IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[priyanka.kanawat]

Dear @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @cansha @marosa,

Please review my essay for Task 2. It will be great if you could give me a tentative band score.

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.

Is this a positive or negative development?

There has been a noticeable trend in the last few years of people visiting big malls instead of neighborhood shops which has led to shutting down of the latter. In my opinion, this is not a positive development both for our economy and our social structure.

Firstly, I would like to highlight that MSMEs (Micro Small and Medium Enterprises) like these shops contribute to our nation's financial health in a big way as they provide over 50% of the complete business output of our country. Contrary to what we would expect, the business output of shopping malls is sometimes not even enough to compensate for the infrastructural costs incurred in building them and maintaining them. On the other hand, our local shops run with minimum frills, provide avenues of employment to the youth and give rise to a vibrant entrepreneurial culture.

Secondly, it has been observed that people visiting local shops spend more time interacting with the shopkeeper as well as other nearby residents visiting the shop which provides an opportunity to build affinity within the neighbours leading to social harmony. There was a fascinating study done by the Department of Sociology in Delhi University which highlighted that people visiting local shops spend at least 9 minutes more interacting with fellow-shoppers compared to those visiting the shopping malls.

To conclude, I strongly believe that local shops must be encouraged to provide impetus to our MSME based economy as well as to strengthen our social fabric.

 

[priyanka.kanawat]

Dear @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @cansha @marosa,

Please review my formal letter for Writing Task 1. It will be great if you could give me a tentative band score.

There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:

• Describe the complaints that have been made
• Say why the reception area is important
• Suggest hoe the reception area could be improved

Dear Mr. Mathur,

I would like to inform you about an increase in the number of complaints that we have received about the front lobby reception on the Ground floor of our office in the last three months. With the number of hiring gone up exponentially in the last quarter, the constant queue of employees near the punch-in machine located at the reception is causing over-crowding in the area which is extremely disturbing for the visitors.

Let me explain why the reception area is a crucial part of our office. As our office accommodates mostly the members of Marketing and Sales division, they receive of visit many visitors throughout the day who often spend at least 5 to 10 minutes in the reception lobby. With the constant movement of people in that area and high number of employees flocking there, the experience of visitors, which sometimes even includes our customers, is completely ruined.

I would like to make a humble suggestion to improve the situation. We could move the punch-in machine to the first floor which also has a decently spacious lobby to accommodate the employees logging in and out of office. This will not only reduce the crowding on the ground floor but also make it possible for us to widen our visitor lobby which we have been contemplating for the last few weeks.

I request you to kindly consider the suggestion.


Sincerely yours,
Priyanka Kanawat

 

[shashank933]

Please review below essay :-

The best way to improve health is to do regular exercise.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Consistent physical training is one of the ideal methods to boost fitness. This essay strongly agrees with this statement because exercise not only stimulates metabolism but also improves mental health.

In today’s modern lifestyle where we spend major portion of our life sitting long hours at office and in home, exercising daily is the necessity to activate our metabolism to prevent variety of lifestyle diseases such as Blood Pressure/Sugar et al. It is considered to be the most effective way to deal obesity which is mother of all diseases. A recently concluded study suggests that by 2025 there will be 48% of the population in UK which may suffer from obesity that can be prevented by daily physical exercise.

In addition to the physical fitness,one of the major challenges of the new era is to balance mental health . To achieve maximum output at work we have to deal with various amount of physiological pressure. Exercising is the finest way to divert all the negative energy and channelizing them into concentrated productive outcome. A clear example of this is the recent advisory issued by WHO to all the institutions dealing with desk jobs to mandatorily have the gym/fitness centre at the work place so that it develops the healthy lifestyle and reduce the risk of mental sickness.

In conclusion, daily exercise is one of the finest ways to keep health in the best shape because it helps in building the stamina to prevent the deadly diseases and also balance the mental well being to deal with various life problems.

 

[shashank933]

“Prevention is better than the cure”. Researching and treating the disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures.
To what extent you agree or disagree?

It is argued that getting a precautionary measure against any ailment is an excellent approach rather than investing in experiments and treating the illness itself. This essay strongly disagrees with this statement because investing in research opens door to identify unknown diseases and treatment saves lives.

With the advent of modern transport, the world becomes a global village and is in constant risk of an unknown illness and hence it is necessary to invest in research to find out the cause and treatment of alien diseases before it strikes and wipes out an entire generation. Pro-active experiments not only provide premonition to prepare against foreign disease but also provide a road map to invent vaccines and medicines. One such clear example of this is because of the investment in a research lab in the USA, doctors are easily able to identify Ebola disease in African countries very early and able to control epidemics in the other parts of the world.

Furthermore, Doctors’ experiments to identify diseases only to get quick control over it to protect the human race otherwise it can quickly transform it into a pandemic and hamper the growth of the nation. It is because of the treatment of a varied variety of illnesses available in modern medicine, the life expectancy of human beings has been prolonged. Spending on the medicine to cure illness ends suffering and many times it acts as a measure to secure life. For instance how investment in the treatment of SARS in Europe saved many lives.

To sum up, investing in experiments to identify illness and its treatment is not an expensive affair because it creates avenues to understand the alien disease and protect the human race.

 

[Vyn]

I am finally done with my IELTS journey. I took the computer-based examination and got my result today.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the wonderful people who share their time correcting my essays.

Thank you @cansha @marosa!

 

[Richa123]

I got 8.5,9,7.5,7.5 -LRWS IELTS General Training Exam. I am currently staying in Canada (Completed a year this month).

I realised that with appearing in the same exam over 8 times in a year provided me with hidden techniques every time that really sharpened my skills.

I won't say that I got the anecdote but yes, the tricks which would definitely work in different sections and give you results!! As it worked for my friends as well, it can work for you too.

I look forward to sharing my learnings and guide you with best of my abilities!!

The motive is to share with my experience, learning’s and mistakes.
I prepared first version of my free ebook and now working on videos detailing each strategy and structure That helped me in writing and other sections.
I look forward to give feedback on the queries.

 

[messi94]

I got 8.5,9,7.5,7.5 -LRWS IELTS General Training Exam. I am currently staying in Canada (Completed a year this month).

I realised that with appearing in the same exam over 8 times in a year provided me with hidden techniques every time that really sharpened my skills.

I won't say that I got the anecdote but yes, the tricks which would definitely work in different sections and give you results!! As it worked for my friends as well, it can work for you too.

I look forward to sharing my learnings and guide you with best of my abilities!!

The motive is to share with my experience, learning’s and mistakes.
I prepared first version of my free ebook and now working on videos detailing each strategy and structure That helped me in writing and other sections.
I look forward to give feedback on the queries.

congrats and thanks for coming forward to help others. btw where i can get your ebook ?

 

[Richa123]

congrats and thanks for coming forward to help others. btw where i can get your ebook ?

To access free ebook and videos, refer

https://m.me/UnlockieltswithRicha?ref=welcome

Or, you can see the videos on my youtube channel:

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCfJxOGO9CR3M1U55P4hvjkA

I am hopeful that the content will definitely help you. Do drop your feedback!!

 

[priyanka.kanawat]

Hi,

Can someone please evaluate my essay. What band score can I get on this?

Less money leads to unhappiness, but more money does not always get happiness.

What is your opinion on this?


Lack of financial resources causes distress, but ample money does not always guarantee happiness. I completely agree with his statement as money can provide you the ability to get physical resources but to be able to find joy you need to have the right mindset. Besides, humans are social creatures and they need other humans to share their happiness with to experience real joy.

Firstly, money can help one gain physical pleasures like homes, cars, electronics etc. but they need to have the mental ability to be able to enjoy these pleasures. For instance, developed nations with their high Per Capita Incomes are not the ones that rank high on the happiness index, In fact, this year, developing nations acquired six out of top ten positions in the happiness index survey. Therefore, we can easily deduce that having financial resources in not enough for one to experience joy until they have the mental ability to experience it.

Secondly, what is the use of having all the riches if you do not have anyone to share that experience with? Humans are made in such a way that it is only with other human being that they experience the intense emotions like joy. Furthermore, the experience amplifies we they can help others experience joy with their own resources. For example, many millionaires set out to experience the ‘joy of giving’ by spending most of their time and resources in philanthrophic activities towards the later part of their lives. Therefore, it is not with money but with people that they truly find happiness with.

In conclusion, I reiterate that lack of money can cause sadness but money itself cannot create joy. For that you need to have the right mindframe and people who you can share your happiness with. After all, money cannot buy happiness.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

@marosa @cansha

Thanks guys so much for my help. I received my desired score in CD-IELTS today after many many attempts.
It would not have possible except your detailed checking.


Priyanka I received nearly the same question in the test that you have mentioned.

 

[marosa]

@marosa @cansha

Thanks guys so much for my help. I received my desired score in CD-IELTS today after many many attempts.
It would not have possible except your detailed checking.


Priyanka I received nearly the same question in the test that you have mentioned.

That’s great news! Good luck in the next steps.

 

[junegloom]

@CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @cansha @marosa

Dear All, could you please help to review this? I am aiming for 7. Thank you so much for your kind support.

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor.

What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped?

Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.



World poverty indeed is one of the most topical issues, and the authorities from different countries are trying to tackle this problem using various approaches. This essay will evaluate the root causes of world poverty and will provide potential ideas to support less-fortunate people.

Perhaps, the most crucial reason for world poverty is that we do not have a market-ready workforce in the market. When a workforce is not qualified enough to enter the working world, it is a loss of the country in terms of money and resources. For example, many developing countries in South East Asia, such as Cambodia, and Laos, tend to be famous for having poorly-performed employees with the absence of good quality training. This may be the result of the outdated or corrupted government system, which fails to invest in human resources. The lack of job opportunities might be another reason for world poverty as well. Without decent job opportunities, it is very challenging for a country to prosper in this competitive world when they are unable to accommodate talented workforces, which may support the development of the country.

There are a few ideas that may help the impoverished community to escape from poverty. The first one of them is to invest in human resources by building quality education, training schools, and programs in different fields such as IT, Engineering, Medical, and Education, to name a few. By having such systems, the country may produce a market-ready workforce with the ability to support both themselves and the nation. Aside from that, developed countries should also work together with the poorer countries to help the less-fortunate people too. For example, the Japanese Government usually sets a certain amount of tax-payers money as an aid fund to support the poorer communities in Cambodia. As a result, people from rural areas of Cambodia have become more financially independent with the training attained from school and vocational training center build by the Japanese Government.

In conclusion, world poverty is still an on-going issue, and the most critical root causes of it might be the lack of market-ready workforces and job opportunities. By investing in human resources with quality training and education, and by sharing the load of the poorer community with the funding from wealthier nations, we may solve this issue eventually.

==========================

You have lost your student identification card. This has created some problems for you.

Write a letter to the director of student services. In your letter

• advise them of your situation
• explain how this is affecting you
• request a new card

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to inform you about my lost identification card and request a new card as a replacement.

The incident happened last week during my visit to the school library to return the books I rented. I gave my id card to the library's front desk staff, but the staff accidentally misplaced the card and lost it. We looked everywhere in the front-desk area, but we could not find it at all.

Fortunately, I have access to the dorm (with my roommate's help), but I cannot utilize other facilities such as the library, laboratory, gym and student lounge without my id. On top of that, I cannot get the student discount for meals from the canteen, which is very expensive.

Therefore, I would like to request a new id card. Could you please confirm the card availability, place and time to pick up, and whether the lost card's penalty fee will be charged to me or not since it is just an unfortunate incident by the library staff?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind Regards,
Amanda Wong

 

[marosa]

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

 

[OliviaBBB]

check this file I uploaded for you ,
All samples are band 9 from Cambridge it is just 37 pages
and yesterday I saw a sample like this title you wrote .
check and I do hope it could help you in your progression
Please NOTE: I hope that you would get higher than 7
please after your exam , come here to help others
Link

Hi, can you send me the file? thank you so much! my mail is special48@mail.ru

 

[marosa]

@CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @cansha @marosa

Dear All, could you please help to review this? I am aiming for 7. Thank you so much for your kind support.

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor.

What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped?

Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.



World poverty indeed is one of the most topical issues, and the authorities from different countries are trying to tackle this problem using various approaches. This essay will evaluate the root causes of world poverty and will provide potential ideas to support less-fortunate people. "In my opinion while the main reasons for world poverty is the lack of qualified professionals and very few job opportunities, this issue can be solved by educational improvements, as well as by better exchange between developed and developing countries." <- this is what a band 7 thesis statement should look like. 1. In my opinion - because the examiner looks for YOUR OPINION. I don't know how many times I've said this, but when you say this essay will discuss... well of course it will discuss, you've made the payment, you have registered for the exam, you've come to the exam, so of course your essay will discuss the question you're asked. That sort of statement practically adds no value to your essay, no valuable information for the examiner.

Again, when entering the exam, when starting to write the essay or when doing the interview - you should understand that you're doing it for the examiner. You should know what the examiner looks for and you should structure your writing/interview based on that. That's it, understanding what they want and understanding how to provide that is what you need to do when preparing for the exam. No need to learn all those "band 1000" words or phrases. If your English level is C1-C2 you should be good to get even 8.

Perhaps - saying "perhaps" means you're not sure. Well if you're not sure about your own main idea (I hope you already know what the main idea is, if not, please go to ieltsliz to learn about essay structuring), then how are you going to persuade the examiner on this point? And especially you do not start your body paragraph showing you're not sure on the points you're going to discuss further., the most crucial reason this phrase sounds artificial, at this point the examiner knows you're not 100% comfortable with the word "crucial", so they'll doubt if you can get 7, you can say "one of the main reasons", "one of the key factors that has led to poverty worldwide" for world poverty is that we - we who? replace it with "there is a lack of highly-qualified workforce in most parts of the world" something like this. do not have a market-ready workforce weird phrase, but I'm not sure, google it to see if it's correct. But I would recommend to never use a phrase if you're not 100% sure. It's always better to use a "band 6" phrase correctly than a "band 9" phrase wrong. Though this phrase is not even C1-C2 level, so you'd rather replace it really. in the market - 2 "market"s in 1 sentence it too much really. When a workforce is not qualified enough to enter the working world, it is a loss of the country in terms of money and resources. For example, many developing countries in South East Asia, such as Cambodia, and Laos, tend to be famous for having poorly-performed employees with the absence of good quality training. - I'm not a judge here, but saying the population of a certain country is unqualified or this or that is a) not so ethical and b) is going to be really hard to prove. How are you going to support this statement? how are you going to persuade the examiner that people who live in Laos are worse employees than those living in I don't know Belgium? I would recommend to avoid putting a stereotype about a group of people in the essay... especially as an example. And if you don't know what example to put here to support your main idea, it can be, well, because maybe you shouldn't have put that point as a main idea. That is why you PLAN before starting to write. You will say ok I think this can be a reason for poverty, how can I prove it... if I cannot then it's either not really a reason or even if it is, I'll put another idea that will be easier to support. E.g. - "Reason for poverty - corrupted governments... support- countries with lower corruption rates have lower poverty rates too" This may be the result of the outdated or corrupted government system, which fails to invest in human resources. <-- exactly, you see now this shouldve been your main idea. The lack of job opportunities might be another reason for world poverty as well. Without decent job opportunities, it is very challenging for a country to prosper in this competitive world when they are unable to accommodate talented workforces, which may support the development of the country. <- you didn't support this idea at all. At this point you need to show there are indeed not enough vacancies... although again this is a weak point, because there are billions of those who work in agriculture, who have their own businesses etc... so how are you going to show that if there are x job places per y population it means the rest are poor AND those who are occupied are not poor.

It happens sometimes that someone who has an IT background gets a question related to economics, or an economist gets a question on law... always keep in mind that this exam is not about your expert advise, you're not there to solve a global issue for real. This exam looks to see whether or not a non English speaker (in most cases) is able to communicate on various subjects in English close to native. Like you don't need to be a musician to discuss music with your friends right? So if a friend of yours asked you about poverty, what would you say? - maybe that global companies/corporations often enter small countries and so local businesses are forced to shut. Because of this many people lose jobs... maybe you'd say that big companies become so powerful that are able to affect the governments decisions... leading to even bigger crisis... then maybe you could say that poverty rate has increased in x country after a y company entered - this would be an example btw. This is what you need to do in your essay. If you can't show that there is not enough qualified workforce like everywhere in the world, then don't say there is. And actually does that make any sense? How do you measure how much workforce is needed or how qualified the workforce in Laos or another country should be.

Please read other essays in this thread and practice more before you post your next essay for review. Hope this helped, good luck!



There are a few ideas that may help the impoverished community to escape from poverty. The first one of them is to invest in human resources by building quality education, training schools, and programs in different fields such as IT, Engineering, Medical, and Education, to name a few. By having such systems, the country may produce a market-ready workforce with the ability to support both themselves and the nation. Aside from that, developed countries should also work together with the poorer countries to help the less-fortunate people too. For example, the Japanese Government usually sets a certain amount of tax-payers money as an aid fund to support the poorer communities in Cambodia. As a result, people from rural areas of Cambodia have become more financially independent with the training attained from school and vocational training center build by the Japanese Government.

In conclusion, world poverty is still an on-going issue, and the most critical root causes of it might be the lack of market-ready workforces and job opportunities. By investing in human resources with quality training and education, and by sharing the load of the poorer community with the funding from wealthier nations, we may solve this issue eventually.

Hi, please see above.