Thank you very much for your feedback. I had noticed this mistake after i posted this essay here. In efforts to make an essay look better we tend to miss the basic format, and therefore lose unnecessary marks. I shall share another essay here after your suggestions. Thank you so much.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Hi,
Posting another essay. Feel free to dissect it and please give me a band.
Thanks
In many countries, people do not recycle their rubbish as much as they could.
Why do you think this is? What can be done to change this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
People in several nations do not recycle waste in a quantity that they could have. This essay will discuss various reasons why people only do limited recycling and will provide solutions that will change people’s current habit of less recycling.
There are several reasons for restricted recycling of individuals. Firstly, many countries lack the number of recycling machines due to their poor economic conditions. Nations such as South Africa, do not have sufficient money to provide adequate food to its citizens then how they will afford to purchase recycling machines. Secondly, people don’t get an incentive in return, therefore, they don’t pay attention to recycling. To illustrate, in the United States, there are vending machines outside of every supermarket to deposit plastic bottles and in return, it pays you a quarter for a bottle. Thus, less availability of recycling machines and lack of incentive in return are the two reasons why many people don’t do much recycling.
In order to encourage people for recycling several solutions can be implemented. Developed nations can be asked to donate a few machines as it will be beneficial for the overall world environment. Since pollution from even a single nation can increase global warming. Moreover, people should be made aware of the effects of not recycling as it can lead to major disasters such as a flood. A recent study showed that a major cause of floods is the increasing global warming which is occurring due to pollution. In short, if other nations will be asked for donations and people will be educated about the harmful effects then people will do more recycling.
In conclusion, since many nations do not have sufficient recycling machines and people in those nations don’t get any incentive of recycling, people rarely recycle. However, this can be changed if developed nations start donating recycling machines and people in under-developed nations are taught about the detrimental effects of not recycling.
Posting another essay. Feel free to dissect it and please give me a band.
Thanks
In many countries, people do not recycle their rubbish as much as they could.
Why do you think this is? What can be done to change this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
People in several nations do not recycle waste in a quantity that they could have. This essay will discuss various reasons why people only do limited recycling and will provide solutions that will change people’s current habit of less recycling.
There are several reasons for restricted recycling of individuals. Firstly, many countries lack the number of recycling machines due to their poor economic conditions. Nations such as South Africa, do not have sufficient money to provide adequate food to its citizens then how they will afford to purchase recycling machines. Secondly, people don’t get an incentive in return, therefore, they don’t pay attention to recycling. To illustrate, in the United States, there are vending machines outside of every supermarket to deposit plastic bottles and in return, it pays you a quarter for a bottle. Thus, less availability of recycling machines and lack of incentive in return are the two reasons why many people don’t do much recycling.
In order to encourage people for recycling several solutions can be implemented. Developed nations can be asked to donate a few machines as it will be beneficial for the overall world environment. Since pollution from even a single nation can increase global warming. Moreover, people should be made aware of the effects of not recycling as it can lead to major disasters such as a flood. A recent study showed that a major cause of floods is the increasing global warming which is occurring due to pollution. In short, if other nations will be asked for donations and people will be educated about the harmful effects then people will do more recycling.
In conclusion, since many nations do not have sufficient recycling machines and people in those nations don’t get any incentive of recycling, people rarely recycle. However, this can be changed if developed nations start donating recycling machines and people in under-developed nations are taught about the detrimental effects of not recycling.
Media has influenced our lives in such a way that it has become extremely difficult to escape it. Good paraphrase line
This essay will discuss the positives and negatives of living in a society which is filled with the presence of media. Waste of a line for introduction. Refer point 1.4 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485. Overall need more meat in the introduction.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of living in a media prevalent society. First, opportunities seem to have increased over past years. There are numerous reality shows on television to showcase one’s talent such as America got talent, Indian Idol etc. Secondly, communication field provides a medium to earn passive income. People are generating revenue from their homes by just posting several videos online. For instance, one can start their own coaching business by posting tutorials on websites such as Udemy. Thus, a platform to show one’s skills and a way of generating money online are the two benefits that can be earned while living in a media rich society. point 1.5 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
There is content here but your argument is not clear
On the other hand, there are many drawbacks of living in a media omnipresent society. The opening line of both BP are generic statements. Open your paragraph with a strong statement / your argument. If you think about it you could have written these two lines for almost any essay topic and hence would not impress the IELTS examiner.
The misuse of media can have detrimental effects such as people often lose their lives while making a video which can make them famous. Take the example of Kiki challenge where one or two guys lost their lives because they were making a video while driving which resulted in an accident. Crimes seem to have increased due to popularity of media as well. Many people use the media as a weapon to take revenge. The cybercrime authorities recently published a report showing that the number of online bullying crimes has increased to 10% as compared to last year. Therefore, a risk to lose one’s life and rising online crimes are two major disadvantages resulted from living in a society rich of media.
In conclusion, existing in a society full of media has its pros such as a chance to show one’s talent and a way to generate revenue. Despite that, there are some cons of living in such a society as well such as accidents leading to loss of one’s life and increasing cybercrimes.
Read more essays and more reviews on this forum. All the best!
Thanks @cansha
And thank you so much for sharing that thread. I have been making so many mistakes mentioned in that thread. And you can ignore the other essay since i wrote it on the next day of writing the previous one so it will have similar mistakes.
Dear @cansha could you please review this essay of mine. Thank you so much.
Some believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some argue that it giving presents to family and acquaintances is essential in order to express our care for them, while others believe that there are various better ways in which care for our loved ones can be expressed. In my opinion, giving presents is a good way to show that we care, but there can be more than one way to show our love and care for them.
It is believed by some that giving gifts to family and friends is an expression of care. Gifts indeed have been a traditional way to express care and concern in many cultures around the world. Many people tend to believe that giving gifts builds a stronger bond among them. For example, when a couple gets married, their family members and friends like to express their care and happiness by giving the newlywed couple presents. These presents hold a good memory in both parties.
However, there are others who think there are better ways to express love and care for family and friends such as visiting more often. Frequent visits to family and friends is considered by some to be a better way to show they care because they think that seeing closed ones more often promotes interaction where they can share their happiness or grief. For instance, to some grandparents, it would be more joyous to see their children and grandchildren more often rather than gifts.
My opinion is a blend of two. Giving gifts is definitely a wonderful way to show our concern and attachment to our family and friends and it certainly helps in developing bonds. However, expression of love and care cannot be limited to gifts alone and therefore, there are various ways to show that we do care.
In conclusion, caring for relatives and acquaintances can be shown by giving gifts and presents, but should not be confined to gifts alone. Sometimes paying a visit to a member of family or a colleague can mean a lot to them.
Some believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some argue that it giving presents to family and acquaintances is essential in order to express our care for them, while others believe that there are various better ways in which care for our loved ones can be expressed. In my opinion, giving presents is a good way to show that we care, but there can be more than one way to show our love and care for them.
It is believed by some that giving gifts to family and friends is an expression of care. Gifts indeed have been a traditional way to express care and concern in many cultures around the world. Many people tend to believe that giving gifts builds a stronger bond among them. For example, when a couple gets married, their family members and friends like to express their care and happiness by giving the newlywed couple presents. These presents hold a good memory in both parties.
However, there are others who think there are better ways to express love and care for family and friends such as visiting more often. Frequent visits to family and friends is considered by some to be a better way to show they care because they think that seeing closed ones more often promotes interaction where they can share their happiness or grief. For instance, to some grandparents, it would be more joyous to see their children and grandchildren more often rather than gifts.
My opinion is a blend of two. Giving gifts is definitely a wonderful way to show our concern and attachment to our family and friends and it certainly helps in developing bonds. However, expression of love and care cannot be limited to gifts alone and therefore, there are various ways to show that we do care.
In conclusion, caring for relatives and acquaintances can be shown by giving gifts and presents, but should not be confined to gifts alone. Sometimes paying a visit to a member of family or a colleague can mean a lot to them.
Dear @cansha could you please review this essay . Thank you so much.
Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.
Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your opinion.
The argument over whether learning at home or at school is better for children has not been settled yet. Whereas home education offers better protection with the individual learning and opportunities for families to bond, schools have a superior range of material and human resources. Ultimately, I think the school experience is best for children.
To begin with learning at home brings numerous advantages for children. firstly, the government of home is very secure and comfortable for them. There is no issue of time-limits and they can learn at their own pace. Secondly, they can spend more time with their parents and siblings. Many social problems are associated with families not spending enough time together so this will help in better bonding with family members. Finally, home schooling protects children from bullies and other who might have bad influence on them.
On the other hand. the school environment also offers advantages for children, such as it encourages children to socialize with their peer and learn how to cope with gossip, bullying and peer pressure. in addition, children will receive better education as teachers have in depth knowledge of their subject and they are trained to cope with children of different abilities. What is more, school provide better access to physical resources such as sports equipment, musical instruments and library books.
To wind up , although family time and individual learning are important, the range of expertise and resources that schools offer cannot be matched at home.
Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.
Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your opinion.
The argument over whether learning at home or at school is better for children has not been settled yet. Whereas home education offers better protection with the individual learning and opportunities for families to bond, schools have a superior range of material and human resources. Ultimately, I think the school experience is best for children.
To begin with learning at home brings numerous advantages for children. firstly, the government of home is very secure and comfortable for them. There is no issue of time-limits and they can learn at their own pace. Secondly, they can spend more time with their parents and siblings. Many social problems are associated with families not spending enough time together so this will help in better bonding with family members. Finally, home schooling protects children from bullies and other who might have bad influence on them.
On the other hand. the school environment also offers advantages for children, such as it encourages children to socialize with their peer and learn how to cope with gossip, bullying and peer pressure. in addition, children will receive better education as teachers have in depth knowledge of their subject and they are trained to cope with children of different abilities. What is more, school provide better access to physical resources such as sports equipment, musical instruments and library books.
To wind up , although family time and individual learning are important, the range of expertise and resources that schools offer cannot be matched at home.
Some argue that
In my opinion, giving presents is a good way to show that we care, but there can be more than one way to show our love and care for them. Your opinion is not very clear. You are agreeing to both views which is okay in this kind of essay but you need to qualify when do you agree with each.
It is believed by some that giving gifts to family and friends is an expression of care. See right here is a big problem. You are just stating the topic sentence again. Once you enter BP do not write any generic lines. This is your time to shine and give your arguments. I want to know as a reader why YOU think giving gift is good. On IELTS examiner doesn't care what is "believed by many" BUT what is that you want to express. I have given this feedback time and again. Weak beginning of BP and you are staring at 6.5 max.
Gifts indeed have been a traditional way to express care and concern in many cultures around the world. Again same thing
Many people tend to believe that giving gifts builds a stronger bond among them. Same thing
For example, when a couple gets married, their family members and friends like to express their care and happiness by giving the newlywed couple presents. These presents hold a good memory in both parties.
However, there are others who think there are better ways to express love and care for family and friends such as visiting more often.
Frequent visits to family and friends is considered by some to be a better way to show they care because they think that seeing closed ones more often promotes interaction where they can share their happiness or grief. For instance, to some grandparents, it would be more joyous to see their children and grandchildren more often rather than gifts.
My opinion is a blend of two. Giving gifts is definitely a wonderful way to show our concern and attachment to our family and friends and it certainly helps in developing bonds. However, expression of love and care cannot be limited to gifts alone and therefore, there are various ways to show that we do care. Okay now I understand what you were trying to do. But how is this any different from what you have already said in introduction passage. There is too much repetition here.
In conclusion, caring for relatives and acquaintances can be shown by giving gifts and presents, but should not be confined to gifts alone. Sometimes paying a visit to a member of family or a colleague can mean a lot to them
You have enough content here but too much repetition of ideas as well. May be this is the kind of essay question on which you need to a little more reading in terms of how to tackle such topic. Honestly, this attempt would not fetch a 7 unfortunately. The task response needs to be tighter.
All the best!
The argument over whether learning at home or at school is better for children has not been settled yet. Who started the argument? Why it has not been settled yet? IELTS expects paraphrasing a certain way. Please watch some videos of Liz on IELTS essay and topic line paraphrasing. Avoid this.
Whereas home education offers better protection with the individual learning and opportunities for families to bond, schools have a superior range of material and human resources. Good some flavor of arguments
Ultimately, I think the school experience is best for children. Try to combine this sentence with the above one for more impact.
Example - Whereas home education offers ..... blah ... blah, however I believe school experience is better owing to .... blah blah your reasons from previous sentence.
To begin with learning at home brings numerous advantages for children. Do not waste first line of a BP with a generic line. And also avoid this"numerous advantages" line. This can be written for any essay topic and hence is very redundant.
firstly, the government of home What?? is very secure and comfortable for them. There is no issue of time-limits and they can learn at their own pace. Secondly, they can spend more time with their parents and siblings. Many social problems are associated with families not spending enough time together so this will help in better bonding with family members. Finally, home schooling protects children from bullies and other who might have bad influence on them. get rid of generic sentence. Rather than having 3 ideas and doing injustice to all of them may be pick two and develop them fully.
On the other hand. the school environment also offers advantages for children, such as it encourages children to socialize with their peers and learn how to cope with gossip, bullying and peer pressure. in addition, children will receive better education as teachers have in depth knowledge of their subject and they are trained to cope with children of different abilities. What is more, school provide better access to physical resources such as sports equipment, musical instruments and library books. Ideas are good but read more essays to see how to fully develop ideas.
To wind up , although family time and individual learning are important, the range of expertise and resources that schools offer cannot be matched at home
Writing one line conclusion could be dangerous. Section 3 here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
If it was your first attempt it was not bad. But needs some more fine tuning for introduction and expressing ideas in BP. There are no big issues with Grammar which is a good thing. All the best!
Hi @cansha can you review mine as well? and tell me if this qualifies for at least a 7?
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
It is said by some that advertising drives us to make unnecessary purchases, while others say that it a medium of information to keep us updated with the latest products. While I agree that advertisements are necessary to keep us updated, we must, however, not be misled to spend when not required.
Firstly, advertisements keep us up to date regarding the latest products and the newest launches. These could be home improvement, new technology or services. Moreover, advertisements go one step further to elaborate on the benefits of a product against an existing product and its problems. For example, when Unilever’s Surf Excel launch their liquid clothes soap, it launched with a television advertisement that spoke about the benefits of liquid clothes soap versus the previous powder soap and its issues. Consequently, buyers become confident in making purchases without which they would be apprehensive to try a new product.
Secondly, advertisements help keep up with the latest trends and newest technology. This is especially useful to buyers so they are aware of when to upgrade their old products. For instance, iPhone users are well aware of when Apple’s next software upgrade is, owing to their timely announcements thereby ensuring their phones are on at that time to receive the software update first. As a result, Apple ensures that through advertisements their users stay updated with the latest updates improving their product experience.
In conclusion, I believe that advertising provides us with the knowledge of new products that may bring improvement to our lives. However, we must spend wisely and be aware of what products we require to not buy those that we do not need.
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?
It is said by some that advertising drives us to make unnecessary purchases, while others say that it a medium of information to keep us updated with the latest products. While I agree that advertisements are necessary to keep us updated, we must, however, not be misled to spend when not required.
Firstly, advertisements keep us up to date regarding the latest products and the newest launches. These could be home improvement, new technology or services. Moreover, advertisements go one step further to elaborate on the benefits of a product against an existing product and its problems. For example, when Unilever’s Surf Excel launch their liquid clothes soap, it launched with a television advertisement that spoke about the benefits of liquid clothes soap versus the previous powder soap and its issues. Consequently, buyers become confident in making purchases without which they would be apprehensive to try a new product.
Secondly, advertisements help keep up with the latest trends and newest technology. This is especially useful to buyers so they are aware of when to upgrade their old products. For instance, iPhone users are well aware of when Apple’s next software upgrade is, owing to their timely announcements thereby ensuring their phones are on at that time to receive the software update first. As a result, Apple ensures that through advertisements their users stay updated with the latest updates improving their product experience.
In conclusion, I believe that advertising provides us with the knowledge of new products that may bring improvement to our lives. However, we must spend wisely and be aware of what products we require to not buy those that we do not need.
IELTS RESULT- SPEAKING-9 LISTENING-8.5 READING-9 WRITING-7.5
My recent results, my problem area was the writing but I kept at it so would recommend not giving up! oh and also the computer exam is significantly BETTER in my experience!!!
Good luck everyone
My recent results, my problem area was the writing but I kept at it so would recommend not giving up! oh and also the computer exam is significantly BETTER in my experience!!!
Good luck everyone
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That's excellent news. How many times did you try before getting these scores?IELTS RESULT- SPEAKING-9 LISTENING-8.5 READING-9 WRITING-7.5
My recent results, my problem area was the writing but I kept at it so would recommend not giving up! oh and also the computer exam is significantly BETTER in my experience!!!
Good luck everyone
Please review this essay.
Some people think the governments should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles in order to solve environmental problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The topic of whether the rates of fossil fuels such as petrol should be hiked by the authorities is of concern for many people. Some insist that to mitigate environmental issues, this change is compulsory. As for me, I wholeheartedly disagree with the above notion and the reasons for my inclination are glanced through in ensuring paragraphs.
Increasing fuel prices can not be the effective solution to handle global warming. To commence with, affluent has no influence of this step as they can spend their money for anything. In other words, the wealthy people of the globe have extra money and this surplus amount they will spend on petrol, if governments increase the amount of fuel. To cite an example, in South Arabia, the local government costs more money for fuels, but the local as well as rich people still ride their cars on roads as they do not have any effects by the hike. Therefore, price hike is not effective and it only affects the middle class population.
Furthermore, the government can co-operate with the researchers and they can invent cars and other vehicles, that do not need fossil fuel. Simply put, world has many sustainable resources namely, solar energy, wind energy, hence the researchers can develop vehicle that runs on solar power instead of petrol, that helps to overcome the environmental problems. For instance, few years ago, one has made a solar car which does not require petrol or diesel, thus governments should make more pieces of this types of cars and other vehicles, not only to save the environment, but also to stop humans unnatural deaths.
To conclude, the alternative option of fossil fuels can curtail the air pollution and other issues related to climate change.
Some people think the governments should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles in order to solve environmental problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The topic of whether the rates of fossil fuels such as petrol should be hiked by the authorities is of concern for many people. Some insist that to mitigate environmental issues, this change is compulsory. As for me, I wholeheartedly disagree with the above notion and the reasons for my inclination are glanced through in ensuring paragraphs.
Increasing fuel prices can not be the effective solution to handle global warming. To commence with, affluent has no influence of this step as they can spend their money for anything. In other words, the wealthy people of the globe have extra money and this surplus amount they will spend on petrol, if governments increase the amount of fuel. To cite an example, in South Arabia, the local government costs more money for fuels, but the local as well as rich people still ride their cars on roads as they do not have any effects by the hike. Therefore, price hike is not effective and it only affects the middle class population.
Furthermore, the government can co-operate with the researchers and they can invent cars and other vehicles, that do not need fossil fuel. Simply put, world has many sustainable resources namely, solar energy, wind energy, hence the researchers can develop vehicle that runs on solar power instead of petrol, that helps to overcome the environmental problems. For instance, few years ago, one has made a solar car which does not require petrol or diesel, thus governments should make more pieces of this types of cars and other vehicles, not only to save the environment, but also to stop humans unnatural deaths.
To conclude, the alternative option of fossil fuels can curtail the air pollution and other issues related to climate change.
Hi Folks,
Apart checking essays written by members, I want to raise a question on essay structure.
On several pages before, one member suggested that writing an agree/disagree essay would require us to discuss both view before drawing our opinion. However, Simon said (just recently, in July post):
Don’t structure an “opinion” essay like this:
What do you think?
Similarly, questions like "are there more advantages or disadvantages?" and "is it negative or positive trend/thing?" are opinion essay, correct?
Apart checking essays written by members, I want to raise a question on essay structure.
On several pages before, one member suggested that writing an agree/disagree essay would require us to discuss both view before drawing our opinion. However, Simon said (just recently, in July post):
Don’t structure an “opinion” essay like this:
- Introduction
- Paragraph supporting the opposite opinion
- Paragraph supporting my opinion
- Conclusion
What do you think?
Similarly, questions like "are there more advantages or disadvantages?" and "is it negative or positive trend/thing?" are opinion essay, correct?