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Need help to rectify my writing

Feb 23, 2019
1
0
I appeared for IELTS 6 times and scored 7 twice in writing. I can tell you from my experience that the best approach is to not force irrelevant ideas or words. Stop using sentences that may sound unnatural, try to keep it simple and only use high vocabulary words where you are certain.


Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing you to inform about the lost baggage yesterday. I am travelling from New York to Maryland in a train where I put my suitcase on the baggage stand. In that, baggage I have 2 novel, 3 pair of clothes and 1 pair of shoes.

During my journey the baggage was kept on the baggage stand and as I reached my destination station, was rush to catch bus for my university class. In the meanwhile, I forget to pick my baggage from the train.

I need you to kindly find my baggage I have my favorite clothes and shoes my annual dinner to be held on Tuesday, 02 2019. In case you would not find my baggage along with my belonging. I would like to claim for the lost items during my journey from New York to Maryland.

Yours faithfully,

MJM

It's my first even letter for ILETS can you evaluate & mark with band
 

SR_T

Hero Member
Aug 9, 2019
204
61
Dear @SR_T please evaluate my new attempt :

Question: some people think that schools select student according to their academic abilities. Others believe that it is better to have student with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and give you own opinions

It is considered by many that it more beneficial to students’ development if student attend in the mixed ability school, however, some people contend that streaming students according to their educational abilities into separate school is utilizable to the education system. I believe that it would be more effective and efficient in terms of both teaching and learning while streaming of students implemented.

On the one hand, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities. Mixed abilities classes offer student opportunities to learn from each other, thus, to develops abilities that were absent from them previously. For instance, a sophomore with an excellent academic ability can learn how to dance or paint from peers who are less academic but rather artistic. Consequently, mixed classes encourage students to develops their multi-dimensional abilities rather than single educational ability.

On the other hand, steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students. As to teacher, it is more convenient to discover suitable teaching methodologies to accommodate a group of students with similar abilities. Thus, streaming students makes it much easier for teachers to control their students more conveniently and easily. Furthermore, streaming enable students to learn in an effective way. According to students’ different abilities, they are taught in different ways that are more suitable to for them. To illustrate this, teachers explain the study material more slowly to those in bottom streams as compared to top streams.

To conclude, mixed ability classes are beneficial for students’ versatile development, but in my view point, segregating students based on different academic abilities is better for both teacher and students.
This is a much better essay. But some of your writing issues are still very much there. Focus on your grammar. You are repeating silly grammatical mistakes (wrong use of punctuation, singular/plural agreement etc). These little mistakes can cost you heavily if not rectified.

When you are writing main body paragraphs describing others' views, do mention that it's what other people think. For example:
On the one hand, according to some people, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities.
On the other hand, there are some others who believe that steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students.
Write conclusion in two sentences.
Sentence 1: Summary : In conclusion, though some believe that streaming is beneficial, others disagree.
Sentence 2: Your opinion/rephrase your thesis: However, in my opinion, ............
 

Milan Desai

Hero Member
Oct 17, 2019
481
93
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
1241
This is a much better essay. But some of your writing issues are still very much there. Focus on your grammar. You are repeating silly grammatical mistakes (wrong use of punctuation, singular/plural agreement etc). These little mistakes can cost you heavily if not rectified.

When you are writing main body paragraphs describing others' views, do mention that it's what other people think. For example:
On the one hand, according to some people, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities.
On the other hand, there are some others who believe that steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students.
Write conclusion in two sentences.
Sentence 1: Summary : In conclusion, though some believe that streaming is beneficial, others disagree.
Sentence 2: Your opinion/rephrase your thesis: However, in my opinion, ............
Thanks a lot for suggestions :)
 
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Reactions: SR_T

Milan Desai

Hero Member
Oct 17, 2019
481
93
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
1241
This is a much better essay. But some of your writing issues are still very much there. Focus on your grammar. You are repeating silly grammatical mistakes (wrong use of punctuation, singular/plural agreement etc). These little mistakes can cost you heavily if not rectified.

When you are writing main body paragraphs describing others' views, do mention that it's what other people think. For example:
On the one hand, according to some people, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities.
On the other hand, there are some others who believe that steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students.
Write conclusion in two sentences.
Sentence 1: Summary : In conclusion, though some believe that streaming is beneficial, others disagree.
Sentence 2: Your opinion/rephrase your thesis: However, in my opinion, ............
I’ll keep this in my mind :)
 

Maverick666

Full Member
Oct 12, 2017
40
8
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing you to inform about the lost baggage yesterday. I am travelling from New York to Maryland in a train where I put my suitcase on the baggage stand. In that, baggage I have 2 novel, 3 pair of clothes and 1 pair of shoes.

During my journey the baggage was kept on the baggage stand and as I reached my destination station, was rush to catch bus for my university class. In the meanwhile, I forget to pick my baggage from the train.

I need you to kindly find my baggage I have my favorite clothes and shoes my annual dinner to be held on Tuesday, 02 2019. In case you would not find my baggage along with my belonging. I would like to claim for the lost items during my journey from New York to Maryland.

Yours faithfully,

MJM

It's my first even letter for ILETS can you evaluate & mark with band
I'll give it a 6 as there are way too many grammatical mistakes. Try learning openings and endings for formal and informal letters from IELTS Advantage.
 

Milan Desai

Hero Member
Oct 17, 2019
481
93
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
1241
@Maverick666 can you evaluate my letter:
Thanks in advance.


you have decided to resign from your work in order to try new field.

Write a letter of resignation to your boss. In your letter:
- tell your boss of your decision and explain why
- explain what you have learnt from your current job and how you feel about it
- ask for a letter of reference

Dear Sir,

I am writing this epistle to inform you that I have planned to resign from current position and joining another organization abroad.

The reason is that, I have been offered to work with the world’s one of the most renowned company Google. Moreover, I have been offered a post of general manager in Google’s headquarter in U.S. Hence, this is a precious opportunity I have been waiting since long and have alway desired to work abroad.

My current organization is a place where I have started my working career and learnt all the essential skills of professional life. I am very fortune to work among the best colleagues and managers who have helped me to enhance my knowledge and motivated me to achieve my goals. The entire journey with this company was very inspiring and I have a beautiful memories to cherish forever.

Lastly, my new organization has demanded a reference letter as a process of background verification. Therefore, I would need a reference letter from you mentioning my present role and responsibilities. Hence, I am requesting you to arrange the same for me soon.

I look forward to hearing you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Milan Desai.