IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Gagan4790]

Hello friends, I will appreciate your help if somebody could please evaluate this essay and provide the band.

Question:
In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

Answer:
Nowadays, women do not wish to get married at the early age specially from western nations. In addition, innumerable women are well-educated and working in disparate fields which certainly diminish the requirement of the marraige for the financial security based on some people's belief. To my mind, I agree to a large extent with this statement due to incresed literacy rate in female and various earning opportunities around the globe.

First of all, most women are educated and literate which brings various opportunities for them. As people know, nowadays, girls have been given equivalent attention in compare to the men and have provided proper education and training regarding modern world. In addition, innumerable female workers are fulfilling their and their family's requirement by working on professional areas, which prove that they do not need any marital supports for their needs. As a result, they do not feel to get married and wait until proper age and time. For example, recent research from Windsor university has described that eighty per cent women from western countries, who are employed as full-time employee,choose to get marry at the age between 27-35. Thus, education will aid women to employ for any organization and that will be the sole advantage for fulfilling basic requirements.

Second of all, countless opportunities to earn wealth for women also afflicts their mindset regarding relationship. Moreover, hard-working individuals structure their own businesses and provide their proper concentration toward the progress of the workplace. Consequently, they do not have adequate time to find appropriate partner for their life as they are already busy with their workload. Besides that, most of women do not even feel to have a relationship because they have their business or job as a financial security for their future which will eventually diminish the idea of marriage at early age. Therefore, enormous ways can be utilised to secure the future by earning ample amount of money and which will directly affect their conservative mindsets.

In conclusion, numerable girls are influenced with the western culture and approch the education for betterment of their life and which will lead them to a proper work place. As a result, they will not have a appropriate time period to fall in love with anyone or have a relationship only for financial support. Thus, I believe that women do not require the financial security as they can earn the wealth by themselves in distinct fields.

Thank you very much.

Many spelling mistakes..
U shud practice more paraphrasing and use of prepositions...
Numerous is the ryt word in last para instead of numerable..
Many more corrections..
I think u shud focus more on reading newspapers and then see how collocations and phrases are used

 

[Gagan4790]

Please help me evaluate this essay. Thanks everyone!

Topic: in many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there.
What is your opinion about this?

With gradual increase in population worldwide, there are trend to build new accommodations to sustain this new demand in the countryside since urban area is running out. I do believe this is a good alternative to fulfil all human needs of (for)new homes.

To begin, those, who opine the idea of conserving the countryside scenery by banning new housing constructions in that area, have their own justifications. They think this would help maintaining the natural environments and other wildlife habitats, which are on the brink of being threatened(extinction) from (due to)urbanization, a term for any regions being urbanized by humans. ??? What does this mean here?
Where there is an increase in housing in those areas, the ramification would include pollutions, the biggest as ever threat for damaging the countryside views. The amazon, for example, the largest forest in the world, reduces in size (has reduced in size)due to the demand of constructing new houses.

However, I suppose the alternative( mention which alternative) is appropriate in this scenario. One can not control the increase / increasing population within such a short period of time, but even for decades. ( Thisline doent make sense here) This , to fulfill the need of human, building new houses in the countryside seems like the best solution to this kind of issue as the cost in the countryside, most important factor for housing, is always lower than that if those were to build in the urban area. Moreover, there are certain regulations about construction in any country about the location, which is reinforced by the government not to damage the countryside.

It is still debatable whether to build more or conserve the countryside, especially in those developed countries – the one with highest rise in population. The solution for this debacle is to portion the countryside for conservation and for housing construction.

See in d quote..i hv tried to make few corrections but there are many grammatical mistakes... In a rush to make complex and long sentences, the meaning is lost

 

[mohit2018]

Hi Guys,

I would really appreciate if you could provide your helpful evaluation and then a deserving band(in your view, of course) to my attempt at Writing Task 2 essay:


A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages?


Describe the positive and negative impacts of technology on our lives and give your opinion.

There is no doubt that many people are dependent on technology as we are surrounded by the technical devices, when we are in our offices or at our homes. This increase in dependency certainly offers many benefits along with a few demerits. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this increasing dependency on technology and will conclude with my opinion.


Firstly, with the arrival of smart gadgets, such as smartphones and computers, we have unlimited access to vast information readily available for us over internet. This information can be used for various purposes, namely: researching new subjects, finding syntax of a programming language and so on. In addition, the available information is usually correct and accurate because these are constantly validated against various other sources on internet, and users can correct the facts if they find them inaccurate. A good illustration is Wikipedia, which not only provide factual information on many subjects but also keeps the information updated. Thus, technology has opened gates for many people to a very large pool of validated information.


On the other hand, technology has made people to spend more time on computers and smartphones. This over-use of devices could have several detrimental effects on its users. For instance, people often complains about the dry-eyes problems, and in extreme cases some reports that their vision power is badly affected due to the use of bright screens of devices. Therefore, with the advent of technology, there came some drawbacks as well.


In conclusion, technological advancements undoubtedly offer us the access to unlimited information and I opine that by limiting the use and time spent on several electronic gadgets, we can easily prevent the side effects of the technological advancements.
[Words: 285]


Thanks in advance.

 

[Gagan4790]

There is no/Beyond doubt that many people are dependent on technology as we are surrounded by the technical devices/(gadgets would be a better word here) when we are (while is a good word here instead of when) in our offices or at our homes.
This increase in dependency(dont depeat this word often- use synonyms like 'our reliance on technology') certainly offers many benefits along with a few demerits. (a host of merits with few demerits)
(see there is a combination of words to be used sometimes..like advantages disadvantages, merits demerits, benefits drawbacks)
This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this increasing dependency on technology and will conclude with my opinion.


Firstly, with the arrival of smart gadgets, such as smartphones and computers, we have unlimited access to vast information readily available for us over internet. This information can be used for various purposes, namely: researching new subjects, finding syntax of a programming language and so on. In addition, the available information is usually correct and accurate because these are constantly validated against various other sources on internet, and users can correct the facts if they find them inaccurate. A good illustration is Wikipedia, which not only provide factual information on many subjects but also keeps the information updated. Thus, technology has opened gates for many people to a very large pool of validated information.
Bogy para 1 is good

On the other hand, technology has made people to spend more time on computers and smartphones. This over-use of devices could have several detrimental effects on its users. For instance, people often complains (complain) about the dry-eyes problems, and in extreme cases some reports(report) that their vision power is badly affected due to the use of bright screens of devices. Therefore, with the advent of technology, there came some drawbacks as well.


In conclusion, technological advancements undoubtedly offer us the access to unlimited information and I opine that by limiting the use and time spent on several electronic gadgets, we can easily prevent the side effects of the technological advancements.
Acc to me
In conclusion, even though technological advancements have brought a variety of benefits, it also has harmful effects, which should be addressed by its controlled usage/ limited usage in order to augur a better future.
I hv made a compound complex sentence. U can make two simple or complex or combination of both.

 

[Gagan4790]

Work upon ur grammar...
Only way is to read read and read more....newspapers, stories, novels etc...anything u like...
Acc to me,
Task response is ok 7
Coherence 6 has to be worked upon
LR 6.5 repetition of words has reduced d score
GRA 6 many grammatical errors..
See u can achieve more in task response, conerence and LR bcz grammar takes months to improve..
I did d same...improved a lot upon these three criteria

 

[naten]

See in d quote..i hv tried to make few corrections but there are many grammatical mistakes... In a rush to make complex and long sentences, the meaning is lost

Thanks Gagan!!! I will try to fix these errors.

 

[mohit2018]

Work upon ur grammar...
Only way is to read read and read more....newspapers, stories, novels etc...anything u like...
Acc to me,
Task response is ok 7
Coherence 6 has to be worked upon
LR 6.5 repetition of words has reduced d score
GRA 6 many grammatical errors..
See u can achieve more in task response, conerence and LR bcz grammar takes months to improve..
I did d same...improved a lot upon these three criteria

thanks a lot Gagan.

 

[Gagan4790]

thanks a lot Gagan.

Ur welcm

 

[Gagan4790]

https://chat.whatsapp.com/FpUCvCYcnmTJXgMYxOjxuR
Hi all join this group on ielts discussion

 

[jmargret]

Hi! Can anyone check my work? I'm retaking my ielts to score a band 7 in writing.

Q: Nowadays, young people lack an understanding of how to manage their finances after they finish high school. Explain why they do not know how to manage money and how this can be changed.

It is frequently considered that the younger generation has inadequate knowledge on financial management after graduating from high school. This is mainly becausenof inexperience and different set of priorities. However, there are various ways to counter this.

The fundamental reason that the youtg has difficulties with managing their finances is their significant deficiency of experience. This is because they were not tasked to handle money aside from their allowance. Allocating money for basic needs such as food, clothing, shelter, and education was acconplished by their parents. In cobtrast, they only budgeted the stipend given to them for daily expenses. The key to this is the inclusion of children in family budget planninf, which ofders opportunities to acquire valuable skills and to practice under parental supervision. In this way, settlement of basic foundation is accomplished to train them for future endeavors.

Another main cause attributing to the problems regarding financial allocation after secondary education is the variety of priorities. During their acadwmic career, students are focused on their school work and interpersonal relationships. They are motivated to attain achievements academically and socially, which diverts them feom other tasks. This results to the reality that planning money matters are only realized after their studies. As resolution, introduction of financial management in educational curriculums would lead to maturation of a new set of skills that are essential in the long run. For instance, incorporating such programs in their school work introduces them into their set of priorities while teaching them the process of money management.

In conclusion, alrhough insufficient knowledge on managing finances is a pressing problem in the younger generation, it is insurmountable. Parents and educators should teach them at an early period of time in preaparation for adulthood responsibilities.

 

[Gagan4790]

Pls share it on group..using link i hv given

 

[priteshgondalia]

Hello,
I would really appreciate if anyone can evaluate this essay and suggest me the mistakes. So I can improve that and get desire band.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


It is considered by some that extinction of the numerous languages has not any emphasis on the society because they can enjoy better life with the fewer languages. In my opinion, I completely agree with the aforementioned statement as globalization in languages aid nations as well as individuals.

A good reason to support the fewer languages is that it helps to ameliorate country's economy. This is because the enormous multi-national companies will wish to develop their branches on these places, because more and more people will have a knowledge of the global languages, such as English, French, Spanish, or German. To illustrate, Nike and Rebook have their plants in almost every nations around the globe, this is because of the ability of their local people to speak the diverse languages. This will eventually create the employment and offer the cheaper products in the local regions and as a result, economy of the particular country will have a rapid increase.

Another point to consider is that individuals will also get the benefits from the fewer languages. In other words, persons will not find any difficulties in other countries, if they have appropriate knowledge of the global languages. Nowadays, vast amount of adolescents are migrating toward the developed countries, including USA and Germany, for the better education, where they can easily get the admission in well-reputed universities, if they know the English or French. Accordingly, these countries are filled with skilled students and workers from all around the world, and this is only because of the common languages. In sort, one can easily study in predominant institutes or occupy professional jobs, if there are fewer languages in the globe.

In conclusion, life of the citizens can be easier, if country attracts the multi-national companies in their region and one can able to study or work in different nations, and all of these is only possible if the world has a small number of the languages.


Thank You So Much.
Appreciated.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello,
I would really appreciate if anyone can evaluate this essay and suggest me the mistakes. So I can improve that and get desire band.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


It is considered by some that extinction of the numerous languages has not any emphasis on the society because they can enjoy better life with the fewer languages. In my opinion, I completely agree with the aforementioned statement as globalization in languages aid nations as well as individuals.

A good reason to support the fewer languages is that it helps to ameliorate country's economy. This is because the enormous multi-national companies will wish to develop their branches on these places, because more and more people will have a knowledge of the global languages, such as English, French, Spanish, or German. To illustrate, Nike and Rebook have their plants in almost every nations around the globe, this is because of the ability of their local people to speak the diverse languages. This will eventually create the employment and offer the cheaper products in the local regions and as a result, economy of the particular country will have a rapid increase.

Another point to consider is that individuals will also get the benefits from the fewer languages. In other words, persons will not find any difficulties in other countries, if they have appropriate knowledge of the global languages. Nowadays, vast amount of adolescents are migrating toward the developed countries, including USA and Germany, for the better education, where they can easily get the admission in well-reputed universities, if they know the English or French. Accordingly, these countries are filled with skilled students and workers from all around the world, and this is only because of the common languages. In sort, one can easily study in predominant institutes or occupy professional jobs, if there are fewer languages in the globe.

In conclusion, life of the citizens can be easier, if country attracts the multi-national companies in their region and one can able to study or work in different nations, and all of these is only possible if the world has a small number of the languages.


Thank You So Much.
Appreciated.

7 or 7.5 easily, could get 8, depends on examiner.

 

[Gagan4790]

Hello,
I would really appreciate if anyone can evaluate this essay and suggest me the mistakes. So I can improve that and get desire band.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


It is considered by some that extinction of the numerous languages has not any emphasis on the society because they can enjoy better life with the fewer languages. In my opinion, I completely agree with the aforementioned statement as globalization in languages aid nations as well as individuals.

A good reason to support the fewer languages is that it helps to ameliorate country's economy. This is because the enormous multi-national companies will wish to develop their branches on these places, because more and more people will have a knowledge of the global languages, such as English, French, Spanish, or German. To illustrate, Nike and Rebook have their plants in almost every nations around the globe, this is because of the ability of their local people to speak the diverse languages. This will eventually create the employment and offer the cheaper products in the local regions and as a result, economy of the particular country will have a rapid increase.

Another point to consider is that individuals will also get the benefits from the fewer languages. In other words, persons will not find any difficulties in other countries, if they have appropriate knowledge of the global languages. Nowadays, vast amount of adolescents are migrating toward the developed countries, including USA and Germany, for the better education, where they can easily get the admission in well-reputed universities, if they know the English or French. Accordingly, these countries are filled with skilled students and workers from all around the world, and this is only because of the common languages. In sort, one can easily study in predominant institutes or occupy professional jobs, if there are fewer languages in the globe.

In conclusion, life of the citizens can be easier, if country attracts the multi-national companies in their region and one can able to study or work in different nations, and all of these is only possible if the world has a small number of the languages.


Thank You So Much.
Appreciated.

I have checked and posted on my fb page IELTS Support for all...
https://m.facebook.com/IELTS-Support-For-All-181704142453200/?ref=bookmarks

 

[priteshgondalia]

I have checked and posted on my fb page IELTS Support for all...
https://m.facebook.com/IELTS-Support-For-All-181704142453200/?ref=bookmarks

Thank you very much. I see you have asked that is this my first attempt or not? No, I will give the exam 5th time on the June 30. I am missing the exam by half band. Last time on 12th May I got L:8.5, R:8.5, W:6.5, S:6.5. So I am trying very hard to achieve band 7 in writing. So please if you can suggest any tips or suggestion, I will be thankful.