IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Ida_M]

To All and @cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa @H0peAndFa1th
Hi fellas, really good to able to join this positive community. I am literally just starting my IELTS journey (first and last was in 2016) thus need your opinion and input regarding my first work. This topic I got it from this very thread on its first page. Many thanks to you!!! Really appreciated your time and effort.

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?


Television has been playing a vital role in a large number of societies, moreover, to their cultural development. In my opinion, this should certainly be viewed positively as television can give people access to learn about other cultures and thus helping them to have a deeper understanding of others.

Television is a very educational resource because it provides people various channels that contain unlimited news and knowledge. Take this as an example, many TV cooking shows have showcased a wide range of different herbs and different techniques of cooking originated from all around the globe. As a result, we all could learn another place’s culinary and even been able to try making it. At this point, we would be able to gain such new knowledge regarding other cultures and try to adapt by making their food.

Another thing to consider, there are plenty of the number of societies and so their cultures that we live in. Therefore, it is essential that we are aware of their existence. Television has helped us to be more tolerant. For instance, linked to the first, we could be more adaptable and had a special relationship subconsciously to certain cultures once we knew about their food and have seen the way they were making it.

In conclusion, I believe that television brings a positive impact on society as well as their culture. This development in people’s knowledge and tolerance is owing to those platforms television has to offer.

 

[av4aviator]

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.

Why do you think so many children are overweight?

What could be done to solve this problem?

At present, alarming increase in health, issues are inevitable due to multiple causes; obesity is one of the vital cause, a significant ramp up in overweight of children can trigger their health issues in future, which subsequently resulting in surplus spending over their fitness. Further, this essay will evidence the causes of fatness, and then elaborates the preventive measures.

Primarily, the existing culture is obsessed with technological advancements, which is nothing but speedy life, thus restricting the continuation of traditional foods, and thereby promoting the Fast-food way of life. “1 out of every 3 Americans are identified as obese at the age of 8 due to excessive consumption of Junk food,” Mentioned in article published by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, although the modern educational systems are targeted to develop their brain, they failed to concentrate on children physical strength, to illustrate that, more than half of the old-fashioned games and sports are currently extinct. Despite many causes, these duos have surplus impact on growing sprouts.

Secondly, even though rising obesity of kids are dangerous, this can be limited by imposing few implications like, nourishing feed, Sports at schools.etc. Law passed by Swedish Government provided high authority to their Food and health department, in order to ensure the healthy and organic foods are deployed around the nation. Likewise, emerging the physical education hours in educational institutes can ensure the Fitness of the children, further more encourage them to adopt throughout the life. More importantly, parents shall avoid purchase of Junk foods, and unworthy eatables.

To conclude, an amble evidenced that the children at present are potent to become fatter, due to current life-cycle, which involved in fast foods, home based entertainments, thus resulting them to avoid focusing their physics, however, by employing some self-disciplines on food and exercise and few authority regulations on Eatables can enrich children and Let stay fit.


It took 50 mins for me to finish.
Kindly review it. I am new here.

@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa @H0peAndFa1th

 

[Sohaibkq]

Many people are choosing to move to cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

For the last few decades, there has been a predominant trend of people relocating of countryside to the nearby cities. There are various reasons behind such massive migration. Although there are a few drawbacks associated with this movement, the benefits it offers exceed the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it could be argued that the quality of environment in the metropolition cities is continuously facing a downward trend as compared to villages, making people’s life difficult . The continuous exit of harmful smoke from chimneys and cars throughout the day adversely affects surrounding environment, and it is difficult to escape from it. As a result of massive air pollution, people residing in cities are unhealthier compared to people living in villages. Secondly, the high material and transportation cost make life in urban areas expensive. Taking the example of food items, which a lot of these items are transported from the nearby villages, the transportation cost adds up to the expenses and hence final cost rises. These underlying reasons make life difficult for city residents.

On the other hand, despite various disadvantages, in my opinion, the quality of life index is higher in cities compared to the towns. The cities act as a hub where nearly all companies’ head offices and branch offices are present. This presence makes it easy to find jobs for professionals and labours alike. As a result of financial stability, the quality of life of individuals and families increase while living in cities. Similarly, the high earning capacity in the cities encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as well. Starting a business, attracting potential buyers and then flourishing the setup provides speedy success in cities which in villages are not possible at the same rate. All in all, the benefits associated with living and working in cities are quite enough for individuals to stay in it.

To conclude, the negative elements of living in urban areas like the poor environment and high living costs are noticeable, however, cities do offer high earning capacities and as a result promotes better financial stability. Therefore, on balance, the advantages of living in cities outweighs disadvantages.

@cansha Please review

 

[av4aviator]

Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

At the contemporary world, the way of living have significantly changed in terms of savings, mainly wide majority people spend the earnings right away, irrespective of their income, In essence, these changes occurred due to changes in culture and lifestyle, perhaps, adoption of such developments have wide impact on individual developments.

Firstly, the conversion of culture plays a pivotal role, where people with median revenues are also forced to spend their life with extra comfort, expenses like weekly family outings and shopping’s are inevitable. Additionally, increase in living costs restrict people to segregate their lump sum for their future, to illustrate specifically, trend of hike in private school fees over past ten years are witness of increased living expenses, however, despite the wellness of few government aided schools, people with limited afford also prefer to provide quality education through privately owned schools,

Secondly, although embracing foreign culture have few advantages, it clearly weighs low in the perspective of savings, for instance, developed countries like Europe and USA, where people earn their daily wages are not intended to save but to spent passionately on tourism and parties. Conversely, this way of life may not be appropriate for developing countries, as most people are bound to family and their associated commitments, moreover, an uncertain situation like Covid 19 have shown the drawback of backup failures, when people are unable to support themselves during unexpected job loss.

To conclude, Spending money may provide satisfaction for few, but earning is much more difficult than spending. Therefore, luxury in lifestyle is desirable, however securing future is more important in the speedy world. Even though debate is subject to the culture, securing earnings for the future is mandatory; sadly, such system is driving towards extinct.


@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa @H0peAndFa1th

 

[cansha]

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.

Why do you think so many children are overweight?

What could be done to solve this problem?

Honestly, I was hoping someone else reviews this one because I don't like to sound harsh. But, this essay has lots of issues. It is very clear that you really need to work on English grammar. This is not the right place to fix grammar. On this forum, mostly we focus on content and essay structures because it is very difficult to teach grammar by giving essay reviews. Please work on your grammar if you want to score 7+ on IELTS.

Having said above, below is a quick review

At present, alarming increase in health, misplaced comma issues are inevitable due to multiple causes; obesity is one of the vital cause, vital as a word has positive connotation. Basically, you use the word when you want to say something is extremely important. I don't think this is the best use of the word here.
a significant ramp up in overweight of children can trigger their health issues in future, which subsequently resulting in surplus spending over their fitness. Poor sentence structure and way too many commas in sentence.

Further, this essay will evidence the causes of fatness, and then elaborates the preventive measures. Some words are better avoided on a formal essay. Also, this construct "This essay ..." should be avoided. Point 1.4 here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Primarily, the existing culture is obsessed with technological advancements, which is nothing but speedy life, thus restricting the continuation of traditional foods, and thereby promoting the Fast-food way of life. Again too many commas where the sentence starts to lose meaning. Plus the whole argument is kind of lame.
“1 out of every 3 Americans are identified as obese at the age of 8 due to excessive consumption of Junk food,” Mentioned in article published by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, although the modern educational systems are targeted to develop their brain, they failed to concentrate on children physical strength, to illustrate that, more than half of the old-fashioned games and sports are currently extinct. Despite many causes, these duos have surplus impact on growing sprouts.

Secondly, even though rising obesity of kids are is dangerous, this can be limited by imposing few implications like, nourishing feed, Sports at schools.etc. Law passed by Swedish Government provided high authority to their Food and health department, in order to ensure the healthy and organic foods are deployed around the nation. Likewise, emerging the physical education hours in educational institutes can ensure the Fitness of the children, further more encourage them to adopt throughout the life. More importantly, parents shall avoid purchase of Junk foods, and unworthy eatables.

To conclude, an amble evidenced that the children at present are potent to become fatter, due to current life-cycle, which involved in fast foods, home based entertainments, thus resulting them to avoid focusing their physics, however, by employing some self-disciplines on food and exercise and few authority regulations on Eatables can enrich children and Let stay fit.

I'm sorry. I started reviewing it but there are far too many issues to cover in one review. My intent is not to discourage you but you really need to work on your grammar. And as I said before this is not the right place to do so. You probably need to hire an English teacher to work on grammar. I can see you had ideas on the essay but most sentences are not how a native English person would write. And that is what IELTS is testing.

I wish you all the best and my apologies if this review sounded harsh.


It took 50 mins for me to finish.

 

[cansha]

With the advancement in industrialisation, businesses are getting more and more globalised. In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of placement of workers in other countries has been observed. Although working abroad equip with advantages such as increase international exposure of family members and avoiding home sickness issues, the associated disadvantages are that it often gets difficult for families to assimilate in different cultures and at times expensive for the worker.

The advantages of taking the family to business trips are multifold. Most importantly, the problem of homesickness can be avoided when a person has a company of closed family members such as partner and children. When workers move to another country, they seldom have friends or relatives over there, which they must need after working hours. Moreover, the most significant advantage it has for family members that they get international exposure, which broadens their horizon. Visiting different countries, admittedly, provides an opportunity to interact with other countries’ residents. Children make friends from other nationalities, hang out with them and get themselves familiarise with others’ customs and traditions.

However, despite these advantages, the downsides of foreign business placements’ on families and workers cannot be ignored. It could be really hard for the workers to get financial benefits from these trips if they have the company of their families. Since accommodation allowance normally does not cover the family expense, the worker might have to pay from his salary, which could make a living abroad really expensive; hence, low savings. Another downside of this could be on the family members. In spite of the fact that foreign living increases family’s exposure, it is not possible for every member to get assimilate in culture every time. If a person had not got himself adjusted in a country, it would create issues for other members.

In conclusion, whereas the advantages like avoiding homesickness and increased exposure are significant, the disadvantages of low financial backups and failure to accustomed cannot be neglected.


@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa

What is the essay topic?

 

[cansha]

To All and @cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa @H0peAndFa1th
Hi fellas, really good to able to join this positive community. I am literally just starting my IELTS journey (first and last was in 2016) thus need your opinion and input regarding my first work. This topic I got it from this very thread on its first page. Many thanks to you!!! Really appreciated your time and effort.

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?


Television has been playing a vital role in a large number of societies, moreover, to their cultural development. In my opinion, this should certainly be viewed positively as television can give people access to learn about other cultures and thus helping them to have a deeper understanding of others.

Television is a very educational resource because it provides people various channels that contain unlimited news and knowledge. Take this as an example, many TV cooking shows have showcased a wide range of different herbs and different techniques of cooking originated from all around the globe. As a result, we all could learn another place’s culinary and even been able to try making it. At this point, we would be able to gain such new knowledge regarding other cultures and try to adapt by making their food.

Another thing to consider, there are plenty of the number of societies and so their cultures that we live in. Therefore, it is essential that we are aware of their existence. Television has helped us to be more tolerant. For instance, linked to the first, we could be more adaptable and had a special relationship subconsciously to certain cultures once we knew about their food and have seen the way they were making it.

In conclusion, I believe that television brings a positive impact on society as well as their culture. This development in people’s knowledge and tolerance is owing to those platforms television has to offer.

You may want to check word count on this. This seems lower than 250 words. Less than 250 words mean score below 7 automatically.

 

[av4aviator]

Honestly, I was hoping someone else reviews this one because I don't like to sound harsh. But, this essay has lots of issues. It is very clear that you really need to work on English grammar. This is not the right place to fix grammar. On this forum, mostly we focus on content and essay structures because it is very difficult to teach grammar by giving essay reviews. Please work on your grammar if you want to score 7+ on IELTS.

Having said above, below is a quick review

At present, alarming increase in health, misplaced comma issues are inevitable due to multiple causes; obesity is one of the vital cause, vital as a word has positive connotation. Basically, you use the word when you want to say something is extremely important. I don't think this is the best use of the word here.
a significant ramp up in overweight of children can trigger their health issues in future, which subsequently resulting in surplus spending over their fitness. Poor sentence structure and way too many commas in sentence.

Further, this essay will evidence the causes of fatness, and then elaborates the preventive measures. Some words are better avoided on a formal essay. Also, this construct "This essay ..." should be avoided. Point 1.4 here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Primarily, the existing culture is obsessed with technological advancements, which is nothing but speedy life, thus restricting the continuation of traditional foods, and thereby promoting the Fast-food way of life. Again too many commas where the sentence starts to lose meaning. Plus the whole argument is kind of lame.
“1 out of every 3 Americans are identified as obese at the age of 8 due to excessive consumption of Junk food,” Mentioned in article published by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, although the modern educational systems are targeted to develop their brain, they failed to concentrate on children physical strength, to illustrate that, more than half of the old-fashioned games and sports are currently extinct. Despite many causes, these duos have surplus impact on growing sprouts.

Secondly, even though rising obesity of kids are is dangerous, this can be limited by imposing few implications like, nourishing feed, Sports at schools.etc. Law passed by Swedish Government provided high authority to their Food and health department, in order to ensure the healthy and organic foods are deployed around the nation. Likewise, emerging the physical education hours in educational institutes can ensure the Fitness of the children, further more encourage them to adopt throughout the life. More importantly, parents shall avoid purchase of Junk foods, and unworthy eatables.

To conclude, an amble evidenced that the children at present are potent to become fatter, due to current life-cycle, which involved in fast foods, home based entertainments, thus resulting them to avoid focusing their physics, however, by employing some self-disciplines on food and exercise and few authority regulations on Eatables can enrich children and Let stay fit.

I'm sorry. I started reviewing it but there are far too many issues to cover in one review. My intent is not to discourage you but you really need to work on your grammar. And as I said before this is not the right place to do so. You probably need to hire an English teacher to work on grammar. I can see you had ideas on the essay but most sentences are not how a native English person would write. And that is what IELTS is testing.

I wish you all the best and my apologies if this review sounded harsh.


It took 50 mins for me to finish.

Thanks for your honest reply @ cansha, I totally agree with what have you said. Frankly speaking i gave 3 attempts, two of them were only 5.5 on Writing, but i was not understanding, where i had been lacking. The primary mistake i made was not knowing what are my mistakes.
I am glad that you have thrown some light on my dark sides. I will definitely improve this in the future.

 

[cansha]

Thanks for your honest reply @ cansha, I totally agree with what have you said. Frankly speaking i gave 3 attempts, two of them were only 5.5 on Writing, but i was not understanding, where i had been lacking. The primary mistake i made was not knowing what are my mistakes.
I am glad that you have thrown some light on my dark sides. I will definitely improve this in the future.

So good to see you taking feedback positively. It takes courage to take feedback on an open forum. For now, just forget about IELTS essay and spend next 2-3 weeks just revising English grammar concepts. It will help you a lot. And while you are learning grammar spend more time in reading English newspapers or magazines.

As I said, unfortunately we won't be able to help you much on grammar because it will take dedicated effort to work on grammar. But, it is not difficult and can be done in 3 weeks if you spend some time every day with dedication. I wish you all the best.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

What is the essay topic?

Nowadays, when people have to travel abroad for work, many take their family members with them on the business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the individual and his or her family members who travel together?

Sorry, forgot to mention the topic. Thanks

 

[Rehanyousaf]

Thanks for your honest reply @ cansha, I totally agree with what have you said. Frankly speaking i gave 3 attempts, two of them were only 5.5 on Writing, but i was not understanding, where i had been lacking. The primary mistake i made was not knowing what are my mistakes.
I am glad that you have thrown some light on my dark sides. I will definitely improve this in the future.

A suggestion from my side, do go for myieltsclassroom.com grammar and IELTS score, a highly focused course which only teaches you what exactly you needed to crack 7. Make sure, before subscribing her course, you must know about the basic rules of making complex sentences.

I apologise the recommendation is against the rule of this forum. In case, it is, please do let me know. I will del my comment.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

With the advancement in industrialisation, businesses are getting more and more globalised. In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of placement of workers in other countries has been observed. Although working abroad equip with advantages such as increase international exposure of family members and avoiding home sickness issues, the associated disadvantages are that it often gets difficult for families to assimilate in different cultures and at times expensive for the worker.
1. With the advancement in industrialisation, businesses are getting more and more globalised. In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of placement of workers in other countries has been observed.: I suggest you to not to write general statement as this may not add value to the essay. Simply start with accurate paraphrasing.
2: Although working abroad equip with advantages such as increase international exposure of family members and avoiding home sickness issues, the associated disadvantages are that it often gets difficult for families to assimilate in different cultures and at times expensive for the worker.: The main topic is what are the advantages and disadvantages when you have your family members alongside you abroad while working. This line states that working abroad only - it must be having family members while working abroad.
A person can eliminate home sickness and provide opportunity to the family members to see new countries when they take their parents along with them to the country where they will be working. However, parents may sometimes fail to assimilate into the new country and can cause extra financial burden on their son or daughter.

One main reason to eliminate general statement in Ad/Disadv. question is that when you introduce your main ideas in the introduction, it already carries a lot of words.

The advantages of taking the family to business trips are multifold. This line does not add value
Most importantly,: This is the main point, start from here: One of the main advantages is
the problem of homesickness can be avoided when a person has a company of closed family members such as partner and children.: This should come at the top
When workers move to another country, they seldom : face difficulties to have friends or relatives over there, which they must need after working hours. extend more: for psychological and emotional needs

You have one main line and one supporting line until here

Moreover, the most significant advantage it has : if this one is significant you should put this one on the top. Instead, you should write another advantage is :
for family members that they get international exposure, which broadens their horizon: I guess this phrase is most suitable when we study or learn. I may be wrong.
. Visiting different countries, admittedly, provides an opportunity to interact with other countries’ residents. Children make friends from other nationalities, hang out with them and get themselves familiarise with others’ customs and traditions.: When parents visit new countries, they learn customs, traditions and rituals of that country, which they teach to their children and grandchildren.

However, despite these advantages: Meaning of both is same.
the downsides of foreign business placements’ on families and workers cannot be ignored.: This essay is not about foreign placements, it is related to having family members alongside you.
It could be really hard for the workers to get financial benefits from these trips if they have the company of their families.Their Cost of living increases when they ..... They have to spend more on food, housing accommodation etc, which is not normally reimbursed by companies Since accommodation allowance normally does not cover the family expense, the worker might have to pay from his salary, which could make a living abroad really expensive; hence, low savings.
Another downside of this could be: This is correct
on the family members. In spite of the fact that foreign living increases family’s exposure, it is not possible for every member to get assimilate in culture every time.: This is also nearly correct
If a person had not got himself adjusted in a country, it would create issues for other members.: How?

In conclusion, whereas : While the advantages like avoiding homesickness and increased exposure are significant, the disadvantages of low financial backups and failure to accustomed cannot be neglected.

Main points: Really understand the question and then start writing. Your English writing is average and you can write well, but you really have to understand the question first

Cohesion: It is most important. Try not to repeat entire set of words and instead use linking

TA: Main points were correct, but were dis-organised. Please plan and then write as you can do a lot better

Conclusion: Please only read conclusion, you will stay what errors are there. You have mentioned main points, but HAVE FORGOTTEN TOPIC ENTIRELY.

I hope you will do better because the stricter we analyse each others' essay, the better we can perform in the exam.


@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa

 

[Sohaibkq]

Many people are choosing to move to cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

For the last few decades, there has been a predominant trend of people relocating of countryside to the nearby cities. There are various reasons behind such massive migration. Although there are a few drawbacks associated with this movement, the benefits it offers exceed the drawbacks.

On the one hand, it could be argued that the quality of environment in the metropolition cities is continuously facing a downward trend as compared to villages, making people’s life difficult . The continuous exit of harmful smoke from chimneys and cars throughout the day adversely affects surrounding environment, and it is difficult to escape from it. As a result of massive air pollution, people residing in cities are unhealthier compared to people living in villages. Secondly, the high material and transportation cost make life in urban areas expensive. Taking the example of food items, which a lot of these items are transported from the nearby villages, the transportation cost adds up to the expenses and hence final cost rises. These underlying reasons make life difficult for city residents.

On the other hand, despite various disadvantages, in my opinion, the quality of life index is higher in cities compared to the towns. The cities act as a hub where nearly all companies’ head offices and branch offices are present. This presence makes it easy to find jobs for professionals and labours alike. As a result of financial stability, the quality of life of individuals and families increase while living in cities. Similarly, the high earning capacity in the cities encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as well. Starting a business, attracting potential buyers and then flourishing the setup provides speedy success in cities which in villages are not possible at the same rate. All in all, the benefits associated with living and working in cities are quite enough for individuals to stay in it.

To conclude, the negative elements of living in urban areas like the poor environment and high living costs are noticeable, however, cities do offer high earning capacities and as a result promotes better financial stability. Therefore, on balance, the advantages of living in cities outweighs disadvantages.

@cansha Please review

@cansha @CA gurpreet

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

@cansha @CA gurpreet

1.Try not to exceed 300 words
2.Avoid general background sir
For the last few decades, there has been a predominant trend of people relocating of countryside to the nearby cities. There are various reasons behind such massive migration. Please try to avoid it. If you fall short of words altogether in an essay, then you can incorporate it.

Although there are a few drawbacks associated with this movement, the benefits it offers exceed the drawbacks. In order to make essay more cohesive, give a glimpse of advantages and disadvantages along with your opinion. Although disadvantages in the form of higher pollution and financial costs are present in cities, advantages in the form of better quality of life and business opportunities eclipse them.
What you have written is also correct, but for cohesion you must try to introduce main ideas here.

On the one hand, it could be argued that the quality of environment in the metropolition cities is continuously facing a downward trend as compared to villages, making people’s life difficult .: Idea intoduced properly
The continuous exit of harmful smoke from chimneys and cars throughout the day adversely affects surrounding environment, and it is difficult to escape from it. Emissions should be used instead of exit. You have to explain it why this is bad. Clearly reading you more or less write what you have written in the first line.

EXIT OF EMISSIONS SUCH AS LEAD, CO2, CHEMICALS IN AIR- AFFECT HEALTH BY CREATING PROBLEMS LIKE BREATHING, SKIN DISORDERS.- NO OF THESE DISEASES IS MORE IN CITY DWELLERS THAN VILLAGERS SUBSTANTIATES THE PROOF.

As a result of massive air pollution, people residing in cities are unhealthier compared to people living in villages.
Secondly, the high material and transportation cost make life in urban areas expensive. OKAY THIS IS SECOND IDEA. I THINK SECONDLY IS USED WHEN YOU HAVE WRITTEN FIRSTLY. SO, MOREOVER, BESIDES I THINK HERE CAN BE MORE APPROPRIATE. You can write here products'costs in cities are higher than the villages. These goods are transported from nearby villages using trucks and other four wheelers that consume a lot of fuel. This cost is added to their material which makes products expensive for the city dwellers.


Taking the example of food items, which a lot of these items are transported from the nearby villages, the transportation cost adds up to the expenses and hence final cost rises. These underlying reasons make life difficult for city residents.

On the other hand, despite various disadvantages, : These two phrases are the same in meaning
in my opinion, the quality of life index is higher in cities compared to the towns. Now if we talk about quality, you have already written that there is too much pollution there. So this argument is contradictory. Instead, the best here will be that cities offer many opportunities for employment and growth

The cities act as a hub where nearly all companies’ head offices and branch offices are present. This presence makes it easy : easier

to find jobs for professionals and labours alike.: Good explanation
As a result of financial stability, the quality of life of individuals and families increase while living in cities. repetition of line you wriitten abovew.no value addition. You can write here to extend more that these establishments also pay higher wages, which offer them better survival in cities.

Similarly, the high earning capacity in the cities encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as well. : Okay second idea intoduction. Well linked using as well.
tarting a business, attracting potential buyers and then flourishing the setup provides speedy success in cities which in villages are not possible at the same rate.: The number of customers in cities are far higher than what people can only imagine while opening a business countryside. --in rease sales - better revenue ...

All in all, the benefits associated with living and working in cities are quite enough for individuals to stay in it. This is a part of conclusion

To conclude, the negative elements of living in urban areas like the poor environment and high living costs are noticeable, please consider difference between , and ; for this type of sentence.

however, cities do offer high earning capacities and as a result promotes better financial stability. Offer better growth and business prospects

Therefore, on balance, the advantages of living in cities outweighs disadvantages.

 

[Sohaibkq]

@CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

Thanks a lot for such a detailed feedback.

Me and Rehan are planning to appear in CBT next week. By evaluating our essays, do you feel we need more practice or we should go for it. Aiming for 7 or 7+.