Hello spouse problems, wife abusing me she sponsored me.

[abusedbyspouse]

I am a landed immigrant. I am married to my wife since 2013 January. I just landed this summer here in Ontario. My wife is very strange since I got here. I've seen another side of her that is shocking. She is the one who sponsored me in Canada.

I have been here for 6 months so far. I got us an place to live and she does not even want to live with me because she complains about traffic sounds. She always has an excuse. She is also very bi-polar and will not go see a Dr. at all. For the last few months she has done nothing but beat me and abuse me pretty badly. Breaking my personal belongs, glasses (expensive ones), laptop, just to name a few. This weekend her pulling my hair a number of times. Scratching me so badly that my face has 3 small cuts from her nails. Not to mention her moments for random reasons. Then a few minutes later acts like nothing happens. She keeps threatening to deport me and keep all my money. She likes to drink more then she said she does. She likes going to the Casino also. I am worried and scared to get a joint bank account with her due to her gambling issue I just discovered. Right now I'm having a hard time typing because the skin is peeled off on my finger from her finger nails. Not to mention this week she came here saying she wanted to pay someone to get rid of me. I didn't record that part but I always record her to show how she acts, 1 minute flipping out on me the next minute, she acts like nothing happened and asks if I want to go the gym. If I wear a tshirt that's not for public or just for house use she will start a seen in the apartment. Screaming for random reasons.

I wanted to divorce her but, I just don't believe in giving up so easily to be honest. But now she says she has a lawyer and I know she is full of it. I take screenshots of the things she says in her cell phone with me in a text message. Many times she says she hates me and wishes I would die then the next minute she asks if I want to go out with her in town for a few drinks like nothing happened all within the same minute. I took screenshots just to show how she changes within less then 1 minute. She buys stuff on credit and tells me to pay for it or else I'll get deported and so on. Frankly this is so scary I don't even care to look for a job because with her every week she is filing for divorce. She even took me down to city hall last month and took a day off of work to sign but then the last minute made some kind of an excuse not to go on and sign. And this is going on for nearly 2 months already. Last month I didn't want to give her the car keys because she was in the city had a few drinks and didn't want to give her the car keys back she broke my glasses, ripped my shirt beat me pretty badly (while everything was recorded on my cell phone). Then in the end she got out of the room and said "I'm getting a knife..." then I just threw her the car keys on the ground for her to take it and she left. IT's getting worse and worse and I don't want to call the police or file any reports on her because I know she needs medication. Her birth mom is on medication for this reason and she is not. We are both in our mid 30's.

I was wondering will immigration deport me right away as soon as she files? When I entered Canada I was told I have to be married for 2 years. I pay for everything, our place, the bills, the food, everything but her gas in the car with insurance, everything else I pay for. She keeps telling me she has someone else on the side and has sex with others. Then when she is in a better mood and we are both happy, she tells me she only said this to piss me off and push my buttons. While I have everything recorded.

I read online a few stories and I am not to sure about the law because of my PR. It does expire 5 years after I had landed. And I understand if you divorce in under 2 years they deport you. Is there a way I can stay still or do I have to go?

I did take pictures of my finger, my face, got everything recorded on my cell phone by voice only of how she acts with me. I just don't want to be put in handcuffs because of the way she acts. And the only reason I had to start recording her is when she started saying if I don't pay for things she will deport me. I just wanted to get some kind of a proof just in case things got really bad. I also didn't want to file any reports because she goes to the USA a lot for shopping and I know if she has anything on record she can't go do her shopping. God forbid this happens. Anything she buys she always throws a fight at us and then I just pay for the stuff she just bough in the USA.

What kind of proof would I need to show the law not to get deported FAST? Would I still be able to stay in Canada or would I have to leave as soon as it's filed?

Thank you.

 

[scylla]

Do you have Condition 51 listed on your CORP?

 

[abusedbyspouse]

Do you have Condition 51 listed on your CORP?

How can I find out?

The officer did tell me to sign something if I divorce in under 2 years I'd have to leave.

 

[keesio]

How can I find out?

The officer did tell me to sign something if I divorce in under 2 years I'd have to leave.

That is Condition 51. This makes it hard for your to leave your wife but remain a PR. Your best chance is to document all the abuse, as much as you can. Text messages, audio recordings (if possible), etc. You should see a doctor and get your finger treated. This way you will also have a record of the doctor's visit which can help. And be sure to tell the doctor how it happened...

 

[eileenf]

Document it. Take pictures of any injuries. Screen shots of threatening texts she sends you.

You can request an exception from the conditional PR in cases of abuse.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/resources/publications/family-sponsorship.asp
Requesting an exception

If you have received conditional permanent residence status, you can request an exception from the condition at any time during the two-year conditional period. You can do so by calling the CIC Call Centre at 1-888-242-2100. Any information you provide will be kept confidential.

 

[MJ009]

prepare all proofs before complaining... i wish u good luck..

 

[eileenf]

I don't have much time to comment now, but please read the link above and please get in contact with a settlement agency who can help you and make sure your safe and help support you in claiming an exception to the Conditional PR.
There's a lot of different levels of concern: life (joking about hitmen? saying she is getting a knife), limb (knife, hitting you, etc), your status in Canada, sex (sexually transmitted diseases if she is really sleeping with others), etc.

If you feel threatened please don't hesitate to make sure you are in a safe place (ie not the same place as her) and/or contact the police .

Abuse escalates and you saying nothing is not helping her get medicated or making anything better. You know that this is not a good or safe situation.

It sounds like you already have a fair amount of proof (your texts, photos, etc.). You can also keep a diary with notes of dates and what happened when. Don't delay asking for help (calling settlement agency or calling CIC call centre for advice on getting an exception to the conditional PR. This is not calling the police, but it can help you and make your status here more secure).

Good luck and let us know how things go.

Contact a settlement agency tomorrow or call CIC helpline tomorrow. You need to get yourself into a safer situation. If you PM me with your town, I can help you find the contact info for a settlement agency.

 

[immig_IT_guy]

I am a landed immigrant. I am married to my wife since 2013 January. I just landed this summer here in Ontario. My wife is very strange since I got here. I've seen another side of her that is shocking. She is the one who sponsored me in Canada.

I have been here for 6 months so far. I got us an place to live and she does not even want to live with me because she complains about traffic sounds. She always has an excuse. She is also very bi-polar and will not go see a Dr. at all. For the last few months she has done nothing but beat me and abuse me pretty badly. Breaking my personal belongs, glasses (expensive ones), laptop, just to name a few. This weekend her pulling my hair a number of times. Scratching me so badly that my face has 3 small cuts from her nails. Not to mention her moments for random reasons. Then a few minutes later acts like nothing happens. She keeps threatening to deport me and keep all my money. She likes to drink more then she said she does. She likes going to the Casino also. I am worried and scared to get a joint bank account with her due to her gambling issue I just discovered. Right now I'm having a hard time typing because the skin is peeled off on my finger from her finger nails. Not to mention this week she came here saying she wanted to pay someone to get rid of me. I didn't record that part but I always record her to show how she acts, 1 minute flipping out on me the next minute, she acts like nothing happened and asks if I want to go the gym. If I wear a tshirt that's not for public or just for house use she will start a seen in the apartment. Screaming for random reasons.

I wanted to divorce her but, I just don't believe in giving up so easily to be honest. But now she says she has a lawyer and I know she is full of it. I take screenshots of the things she says in her cell phone with me in a text message. Many times she says she hates me and wishes I would die then the next minute she asks if I want to go out with her in town for a few drinks like nothing happened all within the same minute. I took screenshots just to show how she changes within less then 1 minute. She buys stuff on credit and tells me to pay for it or else I'll get deported and so on. Frankly this is so scary I don't even care to look for a job because with her every week she is filing for divorce. She even took me down to city hall last month and took a day off of work to sign but then the last minute made some kind of an excuse not to go on and sign. And this is going on for nearly 2 months already. Last month I didn't want to give her the car keys because she was in the city had a few drinks and didn't want to give her the car keys back she broke my glasses, ripped my shirt beat me pretty badly (while everything was recorded on my cell phone). Then in the end she got out of the room and said "I'm getting a knife..." then I just threw her the car keys on the ground for her to take it and she left. IT's getting worse and worse and I don't want to call the police or file any reports on her because I know she needs medication. Her birth mom is on medication for this reason and she is not. We are both in our mid 30's.

I was wondering will immigration deport me right away as soon as she files? When I entered Canada I was told I have to be married for 2 years. I pay for everything, our place, the bills, the food, everything but her gas in the car with insurance, everything else I pay for. She keeps telling me she has someone else on the side and has sex with others. Then when she is in a better mood and we are both happy, she tells me she only said this to piss me off and push my buttons. While I have everything recorded.

I read online a few stories and I am not to sure about the law because of my PR. It does expire 5 years after I had landed. And I understand if you divorce in under 2 years they deport you. Is there a way I can stay still or do I have to go?

I did take pictures of my finger, my face, got everything recorded on my cell phone by voice only of how she acts with me. I just don't want to be put in handcuffs because of the way she acts. And the only reason I had to start recording her is when she started saying if I don't pay for things she will deport me. I just wanted to get some kind of a proof just in case things got really bad. I also didn't want to file any reports because she goes to the USA a lot for shopping and I know if she has anything on record she can't go do her shopping. God forbid this happens. Anything she buys she always throws a fight at us and then I just pay for the stuff she just bough in the USA.

What kind of proof would I need to show the law not to get deported FAST? Would I still be able to stay in Canada or would I have to leave as soon as it's filed?

Thank you.

She is not worth it man... Just dump her
One thing that is not to be taken lightly is self-respect
You have the law on your side, threaten her that you would call the cops if she does anything bad
contact a good immigration lawyer... you would do just fine

 

[abusedbyspouse]

Thank you everyone for the support. It's a bit hard for me to do this. I just really wish she would go see a Dr. to get on some kind of medication to get better. It's a bit hard for me and her texting me non-stop saying she is waiting for a lawyer to stress me out even more. I take screen shots of the texts and save the emails. So much for love these days.

 

[newtone]

She sounds like an Alpha personality, this is what you need to do. First cover your bases, see if you have condition 51 on your immigration form.

Option 1
Make a record of all she is doing to you physically and emotionally. This will really help in court case and pressing charges.

Option 2

Its a little aggressive but its worth trying. Get a hold of yourself and bring out the beast in you. If she throws 1 item at you start by throwing back 5 at her. She has to know she cant keep on making it worse for you as days go by. If you dont put your feet down now, you be like a sponge soaking all her abuse your entire life. Bring out the animal in you, dont worry you are doing for the best of both of you and most importantly to stop the abuse.

Option 3

Talk to her parents and family members, people close to her can have a big influence. Try to make use of them.

Option 4

A little bit extreme, walk out of her life and mail her the divorce papers

 

[keesio]

Your wife has medical issues and needs treatment. You must find a way to force her to get treatment. You also need help on how to deal with it since you can't do this alone as she is resisting you. You need to contact some support group that is experienced. Maybe CAMH. I also would not be worried about contacting authorities to record the abuse. Not just for your records but the police may be able to help force her to get help.

 

[eileenf]

Don't throw things at her! That is hugely bad advice. Don't try to out-abuse an abuser in order to "stop the abuse" and "do what's best for both of you".

It could get you deported.

Throwing things at someone is assault.

This situation is not going to get better with more assault. It could get you arrested and deported. Male victims of domestic violence need to be really careful because assaulting a woman is still (unofficially) considered worse than assaulting a male spouse. This would undermine your credibility on top of everything else.

Assault can result in 6 months imprisonment.

The possibility of 6 months in prison should be a HUGE red flag for any PR. Because this can get you deported. It makes you criminally inadmissible and ineligible for citizenship under C-43, the "Faster Removal of Foreign Criminals Act." There is no right to appeal.
ccrweb.ca/files/criminalitybackgrounderen.pdf
"Under the new rules, permanent residents will be deported to their country of origin without access to any appeal if they: >> Are sentenced in Canada to prison for 6 months or more for a crime..."

 

[keesio]

Don't throw things at her! That is monumentally bad advice.
Throwing things at someone is assault.

YES, absolutely agree.

People need to remember that the OP's wife is sick and needs medical help.

 

[eileenf]

I agree Keesio, but the first priority of the OP needs to be making sure he is safe. It doesn't sound safe with his wife.

The OP reports that his wife has:
-Threatened him with a knife
-Said she wants him to die
-Said she hired a hit man to kill him
-Threatened to get him deported repeatedly
-Pulled his hair repeatedly
-Scratched his face, drawing blood
-Scratched his arm/hand, removing the skin
-Threatened divorce
-Said she is sleeping with other people
-Drives drunk
-Broken his glasses
-Broken his laptop
-Threatened to take all his money
-Possibly has a gambling problem
-Possibly has a drinking problem.

This isn't a situation to deal with on your own.

The first step is to make sure that you are in a safe place.
The next step is to see if you can help your wife by seeing if her family can help her, by forcing her into treatment, by calling police, etc.

But it sounds like the situation has gotten a lot worse recently. It's not safe with her. She has told the OP repeatedly that he is not safe and he really needs to believe her. Once he is in a safe place he can contact others to see if they can help her as well.

 

[aashay12]

have a hidden camera in the house, record the daily life...
and the beating and have those produced to the social services....
make all the evidence before u go to social services......