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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

tbamrah

Star Member
Feb 5, 2018
53
4
please evaluate this essay

Many countries encourage teenagers to have part-time job.What’s the situation in your country? what do you think are adv and disadv of doing part time jobs?


A good amount of nations are encouraging citizens in their adolescence to engage in jobs that are not full-time by nature. Apart from having merits such as financial independence, this kind of approach has some demerits as well like lesser time for studies. I personally believe this trend is more benefitial.


On the positive side, this approach provides the youngsters with economic stability. They are able to manage their expenses better and do not have to limit their budget according to the pocket-allowance provided by their parents. According to a study by Bussiness Today magazine, students who were engaged in such jobs felt self-sufficient and responsible financially. This develops a basic work culture and sense of responsibility in youngsters.


On the negative side, by performing such paid tasks, students are jeapordising their studies as they have to take time out of their normal routine which would otherwise be utilised in studing at home. Since, they are working now, they get tired and have to sacrifice their study-time to take rest. For example, 2019 survey by the Munich Welfare Department reported that more than 60 percent of students who were employed part-time, were under performing in their school activities due to the fatigue. This however, can be tackled with proper time management and resting schedule.

On my native land, teenage oriented jobs are not common and people often wait till their graduation to start their career with a full-fledged job only.


In conclusion, although minors performing small jobs on the side have to deal with reduced study timings, which can be overcome by scheduling themselves properly, the benefit of having a stability and independence in terms of financial matters over-shines the problem by a large margin.
 

H0peAndFa1th

Hero Member
Jun 19, 2017
485
471
Hi @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne

I am a little confused after I figured out that writing a band 8 letter and a band 6.5 essay can fetch me a 7 in the Writing. Now my confusion is that in which thing people fail more? I mean if I want to score a 7 in writing I will focus more on the letter as it is just 150 words and writing a perfect letter can fetch me a 8 band in WT1 and then I will write a 6.5 band essay to get a 7 in Writing. What is the buzz? Where people stuck? Is there a criteria for letter evaluation? is writing a band 8 letter impossible?

My calculation goes like taking the weighted average of the WT1 and WT2 considering the WT1 as 33.3% weightage and WT2 as 66.7 percent weightage.
it is the opposite,

write 7 band essay < more time, pay attention - 45 minutes
and 6 band lousy letter. < quick, 3 things, add it, complete it - 15 mins
 
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velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
Hi @H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne

You have recently ordered a book online and it has not arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it is urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Dear Sir/Madam,


I am writing to bring to your attention that the book, which I ordered from your book depot, has not yet arrived, the order details are as below.



This order was placed on 10th February 2019, it has a set of three books, GMAT Vol 1, Vol - 2 and Vol – 3. The order id is AB01479 and the charges paid for the order is INR 2032.0 including the delivery charge of INR 132.0. Expected delivery time that was given to me after the order confirmation is 14th February 2019 as I opted for express delivery.


This book was ordered for preparation of GMAT exam, which I am appearing in the month of April, this year. Hence, it is very urgent, delayed delivery of the books may lead to a shorter time for preparation, which may eventually; affect the application process of my master degree.


As I have paid the charges for an express delivery, I expect you to please expedite and deliver the order latest by 16th February, additionally I want you to check the current status of the delivery and inform me about it, on my email id that is mentioned in the order receipt.


I look forward to swift addressal of the issue.


Yours faithfully,

Velocity Blood
Hi @H0peAndFa1th please review this.
 

artificial.nocturne

Hero Member
Jan 25, 2018
714
238
Pre-Assessed..
Yes
Thank you for the feedback. I see that you have paraphrased my content in a better way. Do you think the mistakes were grave enough to hinder my write-up from fetching a 7?
No, not really. But it can not necessarily insure you a 7. You must focus on writing the best essay possible. You had some issues with structuring your essay, for example in para 1 I do not recommend that you go on talking after giving an example, I personally always suggest that one should always end up the body para with an example - as it is the last supporting detail for your idea. Secondly problem with your conclusion where you said 'In conclusion, food arrives from around the world to satisfy the needs of local purchasers' this is just extra which you do not need to put in conclusion at all, you have already told that earlier in your essay no need to say the same thing over and over again, if you do this you will lose marks for task achievement/task response because you are not sticking to answering what the question is asking. Lastly, use advanced vocabulary here and there, refer to my guide for advanced vocabulary link if you haven't already. Also try to give the best examples and most convincing examples as much as possible e.g. when you start an example by saying 'According to a research published in blablabla' this adds more credibility your essay. Good Luck.

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/my-guide-to-ielts-essay-writing.618687/
 
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velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
it is the opposite,

write 7 band essay < more time, pay attention - 45 minutes
and 6 band lousy letter. < quick, 3 things, add it, complete it - 15 mins
I think the time ratio 40 min and 20 min is as per weightage of the essay that is 66.7% and 33.3%, having said that how likely one can write a band 8 letter? I am asking this because most people end up writing a band 6.5 essay.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
I think the time ratio 40 min and 20 min is as per weightage of the essay that is 66.7% and 33.3%, having said that how likely one can write a band 8 letter? I am asking this because most people end up writing a band 6.5 essay.
That's what I tried during one of the exams, still failed. I think they hardly ever give 8 for a letter, even if you nail it, probably because there is not enough space to show grammar and vocab range. I guess it's better to focus on the essay.
 

velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
That's what I tried during one of the exams, still failed. I think they hardly ever give 8 for a letter, even if you nail it, probably because there is not enough space to show grammar and vocab range. I guess it's better to focus on the essay.
Ok, so how did you overcome it?
 

tbamrah

Star Member
Feb 5, 2018
53
4
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne please evaluate this essay. thankyou

According to a survey, people involve certain professions are seen to be honest? What is the situation in your country .? Why?



Those having occupation in some particular sectors like medicine and law are more true to their jobs, claims a survey. I believe that like any other nation, in mine also same trend is followed, because these certain group of professionals are required to be truthful towards their work as it gives their clients a fair chance at survival.


India is a huge country with variety of people from different backgrounds having different castes and financial capabilities. This versatality can often lead to domination of a certain group over the other, which can arise very dangerous situations in some occupational sectors. A doctor being biased about treatment given on the basis of these characteristics would not be ideal, ergo India also follows strict honesty in these professions.


Moreover, every being has equal rights in constitution and are entitled to medical facilities. It can be easily understood that a corrupt police ofiicer can ruin the life of anyone who he wants to, same goes for a lawyer and other law practitioners. Doctors on the other hand, can endanger one’s precious life by simply denying him/her the medical assistance that is required. A recent survey by Indian Institute of Management found that honesty towards their work is highest amonst doctors, lawmen and cops in India.


In conclusion, India among the other nations is home to a group of professionals who show honesty to their work at any cost, because a person’s career or life, for that matter, can be at stake should they start being corrupt.
 

Raman Boparai

Full Member
Jun 8, 2018
38
7
Please evaluate this essay.. weather its of band 7 or not..
Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports.
Why is this ?
What can be done to tackle the problem ?


Today’s scholars like to play only video games instead of outdoor sports. Lesser family bonding and online education system are the root cause of this trend. However, this issue can be curtailed by raising awareness and extra-curricular activities should be accumulated in school curriculum.
Nowadays majority of the populace is living in the nuclear families wherein both parents are working in order to fulfil the rudimentary needs of the family inhabitants. Hence, they do not have sufficient time to devote on students by which they forcefully tend to use internet as a companion and play games on it to pass their leisure time. Apart from this, modern education system has become online due to sophisticated technology, which makes the adolescents habitual of using technological gadgets.Thereby youngsters love to play indoor games despite of outdoor ones.
Nevertheless, this hindrance can be tackled by giving proper time to adults. If parents spend their quality time with their children and discuss the detrimental effects of over usage of computer, it will raise awareness among them. Moreover, schools should have to include physical subject as a compulsory subject in their syllabus. By opting these two methods, the problem of playing more computer games rather than sports would be addressed adequately.
In conclusion, although the trend of playing video games is burgeoning, yet it can be combat by the collaborative efforts of parents and teachers such as by raising awareness and studying physical subject.
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne
Please evaluate the essay
 

H0peAndFa1th

Hero Member
Jun 19, 2017
485
471
That's what I tried during one of the exams, still failed. I think they hardly ever give 8 for a letter, even if you nail it, probably because there is not enough space to show grammar and vocab range. I guess it's better to focus on the essay.
quite true

I did not :D Just saying it's a bad idea to waste time and efforts on Task 1, orelse everyone would be practicing for Task 1 and would not care about Task 2, since it's very easy to get a 6.5 for Task 2. ;)
again true

follow "THE LIST" 7 band is will not be hard for you.


I use to write the letter before the essay, failed everytime

got success when I started writing essay at first, most of letters, for 6.5 bands, can be written in 10 minutes.

Essay is the only way.
 

H0peAndFa1th

Hero Member
Jun 19, 2017
485
471
Please evaluate this essay.. weather its of band 7 or not..
Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports.
Why is this ?
What can be done to tackle the problem ?


Today’s scholars like to play only video games instead of outdoor sports. Lesser family bonding and online education system are the root cause of this trend.

However, this issue can be curtailed by raising awareness and extra-curricular activities should be accumulated in school curriculum. [run on sentence here]
bad words, bad grammar

I can see, it will end up getting 6.5 or 6 at worst.

Nowadays majority of the populace is living in (in or as ?) the nuclear families wherein both parents are working in order to fulfil the rudimentary needs of the family inhabitants (members).

Hence, they do not have sufficient time to devote on students (devote ?, and "on" ? "students ?" all are wrong) by which they (who ar e "they " here ? ) forcefully (?) tend to use internet as a companion and play games on it to pass their leisure time.

Apart from this, modern education system has become online due to sophisticated technology, which makes the adolescents habitual of using technological gadgets. (good point, but out of context.)

Thereby youngsters love to play indoor games despite of outdoor ones.
bad words
bad grammar

Nevertheless, this hindrance (is this hindrance ?) can be tackled by giving proper time to adults (?).

If parents spend their quality time with their children and discuss the detrimental effects of over usage of computer, it will raise awareness among them (among who ?, who is "them" ?).

Moreover, schools should have to include physical subject (what is this, a physical subject, ?, all subjects are physical ) as a compulsory subject in their syllabus.

By opting these two methods, the problem of playing more (what you mean by more ? use excessive) computer games rather than sports would be addressed adequately.
In conclusion, although the trend of playing video games is burgeoning, yet it can be combat by the collaborative efforts of parents and teachers such as by raising awareness and studying physical subject
very well written conclusion.

6.5, you can easily get 7, if you pay little more attention, proof read
------------------------

Now let me tell you, your problem,

bad grammar, advance problem, in complex sentences.
bad word choice,
influence of mother language, or first language.
out of context (digressing)

goo things.
you understand ielts format.
you know some good words
you identified the topic correctly, say tried to address the issue, good task achievement.
-----------------------


try reading this thread from first page, absorb it all, you will surely get 7.
 

velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
quite true


again true

follow "THE LIST" 7 band is will not be hard for you.


I use to write the letter before the essay, failed everytime

got success when I started writing essay at first, most of letters, for 6.5 bands, can be written in 10 minutes.

Essay is the only way.
Yes Bro, I checked that writing a band 7 letter does not give any advantage if you have a band 7 essay in hand, a band 7 letter will help only if you write a band 6.5 essay. Today I saw few band 7 letters in the Cambridge English IELTS 11 all are written with word count above 250 words, which is only possible if someone have that pace to write in 15 minutes.