Scared to Make the Move

[abooth81]

Hi everyone, I am writing because I am in a bind. I am an australian citizen and i have recently married a canadian. We moved to Aus in Sep 06 and live in australian and my wife has a spouse visa. Now she is really missing her family back in Canada. I have a great job and awesome prospects with the ability to possibly take over a great business in years to come. a business that would make us fairly well off with the ability to travel back to visit a couple of times per year. Time frame of approx 6 years or so off.

Now my wife doesnt realise this and she misses her family so so much. She finds it hard that I have my family and she only has me and misses out on all the family stuff from back home. Now she has asked me to move home with her. I AM SCARED. I dont know what to do. I know that in the coming years when we have kids I can comfortably support my family here in Aus but am scared if I move I won't be able to have the opportunities I have back here with work etc. I am scared we will move and wont be able to afford to come back and visit. The reason I worry is I spent a year working and travelling in Canada on a holiday work visa and the pay rate is bad compared to here in Aus. I understand cost of living in Aus is more but Canada is catching up.

Can someone please give me some input on what to do and what they think on my situation. Am I being selfish here or is my wife. It is such a hard decision. Any comments will be appreciated.

 

[ThirstyDeer]

Well this isn't so much an immigration question as it is a relationship one.

No one here can tell you what to do. Every family dynamic is different. My personal view is that my first commitment is to my wife and my unborn child (yay we're having a baby!) A lot of people take on jobs or make moves that they don't want to for the sole reason of bettering their family life. Your wife has made it crystal clear how sad she is with the life she has (not with you, but with her isolation and distance from everything she loves that isn't her husband). As her husband, you have a duty to make her happy. I try to think of it as that a career can maybe last 20-30 years at most, but a spouse is for life.

Again, this is only MY PERSONAL view of it, as my wife and I have gone through similar issues, so I have a solid understanding of your situation.

I hope this helps,

 

[rgvinson777]

Thirstydeer, that is excellent advice!

 

[mikeandlana]

Sounds like you have a pretty good opportunity for a financially prosperous future in Australia. Canada may not afford you the same outcome. If you give up that future potential and fall flat in Canada that will eventually create resentments. Perhaps your wife can spend a few months in Canada each year or even longer.
My wife and I are often apart due to overseas commitments. There's no reason why you need to throw away what you seem so sure about especially given these unsure times.
Let your wife spend as much time in Canada as she likes. She should also respect your desire to pursue what you believe to be the best financial opportunities for your family. After all, that is the role of us men. Sure, we're going to do the best to make our wives happy. But not at the expense of the family's financial future. Your wife should be quite happy just having such a thoughtful guy as yourself.
Good luck,
And use your head, you don't want to be always looking back saying "...if only..."

 

[tamee]

i totally agree with this, every person in every relationship have to give and get. U shouldnt give up ur dreams and great job if u dont really want to just to move to another country cos ur wife misses her family. we all miss our families after we immigrate. But we cant just give everything up cos we miss them, i agree with letting her go and spend a few months in canada and u join her when u can, or take all ur vacation at once and go in a chunk of time.Both people in a marraige have to be happy and both have to compromise. She wants to be near her family, u have a great job there, try to find a way to do both. talk about it and write down all ur options and see what u come up with. Important part is to talk about it together.

 

[BKM]

Hi,
I'm pretty sure that you and your wife had decided to stay in Australia
before getting married. But it's pretty normal that she has swap horses
in the midstream! People change pal!
But thanks god that she is telling the truth!
According to my own experience of marriage, I think that you're not obliged to
make your wife happy. You have rights also. If you are sacrificing things the
other one should also. You should negotiate, finally I think IT SHOULD BE A
MUTUAL DECISION. Go and talk to her about it ...

 

[KayCee2]

...now, a woman's opinion....

I agree with most of what has been said (99.9%) except the line that "you are not obliged to make your wife happy." It's in the best interest of your marriage to make your wife happy, and vice versa. That in itself is an obligation...

That being said, I think the best advice has been given already. Talk with your wife. Acknowledge her feelings of missing her family (which you've already done by posting this message), and suggest the yearly vacation to Canada. Also, make sure she keeps busy with other activities in Australia to help keep her mind off her folks for most of the year.

I'd hate to have my hubby move to another country just 'cos i'm missing my family and then we'll be broke!!!! oh, no!

.. but remember, it's a decision you and your wife will have to take together... we all are just giving our opinions / experiences...

Best of luck!

 

[canuck_amuck]

Oh goodness, I couldnt stand to let my wife go for months at a time. It would tear me apart. I have to go to school across the border while she is banned from canada, so I can only see her on weekends, and that is hard enough.

The advice everyone else has given is great, and I agree, one of your foremost interests should be to make your wife happy. It all depends on what you both, as a couple are happy with. Some couples, like my wife and I could not stand to be apart for a week let alone a few months, but then others are willing to do that. And some would be willing to live at a lower income to allow other things in life like living close to family. Living comfortably wont mean much to your wife if she constantly wishes she was closer to her family.

Again, it all depends on what you both decide is the most important. You both need to sit down together and prioritize what means the most to you, and then find a middle ground.

Also, it might be a good idea to find more out about your career options in Canada, within your industry. There may be some great opportunities to make a great salary. There are quite a few industries here that you can make a killing in like millwrighting or anything medical.