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Sponsoring husband from Morocco

locolynn

Hero Member
May 19, 2008
412
16
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
24-04-07
AOR Received.
08-06-07
Interview........
06-12-07/09-24-08/09-27-11
Oh happy day.

Rabat has requested the additional documents...more importantly they are being extraordinarily helpful and accommodating!!!!

What up Rabat!

Lynn
 

hayati

Star Member
May 25, 2011
81
0
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
4,02,2011
File Transfer...
31,03,2011
Med's Done....
15,10,2010..re-do meds 20,10,2011
Interview........
12,09,2011
VISA ISSUED...
08,02,2012
LANDED..........
16,02,2012
:) Congrat's...Great new's locolynn...hoping 2012 will bring our loved ones home fast :p,,
Wishing one and all a Happy new Year!!! ;D
 

rjessome

VIP Member
Feb 24, 2009
4,354
213
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
locolynn said:
Oh happy day.

Rabat has requested the additional documents...more importantly they are being extraordinarily helpful and accommodating!!!!

What up Rabat!

Lynn
Nice Lynn. I hope this is the beginning of the end of your long road.
 

disheartened

Newbie
Dec 30, 2011
4
0
Hi to everyone,
i just want to say if you have sponsored spouses from Morocco and it's working out for you,then please tell me how you do it.At the moment i am in hell with my spouse.We met online in 2006,after 3 visits there got married in 2007.i sponsored him in 2008 and it was refused.i appealed and went to ADR,That was a bust,i went to full hearing 2 times and finally won in may of 2010.File went back to Rabat in June and processing resumed in August of 2010.File was finalized in December,they finally called him to pick up his visa in January,he arrived here in the middle of January.
I tell you i was so emotionally drained from fighting with CIC for almost 3 years,but at the same time i was elated,my battle was finally over and my family would be reunited.It has been one of the most difficult year of my life,i am more miserable living with him than i was without him.We fight constantly,everything i say,turns into a fight,and the worst part is,whenever we have a disagreement,he will not talk to me for days,even weeks.he will never discussed anything with me,just silence.everything,he says i am not wrong,you are wrong,he will sleep beside me everyday,but does not even look at me.every single time i have to be the one to say look,we need to talk.if not he will continue to not speak for months if i let him.I knew there would be issues with the culture difference,but i had no idea the extent of the problems i would face.i am so stressed, i am one step away from ending this marriage.He hasn't worked for a long time,it took him 5 months to find a job when he came here,i paid for everything,i buy him clothes,pay for everything in the house,never once did i complain.he finally got a job and now instead of discussing how we will split the bills,he is saving money to buy something else and is telling me that i have to be patient with him,i should continue to pay for everything until he gives me money and i should accept what he gives without saying anything.at first i was like.ok.Christmas came, he doesn't celebrate it but i do,he didn't help to buy food,things were so bad,i had to borrow $100 from my boss.When i asked him about it,he said you used to pay it by yourself,you can do it for a while.even then,i didn't say anything,he comes home,he ate the food that money provided without even knowing where it came from,even then,i was desperately trying not to have a fight with him around the holidays.he hasn't spoken to me since boxing day,i was home all that morning,my neighbor called and said she was going to the mall,i told her to pick me up,this was about 1:30 in the afternoon.i said to him,i will be back soon,he then turned to me and said,i was going to ask you out for lunch,just because he didn't want me to go out,i was home all morning he didn't say anything,so i said to him,why didn't you ask me before,i can't cancel now,she is already waiting outside.He got in a huff,when i came back,he didn't speak to me,not even to look in my direction and not one word since.i am not telling my story to deter anyone here from their love,i am just venting,i am afraid to tell any of my friends,as everybody told me not to continue with application after it was refused,they begged me and i didn't listen,that's why i can't share this with my family or friends.
i am so ashamed,my mother lives in another country and is battling cancer and i forsake her to fight for him,when i should have been trying to bring her here for better cancer treatment which could possibly save her life.i feel so terrible and at my wits end,i don't know how to fix this problem,how to get through to him anymore.This is like the 6 consecutive times that he will not speak to me if there is a disagreement,i don't think i can take it anymore.
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
locolynn said:
Oh happy day.

Rabat has requested the additional documents...more importantly they are being extraordinarily helpful and accommodating!!!!

What up Rabat!

Lynn
MAGNIFIQUE!!! I am happy for you! It's about time! :-*
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
disheartened said:
Hi to everyone,
i just want to say if you have sponsored spouses from Morocco and it's working out for you,then please tell me how you do it.At the moment i am in hell with my spouse.We met online in 2006,after 3 visits there got married in 2007.i sponsored him in 2008 and it was refused.i appealed and went to ADR,That was a bust,i went to full hearing 2 times and finally won in may of 2010.File went back to Rabat in June and processing resumed in August of 2010.File was finalized in December,they finally called him to pick up his visa in January,he arrived here in the middle of January.
I tell you i was so emotionally drained from fighting with CIC for almost 3 years,but at the same time i was elated,my battle was finally over and my family would be reunited.It has been one of the most difficult year of my life,i am more miserable living with him than i was without him.We fight constantly,everything i say,turns into a fight,and the worst part is,whenever we have a disagreement,he will not talk to me for days,even weeks.he will never discussed anything with me,just silence.everything,he says i am not wrong,you are wrong,he will sleep beside me everyday,but does not even look at me.every single time i have to be the one to say look,we need to talk.if not he will continue to not speak for months if i let him.I knew there would be issues with the culture difference,but i had no idea the extent of the problems i would face.i am so stressed, i am one step away from ending this marriage.He hasn't worked for a long time,it took him 5 months to find a job when he came here,i paid for everything,i buy him clothes,pay for everything in the house,never once did i complain.he finally got a job and now instead of discussing how we will split the bills,he is saving money to buy something else and is telling me that i have to be patient with him,i should continue to pay for everything until he gives me money and i should accept what he gives without saying anything.at first i was like.ok.Christmas came, he doesn't celebrate it but i do,he didn't help to buy food,things were so bad,i had to borrow $100 from my boss.When i asked him about it,he said you used to pay it by yourself,you can do it for a while.even then,i didn't say anything,he comes home,he ate the food that money provided without even knowing where it came from,even then,i was desperately trying not to have a fight with him around the holidays.he hasn't spoken to me since boxing day,i was home all that morning,my neighbor called and said she was going to the mall,i told her to pick me up,this was about 1:30 in the afternoon.i said to him,i will be back soon,he then turned to me and said,i was going to ask you out for lunch,just because he didn't want me to go out,i was home all morning he didn't say anything,so i said to him,why didn't you ask me before,i can't cancel now,she is already waiting outside.He got in a huff,when i came back,he didn't speak to me,not even to look in my direction and not one word since.i am not telling my story to deter anyone here from their love,i am just venting,i am afraid to tell any of my friends,as everybody told me not to continue with application after it was refused,they begged me and i didn't listen,that's why i can't share this with my family or friends.
i am so ashamed,my mother lives in another country and is battling cancer and i forsake her to fight for him,when i should have been trying to bring her here for better cancer treatment which could possibly save her life.i feel so terrible and at my wits end,i don't know how to fix this problem,how to get through to him anymore.This is like the 6 consecutive times that he will not speak to me if there is a disagreement,i don't think i can take it anymore.
I am truly sorry of what you are going through! My heart goes out to you! To understand better the problem you are having with your husband, how was the communication between the two of you before he came to Canada? And what were the reasons for refusal? It will shed some light... thanks!
 

disheartened

Newbie
Dec 30, 2011
4
0
hi habibti,
we had great communication,we used to talk for hours everyday,on line on the phone.he sits back and watch what i do and say,he wants me to always start a conversation,if i come home and he asked me how my day was,if i say it fine,he says it's not enough.i work in nursing home where i talk to people with one form of dementia or another everyday,often repeating things for the 8 hours i am there,sometimes when i get home,i am not the most talkative person i must admit.
my refusal had nothing to do with MOC or anything like that,he was refused because i cosigned a previous sponsorship who collected social assistance after 1 year. :( but i was able to overcome that on appeal
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
disheartened said:
hi habibti,
we had great communication,we used to talk for hours everyday,on line on the phone.he sits back and watch what i do and say,he wants me to always start a conversation,if i come home and he asked me how my day was,if i say it fine,he says it's not enough.i work in nursing home where i talk to people with one form of dementia or another everyday,often repeating things for the 8 hours i am there,sometimes when i get home,i am not the most talkative person i must admit.
my refusal had nothing to do with MOC or anything like that,he was refused because i cosigned a previous sponsorship who collected social assistance after 1 year. :( but i was able to overcome that on appeal
Ok... I understand. It has nothing to do with his personality as you used to have great communication before. Did he tell you what bothers him? Maybe the adjustments are hard on him. Does he have any muslim friends around him? Or you are his only reference? Have you talked about counselling so you can improve both of you your ways of communication?

About the ADR... tell me.... how long did you have to wait to get it? Thanks!
 

Futurista

Full Member
Nov 29, 2011
41
1
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
14-11-2011
Doc's Request.
05-03-2012
Med's Done....
24-04-2012
Interview........
08-05-2012
Hi disheartened -

First, let me tell you how sorry I am to hear about what you're going through. I can't imagine how difficult it has been and still is. As Habibti asked, maybe he feels a bit out of place, or having difficulty adjusting. Also, maybe trying to contact the mosque to see if there's anyone that you can both speak with to help you get over this hump. There might also be community services that might be helpful, or even EAP at your work? That might also possibly help.

All of this can't be easy, but maybe getting some outside assistance would help you both out...I will keep you in my thoughts.

Futurista
 

vjamal

Star Member
May 17, 2010
148
3
123
montreal
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
Im so sorry about what you are going through as well.....i would feel the same way of shame as you if i was in your shoes .....Done all kinds of sacrifices to get him here with you u cannot tell your issues to your family and friends its like they will turn and i told u so...but all this is not your fault...like the others have said maybe he doesnt feel in his element but yet again he has to sacrifice that for your happiness .....you have to seriously sit him down communicate as much as you can tell him your worries, your anger, tell him you guys need to fix it or ........

you need to give your 100% percent both of you.....you need to tell him no ...give me money .....i dont know what he saving for but who cares you need a portion no matter if u were able before alone....before is before ....now is now......

before u were feeding only yourself not 2 mouths ......Your husband needs to be able to realize all thses sacrifices that were done to bring him here and love you and make you happy not miserable that you are incapable of staying home and wanting to go to the mall just to get away thats not a life.......

Communication is the key .....maybe its about your culture or religion or ?....but u need to ask to be specific whats going through his head.....

im real sorry about this ......try to rekindle romance something.......

For everyone Happy New Year 2012 may our journeys come to happy endings and get reunited with our loved ones.......
 

dair2dv8103100

Hero Member
Aug 6, 2010
992
19
Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
19.05.11
AOR Received.
16.08.11
File Transfer...
26.07.11
Med's Done....
28.02.11/19.03.12
Interview........
06.03.12
Passport Req..
28.05.12
VISA ISSUED...
20.06.12
LANDED..........
Aug 1, 2012 :)
Hello Disheartened....

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I too wondered if your husband was involved in anyway with a Mosque or other Moroccans in your community? Is he feeling isolated himself? Does he have any interests or hobbies that could get involved in to make him feel more a part of the community here?

@Habibti - I am sorry to hear about your situation. I would be very frustrated as well knowing the blatant lies the VO has put down in permanent ink on your file. But I also feel confident that these can be overcome...and as your mother suggested... why would he "shoot himself in the foot" and take the chance of losing his visa opportunity. All seems very strange to me. It does not give me a lot of confidence in our immigration employees or in our pending interview.

@ locolynn... happy for you!! and wishing you the best as you are going forward (I hope) 4.5 years!?! WOW ... I don't know if I could be as strong as you.
 

dair2dv8103100

Hero Member
Aug 6, 2010
992
19
Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
19.05.11
AOR Received.
16.08.11
File Transfer...
26.07.11
Med's Done....
28.02.11/19.03.12
Interview........
06.03.12
Passport Req..
28.05.12
VISA ISSUED...
20.06.12
LANDED..........
Aug 1, 2012 :)
vjamal said:
Im so sorry about what you are going through as well.....i would feel the same way of shame as you if i was in your shoes .....Done all kinds of sacrifices to get him here with you u cannot tell your issues to your family and friends its like they will turn and i told u so...but all this is not your fault...like the others have said maybe he doesnt feel in his element but yet again he has to sacrifice that for your happiness .....you have to seriously sit him down communicate as much as you can tell him your worries, your anger, tell him you guys need to fix it or ........

you need to give your 100% percent both of you.....you need to tell him no ...give me money .....i dont know what he saving for but who cares you need a portion no matter if u were able before alone....before is before ....now is now......

before u were feeding only yourself not 2 mouths ......Your husband needs to be able to realize all thses sacrifices that were done to bring him here and love you and make you happy not miserable that you are incapable of staying home and wanting to go to the mall just to get away thats not a life.......

Communication is the key .....maybe its about your culture or religion or ?....but u need to ask to be specific whats going through his head.....

im real sorry about this ......try to rekindle romance something.......

For everyone Happy New Year 2012 may our journeys come to happy endings and get reunited with our loved ones.......

I completely agree. My husband and I have discussed this a lot. About how right now I barely have enough to support my daughter and I ... and then when he comes it is another mouth to feed until he can find work.

My husbands responses have been much like habibti's husband.... he wants to help me pay my debt and move forward with our lives etc etc

It is good advice.... as well.... I know it is hard... but if after a serious discussion he does not change. You may have to swallow your pride and go to family or friends. I can't imagine the effects on your health with holding this all in. You will know your true friends and family by the ones that DO NOT say I told you so.... but come along side you and support you!!
 

BettyPage

Star Member
Aug 26, 2008
76
4
Disheartened: your story sounds so eerily similar and my heart goes out to you. I too went through a refusal and appeal, won at ADR. The refusal was not because of MOC.

When he was in Morocco he said all the right things and we spoke for hours every day about everything. He said once he was in Canada he would start working and help with the massive debt I incurred because of him. Once he was in Canada I told him to take his time and get accustomed to life here, decide if he wants to work, go to school...whichever I would support him in his decision. I encouraged him to find other Moroccans and just get adjusted. I paid everything, rent, food, cable, internet, his clothing, and even got him his own cell phone. After a few months he found a job and instead of offering to at least pay his own cellphone bill he decided that his money was his to do with whatever he wanted, and that turned out to be drinking (and drugs) his pay cheque away every weekend. His payday was Friday and by Sunday he'd be asking me for $5 so he could buy a phone card to call his mom. This started a lot of fights that eventually ended with him going to jail and me getting him his own apartment, paying his first and last just to get rid of him. I supported him for a long time (paying his rent and buying him food) even though he didn't deserve it but I had no choice because of the 3 year immigration sponsorship agreement.

I am not suggesting your husband is anything like the disaster I married but I am saying that you are not alone and I understand your frustration.

The bottom line with my story is that I married someone who was great at "pretending" to be a good man but his true personality was the complete opposite. I say it over and over that you never know someone until you live with them. I sang my husband's praises to everyone and risked relationships with friends and family because I believed him and defended him to everyone.

My advice to you is find someone to confide in, I know you feel that friends and family will judge you and be angry because you didn't listen. I went through it too, I finally told my mother what was going on and I had a good friend that listened, didn't judge and helped me just get it all off my chest. The first few months after I left him, I sure ate a lot of crow but whatever..... the truth is, I was wrong, they were right, so what. I got through it and am happy and healthy and free of the headache.
 
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disheartened

Newbie
Dec 30, 2011
4
0
Thank you for your all your support.I know i have to speak to someone eventually,but I don't have the courage as yet.He has friends here.I know someone who was also sponsoring her spouse and arranged for them to meet in Rabat and establish a friendship there and that has continued when they both came to Toronto.Also i met a woman in my neighbourhood who is Moroccan and I talked with her and introduced them when he arrived,and guess what? every problem we have he now runs to her house,but he will not speak to me.I did everything for him,buy him clothes,food paid all the bills in the house and i never once complained to him,even when i am struggling i didn't want to burden him cause i know he wasn't working.He went back to school and did a short course in security and is working now,and is saving his money to buy a car.It's important i know,but we have to make sure we have a roof over our heads,have sufficient food and keep the heat and the light going too.
i just cannot understand how he is so quick to anger,i only have to say something he doesn't agree with for him to start arguing.I am stupid,i should have just ended it a while ago,because i did see a small glimpse of what he is capable of.in 2008 i went to Morocco and from here i checked my bags and didn't see them again until i arrived in Casablanca ,so on my way back home and at the airport there i commented if it was the same thing going back as i am connecting in Paris,he asked someone there and they told him i would have to pick up my bags in Paris and rechecked them again.so i said to him that doesn't make any sense,why wouldn't be the same as it was when i came,he got so angry and began to shout at me there in the airport,telling i must listen,the guy knows he works there, even some other people were looking.i was so surprised,i remember thinking,what was that? i left without even kissing him good bye,i came home and i didn't speak to him for days,i was so shocked.now that i looked back on it,it was probably a sign that i should just go my separate ways.
We have had discussions after discussions,i will talk he listens and then he argues,ans the thing that slays me is the fact that he says all the time that he is not wrong.I don't know how to get to change his attitude,how to get through to him.I am Christian,he is Muslim,we both knew that from the start,we knew it would be challenging,but if i had any idea that things would play out this way,this would have been a different scenario. it's new year's eve and i am even going home after work,i don't know where i will end up,but i have packed a small bag with some clothes,i can't stay in my own home ,i am so miserable.i am sorry to burden people with my problems,but i just needed a place where i feel people will listen without judgement,thanks very much.
 

goodgirl

Newbie
Jul 13, 2011
8
1
hi dishertened, so sorry to hear what has happened to you.I live in t o you can e-mail me if you like.I went through the samething and more.