Eloped--will that cause issues?

[Isometry]

My husband and I met on the internet and were friends for a couple years before we started dating.
We eloped less than a year after we actually started dating. This was because neither of us likes big ceremonies, and to avoid the expense/time/hassle of gathering family from a 4200-mile area, in three countries, some of which doesn't have passports. We had a small ceremony in Canada with a commissioner and two witnesses, which was planned maybe 4 days in advance (we are both really bad at planning.)

Because I do not live in the same state as the rest of my family, they have not met my husband when he has visited me. We're intending that he come down for Christmas and meet all of my family at that point.
We told both families that we are engaged, but have not yet told them that we are married. We'll be announcing that after he's met my family--the idea is that they'll meet him and like him before they get angry at him for eloping with their oldest daughter/granddaughter, instead of hating him before they've met him. Then we'll be visiting his family for New Years, and which point we'll announce our marriage to them.

Questions:
On 5490E, question 11, it asks if he's met any of my close friends or family. I checked 'yes' and listed friends that he's met. Should I also add a note explaining why he hasn't met any family yet?
Question 10: Family knows we're in a relationship but not that we're married. Should I answer yes or no?

Will having an informal ceremony like that, with no family present, act against us? We do have wedding photos, and we're dressed up but not nearly in traditional wedding-y attire.

Thanks!

 

[CharlieD10]

1) Yes, you need to explain why he's not met the family, and what plans you are putting in place for him to do so.

2) Answer yes, they said "relationship", not "marriage", so yes is correct.

As long as you put forward your personal reasons for not having a large/formal ceremony, there shouldn't be too many questions. Whatever the circumstances about your relationship that may give an IO pause , clearly explain the reasons and reasoning behind it. The less you leave open to question, the better.

 

[toby]

Charlie is right: give the VO as little to be concerned about as possible. Would it be too inconvenient to wait until after each of you has met the other’s family? With lots of photos and other evidence to show CIC that your families acknowledge the marriage, your application should go more smoothly.

And, in your application call the meetings “post-wedding celebrations”. Maybe even get letters from each of the parents to say that they see you as a couple, commenting on the history of your relationship. All this will tend to authenticate your marriage.

The subtext here is that CIC wants to see relationships that are openly acknowledged by the families, because it is difficult for fraudsters to get entire families to conspire to “celebrate” a false marriage. The less “public” the marriage is -- and your elopement might well seem clandestine to CIC -- the more concerned CIC will be, and the longer CIC will take to verify the authenticity of your marriage.

In fact, by waiting to provide evidence of public-familial approval, you might reduce the processing time of your husband’s visa.

 

[Isometry]

I've met his family already. We've got letters from friends stating that the relationship is genuine, and could probably get that from his parents as well.
We've also got chat and phone logs going back a year and a half before we started dating, I'm hoping those will help a bit.
My familial approval is not going to happen when he meets the family. They're fine with me being with a Canadian, but not with my moving to Canada, and are still hesitant about my dating someone I met in an internet video game. Picture a situation where my family gets most of their idea of the internet from those Dateline specials, and also has me freeze-framed at about 15, and you'll get a picture of what's going on.

I'm also hesitant to put off filing the application until after he's met them because he was supposed to meet them in August, and then in November, and now it's December. It keeps getting pushed back by things beyond our control there's no guarantee that the family meeting will actually happen this time.

 

[GetUsHome]

Well if you already aren't going to get approval then I say what the heck call your family (I would send flowers to your mom first as a precaution).

Ask her to help you put together a nice dinner or something when you get there. Maybe they will surprise you. Maybe not but at least you have proof you told them and wanted to have a family celebration in December when you got there.

I've met his family already. We've got letters from friends stating that the relationship is genuine, and could probably get that from his parents as well.
We've also got chat and phone logs going back a year and a half before we started dating, I'm hoping those will help a bit.
My familial approval is not going to happen when he meets the family. They're fine with me being with a Canadian, but not with my moving to Canada, and are still hesitant about my dating someone I met in an internet video game. Picture a situation where my family gets most of their idea of the internet from those Dateline specials, and also has me freeze-framed at about 15, and you'll get a picture of what's going on.

I'm also hesitant to put off filing the application until after he's met them because he was supposed to meet them in August, and then in November, and now it's December. It keeps getting pushed back by things beyond our control there's no guarantee that the family meeting will actually happen this time.

 

[Isometry]

That was badly phrased. We won't get familial approval when he meets the family, but we will eventually. I'm trying to engineer things so that 'eventually' happens more smoothly.

I've already got a few sets of emails between family and I planning for the visits that fell through. I've also got some emails from parents to the effect of, have fun visiting him and send us pictures. Should those be included? That's at least proof that family knows about him.

 

[TGR]

Hi Isometry
I was in a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I met each other 5 years ago and have been dating since then. However, my parents only know of my involvement with his as of this past December. My husband moved here on a work visa so we could be together and eventually get married when things were more financially stable in our lives. However, when the time came for his work visa renewal, it was not renewed and he had to make the decision to leave. Therefore, we had to bring forward our marriage plans and we got married in late March before he left. We both decided it would be best to not tell my parents of the wedding (it was a civil ceremony at city hall). However, his parents did fly over for the weekend and 4 of our friends attended. In the application, I explained that my parents were not at the wedding and not told about the wedding because they were against me having a civil wedding and because it would have made a difficult and stressful situation even more so and we wanted to enjoy the day without worrying about what people thought. We are planning a small religious ceremony this December, just so we're married in everyone's eyes (ie my parents). I think that as long as you explain your situation well and get letters from friends and his family saying that they know that you two are married, then you'll be ok.

 

[cleo]

We eloped as well. I never wanted a big wedding and always thought it should be a small intimate ceremony. And it was. Anyone looking at our photos would realize it is real.

I think you should be totally honest on your application, explaining your reasons exactly as you said. To me, this is not something anyone would make up. Every story is unique. But don't be afraid of telling your family. It's your life.

Anyway, we eloped and my mom and sister knew we were going to do this as well as two friends. But we didn't tell the whole family until my niece's wedding which was 6 days later! It was exciting to introduce my husband to everyone at the reception line. Some were surprised but most knew that I would do something like that anyway. I even gave a speech at the reception about not wanting to upstage my niece but wanting to get married before her.

 

[toby]

None of the people in your situation have received a PR visa yet, so the jury is out on whether waiting to get family approval would speed up the approval process or not.

It will be interesting to monitor this.

You seem determined to proceed with the application soon, and inform your family gradually, later, so good luck to you.

 

[cleo]

Well Toby, the jury has just decided our marriage is real and background checks are done and passport is requested! I stand by my theory of being honest.

 

[rjessome]

Please think for a minute about what you have to prove to immigration:
1. The marriage/relationship is genuine; and
2. The marriage/relationship was not entered into to gain status under the Act (meaning immigration to Canada)

One of the things that is weighed in this assessment (fair or not) are the advantages for the applicant of immigrating to Canada. From what I've read, you are from the United States which has a standard of living that is parallel to Canada. I will assume that you probably have a job and/or a decent education, you and hubby probably have a similar socio-economic background (he's not a gazillionaire and you are not on welfare) and probably have pretty similar values and upbringings. Are there any real advantage to immigrating to Canada for you other than just being with your husband? Probably not.

Family and public knowledge of the relationship is just one of the factors used to assess genuineness but not the only one. It seems your family knows about the relationship but just not about the marriage. Use your own words to explain that. You have plenty of other factors (from what you've written) that could be used to convince CIC that your relationship is genuine. And since most people suck at keeping secrets : I will also assume that you've told at least one close friend you trust to keep your secret that you are married.

Assuming that what I've written is true about your situation, you are probably very safe to submit the application now.

 

[mmshock]

Agreed.

My husband and I eloped in January 2011 with only a select few knowing, submitted our app in March and I landed yesterday.

In our application I really centered on our lives together and our intentions for the future. When it came time to talk about celebrations and family I beat around the bush a little bit and said we would do something for family and friends in the future when time and expenses are more feasible. I never said one word about keeping it a secret.

I also had those that did know write letters of support. Those always help!

 

[cleo]

I had three letters of support too.

 

[toby]

Well Toby, the jury has just decided our marriage is real and background checks are done and passport is requested! I stand by my theory of being honest.

I don't believe I ever advised being dishonest. Your "theory of being honest" was never at issue.

I was advising adding more proof that your relationship is genuine by satisfying one of CIC's criteria: i.e. showing that both families acknowledge the relationship. Therefore I asked f you could wait until both families were "on side" before applying.

I'm glad to read that the extra preparation was not necessary.

 

[cleo]

Oh, I never thought you advised being dishonest, it wasn't directed at you. I was just saying that no matter how unusual a situation seems or maybe you didn't have a traditional wedding or courtship, I don't think it matters as long as you are honest about your love and committment. Tell exactly how it is. That's my opinion anyway. We met online but knew eachother for 4 years. But we only met in person last year and then got married the first time he visited Canada in December. And we eloped. I always told my parents I would elope so it wasn't a big surprise. Big weddings aren't for everyone.