. You need to be aware how you’re using the words in sentences and need to be aware of sentence forming structures.

Dear friends,
Kindly review the below essay and your valuable comments. please scrutinize it as possible.
@cansha @marosa @Varunaimar

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Many countries and people I’m being pedantic here but we never usually say “Many countries and people”. They are an interlinked entities primarily because there are very very few people who are stateless I.e., they don’t belong to any country. A better expression would be “Many countries....” are involved in helping each other nowadays. Many people claim that be careful about making inaccurate statements. Who claim so? aiding the local communities is the sole way to perform you don’t “perform” help. Help itself is a verb. effective help, however, others argue that involving and helping other countries are still be feasible and needed. In my opinion, even though although restricting helping hands to the confined circle is measurable, how is it measurable? extending them to the global measure is vital. Your sentence options are nowhere contradictory. When you use “Although,...” you’re making two contradicting or contrasting statements. When I read your sentence, they don’t seem contradictory or even remotely connected.

On the do not use “the”. one hand, the one too many “one”‘s. improving their own communities leads as is an example to the superfluous. Do not use “the”. others to adapt and establish establish what? Sentence incomplete. When While concentrating focussing would be a more appropriate word choice on closed communities, A better way to frame this sentence would be “With regards to closed, nuclear communities,...” it is practicable and conspicuous to better understand the immediate and essential societal requirements, therefore therefore is a word used to conclude something. Would rather use “which helps the workers respond swiftly and decisively” the helpers can perform swift actions to resolve the gaps. For instance, many rural establishments and factories are volunteering in educating the local children in many poor villages with low literacy, such action break sentence here. Comma is not something you use to continue two disjointed sentences. not only demonstrates their social responsibility but also make their contribution effective and measurable. In this way, companies can inspire a lot of various and adjacent villages or states to adapt and follow. Excellent point! But for minor mistakes, the paragraph would have been superb.

On the other hand, people should perform same as above. help based on the real requirements not by the distance or attainability. Extending the needful help to other communities improves social collaboration and nationwide involvement. The best example is that of the developed countries involve involving themselves in or contributing to in reviving the affected nations during pandemic and emergency situations without any conditions. diplomacy could be a stronger word here, but absolutely nothing wrong with conditions Furthermore, this essential aid has helped many affected nations to reconstruct their economy and has improved the living standard standard of living of many local people in the country. Henceforth, neediness, and necessity should be the primary concern while helping.

To conclude, though aiding local communities is remarkable and achievable, based on the real requirements the help should be extended to the needed people irrespective of social and national boundaries. So, to me, extending helping hands nation-wide why nationwide, when talked about global cooperation in the first paragraph? is highly essential and primary wrong choice of words than restricting them to localities.
 

Naijaboy

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Dec 29, 2019
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Guys pls help me I was able to crack part 2 in writing section but was unable to complete part 1 how does this affect me did my exams today
 

Varunaimar

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Guys pls help me I was able to crack part 2 in writing section but was unable to complete part 1 how does this affect me did my exams today
You’ll lose marks for incomplete task 1. I don’t know how many bands though.
 

marosa

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Guys pls help me I was able to crack part 2 in writing section but was unable to complete part 1 how does this affect me did my exams today
Hi,

Task one is 1/3 of your mark. If you don't do task 1 and write a band 9 essay for task 2 the overall mark for the writing section will be 6-6.5.
 

av4aviator

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Kindly rate the below essay please
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent.

Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 254 words.

Based on the current needs, many new subjects are being added in the modern educational system. Many people think that incorporating a parental related subject is vital and helps the learners in their future. However, I believe that teaching about parenting at school will not be sufficient, moreover, other elements such as family and society should be involved in the process of teaching. Besides, this essay will elaborate the properties of good parents following my explanation.

First of all, including the subject of good-parenting will deliver merely theoretical knowledge of the soft-skill, so blindly applying it into practice will pose adaptation challenges for parents as well as children. Furthermore, subjects such as, Nurturing in child-care education is a much delegated subject because it involves emotions, feelings and relationship-bonding. So many people are afraid that the young persons would not be matured enough to understand these feelings while learning.

Whereas on the other side, parents and family can provide a perfect atmosphere to deliver the knowledge, as a result, children will easily understand the learnings and apply them into their life. When a parent or family members involved in instructing some disciplines, caring while someone is sick, and respecting each other, the children learn these actions subconsciously. In addition, youngsters learn the parental activities from neighbors and friends, while they visit their home.

Finally, being a good parent is always challenging and requires one to shoulder responsibilities and skills. First, generally youngsters attached to their parents while growing, so it is important for the parents to be influential which motivates and leads the children to adapt the right path towards their life. Second, parents are required to be strict at times, because of lenient attitude, many parents cannot control their kids since they take the instructions casually. Conceive

To conclude, educate the children about parenting skills at schools may not be the right place. Nevertheless, I opine that since students get enormous practical knowledge through life-time examples in family and society, latter should take the responsibility to teach this sensitive subject.







You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.

Write a letter to your landlord. In your letter

introduce yourself

explain what is wrong with the furniture

say what action you would like the landlord to take

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear .................,

You should write at least 150 words.

Dear Mr. Peter,

I have been staying in flat no. 3 of Berth apartment in King's Road south for over two years along with my family. I am writing here to express my dissatisfaction with the maintenance activities that you carried on since I rented the flat from you.

Initially, when we rented the flat, you promised that all the fitted amenities are in a perfect condition. However, after a few days of stay, our family started to encounter many problems in this furnished apartment. First of all, most of the water taps installed around the flat are either leaking or broken. Besides, the windows in the kitchen always stuck which causes suffocation due to the trapped smoke inside the house and finally the room-heater in the living room never worked.

Though I have informed you regarding these issues much time over the phone and letter, you have shown no concern. Besides, I am paying 200 pounds for maintenance of the apartment along with the rent, since you have not performed any maintenance actions from day one. I therefore, request you to return all the money that I paid for maintenance and I will start to take care of the current and upcoming issues related to furniture. If you fail to response in this matter, I have no other option than to approach the area municipal authorities to complain.

Looking forward to receiving your speedy response.



Regards,

Antony Regesh.
 

Rav217

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Jan 29, 2021
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Guys,

I gave my CD IELTS on the 23rd Jan, 2021.
My results came as LRWS - 8 8.5 6.5 8

However, I did quite well in the test and covered all writing criteria.

But I am hesitant to apply for revaluation (EOR) since I see a very low success rate. Can someone who has got a positive outcome after revaluation share your experience on your writing and how sure were you about the EOR?

Thanks
 

Naijaboy

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Dec 29, 2019
327
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Guys,

I gave my CD IELTS on the 23rd Jan, 2021.
My results came as LRWS - 8 8.5 6.5 8

However, I did quite well in the test and covered all writing criteria.

But I am hesitant to apply for revaluation (EOR) since I see a very low success rate. Can someone who has got a positive outcome after revaluation share your experience on your writing and how sure were you about the EOR?

Thanks
First of all you pay a certain fee for re-evaluation and if while your scores are being remarked and the ielts officer sees some discrepancies he or she failed to notice in first evaluation that can reduce your scores.

By the way since you passed the minimum as the minimum score for all organization is a 6 band and mind you there is no failed score in ielts exams...
 

Bacelor

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Oct 20, 2017
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Guys,

I gave my CD IELTS on the 23rd Jan, 2021.
My results came as LRWS - 8 8.5 6.5 8

However, I did quite well in the test and covered all writing criteria.

But I am hesitant to apply for revaluation (EOR) since I see a very low success rate. Can someone who has got a positive outcome after revaluation share your experience on your writing and how sure were you about the EOR?

Thanks
Yes of course go for it
I was L 8.5 R 7.5 W 6.5 S 7 and i was advised if the lowest score variance is 2 bands and more from highest score go for it
I did and i nailed it IDP.

To reduce response time Go for all sections ALL OF THEM except speaking, :) :p i mean only R & L and of course writing. In my case i paid 100$ for reevaluation and was refunded in cash once my appeal was approved.
If it was not approved no refund will happen.
GL
 

Rav217

Member
Jan 29, 2021
16
0
Yes of course go for it
I was L 8.5 R 7.5 W 6.5 S 7 and i was advised if the lowest score variance is 2 bands and more from highest score go for it
I did and i nailed it IDP.

To reduce response time Go for all sections ALL OF THEM except speaking, :) :p i mean only R & L and of course writing. In my case i paid 100$ for reevaluation and was refunded in cash once my appeal was approved.
If it was not approved no refund will happen.
GL
Thanks for your response.

Were you really sure about your writing? I am asking this cuz a lot of IELTS teachers have said you should go for revaluation only if you had scored consistently higher (7 or 7.5) by an experienced IELTS teacher/examiner during your preparation.

In my case, this was the first attempt and I didn't take help from any teacher, but I practiced my writing and cross-checked with the assessment criteria every time.