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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
5,899
5,145
@marosa @cansha

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.
How might having a lot of money make people happy?
What other things in life can make people happy?
I'm not going to get in to grammar and sentence structure for this review. The good thing about this essay is that mostly it is on point and answers the questions asked. So you are getting close of Task Response. However, my feedback is on task response itself. You could have made task response a little bit better.

Essay
It is considered by some that having tons of money is the most effective way to gain happiness in life, however, some have contradicting views about this statement. In my opinion, money is a good tool to use in accessing other reinforcing items or activities that society offers, but it is not the sole reason to make a person happy. For some, they feel happiest when they are able to be with people and provide assistance. I understand what you wanted to say here but this sentence could be written in better way and you need to make this "provide assistance" a little bit more clear. May be say community service or something like that


To start with, having a large fund increases the opportunities of people to reward themselves and engage in luxurious life. Financially equipped individuals are more capable of purchasing a variety of branded items, or dine in fancy restaurants without worrying about the cost. Access to different leisure activities also plays a major part too. Oftentimes, since it is expensive, it is impossible for financially inadequate people to attain, but for rich people it is not the case. The flexibility of making decisions of what to do in life without boundaries or limitations make others feel content and worry-less. Having the ability to do what you like keeps you motivated and therefore leads to happier perspective in life. With this notion, people agree that happiness depends on money.

This BP is good enough to show your point that money let's people buy the good things in life.

On another note, there are other means to feel happy, aside from earning money and be rich. Sharing time and effort are the main key stimuli that people considered to feel brighter. A good example to share is when friends and families meet to bond. Most prefer engaging in social activities with others such as going on a picnic or watching movies or simply engage in private conversation with them. Moreover, some find it fulfilling too when they are able to extend help with their loved ones or to other members of the community. Volunteering is the common norm nowadays that people engage with to make their life meaningful and happier. You just needed to explore this idea in a bit more detail than just writing one sentence to explain how volunteering may be a better avenue for some people to seek happiness.

In conclusion, it is argued by others that having a lot of money is enough to make one happier since it helps in gaining tangible items or indefinite access to expensive leisures in life, but there are other ways in attaining happiness. For example, spending quality time with immediate family and friends, and making yourself a beacon to make others feel better. Good conclusion line if you explored this idea in a bit more detail in BP2.
 

Vyn

Star Member
Aug 15, 2019
88
12
Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep
What problems can lack of sleep cause? Idea 1: medical conditions
What can be done about lack of sleep. idea 2:Time management and organising


Although others find it easier to gain 8 hours of sleep or more, there are some who face a predicament. Lack of sleep can cause a variety of medical conditions. In my opinion the best solution is by managing time wisely and organising.

The common medical conditions that lack of sleep trigger are severe headache, emotional imbalance, dizziness and fatigue. Some people are easily irritated; they find it difficult to maintain attention and concentrate. Similarly, due to low energy level, it affects their ability to function effectively either completing household chores or office-related tasks. Moreover, having not enough energy increases the likelihood to feel nauseous and dizzy. As a result, the productive level of the person is lower than usual.

In addressing this issue, time management and planning is the best option. Listing the activities and allot time for each is an efficient approach. With an organised system in place, it increases a faster pace in completing tasks; therefore, there is enough time for rest or sleep. In addition, planning allows the person to prioritise important matters, and activities that can wait for the next day. With these insights, I agree that time management aids in attaining a well-deserved rest.

To summarise, it is considered difficult to have a good sleep nowadays compared to previous years. Some are contracting acute medical conditions that are usually associated with insufficient rest. However, it can be resolved by planning out daily activities and involving others to complete a certain task, since it is efficient and increases more time to rest.

I'm not going to get in to grammar and sentence structure for this review. The good thing about this essay is that mostly it is on point and answers the questions asked. So you are getting close of Task Response. However, my feedback is on task response itself. You could have made task response a little bit better.

Essay
It is considered by some that having tons of money is the most effective way to gain happiness in life, however, some have contradicting views about this statement. In my opinion, money is a good tool to use in accessing other reinforcing items or activities that society offers, but it is not the sole reason to make a person happy. For some, they feel happiest when they are able to be with people and provide assistance. I understand what you wanted to say here but this sentence could be written in better way and you need to make this "provide assistance" a little bit more clear. May be say community service or something like that


To start with, having a large fund increases the opportunities of people to reward themselves and engage in luxurious life. Financially equipped individuals are more capable of purchasing a variety of branded items, or dine in fancy restaurants without worrying about the cost. Access to different leisure activities also plays a major part too. Oftentimes, since it is expensive, it is impossible for financially inadequate people to attain, but for rich people it is not the case. The flexibility of making decisions of what to do in life without boundaries or limitations make others feel content and worry-less. Having the ability to do what you like keeps you motivated and therefore leads to happier perspective in life. With this notion, people agree that happiness depends on money.

This BP is good enough to show your point that money let's people buy the good things in life.

On another note, there are other means to feel happy, aside from earning money and be rich. Sharing time and effort are the main key stimuli that people considered to feel brighter. A good example to share is when friends and families meet to bond. Most prefer engaging in social activities with others such as going on a picnic or watching movies or simply engage in private conversation with them. Moreover, some find it fulfilling too when they are able to extend help with their loved ones or to other members of the community. Volunteering is the common norm nowadays that people engage with to make their life meaningful and happier. You just needed to explore this idea in a bit more detail than just writing one sentence to explain how volunteering may be a better avenue for some people to seek happiness.

In conclusion, it is argued by others that having a lot of money is enough to make one happier since it helps in gaining tangible items or indefinite access to expensive leisures in life, but there are other ways in attaining happiness. For example, spending quality time with immediate family and friends, and making yourself a beacon to make others feel better. Good conclusion line if you explored this idea in a bit more detail in BP2.

Thank you @cansha..
Nice to hear I am progressing with TR criteria, but not with grammatical range and accuracy. noted with thanks.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
5,899
5,145
Thank you @cansha..
Nice to hear I am progressing with TR criteria, but not with grammatical range and accuracy. noted with thanks.
Yes there were issues in terms of grammatical range and accuracy but honestly that particular essay was still easy to read and follow. If your BP2 was strong enough that essay would be very close to 7+ score on exam day even with those grammar issues.

Many people may think that they got a 7+ score after fixing their grammar after multiple attempts. But, I think even if it is not impossible to fix grammar range in short amount of time, it is highly improbably you won't make those mistakes under exam pressure. Hence, progressively through this thread I have focused more on Task Response while giving feedback. This in no way means grammar is not important. But, if your essay doesn't meet TR criteria even with best of grammar you may get stuck at 6.5.
 

MeenuDeepak

Newbie
Dec 18, 2018
7
2
please help me to review my essay
@marosa @cansha @Vyn @sara_H_JDT

topic is :In many countries ,paying for things using mobile phone app is becoming increasingly common. Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages

There are countries where trend of using E-wallet has increased manifold. This essay outlines that it has numerous benefits as it makes life quite simple, and also it is much secure platform for doing payment. However, transaction involves some extra fees which can be unnecessary burden on consumers .

To begin with, online payment through mobile application makes the life of individuals fulfilling. It is because now there is no need to carry hard cash in your pocket and to look after it while shopping .It is simple just add your money in application through your bank account and then after enjoy paying. In addition, the applications are secure and there is no worry of any fraud associated through it. For instance, in Corona pandemic government issues guidelines for usage of cash free transaction as there is possibility to transmit diseases through hard cash, then after Paytm like applications are becoming quite popular among individuals which promote e-wallet.

On the down side, there is some transaction fees involves while using application which can be worrisome for users because it can create extra load on masses pocket who are doing payment frequently through application. For example, Paytm application is quite popular among people who charge nothing upto 10000 rupees but after it involve tax rate in range of 1 to 5 % which is quite high and unnecessary pressure on consumers.

In conclusion, usage of paying things through mobile application has more advantages as it make life easy and also payment is quite safe which makes users to use it without any tension. However, transaction fees can be a burden which is only the drawback of E-wallet.
 
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sara_H_JDT

Hero Member
Dec 28, 2019
323
58
Hello
@cansha @marosa
I re write it soon
but
start writing like this procedure I mention could be fine for getting TR section and following it , CC criteria ?


P1 : paraphrase + thesis statement

  • Increasing paying with mobile app (paraphrase)
  • Thesis
P2 : Why more advantage : reason 1 (e.g : Ease of use / comfort to use)

  1. Time saving (physically attend store , bank , billing....)
  2. Do not need carrying money outside, robbery , more secure way (put influx money on your pocket cause incitement to steal )
  3. Completion between apps provide more features for their customer (paying all your need in one place)
P3 : Why more advantage reason 2 ( e.g : do rather tasks than before)

  • Different kinds of paying method (while costumer attending physically may confront ATM , it would be not working or unusable or temporary damage )
  • All tasks with just simple clicking on button
  • Do almost every payment like ticket and food (widely and variety range of tasks )
P4: Conclusion
 

MeenuDeepak

Newbie
Dec 18, 2018
7
2
Hello
@cansha @marosa
I re write it soon
but
start writing like this procedure I mention could be fine for getting TR section and following it , CC criteria ?


P1 : paraphrase + thesis statement

  • Increasing paying with mobile app (paraphrase)
  • Thesis
P2 : Why more advantage : reason 1 (e.g : Ease of use / comfort to use)

  1. Time saving (physically attend store , bank , billing....)
  2. Do not need carrying money outside, robbery , more secure way (put influx money on your pocket cause incitement to steal )
  3. Completion between apps provide more features for their customer (paying all your need in one place)
P3 : Why more advantage reason 2 ( e.g : do rather tasks than before)

  • Different kinds of paying method (while costumer attending physically may confront ATM , it would be not working or unusable or temporary damage )
  • All tasks with just simple clicking on button
  • Do almost every payment like ticket and food (widely and variety range of tasks )
P4: Conclusion
In your sentence structure is there no need to specify any drawback in this essay
 
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Reactions: sara_H_JDT

MeenuDeepak

Newbie
Dec 18, 2018
7
2
please help me to review my essay
@marosa @cansha @Vyn @sara_H_JDT

topic is :In many countries ,paying for things using mobile phone app is becoming increasingly common. Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages

There are countries where trend of using E-wallet has increased manifold. This essay outlines that it has numerous benefits as it makes life quite simple, and also it is much secure platform for doing payment. However, transaction involves some extra fees which can be unnecessary burden on consumers .

To begin with, online payment through mobile application makes the life of individuals fulfilling. It is because now there is no need to carry hard cash in your pocket and to look after it while shopping .It is simple just add your money in application through your bank account and then after enjoy paying. In addition, the applications are secure and there is no worry of any fraud associated through it. For instance, in Corona pandemic government issues guidelines for usage of cash free transaction as there is possibility to transmit diseases through hard cash, then after Paytm like applications are becoming quite popular among individuals which promote e-wallet.

On the down side, there is some transaction fees involves while using application which can be worrisome for users because it can create extra load on masses pocket who are doing payment frequently through application. For example, Paytm application is quite popular among people who charge nothing upto 10000 rupees but after it involve tax rate in range of 1 to 5 % which is quite high and unnecessary pressure on consumers.

In conclusion, usage of paying things through mobile application has more advantages as it make life easy and also payment is quite safe which makes users to use it without any tension. However, transaction fees can be a burden which is only the drawback of E-wallet.
Give your opinion in my essay too
@cansha @Vyn @marosa
 

sara_H_JDT

Hero Member
Dec 28, 2019
323
58
In your sentence structure is there no need to specify any drawback in this essay
I didn't say anything about drawback side , Yes , this essay is easier than other as it has a just one side,therefore easily can be developed and be extended
and for TR and CC rather than previous I try to make a logical thesis ,so based on that develop and support my sentence by giving enough example and logical result
  • Purpose
  • Example
  • Reason
  • Result
Based on those 4 bullet points I mentioned
In your essay if I could consider all points I would be deserve for higher TR and CC

purpose is : saving time
example is : less going out from house , standing in long queue for appointment
Reason is : wasting personal energy , irritate , cut the covid-19 chain :D
Result is : live better , less amount , faster
Please @cansha and @marosa give your kind expert opinion base on following this 4 steps to achieve TR and connect paragraphs and sentences in order to make a logical coherence and cohesion
Honestly talking , this is not my idea , furthermore , I found it many months ago in Mc Milan writing reference book
So while we would able to make this list for all titles we can primarily have a enough idea to develop
we have a road map
we have correct path and not getting confused meanwhile the text
so now I understand that why many top notch IELTS writers has always insisted on having a plan for 5 minutes before starting why it's so important
Finally , If we have a two paragraphs as a Body Paragraph except from opening and closing and First Paragraph which should be paraphrased as well
we declare 2 ideas in our state (thesis) then in each BP we developed them as a [purpose-->example--->reason-->result](for TR) , among these 4 steps we have to use logical conjunction +preposition+subordination (for CC)
Individual sentence should have logical and felicitous and fit grammar and using correct form of verb or adjective or adverb and appropriate vocab
take it easy :D : D why not let start
just I wait for confirm does this approach is reasonable
 
Last edited:
May 3, 2017
185
37
Give your opinion in my essay too
@cansha @Vyn @marosa
What i think of Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages is that whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. It means you must add at least one para for disadvantages.

In many countries ,paying for things using mobile phone app is becoming increasingly common. Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages
INTRO

There are countries where trend of using E-wallet has increased manifold. This essay outlines that it has numerous benefits as it makes life quite simple, and also it is much secure platform for doing payment. However, transaction involves some extra fees which can be unnecessary burden on consumers .

Review: e-wallet has different meaning than e-payment. This means you should write - Payment through e-devices, such as mobile phones and laptops, using e-payment methods is widely preferred by people nowadays in many nations. Although this feature is paid, but it provides users convenience and a secure platform to pay.
 
May 3, 2017
185
37
What i think of Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages is that whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. It means you must add at least one para for disadvantages.

In many countries ,paying for things using mobile phone app is becoming increasingly common. Does this approach Has more advantages or more disadvantages
INTRO

There are countries where trend of using E-wallet has increased manifold. This essay outlines that it has numerous benefits as it makes life quite simple, and also it is much secure platform for doing payment. However, transaction involves some extra fees which can be unnecessary burden on consumers .

Review: e-wallet has different meaning than e-payment. This means you should write - Payment through e-devices, such as mobile phones and laptops, using e-payment methods is widely preferred by people nowadays in many nations. Although this feature is paid, but it provides users convenience and a secure platform to pay.
I 100% agree, task achievement and cohesion are important. But, choice of words should be normal if you do not know the exact meaning. You will be able to write a good easy if CC+TA are great and vocabulary is simple and USED ACCURATELY. Use those words only who have the same meaning and can be used in that context. E- wallet is like a purse, but e-payment is a mode of payment.
 
May 3, 2017
185
37
I 100% agree, task achievement and cohesion are important. But, choice of words should be normal if you do not know the exact meaning. You will be able to write a good easy if CC+TA are great and vocabulary is simple and USED ACCURATELY. Use those words only who have the same meaning and can be used in that context. E- wallet is like a purse, but e-payment is a mode of payment.
There are lots of material on IELTS, but many of them are teaching incorrectly. Use trusted source, like LIZ or Jay as they are experts. Use Guardian application to get a flow of better English.

Moreover, copy your essay on http://www.englishprofile.org/wordlists/text-inspector and check C level words every time.
 

sara_H_JDT

Hero Member
Dec 28, 2019
323
58
There are lots of material on IELTS, but many of them are teaching incorrectly. Use trusted source, like LIZ or Jay as they are experts. Use Guardian application to get a flow of better English.

Moreover, copy your essay on http://www.englishprofile.org/wordlists/text-inspector and check C level words every time.
WOOOOOOOOW I must admire you for showing such a this unbelievable tool IF IF it is working accurately and has not been for marketing
First sentence was your sentence ! perfect
Some Inquiries made for me , could you please resolve them as you've experienced with his site
below text is pre-defined and already exist text summary
Summary
Sentence count6 (Amend)
Token count (excluding numbers)100 (Amend)
Type count (unique tokens, excluding numbers)69 (Amend)
Average sentence length16.67 words
Type/token ratio0.69
Number count0 / 0 total digits
Syllable count146 (Amend)
Words with more than 2 syllables10
Words with more than 2 syllables - Percentage10.00
Average syllables per sentence24.33
Average syllables per word1.46
Syllables per 100 words146.00
Readability Scores
Flesch Reading Ease66.40
Flesch-Kincaid Grade8.14
Gunning Fog index10.67
could you please little bit explain this
How should use from this
I copied this exactly from
https://textinspector.com/
there are many statistics
 
Last edited:

sara_H_JDT

Hero Member
Dec 28, 2019
323
58
There are lots of material on IELTS, but many of them are teaching incorrectly. Use trusted source, like LIZ or Jay as they are experts. Use Guardian application to get a flow of better English.

Moreover, copy your essay on http://www.englishprofile.org/wordlists/text-inspector and check C level words every time.
sorry for further query
there are 2 sites
https://textinspector.com/
and
http://www.englishprofile.org/

1-which one you suggest ?
2-how many C1 and C2 words are needed to get at least 7 (not more than 7 or 7+) in Lexical section ?
  1. http://www.englishprofile.org : 29 B2 - 10 C1 - 4 C2 (is it enough for 7 ?)
  2. https://textinspector.com/ : CEFR level : C1 and 59% (I know what is CEFR but 59% don't know)
 
May 3, 2017
185
37
sorry for further query
there are 2 sites
https://textinspector.com/
and
http://www.englishprofile.org/

1-which one you suggest ?
2-how many C1 and C2 words are needed to get at least 7 (not more than 7 or 7+) in Lexical section ?
  1. http://www.englishprofile.org : 29 B2 - 10 C1 - 4 C2 (is it enough for 7 ?)
  2. https://textinspector.com/ : CEFR level : C1 and 59% (I know what is CEFR but 59% don't know)
english profile one is ok, and I only use this one. Use it as a highlight only for vocabulary.
I guess we are here for help only, not for marketing :)))

Practice more, but learn from trusted sources.
 

sara_H_JDT

Hero Member
Dec 28, 2019
323
58
english profile one is ok, and I only use this one. Use it as a highlight only for vocabulary.
I guess we are here for help only, not for marketing :)))

Practice more, but learn from trusted sources.
NO NO do not please misunderstand of my words
That site I mean not you
I know
just you know how many C level words are needed to get 7 ?