IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[H0peAndFa1th]

I am frustrated with my result. August 2nd result is L n R 8, S 7, W 6.5. Done with 6 attempts . Don't know where I am lagging. I had taken course from ex- Ielts examiner and once got 7. In that result unfortunately in S got 6.5. Did EOR as well but no change. July result was too worse S n W 6. In all the tests R n L I am scoring 8 , but either in W or in S getting .5 less. Because of this I am waiting to increase my CRS.

Please some one share what really Ielts writing expects.

Mine this attempt was 9th, lol, tell me something I don't know....

gunning down for 10th on September 9th.

Please evaluate this. I have taken 6 attempts. In this once I got 7 and remaining 6.5. Other modules pretty good at all times.

The perception of punishments given to crime among people differs. while some people argue it is necessary to have fixed punishments for all crime[s], others think that the motivation of crime should be taken into account for deciding on punishments. This essay will discuss both the arguments and finally outline my opinion. [drop this kind of line]

make it natural, its fine. but where is Question ?

Giving fixed punishment to all the crime would definitely make court proceedings cost effective and the process will be lot more quicker. This is because the judges are not required to spend lot of time in analyzing the case as already punishments are fixed. In addition , it saves money spent on investigating the crime. However, this is an unfair practice because some of the criminals does not deserve to the punishments given to them. For example, a person robbing a convenient store would not deserve the same punishment as a person robbing a bank because the degree of the crime is not as severe as the latter.

There is no logic in this paragraph, Yes english is good.

arguments are weak.

a paragraph MUST contain one main idea.

On the other hand, punishments given based on the circumstances and motivation make a perfect sense as it would ensure that law breakers are given fair trail and right punishment is handed to them. In fact this avoids to wrongly convict good people and their situation behind the unlawful matters. For instance, in countries like India where harassment against women are prevalent,the women might attempt to murder the criminals in order to protect themselves. If this would be analysed and given valuable judgements rather than considering it as a crime , the women would feel safer all over the country.This in turn would make the society safer.

arguments are weak.
english is fine.

On the whole, after analysing both sides ,in my opinion punishments should be given based upon all the factors which lead to the unlawful action rather than providing judgements based on the classification of the crime into types.

again english is fine, but does not satisfy the need of question.

Problem areas
Task achievement and Coherence and cohesion.

 

[cansha]

I am frustrated with my result. August 2nd result is L n R 8, S 7, W 6.5. Done with 6 attempts . Don't know where I am lagging. I had taken course from ex- Ielts examiner and once got 7. In that result unfortunately in S got 6.5. Did EOR as well but no change. July result was too worse S n W 6. In all the tests R n L I am scoring 8 , but either in W or in S getting .5 less. Because of this I am waiting to increase my CRS.

Please some one share what really Ielts writing expects.

My guess is your question is a bit rhetorical as you have attempted IELTS 6 times, so you probably know what IELTS is expecting. If you do not then refer to post by Dr. Bilal, a couple of posts above yours. Based on your scores I can guess that your English is pretty good. I think your confidence is a bit low because of poor scores in previous tests.

If you don't mind sharing what is your "process" when you are attempting the writing section of IELTS. Are you relaxed? Do you create an essay structure in your head? Do you write down points?

I read the essay you have posted above and I think @H0peAndFa1th has given a good review of it. My takeaway from the essay is that you're trying too hard to comply to the norms of IELTS writing as it is being taught by ieltsliz or many other videos on youtube. I'm not denying that those things are important to get a good score but I think if you spend enough time in thinking what you want to say, the language will take care of itself. You can adapt sentence structures to include keywords like you have used (on one hand .. on other etc.). Pardon me if my assumptions are wrong. If not, please do spend some time thinking about your "writing process".

 

[pierrekiprov]

it fulfill the task, 6.5 for sure, may be it could even get 7

write more complex sentences.

Thanks I will try, however, I’m still not very sure how much complex can this thing get. I am fighting for 7.0

 

[Babukumar]

Mine this attempt was 9th, lol, tell me something I don't know....

gunning down for 10th on September 9th.

Thank you so much for feed back. How to improve to write strong arguments ? I feel I lag in lexical resource too. Because of this I can't able to write strong ideas.




make it natural, its fine. but where is Question ?



There is no logic in this paragraph, Yes english is good.

arguments are weak.

a paragraph MUST contain one main idea.


arguments are weak.
english is fine.




again english is fine, but does not satisfy the need of question.

Problem areas
Task achievement and Coherence and cohesion.

 

[Babukumar]

My guess is your question is a bit rhetorical as you have attempted IELTS 6 times, so you probably know what IELTS is expecting. If you do not then refer to post by Dr. Bilal, a couple of posts above yours. Based on your scores I can guess that your English is pretty good. I think your confidence is a bit low because of poor scores in previous tests.

If you don't mind sharing what is your "process" when you are attempting the writing section of IELTS. Are you relaxed? Do you create an essay structure in your head? Do you write down points?

I read the essay you have posted above and I think @H0peAndFa1th has given a good review of it. My takeaway from the essay is that you're trying too hard to comply to the norms of IELTS writing as it is being taught by ieltsliz or many other videos on youtube. I'm not denying that those things are important to get a good score but I think if you spend enough time in thinking what you want to say, the language will take care of itself. You can adapt sentence structures to include keywords like you have used (on one hand .. on other etc.). Pardon me if my assumptions are wrong. If not, please do spend some time thinking about your "writing process".

Thank you for your time to reply. During exam i will think for ideas a d what's my take on that. I will plan for around 7 to 10 mins about what to write in paragraphs.Will plan for examples too.
For task 1 i will plan a mind map ,think of ideas to write for bullet points. I feel i am not strong at Vocab. I am well aware of all Requirements, but sometimes i get nervous while writing. Also i am taking lot of time to write Intro in task 2.

 

[Babukumar]

Mine this attempt was 9th, lol, tell me something I don't know....

gunning down for 10th on September 9th.




make it natural, its fine. but where is Question ?



There is no logic in this paragraph, Yes english is good.

arguments are weak.

a paragraph MUST contain one main idea.


arguments are weak.
english is fine.




again english is fine, but does not satisfy the need of question.

Problem areas
Task achievement and Coherence and cohesion.

Thank you for your feed back. I will sure work on this. I feel I am low at LR that's why cant write strong arguments

 

[ViAchKoN]

Hello to you all!
I would really like to know your opinion about my essay. I have read several posts about people who struggle to get 7 in writing even after 7 attempts. Even currently I am on only 4th iteration of my journey and understand why I didn't get desirable score, for example, on my last try I didn't know that nursery school is a kindergarten and wrote why children should go to medical educational establishments before primary school. So now, I need an opinion about how I write from a person from a side.

The topic is: Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their lifestyle to prevent further damage.

What are your views?

In the past few decades the world has seen tremendous changes in many areas. People have started to use cars more frequently and companies build more and more production facilities to meet the needs of the modern society.Scientists believe that these are the main reasons, but not all, why the Earth has faces climate change. There are different opinions with regard to the question of whether common citizens should do something in order to prevent the consequences of changes in environment to happen or governments are responsible for solving this matter.

From one point of view, there are apparent arguments of the point of view that people have a possibility to change this dangerous trend. In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home. For example, somebody uses a private car over a bus and by doing so releases the huge amount of CO2 in the Earth's atmosphere. In fact, there are possibilities to make a difference and help to save our planet. If people don't want to use a public transport, they can buy an electric car which doesn't releases any pollutants. Secondly, people can start to think if they they use energy in an efficient way. By applying solar energy panels and other energy efficient devices at home individuals might if not to prevent climate change but to slow it down.

From another perspective, some aspects of how the world works can be only influenced by governments. Additionally to cars, production is another source of hazardous materials which damage the ozone layer. There is no way how people might intervene in how they work. Governments, on the other hand, have an opportunity to issue the laws which may restrict the amount of dangerous materials released by various companies. Also, world leaders can introduce measures which will support the electric car market. Currently, such cars are very expensive which don't allow people to buy them. That is why support measures in the form of finance help will greatly contribute in the development of this area what can consequently lead to the total refusal of the cars which use oil.

To conclude, an analysis of this matter demonstrates convincing facts that all people have a chance to affect the current situation. All people should unite against the common problem and contribute all their efforts. People shouldn't think that there will be somebody who will come and mare this problem disappear. That is why all of us must start from ourselves.

Thank you in advance for reading my text. I would be really grateful for all advises and suggestions on it.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello to you all!
I would really like to know your opinion about my essay. I have read several posts about people who struggle to get 7 in writing even after 7 attempts. Even currently I am on only 4th iteration of my journey and understand why I didn't get desirable score, for example, on my last try I didn't know that nursery school is a kindergarten and wrote why children should go to medical educational establishments before primary school. So now, I need an opinion about how I write from a person from a side.

sad to hear, but we all are in the same boat.

The topic is: Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their lifestyle to prevent further damage.

What are your views?

hmm its an open ended question, so be careful.

In the past few decades the world has seen tremendous changes in many areas [very vague and general statement so drop it]. People have started to use cars more frequently and companies build more and more production facilities to meet the needs of the modern society [Why ?]. Scientists believe that these are the main reasons, but not all, why the Earth has faces [ has faces ?? is facing or is experiencing ] climate change. There are different opinions with regard to the question of whether common citizens should do something in order to prevent the consequences of changes in environment to happen or governments are responsible for solving this matter. [grammatically and logically incorrect sentence ]

well you will get maximum 6.5 bands in this essay.

incorrect paraphrasing,
Logical error
grammatical errors
failed to introduce the topic properly and any clue about your views.


suggestion: read every essay written in this thread, along with reviews, you are making same mistakes as others. no different.

From one point of view, there are apparent arguments of the point of view that people have a possibility to change this dangerous trend. In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home. For example, somebody uses a private car over a bus and by doing so releases the huge amount of CO2 in the Earth's atmosphere. In fact, there are possibilities to make a difference and help to save our planet. If people don't want to use a public transport, they can buy an electric car which doesn't releases any pollutants. Secondly, people can start to think if they they use energy in an efficient way. By applying solar energy panels and other energy efficient devices at home individuals might if not to prevent climate change but to slow it down.

bad grammar, incoherent thoughts and ideas
forcing stuff into paragraphs

you are very far from band 7 my friend.

From another perspective, some aspects of how the world works can be only influenced by governments. Additionally to cars, production is another source of hazardous materials which damage the ozone layer. There is no way how people might intervene in how they work. Governments, on the other hand, have an opportunity to issue the laws which may restrict the amount of dangerous materials released by various companies. Also, world leaders can introduce measures which will support the electric car market. Currently, such card are very expensive which don't allow people to buy them. That is why support measures in the form of finance help will greatly contribute in the development of this area what can consequently lead to the total refusal of the cars which use oil.

same, bad english

To conclude, an analysis of this matter demonstrates convincing facts that all people have a chance to affect the current situation. All people should unite against the common problem and contribute all their efforts. People shouldn't think that there will be somebody who will come and mare this problem disappear. That is why all of us must start from ourselves.

fine

Thank you in advance for reading my text. I would be really grateful for all advises and suggestions on it.

failed to address the question, I would say 6 bands.

you don't know how to answer the question.

 

[ViAchKoN]

sad to hear, but we all are in the same boat.


hmm its an open ended question, so be careful.



well you will get maximum 6.5 bands in this essay.

incorrect paraphrasing,
Logical error
grammatical errors
failed to introduce the topic properly and any clue about your views.


suggestion: read every essay written in this thread, along with reviews, you are making same mistakes as others. no different.




bad grammar, incoherent thoughts and ideas
forcing stuff into paragraphs

you are very far from band 7 my friend.



same, bad english



fine





failed to address the question, I would say 6 bands.

you don't know how to answer the question.

Thank you for your reply.

But can you please specify several aspects.

What is wrong with this sentence: "There are different opinions with regard to the question of whether common citizens should do something in order to prevent the consequences of changes in environment to happen or governments are responsible for solving this matter."
I can't find any grammar and logical mistakes here.
Also why incorrect paraphrasing?

About the second paragraph. You wrote incoherent thoughts and ideas, but why? I wrote that people have possibility to change the problem and what are the ways to do that. And I wrote 2 ideas and how they might affect global warming.

The same about the third paragraph. Bad English, I just cant understand what does it mean.

Can you tell, what do you think should be written on this topic, to fully address it.

 

[Subterranean]

Hello, everyone! Could someone please provide me with feedback about my essay? I know that my paraphrasing is not good, how does it affect the score? I need 7,5.

The task: With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

As the Internet is gaining its popularity, an increasing number of teenagers are using it either as a means of communication or in order to make new friends without their parents' consent, which can lead to undesirable consequences. This essay will suggest introduction of parental control and encouragement of face to face communication as the most effective ways to deal with this issue.
Rarely do parents realize the importance of supervision over the websites their children can access online. In other words, not only do not they bother about possible restrictions on the web pages their sons and daughters can go to but they are also unaware of the existence of special guiding software. By purchasing a simple extension which can block questionable websites parents can prevent their children from visiting possibly dangerous locations. For instance, a Facebook survey in 2017 found out that after having installed blocking extensions, parents in Texas decreased the risk of their children getting access to undesirable web locations by 60%.
Secondly, on no account should the benefits of live interaction be ignored. By communicating in real life situations, children develop their empathy and learn how to read body language and identify lying. Therefore, possibly dangerous people can be more easily recognized by them and they are less likely to be exposed to mistreatment. Additionally, more often children interact with their peers, the quicker they are able to distinguish good intentions from evil ones and whether a person does want to make friends with them or is driven by evil intentions. To illustrate this, a group of British psychologists in 2018 concluded that children who entered in real life communication on a daily basis were 90% more likely to recognize lying and attempts to fraud them while communicating with strangers through the Internet.
In conclusion, although the Internet is becoming an integral part of modern teenagers' communication, the dangers it offers can be eliminated if parents control is reinforced and face to face interaction is encouraged as a means of defence from evil intentions.

 

[cansha]

Thank you for your time to reply. During exam i will think for ideas a d what's my take on that. I will plan for around 7 to 10 mins about what to write in paragraphs.Will plan for examples too.
For task 1 i will plan a mind map ,think of ideas to write for bullet points. I feel i am not strong at Vocab. I am well aware of all Requirements, but sometimes i get nervous while writing. Also i am taking lot of time to write Intro in task 2.

To be honest I think your vocab is perfectly fine for IELTS. Also your process is also good. I think you know your problem. As you mentioned getting nervous is probably impacting your performance. And second one you mentioned is taking a lot of time while writing the intro. I think that is because most videos and articles on IELTS writing stress on a good introduction. They are not wrong but it may be impacting rest of your performance.

I have a suggestion. If you like it try it once and see if it helps you.

1. Pick a topic. Don't time yourself at all. And think about the points you want to make. The mind mapping exercise you mentioned
2. Write on piece of paper a structure of your ideas. Intro, second para, third para, conclusion. Don't write full sentences and just the ideas.
3. Leave 5-8 lines for Intro. Don't even try to write it.
4. Complete rest of the essay. And come back to Intro.

I think taking too much time in intro is probably contributing to your nervousness. Like we did in school exams skip the questions that troubled us. Just skip writing the intro para and write it once you have finished the rest of the essay. Try it once!

 

[cansha]

From one point of view, there are apparent arguments of the point of view that people have a possibility to change this dangerous trend. In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home. For example, somebody uses a private car over a bus and by doing so releases the huge amount of CO2 in the Earth's atmosphere. In fact, there are possibilities to make a difference and help to save our planet. If people don't want to use a public transport, they can buy an electric car which doesn't releases any pollutants. Secondly, people can start to think if they they use energy in an efficient way. By applying solar energy panels and other energy efficient devices at home individuals might if not to prevent climate change but to slow it down.

I think @H0peAndFa1th has given a detailed review of your essay. I will give you my opinion. I won't necessarily call your ideas incoherent. I understand what you're trying to say. You want people to use more public transport and make more energy efficient choices. But, I agree the presentation of ideas is a bit incoherent.

I have a question for you. Are you trying hard to write "complex sentences" because that is what people said gets you a higher IELTS band? It is probably correct but you don't have to make a simple idea in to a complex sentence.

For example below sentence.

In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home.

"In the first place" phrase is completely unnecessary. I would have just written ... There are 7 billion people in the world who directly impact the environment of our shared home.

Similar idea .. less words ... relative clean to understand your point. If you are being unnecessarily verbose it gives an impression on examiner that you're trying to increase word count of your essay or it may totally confuse him/her.

Lastly, I'm making an assumption (pardon me if I'm wrong) that you wrote those sentences in that way because you were trying to write "Complex Sentences". If yes, my suggestion is once again google and read what are complex sentences. I think many of us may have an incomplete or inaccurate understanding of the concept. You don't need to write a very long sentence for it to be a complex sentence.

My two suggestions

1. Review what exactly is a complex sentence vs compound sentence.
2. Try to keep sentences short. You don't need to write all long sentences.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

I think @H0peAndFa1th has given a detailed review of your essay. I will give you my opinion. I won't necessarily call your ideas incoherent. I understand what you're trying to say. You want people to use more public transport and make more energy efficient choices. But, I agree the presentation of ideas is a bit incoherent.

I have a question for you. Are you trying hard to write "complex sentences" because that is what people said gets you a higher IELTS band? It is probably correct but you don't have to make a simple idea in to a complex sentence.

For example below sentence.

In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home.

"In the first place" phrase is completely unnecessary. I would have just written ... There are 7 billion people in the world who directly impact the environment of our shared home.

Similar idea .. less words ... relative clean to understand your point. If you are being unnecessarily verbose it gives an impression on examiner that you're trying to increase word count of your essay or it may totally confuse him/her.

Lastly, I'm making an assumption (pardon me if I'm wrong) that you wrote those sentences in that way because you were trying to write "Complex Sentences". If yes, my suggestion is once again google and read what are complex sentences. I think many of us may have an incomplete or inaccurate understanding of the concept. You don't need to write a very long sentence for it to be a complex sentence.

My two suggestions

1. Review what exactly is a complex sentence vs compound sentence.
2. Try to keep sentences short. You don't need to write all long sentences.

thanks alot for explaining it all, I wish, I had the courage to write all again, I would suggest anyone to read reviews carefully, learn to judge other people work.

atleast don't make mistakes that other people are making, the ones you recognize.


I explained numerous times, about intro, how to construct a basic paragraph etc.

please review them and learn from them.

 

[Babukumar]

To be honest I think your vocab is perfectly fine for IELTS. Also your process is also good. I think you know your problem. As you mentioned getting nervous is probably impacting your performance. And second one you mentioned is taking a lot of time while writing the intro. I think that is because most videos and articles on IELTS writing stress on a good introduction. They are not wrong but it may be impacting rest of your performance.

I have a suggestion. If you like it try it once and see if it helps you.

1. Pick a topic. Don't time yourself at all. And think about the points you want to make. The mind mapping exercise you mentioned
2. Write on piece of paper a structure of your ideas. Intro, second para, third para, conclusion. Don't write full sentences and just the ideas.
3. Leave 5-8 lines for Intro. Don't even try to write it.
4. Complete rest of the essay. And come back to Intro.

I think taking too much time in intro is probably contributing to your nervousness. Like we did in school exams skip the questions that troubled us. Just skip writing the intro para and write it once you have finished the rest of the essay. Try it once!

Thank you ! Sure i will work and post the essay here. Indeed a great suggestion !!

 

[Babukumar]

This is task 1,
you have had problems with a changing room in a sports centre. You have made some complaints but nothing has been done about it.
Write a letter to the manager explaining about
The issues with the changing room?
What has been done about it?
What you want the manager to do?

Dear Sir / Madam ,

I am writing this letter to express my disappointment with your administrative employees who are working in the LA Sports Centre branch, Delhi. They did not completely resolve our complaints which has been notified to them frequently from March 2018 to till date.

Since being a member of the sports branch from 2015,I along with my team practice badminton on regular basis. From last six months, we are facing few issues in the dressing room such as filters in the showers were not functioning as well as broken locks in the doors. So, i had skin disorders due to unfiltered water which made me hospitalise for a few days.

We fellow members gave numerous complaints about these problems to the supervisor, but they temporarily fixed with duplicate products which are not performing in the long run. They are not showing responsibility to solve this permanently. Even after continuous requests, they did not handle this matter considering the safety of women. Hence, I am bringing this issue to your notice to rectify it immediately. on looking this kind of irresponsible workers, i am thinking to quit my membership.

On the final call, I would like to request you to investigate this matter by physically present at the mentioned branch and take appropriate actions to replace the old ones. In addition, please advise your authorities to take responsible for their unkindful act .

I am looking forward for your earliest reply.

Yours faithfully,
John.