Can you give me band as per your expertise( and what will be the outcome if I rectified those mistake)?
I score 6.0 in writing last time
Need help to rectify my writing
- Thread starter Milan Desai
- Start date
I score 6.0 in writing last time
Hi Milan,
These are my comments on your work – and I think these may also apply to everybody who is struggling to achieve a higher score in writing (7+). I understand that this part is quite more difficult than others, but it is possible!!!
Overall, you made good points on your essay, however, some of ideas may have been underdeveloped. I think, to achieve score of at least 7, you should make sure that you explain your concepts in a simple – but well structured manner.
1. Introduction:
Instead of saying this, “The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.”
I would probably say,
In my view, showing these sports activities to the public would definitely encourage people to be more active, but (include your point or points in your Para 3) – example: but having more public recreational centers in every town would be a more effective way to improve physical activity.
2. Make an outline. You just have to create keywords as this should only take about 3 mins of your time. This will ensure that the body of the essay would be fully developed. In your case, you provided examples on Para 2 and 3, but you ended them shortly – try to expound the ideas more. See example below: This is how I would develop your ideas based on your example.
Example in your case:
Body 1: People in favor of showing sports events to adults
> due to millions of fans -> more people will also do sports/ exercise
> Example: your cousin who was exposed to these when he was still a child. Result: He is now a regionally acclaimed athlete in your area, and is also providing a positive influence to his children to be more physically active.
Body 2: Other way(s): by having the government to build recreation centers
> open to everyone
> Example: in your area – the public gym offers variety of activities for all ages: swimming, indoor running, playing tennis, etc. Result: people are more active, less prone to having chronic conditions, etc.
This is what I did: I went to IELTS practice writing materials by Liz and tried to answer them by just making an outline as it was not possible for me to write an essay on each topic. This gave me some predetermined answers on every topic, and on the actual exam, I had some good points to discuss. This really helped me with my writing!
3. You don’t have to use fancy words. I use basic words in English – but I tried to use complex and compound sentences as much as possible. But be careful!! Using complex sentences could make your essay more difficult to understand if you use the conjunctions inappropriately.
I did not use “second school of thought”, “embark with first notion”, “to recapitulate” and so on – as I think these are merely memorized phrases/ clauses, and they do not sound appropriate for most of the topics in IELTS. You should focus more on having good complex or sentences. If you notice you have two simple sentences, then maybe you could combine them to make it either complex or compund - but use appropriate conjunctions. If you are not sure, then leave them as is!
4. Conclusion:
It is a run-on sentence or paragraph and is quite hard to understand.
We should have at least 2 sentences on my conclusion (I usually write 3.)
You may say like:
To conclude, these sports events would generally be a good way to encourage the public to have an active lifestyle as these could serve as an inspiration especially to the younger ones. However, I firmly believe that … ( paraphrase Para 3).
Good luck!!
I appeared for IELTS 6 times and scored 7 twice in writing. I can tell you from my experience that the best approach is to not force irrelevant ideas or words. Stop using sentences that may sound unnatural, try to keep it simple and only use high vocabulary words where you are certain.
I am not an expert in checking as I also learning to improve my writing skills.
When I have read your essay, I was impressed by the vocabularies you have used, though some are not linking well to the sentences.
Keep on practicing! Eventually we can make it..
When I have read your essay, I was impressed by the vocabularies you have used, though some are not linking well to the sentences.
Keep on practicing! Eventually we can make it..
Hi milan,as I said earlier I'm not good at correction.But I feel that your new essay is good.I appreciate for your effort.i have a suggecttion about your grammar.last essay you made some mistakes please go through such errors
You need to have a qualified IELTS instructor grade these for any accurate scores. Strictly going by feedback you receive here will set you up with false confidence and you may end up wasting another attempt on the IELTS.
That is the major issue as I can’t afford to have rectification services from an IELTS instruction. You've scored 7 twice so I thought just to ask you regarding my style and content.
Thanks a lot for supporting.
Kindly check my second attempt: #2 @Maverick666 @Vyn @pumpkin_latte @Anjali1308
Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
In this modern era, the numbers of women working full-time is increasing at a great pace. It is widely believed that household chores should be distributed equally among male and female partners’. In my opinion, I strongly agreed that men should give their hand to women in household activities for reducing the burden on women and promote gender equality.
To being with, it is unfair to impose all household work on women as their role in present time has changed significantly. Since it become very difficult for single wage-earner to support family, the The majority of females have sought a full-time job to supplement their household income. Consequently, If the work should be shared equally among partners’ than female should also enjoy their life and live happily with their families. For instance, the people of India work cooperatively and complete all household chores on times so that they can spend quality time with each other.
Furthermore, splitting household duties evenly can successfully create a gender-equal environment for strong support and respect to each other. If parents share their daily responsibilities, they are able to can convey a storing message to their children that women and females are not synonym of household and by helping them we can show our love and support to our beloved family. For example, by helping his wife do the dishes, a husband can let her know how much he loves her.
To conclude, I strongly believe that by splitting household chores equally, it not only reduce the burden of female partners’ but also help gender equality. Hence, it is advisable for both gender to share domestic work.
Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
In this modern era, the numbers of women working full-time is increasing at a great pace. It is widely believed that household chores should be distributed equally among male and female partners’. In my opinion, I strongly agreed that men should give their hand to women in household activities for reducing the burden on women and promote gender equality.
To being with, it is unfair to impose all household work on women as their role in present time has changed significantly. Since it become very difficult for single wage-earner to support family, the The majority of females have sought a full-time job to supplement their household income. Consequently, If the work should be shared equally among partners’ than female should also enjoy their life and live happily with their families. For instance, the people of India work cooperatively and complete all household chores on times so that they can spend quality time with each other.
Furthermore, splitting household duties evenly can successfully create a gender-equal environment for strong support and respect to each other. If parents share their daily responsibilities, they are able to can convey a storing message to their children that women and females are not synonym of household and by helping them we can show our love and support to our beloved family. For example, by helping his wife do the dishes, a husband can let her know how much he loves her.
To conclude, I strongly believe that by splitting household chores equally, it not only reduce the burden of female partners’ but also help gender equality. Hence, it is advisable for both gender to share domestic work.
No offense, but I'd strongly urge you to save up and take classes so that you'll have better feedback. It's not realistic to depend on the kindness of internet strangers to keep helping you on their spare time. This approach of feedback on forums would be fine if were at the cusp of 7, but if you'd scored 6 before, that tells me you have several areas that need improvement.
It is a 13,000 rupees gamble every time you apply. That needs to kept in mind.
Ok, mate! Thank you again for your kind words! I've time constraint as I'm working professional and can't skip work as well
Anyway I am aware of the things you've just spoken relating to seeking help on this forum
Question: Some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is commonly believed that gifting money to adolescents is the best possible way while others have contradictory opinion on presenting hard cash to youth and thinks that they should be provided with gifts other than money. In my opinion, I completely disagreed with the statement that gifting money to teenagers is the most effective way to present them.
One the one side, one of the benefits of bestowing money to juveniles is that they will have the capability to standing up on their own and having money in hand will be handy and it will become a support to lay a strong foundation of what they desire to achieve in their lives. Furthermore, Giving young children cash can help them learn about money as well spending it responsibly. Teaching children to manage and appreciate money can create good habit and can help teens to learn how to balance saving with spending.
On the other side, some sections of society advocate that banknotes should not be the most suitable gift to young-ones as they are prone to dangerous activities and it can become a way of spoiling them. Put simply, teenagers when they possess the money which is given free of charge will be attracted to disgraceful activities likes consumption of alcohol, drugs to name a few. Consequently, they should be given items such as books and tablets which will encourage them for a better future.
To conclude, it is considered by many that paper note is the best present for striplings while there are many people, like me, agree that there are various ways to give gift to teenagers rather than presenting them with hard cash. They should receive items other than money which helps them to build a better future and make them understand the importance of hard-earn money.
It is commonly believed that gifting money to adolescents is the best possible way while others have contradictory opinion on presenting hard cash to youth and thinks that they should be provided with gifts other than money. In my opinion, I completely disagreed with the statement that gifting money to teenagers is the most effective way to present them.
One the one side, one of the benefits of bestowing money to juveniles is that they will have the capability to standing up on their own and having money in hand will be handy and it will become a support to lay a strong foundation of what they desire to achieve in their lives. Furthermore, Giving young children cash can help them learn about money as well spending it responsibly. Teaching children to manage and appreciate money can create good habit and can help teens to learn how to balance saving with spending.
On the other side, some sections of society advocate that banknotes should not be the most suitable gift to young-ones as they are prone to dangerous activities and it can become a way of spoiling them. Put simply, teenagers when they possess the money which is given free of charge will be attracted to disgraceful activities likes consumption of alcohol, drugs to name a few. Consequently, they should be given items such as books and tablets which will encourage them for a better future.
To conclude, it is considered by many that paper note is the best present for striplings while there are many people, like me, agree that there are various ways to give gift to teenagers rather than presenting them with hard cash. They should receive items other than money which helps them to build a better future and make them understand the importance of hard-earn money.
I have corrected your essay and posted at my page
https://www.facebook.com/IELTSwithGagan/
hope it helps
https://www.facebook.com/IELTSwithGagan/
hope it helps
Hey mate,
I am not using any social platform so can you post your work here
it will be helpful for me !
He basically said: " Opinion is unclear in the body paragraphs. Task response and grammar are areas that need drastic improvement."Hey mate,
I am not using any social platform so can you post your work here