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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,675
5,853
Hi @cansha . This is my frst letter writing task after a long time. Pls check and let me know where do I need to improve. Even my exam is on 13th ! :)

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You want something that you cant buy in your own country. You decide to ask an English friend to help you.

Write a letter to your friend. in your letter,

1. say what you want
2 Explain why you want it
3. suggest how your friend can help you


Dear Sam,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am writing this letter to see if I could ask a favor.
Please allow me to elaborate on my situation.

As you know. my mother's birthday is on 28th Oct. This year, we are planning to throw a surprise birthday party for her. I am also planning
to gift her a Louis Vuitton Bag as she adores luxury handbags. Unfortunately, here in India, I cannot find the exact bag I am looking for. If you remember, during my last trip to your house in the United States, I had shortlisted a bag in the showroom but was in two minds, whether to buy it or not. Finally, I ended up not buying it, which I am regretting so much currently!

I would be grateful if you could purchase the same bag for me and send it across via an international courier service. I will transfer the money through net banking beforehand. I know I am not giving you much of notice, but it would be great if you could purchase and send the item by next weekend at least so that it reaches on time.

I do not know if you realize how much you will be helping me by doing this! Hoping to hear back from you soon.

Thanking you in advance,
Ria
This one looks good for Task 1. I don't see any issues. All the best for your test! Hope you score your desired bands.
 

Moeedkh

Star Member
Jan 6, 2016
83
1
Don't think first line was very relevant to the topic but intro ending is great! Very well done!


I like it. In first read it was very clear what was the message and the logic behind it.



Good!


Fair.

I think you handled a tough topic really well. I can't find many issues with this one. So, will just say well done and all the best!


Feeling very good to hear this....
 

Akhil Soni

Star Member
Feb 9, 2018
108
18
Hi cansha,
Please review this task 1. Thank you.

TASK 1 : LETTER
You are attending a night college. You are not happy about a course you are doing. Write a letter to the director
Explain what the course is
Why you are not happy about it
Tell the director what you want them to do
.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about the course in which I enrolled myself one month back in your college.

I opted for this part time course which promised advanced lessons in the web designing. The reason for choosing the course was to upgrade my existing skills in this area. I have been attending all the classes regularly for past one month. Unfortunately, the content of the topics covered so far is quite elementary for the graduate in this arena. I have already intimated my concern to the teacher concerned but no satisfactory explanation for the problem has been given up till now. In addition to the unsatisfactory explanation, there is no written syllabus to guide the students about the topics that shall be covered in this course.

Could you do me favor, please? Kindly apprise me about the topics that would be covered in the future that can benefit me in my work. If there is no existing framework to guide about curriculum then please refund my fees because the basic level of knowledge being imparted through this course would not help me in anyway.

I hope to have a prompt response from you.

Yours faithfully,
Akhil Soni
 
Last edited:

Akhil Soni

Star Member
Feb 9, 2018
108
18
Hi cansha,

Also kindly review this essay as per your convenience. Thank you

Student in schools and university learn far more from lessons with their teachers compared to other sources such as television or the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that learning from teachers at formal places such as schools and universities by the students is way superior as compared to learning via informal avenues namely Television and Internet. I completely agree with this statement because of the better ambience associated with the former option required for attaining knowledge and irreplaceable expertise of the teachers available at the schools and universities.

Schools and universities provide an atmosphere where students have to be focused and disciplined to learn new things from their teachers. Because pupils have to be attentive and follow a code, they can imbibe novel learning efficiently. Students in schools, to illustrate, are warned by their teachers if they are inattentive or create indiscipline, to focus on studies. This method prevalent in more formal settings, thus, encourages student learn and retain the new concept more effectively.

Face- to- face interactions with teachers , further, improves the learning capabilities of students. Teachers can mould the difficulty levels of their lectures by judging the learning power of their students. Through these interactions teachers not only make their lesson simple for students to understand but also clear their doubts at that very moment. This quality associated with this mode of learning cannot be substituted at other platforms such as Television and Internet. A recent survey compared formal teachings at schools with new forms of teachings with study apps. The survey found that the students receiving knowledge from teachers performed better in examination in comparison to those who adopted technology for preparation.

In conclusion, the traditional and more formal method of learning at school and university is more feasible and efficient way of exploring new things as students are more focused to grab the knowledge and teachers play a pivotal role to facilitate learning process for students.
 

Moeedkh

Star Member
Jan 6, 2016
83
1
People should read only those books that are about real events, real people, and established facts
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.


Books have been a great source of information and knowledge for human beings for centuries and it is believed that nobody can succeed in life without reading extensively. However, some people argue that one should only read books based on reality depicting real events, people or facts, but I completely disagree with the notion. One should also read books based on complete or partical fiction to spark his imagination or to take an emotional detour.

Imagination has played a important role in all the advancements in the world, we are observing today. It is the work of fiction or imagination that has set up the precursor of all the trasnformational inventions or events happend in the past. We imagine first, and than we do it. This is why, it is extremely necessary to train ourselves to think in new dimensions and one should not hesitate to assimilate unusual ideas. For instance, if one has read the book “ Game of Thornes”, it is such a wonderful work of fiction on power politics. It is a must read if someone want to learn and know about politics in the higher echelons of society.


Similarly, fictional books also have to capability to influence the emotions of the readers to unusual levels. They can narrate a story in such a wonderful manner that one enjoy’s the story, just because of the way it is told. It makes people to feel the events, that are happening in the narration, as if they were present at that moment. They can make anyone happy, romantic, angry or sad. These books have the power of touching upon the emotions of reader without referring to any real event. For example, if somone has read “ The Note Book” by Nocholar Path, it is such an amazing love story that whoever has read, cannot stop admiring it. One can actually feel the real love between two people.


To recapitulate , Imaginative books are as important as reality based books. One cannot deny the importance of pure fiction, one ought to apppreciate it and learn from it.
 

Tech_girl123

Hero Member
Jan 20, 2018
589
161
App. Filed.......
30-DEC-2017
Hi guys,

I was going through Ryan Higgins band 9 essays. I just saw that he uses the phrases "following this look" to link paragraphs like -


Although the damage caused by air pollution ramifies itself in many distressing ways, I
feel the impact it has on human health is a top concern. For instance, it is estimated
that a larger percentage of children have asthma today than ever before in human
history. To make matters worse, scientists are now finding air pollution can cause
abnormal foodstuffs growth among farming populations the world over, and consumption
of these foods has been linked to cancer. Because these problems will have
an impact on generations to come, it is clear why human health concerns are the
most pressing effects of airborne pollutants.

Following this look, unfortunate growth trends in countries around the world are at
the root of swelling numbers of asthma and cancer sufferers. These are considered
to be the most significant causes and effects of the planet’s air pollution levels.
Thus, controlling byproducts of human activity has to become central to humanity’s
collective strategy for the 21st century.


@cansha - do you feel this is correct usage, just want to take opinions since I have not used it before.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,675
5,853
It is my time to try writing Task 2 of the writing since I get the grip of task 1. So here it goes.

The world's air pollution levels are rising year on year. Discuss what you feel are the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The air quality has been dropping in recent decades and it eventually was successful at bringing the world's attention. I get your point but it is strangely worded.
To resolve this alarming trend, it is significant for popular understanding to be encouraged. What does this mean?

In this essay I will examine the causes and effects of the continuous air pollution. It is okay but it is better to give a glimpse of cause and effect you will discuss in essay
One of the biggest reasons of the air pollution is the increasing garbage combustion. Because of the growing amount of uncompostable (biodegradable is the right word) plastics used which lead the burning of them to be the only way of degrading those, the noxious elements are released into air. Also, the rapid increase in the vehicle usages contributed contributes enormously to the air pollution as well. The consumption of the gas already being high in the developed countries, the growing demand of vehicles in developed countries can be seen as one of the major reasons of pollution as well.
Some people do not consider the air pollution is a trouble but they can cause serious problems and shall not be denied. Why this line?
Despite the direct damage of the harmful gas to human, there are livestock and plants that are affected as well. Even with the small amount to begin with, the toxic elements will accumulate in those carriers and will eventually end up in human's body if consumed. After continuous consumption of affected foods, it will ultimately cause serious illness such as cancer.
In conclusion, although there are other causes for the polluted air, I believe the main causes are the increase in garbage combustion and the increasing vehicle demand in developed countries. Those will sooner or later lead human to suffer from serious diseases, and everyone shall be warned to control the situation.



PS. it was really tough for me to end the conclusion sentence, those I don't like the sentence in italics but that's what I wrote so I am posting the way it is. The line in italics is as you expected incorrectly phrased
Also, I was trained to write the causes and effects essay in

Intro

Cause 1
effect 1

cause 2
effect 2

conclusion

So the essay look a little bit discrete. Will be waiting for the reply about the feedback though.[/QUOTE]

Your structure idea is fine. You have written something else but followed something different. But what you have followed in essay is correct. The structure you have followed is this, which is perfect for the essay.

Intro

Causes

Effects

Conclusion.

However, the beginning line of Effects para is completely not required. That line is used in the opinions based essays.

Your test is probably in few hours. If you're reading this before the exam my only suggestion is to relax and focus on task response. And if you are up to it read a few more essays. I wish you all the best!
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,675
5,853
Hi guys,

I was going through Ryan Higgins band 9 essays. I just saw that he uses the phrases "following this look" to link paragraphs like -


Although the damage caused by air pollution ramifies itself in many distressing ways, I
feel the impact it has on human health is a top concern. For instance, it is estimated
that a larger percentage of children have asthma today than ever before in human
history. To make matters worse, scientists are now finding air pollution can cause
abnormal foodstuffs growth among farming populations the world over, and consumption
of these foods has been linked to cancer. Because these problems will have
an impact on generations to come, it is clear why human health concerns are the
most pressing effects of airborne pollutants.

Following this look, unfortunate growth trends in countries around the world are at
the root of swelling numbers of asthma and cancer sufferers. These are considered
to be the most significant causes and effects of the planet’s air pollution levels.
Thus, controlling byproducts of human activity has to become central to humanity’s
collective strategy for the 21st century.


@cansha - do you feel this is correct usage, just want to take opinions since I have not used it before.
Hey, I have never used it and I'm indifferent to its usage. The first para is well written. However, the line "following this look" is so badly written. Its meaning is lost. I can't really understand what it means :D:D
 

p_u

Newbie
Oct 12, 2018
7
1
Hi,
Please check my letter and give feedback. Thanks in advanced.

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
* explain why you want to take time off work
* give details of the amount of time you need
* suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

Answer:
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to the purpose of personal leave application request. I hope you will accept it and allow me to take off.

Since last one year, my mother is suffering from a heart diseses. The situation become worse day by day. Though doctor has suggested from transplant surgery, but due to financial consequences in my father's current business we could not afford it. Now as per looking into current health issue we required to do it in early basis.I am the only daughter of my parents, who can take care of my mother.It will take 30 days or more to take recovery after operation. So I have to be with my mother untill she will be normal. One more thing I want to assure you that the task/duties that assigned to me will be covered on time. As you know our company provide work from home policy, so I can complete my work from home by company laptop. According to my 30 days plan I will achieve work deadline and it will not affect on delivery.

I, therefore request you to consider my 30 days time off and allow me to performe my duties well both personal and professional.

Yours sincerely,
Anna
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,675
5,853
Hello @cansha you can check my previous essays as well .. Thanks in advance :) Hope gave me some wonderful comments. I would like to know your feedback too.

Some people say that private health care is better for people. Others say that healthcare should run by the government.


Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


It is argued by some people that privately-managed hospitals are effective for people, while others counter-argued this statement and claim that healthcare ought to be managed by government. In my opinion, former standpoint is more reasonable in terms of never-ending (What does it mean? seems like wrong word choice) and qualitative services offered by independent healthcare centers.
Good intro!

To begin with, one section of society claims that government hospitals are better because of their cost-less (wrong word. you can say low cost) and accessible services. In other words, (my objection to this phrase is known by now ) government hospitals offer their services either at low cost (see correct here) or totally free, thereby helping economically-challenged people to have the benefit of services ranging from regular checkups to major operations. Moreover, government hospitals can be easily found in remote areas, where even public conveyance is not available, resultantly (wrong word. there is no word like this you can use subsequently or consequently) helping those individuals, who are unable to come to metropolitans in order to gain benefits of free healthcare facility. For example, in India, 47 percent people who are below the poverty line are accessing free medical facilities provided by government hospitals.
Good! Idea is clear .. flow is good

On the contrary, others, including me, contend that private hospitals are exceptional as opposed to civil hospitals (better / more efficient compared to civil hospitals). To put it in perspective, private health institutions offer not only 24 hour services, no comma should be here but also hire best brains from the medical field in order to perform meticulous tasks, which can be highly beneficial to patients in such serious situations as extreme accidents or brain surgeries. Singapore is a prime example here, where 35 percent more lives are saved by private health-cares as compared to government hospitals, only because of their exigency services and world-class staff.
Again flow is good. Idea is clear and concise. There is no ambiguity in terms of whether you addressed task response or not.


To conclude, even though some feel that government hospitals offer free facilities and easy access to individuals, it seems to me that private health cares are always superior because of their quick facilities (what does it mean? say it better) and superlative workforce.

Word Count : 288
There are few issues in terms of word choice but overall no problem in task response which I think is very important for a high score. If your task response is not good there is very less chance of scoring good. But a good task response always helps even if there are a few shortcomings. So good essay!

Tourism is always considered as positive development on an international level.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that tourism has brought about a constructive advancement on a global scale. However, I completely disagree with this statement in terms of its negative influence on environment and economy. Statement could be more clear
Introduction is actually complete but feels a little short.

One reason to support this standpoint is its detrimental effects on local surroundings. Since tourism is emerging as an exceptional industry worldwide, transportation development also moves in tandem, which is considered as attributable to pollution. Pollution not only toxifies the air quality, but also increases such breath-related illnesses as asthma or in extreme cases, cancer. India, for example, is gradually becoming a tourism hub, and owing to this transport system is also developing day-by-day, which resultantly produces 21 percent more pollutants than ever before. Thus, this example clearly shows the potential negatives of widely hailed ‘tourism’.
Idea is clear. I would personally reword a few sentences. But that doesn't matter. Task response is good.

Another feasible point to justify this viewpoint would be its pessimistic impression (I don't know what it means. You mean negative impression. If yes say so. pessimistic impression has no meaning) on economy of visited nations. To put it in perspective, tourism tends to improve international relations because it encourages the constant flow of money from affluent economies to less developed countries. In reality, however, more often than not the wealth generated stays in the hands of privately-owned companies or local officials rather than local citizens of concerned place. To illustrate, many of us have visited developing states as globetrotters, and have witnessed at first hand the poverty that exists outsides the confines of the luxurious hotels.
Ok one idea and developed so good.

To conclude, even though tourism has plethora of positive impacts such as conveyance (see again transport system and conveyance in this context are not interchangeable) growth and revenue generation, it seems to me that overall effect of this phenomenon is not always good.
As I said before it is difficult to say when it is good to use a synonym vs not. I don't know how to explain that. But, the context matters. If you said conveyance system ... then may be still okay ... but just saying conveyance growth is wrong.

Overall, good thing about both essays is that task response is not ambiguous. Ideas are not confusing. They are clear and supported well. That is most important on IELTS essay.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,675
5,853
Hi cansha,
Please review this task 1. Thank you.

TASK 1 : LETTER
You are attending a night college. You are not happy about a course you are doing. Write a letter to the director
Explain what the course is
Why you are not happy about it
Tell the director what you want them to do
.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about the course in which I enrolled myself one month back in your college.

I opted for this part time course which promised advanced lessons in the web designing. The reason for choosing the course was to upgrade my existing skills in this area. I have been attending all the classes regularly for past one month. Unfortunately, the content of the topics covered so far is quite elementary for the a graduate in this arena. I have already intimated my concern to the teacher concerned but no satisfactory explanation for the problem has been given up (given up means something completely different) till now. In addition to the unsatisfactory explanation, there is no written syllabus to guide the students about the topics that shall be covered in this course.

Could you do me favor, please? I wouldn't use the phrase in formal letter.
Kindly apprise me about the topics that would be covered in the future that can benefit me in my work. If there is no existing framework to guide about curriculum then please refund my fees because the basic level of knowledge being imparted through this course would not help me in anyway.

I hope to have a prompt response from you.

Yours faithfully,
Akhil Soni
Overall good. Task 1 should not be a big issue for you.
 

rheng

Full Member
May 2, 2017
26
22
I took the IELTS multiple times, and finally got the score that I need. I failed most of the time on writing (6.5), and got 7 on Sep 29th.

For writing, I strongly recommend looking for correction services and gather logic ideas for the different essay.

Anyone need essay correction services could try this web, Mike is a great guy to get suggestions from!
https://www.ieltsanswers.com/writing-correction-ielts.html