Concern about possible red flag(s)

[japt]

Brief story: I live in Canada. He lives in the UK, but is a Dutch citizen. We met on a trip we both took to the United States in October 2013. Then saw each other again on the same trip in April 2014 (these trips were for a show that happens twice a year). We got together on July 2014, and he's visited/is visiting me twice a year.
We are planning on marrying in March next year in Canada, but we won't have a ceremony or anything like that.

Now the possible red flags I'm concerned about.
1. His parents live in the Netherlands, and they will not be coming to the wedding. The only sure people attending the wedding are the people whom I live with (my aunt/guardian, who has raised since I was 9, and her husband), and my mom and her partner, who live in France, may or may not attend depending on finances.
2. I have never met his parents, and with them living in Netherlands I have no idea when I will.

I'm just wondering if explaining that: 1. They live in Netherlands and we didn't have a ceremony to give them a good reason for them to come all the way. 2. He's not really close to his parents (I know he at best e-mails his mother once a month, and his father even less). 3. His mother and sister feel sick on long trips. would be enough of a good explanation as to why they didn't attend the wedding and I never met them.

I know his parents are aware of our relationship, but I am concerned that immigration will have a problem with the fact I never met his parents.

 

[shortyp2000]

I say just include that information to them so they have an explanation. My hubby hasnt met my parents and they didnt attend my wedding due to finances as well.

 

[japt]

One more concern: Proof relationship is genuine.

For proof we'll have pics of us in the U.S. and Canada, and a few wedding pics, a few letters to each other, his passport stamps of his visits to Canada, my passport stamps of my visit to the U.S. during the time he proposed (unfortunately, even though we met in October and that's when I went there obviously, for some reason the stamp says November), receipt that he bought the engagement ring weeks before he proposed, we also have some Facebook activity where people he knows like the status or so... and I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Would that be enough, or is it necessary to show our chats? (reading through forums, seems like a lot of people print out their chats as evidence)

We do chat daily online a lot. However, I do not have our chat history from the moment we got together as I'm the kind of person that likes to keep my inbox clean. I don't know if he still has all the chats or not. If he does, I have one concern - we have some very ugly fights on there, and I worry that those fights would be a problem.

 

[shortyp2000]

One more concern: Proof relationship is genuine.

For proof we'll have pics of us in the U.S. and Canada, and a few wedding pics, a few letters to each other, his passport stamps of his visits to Canada, my passport stamps of my visit to the U.S. during the times we proposed (unfortunately, even though we met in October and that's when I went there obviously, for some reason the stamp says November), receipt that he bought the engagement ring weeks before he proposed, we also have some Facebook activity where people he knows like the status or so... and I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Would that be enough, or is it necessary to show our chats? (reading through forums, seems like a lot of people print out their chats as evidence)

We do chat daily online a lot. However, I do not have our chat history from the moment we got together as I'm the kind of person that likes to keep my inbox clean. I don't know if he still has all the chats or not. If he does, I have one concern - we have some very ugly fights on there, and I worry that those fights would be a problem.

They could, but they also prove you have a real relationship. Couples do argue. Everyone does so dont worry about that. Call logs would help if you have them. I didnt send any in, as we just chat online. I didnt send chat logs either tho.

 

[ginsengsamurai]

We do chat daily online a lot. However, I do not have our chat history from the moment we got together as I'm the kind of person that likes to keep my inbox clean. I don't know if he still has all the chats or not. If he does, I have one concern - we have some very ugly fights on there, and I worry that those fights would be a problem.

The response I got from some other long-time members of this forum is that "enough" could be as little as a few letters, a handful of photos and some phone bills. However, I didn't want to take the chance, so I sent in:

- 160 photos (wedding, casual hang-out, family gatherings)
- 75 pages of Whatsapp messages*
- 55 pages of Emails*
- about 30 pages of phone bills
- 14 pages of Paypal money transfers
- 60 pages of MSN Messenger messages*
- screenshots and 'selfies' of our webcam Skype/Whatsapp conversations
- photocopies of hotel receipts, ICE train reservations, passport stamps
- a few extra pages that detailed the answer for the application form questions
- notarized and translated official documents (they were in German)

*We made notes on the print-outs that the printed messages were not complete, as that would span a few hundred, totaling to more than a thousand pages, even at the smallest font size.

 

[japt]

I hope a dozen photos will do. We don't particularly enjoy takings pictures; in fact we actually took none last time he visited. And from now on until I apply to sponsor him (Hopefully that goes through. I don't currently have a job, but I'm also not on welfare nor bankrupt, and I do have a house for him to stay, and I know my aunt and uncle will help us too.) it'll be two more times we are together, so we're not going to take a lot of pics in the same place. We also haven't been together in any family gatherings, so I hope they won't make a big deal that there's almost no pictures of us with family.

 

[japt]

Question just out of curiosity.
He's Dutch, but he has been living in the UK for over 3 years now. We will apply outland. Would the application go to the Vienna, Austria office or to the London, UK office?
There is a big difference in the processing times between the two.

 

[BeeQC]

First of all, good luck Prepping everything is soooo time consuming haha

1. I would suggest asking his parents or siblings to write a letter saying that they know of your relationship (when it started, how it evolved), and that they know you're married. If there's a chance you can get them notarized then this will not only make it okay that they're not going to your wedding, but also be an extra proof of your relationship.

2. You can add a note saying that you haven't had the chance to meet his parents yet. Don't say that you don't know if you ever will, CIC doesn't need to know that. If you want to add a quick note saying that his family won't be able to come to the ceremony, you can do that, but remember not to give them more information than they need.

My partner and I also only sent part of our chat history and we chose the pages we were going to send (e.g. no tmi messages) and added a note saying that we had hundreds of pages that we could send them if they needed more info. We printed 16 pages per page and sent them 8 pages (over 120 pages), so the font was really small so they wouldn't be able to read most of the messages but they would be able to see they existed).

We also sent one photo per month of our relationship. We chose photos of us with family or friends and photos of our trips together (we had passport stamps and hotel receipts and stuff to support them too).

When my partner and I applied, we had been living in Japan for 3 years and he is from NZ, so the application was sent to Sydney, Australia (i.e. processed by the VO closest to NZ). We did have concrete plans of leaving Japan though, so that could be why...

 

[japt]

I know when we got engaged he sent an e-mail to his mother and another to his father saying he got engaged. He's not 100% sure he still has those e-mails, but if he does, would that work as proof that they're aware of the relationship?

To be frank, his parents aren't exactly ecstatic about our marriage (although they don't exactly opposite either). His mom because "She just worries. She's like that" (my fiancé's words), and his father because "he's been through 3 divorces" (fiancé's words again). I know he can get his parents to write a letter (at least saying that they were aware of our relationship), but I don't know how I'd feel about asking them to have the work to get it notarized knowing how they feel about their son marrying.

 

[canadianwoman]

It doesn't have to be notarized. A notarized letter is better proof than one that is not, but it is not necessary for a married couple.
Your proof sounds OK. Do you have some proof you stayed at the same places?

 

[Hei Long]

japt, I don't think it's going to be a problem, they look at relationship inside ur "little family" to be genuine not ur parents. Me and hubby met in China ( he is canadian, I'm russian),got married in China, had a reception there as well. None of our families attended ( we just stated in forms that they didn't because they wasn't in China, without explaining the reasons - financial and need to receive visas to travel to China, u name it) just friends and coworkers. We attached may be 30 pix as max including wedding, engagement, trips, outings. I just printed a page fromemail stated as sending email to each other without detailed conversations and the same for Skype call logs. And attached about 5 letters from family in Canada, couple friends from canada, couple friends from China. And proof of trips we took together -tickets, hotel reservations, stamps. That's it -were approved in 4 months, instead of stated 13) so don't worry you will be fine
Good luck!

 

[needhimback]

One more concern: Proof relationship is genuine.

For proof we'll have pics of us in the U.S. and Canada, and a few wedding pics, a few letters to each other, his passport stamps of his visits to Canada, my passport stamps of my visit to the U.S. during the time he proposed (unfortunately, even though we met in October and that's when I went there obviously, for some reason the stamp says November), receipt that he bought the engagement ring weeks before he proposed, we also have some Facebook activity where people he knows like the status or so... and I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Would that be enough, or is it necessary to show our chats? (reading through forums, seems like a lot of people print out their chats as evidence)

We do chat daily online a lot. However, I do not have our chat history from the moment we got together as I'm the kind of person that likes to keep my inbox clean. I don't know if he still has all the chats or not. If he does, I have one concern - we have some very ugly fights on there, and I worry that those fights would be a problem.

Fights are good - not ever relationship/marriage is perfect - CIC don't want to see chats on top of chats saying I love you all the way through ( if you know what I mean). I think showing the odd fight here and there is good it's show the relationship being real, I send in a entire folder of chats and trust me some of them were not pretty lol, but most of them were !!!

Good luck !!

 

[japt]

It doesn't have to be notarized. A notarized letter is better proof than one that is not, but it is not necessary for a married couple.
Your proof sounds OK. Do you have some proof you stayed at the same places?

He has stayed at my house with my aunt (guardian) and uncle twice so far, but we didn't take any pics of him here at the house. He's coming to visit me tomorrow, so I'll make sure to remember to take pictures of him at home where either my aunt and uncle (or both) are also in. Before, the first two times, we stayed at the same hotel (that's how we met). I think he still has the hotel receipts of his stays, but unfortunately I deleted mine. We do both however still have the tickets of the shows we went to (the shows were the reason we both were staying at the hotel we met), but the tickets don't have our names on it, so not sure those tickets would help with proof at all, though.

 

[japt]

The tickets mentioned in the previous post were for a wrestling show that produces DVDs as well. He has bought me a DVD from them. Would the tickets combined with the receipt of that DVD sent to my home be good proof? He paid for that DVD through paypal, so I believe he still can print out the receipt.

 

[shortyp2000]

The tickets mentioned in the previous post were for a wrestling show that produces DVDs as well. He has bought me a DVD from them. Would the tickets combined with the receipt of that DVD sent to my home be good proof? He paid for that DVD through paypal, so I believe he still can print out the receipt.

Probably not as it doesnt prove really that he went with you specifically. I dont think you really have too much to worry about and you may be overly worried (which we all do at some point)

Hes from the UK even tho hes Dutch, meaning hes not coming from a country that they would consider like a 3rd world country where the risk is higher for fraud so you have that as well. Hand in what you have and dont panic