IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi guys, I have a question. The words with dash in between, are they considered as two words or one word ?

For instance, if I write say, new-town , is a single word or counted as two words ?

one word.
single word.

 

[Rashidali]

Please evaluate my essay


The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken legally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of learning one language in the world?

It is thought by some that English has becoming one of the most leading language with the revolution of tourism, may one day outcast all the other languages spoken around the world. Having one language will certainly aid the global understanding and improve economy but it will also have serious threat to other culture and custom.

One evident benefit of having one global language is that it will bridges the gap between the countries and bring them closer to each other. It helps to form a stronger relationship between countries. As a result, international trades such as import and export of goods will increase and benefit the economic growth around the globe. Furthermore, people traveling from other countries won’t find any difficulty in searching places or looking for directions. For instance, if a person understands the language of a country, it becomes easier for them to comminute and travel because many tourists find difficulties while traveling. This issue can be solved if there’s only one language.

On the other hand, there are some drawback to this trend. As we know, language is a part of every culture but having one will clearly diminish the existence of it and culture too. Each culture has its own identity and unique way to see the world, but the whole idea of tourism will be lost if we have only language. Because then there will be one culture and language and that will not attract people, and have an adverse impact on countries who rely completely on tourism.

In conclusion, while there are benefits of having on global language, too much will be lost as a result of this. Maintaining global language and culture will allow to preserve the global heritage, which is of higher priority.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hope you guys are doing well @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne. Can you please help me with this one. Been lurking around on Jay @ E2's youtube channel lately.

Food travels thousands of miles from producers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for the environment and economy if people only ate the local food produced by farmers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Food from local as well as international producers is supplied to the local markets. It is believed that it would be beneficial for both environment and economy if only local food is consumed. Although some eatables cannot be produced locally, I fully agree with the idea of consuming native food to help the local habitat.

good

Food is imported from far away countries to provide the local populace the taste of foreign edibles. Some food cannot be produced locally due to various factors such as geographical and climatic suitability. For example, dates cannot produced in a number of western countries because of their cold climate so the only option is to import them from Middle East and South Asia. On the pretext of demand, a number of food items which include both rare and non-rare eatables are imported from around the world for local population.

good

However, the scarcity of a few food items does not warrant the import of tonnes of foreign food. The import of foreign fruits and vegetables along with other packaged items dents the local economy and environment. Numerous families associated with the local agriculture and food industry are dependent on their produce. If people buy imported food, these families will struggle to meet both ends.
it was fine till here

from here, it went south, out of context, vague, say you lost the touch with the main idea.

Furthermore, the decrease in trees (well, how ? its vague) due to consumption of imported fruits will result in environmental disruption. Plants consume the hazardous carbon dioxide and emit oxygen gas to make air breathable. Therefore, the decrease in plants due the downfall of industry will result in environmental issues.

In conclusion, food arrives from around the world to satisfy the needs of local purchasers (use:consumers ). Although some food items cannot be produced locally, I think the people should live without foreign food to support local economy and environment.

are they living with the food ?
or are they consuming it, eating it, enjoying it ?
better :
I think the people should avoid imported food items to support local economy and environment.

don't think it will get 7
there's a list in above reviews, find it and see what are you missing.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi guys

Please share your reviews
@artificial.nocturne @H0peAndFa1th @cansha and all others


Write about the following topic :
Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your opinion.

There are two popular schools of thought when it comes to educating children. One believes that it is best to educate children at home while the other , and the more popular one, believes that education should be imparted at schools. This essay will discuss (don't use it) the positives of both and will also conclude which one is better.

It is no secret that children begin their learning at home. Many people argue that this should be continued instead of sending them to school. Teaching at home allows children to set their own pace and results in lesser expenses for parents. Children also get time to explore a lot of other activities apart from studies if they are being taught at home.

good

School education, on the other hand, is the more popular method and majority of parents choose this for their children. School exposes children to real world and also allows them to be taught by experts who have gathered expertise in their particular fields. In spite of being expensive and more stressful , school education results in better returns as it follows a set structure and prepares children to face a variety of challenges.

good

In conclusion, I would state that in spite of having some flaws in terms of time and cost, school education is a better bet when compared to home education. In fact, it becomes even more effective if used in conjunction with some teaching at home. Parents should devote a portion of their time to review the progress and problems of the child . They should visit the school often to ensure that their child is on right track and should spend some time teaching them softer aspects of life, such as values and morals at home.

good

not sure if its 7, most likely u will get 6.5

it is well written, but you are missing things from "THE LIST" find it in previous reviews.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Please evaluate my essay

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the existing health care system due to the in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To extent do you agree or disagree?

It is beyond dispute that there is a significant amount of rise in obese people due to junk food and sedentary lifestyle which is a serious concern by many (it is odd, i guess). It is often thought that an ideal solution to reduce this problem is to have more sports activity and exercise in schools. I complete agree with the idea that in order to stay fit and healthy physical activity is the key.

Firstly, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problem can be solved by long term approach and introducing more sports and health activities in schools. This solution will help children to have healthy life and change the way of thinking towards fitness. In order to indulge such activities, schools ought to have sports as a curriculum so that children take part in. For instance, in India, most of the schools have outdoor session for students which is mandatory to attend. And, by doing this, children can combat the deteriorating lift style and help them to become fitter and more active.

good, some nice words there.

Another point to consider is that having more sports lesson in school will sharpen children interest to have healthy life which probably result in developing interest in other family members. For example, parents often involve with their kids in sports to encourage them and which results into an inevitable part of their daily lives. Therefore, it is undeniable that this method is a natural and long-lasting way to ease the burden of the public health care system.

good

In conclusion, to deal with the increasing unhealthy issues with people, changing life style by introducing physical education in school is the most effect method and vital to have fitter lift style in the longer run.

good

well written, most probably you will get 7 for this.

but you are missing things from "THE LIST" find it in previous reviews.

 

[Rashidali]

good, some nice words there.



good


good

well written, most probably you will get 7 for this.

but you are missing things from "THE LIST" find it in previous reviews.

Thanks but things i have missed
could you please share ?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Please evaluate this essay

Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem?

A portion of school-goers prefer playing video games than actual outdoor games. The main cause of such mentality is that they feel powerful because they can do activities which are otherwise impossible and the most viable solution for such a problem is an awareness campaign designed to educate them in this matter.

good, but could be improved a little.

second sentence need some more details, i guess.

Principal cause associated with such phenomenon (I doubt that it is a phenomenon, say trend, more appropriate) is the ability for them to perform fictitously unachievable tasks which provides them with a level of satisfaction that they desire in the real world but are unable to get.

again, vague, what fictitiously tasks ? give some examples, say, shooting, jumping bikes, cars, whatever

This results in them spending more and more time in the virtual world playing the role of some prodigy with super-human abilities trying to save the world. In a recent survey by the Digit magazine, it was found that more than 60 percent of educating children spend their free time playing online games rather than performing physical activities outside.

but still good.

To tackle this problem, the government should launch a program to teach kids and their parents about the harmful effects of the virtual games.

This could shed some light on the ill-effects of such lifestyle keeping in mind to put the physical games in the lime-light.

see, both lines, have same central message, or meaning.

2019 study by the WHO illustrated the diseases associated with spending a large amount of time in front of a screen by the kids, migrane and depression were taking the lead in that liist. Such a campaigning program would encourage people to give actual physically challenging games a preference.

fine.

In conclusion, prefering the digital games over tradition sporting activities among school kids is an issue which is caused mainly by the lucrative prizes and sense of self-satisfaction achieved after a successful mission completion in the digital world. However, it can be addressed through educating people about the dangers that this culture brings.

good

now you can see, it has some problems, surely 6.5 , not sure about 7

you are missing things from "THE LIST" find it in previous reviews.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Thanks but things i have missed
could you please share ?

already shared in this thread/post, start reading from first post.

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Please evaluate my essay
The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken legally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of learning one language in the world?

It is thought by some that English has becoming one of the most leading language with the revolution of tourism, may one day outcast all the other languages spoken around the world. Having one language will certainly aid the global understanding and improve economy but it will also have serious threat to other culture and custom.

good.

One evident benefit of having one global language is that it will bridges the gap between the countries and bring them closer to each other. It helps to form a stronger relationship between countries. As a result, international trades such as import and export of goods will increase and benefit the economic growth around the globe. Furthermore, people traveling from other countries won’t find any difficulty in searching places or looking for directions. For instance, if a person understands the language of a country, it becomes easier for them to comminute and travel because many tourists find difficulties while traveling. This issue can be solved if there’s only one language.

good

On the other hand, there are some drawback to this trend. As we know, language is a part of every culture but having one will clearly diminish the existence of it and culture too. Each culture has its own identity and unique way to see the world, but the whole idea of tourism will be lost if we have only language. Because then there will be one culture and language and that will not attract people, and have an adverse impact on countries who rely completely on tourism.

good

In conclusion, while there are benefits of having on global language, too much will be lost as a result of this. Maintaining global language and culture will allow to preserve the global heritage, which is of higher priority.

good

mostly 7, but refer to "THE LIST"

 

[Hannan Khan]

good


good






are they living with the food ?
or are they consuming it, eating it, enjoying it ?
better :
I think the people should avoid imported food items to support local economy and environment.

don't think it will get 7
there's a list in above reviews, find it and see what are you missing.

I thought this was a good one but thanks to your hawk's eyes on TR and CC. I am happy for the fact that the first 2.5 paragraphs went error-free. I wanted to address the environmental aspect from where it went south. Couldn't come up with a good idea.

 

[Raman Boparai]

Please evaluate this essay.. weather its of band 7 or not..
Some students tend to play computer games rather than do sports.
Why is this ?
What can be done to tackle the problem ?

Today’s scholars like to play only video games instead of outdoor sports. Lesser family bonding and online education system are the root cause of this trend. However, this issue can be curtailed by raising awareness and extra-curricular activities should be accumulated in school curriculum.
Nowadays majority of the populace is living in the nuclear families wherein both parents are working in order to fulfil the rudimentary needs of the family inhabitants. Hence, they do not have sufficient time to devote on students by which they forcefully tend to use internet as a companion and play games on it to pass their leisure time. Apart from this, modern education system has become online due to sophisticated technology, which makes the adolescents habitual of using technological gadgets.Thereby youngsters love to play indoor games despite of outdoor ones.
Nevertheless, this hindrance can be tackled by giving proper time to adults. If parents spend their quality time with their children and discuss the detrimental effects of over usage of computer, it will raise awareness among them. Moreover, schools should have to include physical subject as a compulsory subject in their syllabus. By opting these two methods, the problem of playing more computer games rather than sports would be addressed adequately.
In conclusion, although the trend of playing video games is burgeoning, yet it can be combat by the collaborative efforts of parents and teachers such as by raising awareness and studying physical subject.

 

[velocityblood]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne

You have recently ordered a book online and it has not arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it is urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Dear Sir/Madam,


I am writing to bring to your attention that the book, which I ordered from your book depot, has not yet arrived, the order details are as below.



This order was placed on 10th February 2019, it has a set of three books, GMAT Vol 1, Vol - 2 and Vol – 3. The order id is AB01479 and the charges paid for the order is INR 2032.0 including the delivery charge of INR 132.0. Expected delivery time that was given to me after the order confirmation is 14th February 2019 as I opted for express delivery.


This book was ordered for preparation of GMAT exam, which I am appearing in the month of April, this year. Hence, it is very urgent, delayed delivery of the books may lead to a shorter time for preparation, which may eventually; affect the application process of my master degree.


As I have paid the charges for an express delivery, I expect you to please expedite and deliver the order latest by 16th February, additionally I want you to check the current status of the delivery and inform me about it, on my email id that is mentioned in the order receipt.


I look forward to swift addressal of the issue.


Yours faithfully,

Velocity Blood

 

[Rashidali]

Eventuate my essay


The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the existing health care system due to the in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To extent do you agree or disagree?

It is beyond dispute that there is a significant amount of rise in obese people due to junk food and sedentary lifestyle which is a serious concern by many. It is often thought that an ideal solution to reduce this problem is to have more sports activity and exercise in schools. I complete agree with the idea that in order to stay fit and healthy physical activity is the key.


Firstly, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problem can be solved by long term approach and introducing more sports and health activities in schools. This solution will help children to have healthy life and change the way of thinking towards fitness. In order to indulge such activities, schools ought to have sports as a curriculum so that children take part in. For instance, in India, most of the schools have outdoor session for students which is mandatory to attend. And, by doing this, children can combat the deteriorating lift style and help them to become fitter and more active.

Another point to consider is that having more sports lesson in school will sharpen children interest to have healthy life which probably result in developing interest in other family members. For example, parents often involve with their kids in sports to encourage them and which results into an inevitable part of their daily lives. Therefore, it is undeniable that this method is a natural and long-lasting way to ease the burden of the public health care system.

In conclusion, to deal with the increasing unhealthy issues with people, changing life style by introducing physical education in school is the most effect method and vital to have fitter lift style in the longer run.

 

[Rashidali]

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Recently it has been observed that the crime rate has dramatically augmented, which is quite unusual not because of no. of crimes, but due to the increase in number of reoffenders. This is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation and poor employment facilities once released. There re no. of solutions to be implemented to deal with criminals who reoffend.

First and foremost, one of the reason criminal recommit crime is because of the lack of rehabilitation, which means offender are not given the opportunity to learn new skills for better way of life or to develop correct perspective towards moral values and instead mix with other criminals can only strengthen the negative traits. Secondly, unemployment is one of the major cause of repeatedly doing crimes after being released because the society would see them as Alien. As a result, many of them struggling financially, which leads them back to the crime, regardless of the consequences.

However, there are two effective solutions to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that that all the criminals who are entering the prison are given the chance to retrain themselves with new skills, which ensure a better job in future to fulfill their financial needs and walk with pride in society once they finished their sentence. Another method of dealing with criminal is to have close monitoring and check-in system when they are back in society. This solution would probably prevent them from taking chance to reoffend when they are being closely watched.

In conclusion, having a training in prison and close monitoring when first time offender released are effective in dealing with this issue. If state implement these solutions, crimes rate will decrease drastically.

 

[velocityblood]

Hi @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne

I am a little confused after I figured out that writing a band 8 letter and a band 6.5 essay can fetch me a 7 in the Writing. Now my confusion is that in which thing people fail more? I mean if I want to score a 7 in writing I will focus more on the letter as it is just 150 words and writing a perfect letter can fetch me a 8 band in WT1 and then I will write a 6.5 band essay to get a 7 in Writing. What is the buzz? Where people stuck? Is there a criteria for letter evaluation? is writing a band 8 letter impossible?

My calculation goes like taking the weighted average of the WT1 and WT2 considering the WT1 as 33.3% weightage and WT2 as 66.7 percent weightage.