Aargh!

[Millu]

First i want to apologize for everyone, this is just complaining how hard is to wait pr with your spouse and doing...nothing. although, i dont know who else could understand me now better than you. So im here to share this.

I know we all are frustrated within situations we have to go thru. But i think I will be insane soon. Seriously.
Im staying with my hubby while we apply pr for me(outland). I came like a year ago, and we didint plan anything permanent back then, but we fell in love etc.. :-* and now we are married. So my savings are pretty much gone by now.
I cant work, mu hubby is working as much as he can to support both of us. And many times per week we have fight about money.
Im not the type of person who has use to been supported. i have lived alone since i was 16, always work and payed everything by myself. So my self esteem is lowest now, i cant support myself or help our situation financially. It feels terrible just stay at home, i dont know how some people can do it. I feel so useless. Even though i keep our home clean and make meals etc... I have talk about this with my hubby, but he says its not my fault, and there is nothing we can do...

My visa extension is in process, but i dont know. should i just fly back to home country, try to work and save as much as i can and come back when i hear something from visa office. i really dont want(and hubby dont even want to talk about this), but i dont know what to do.
i have try to volunteer, but nobody takes me cause i dont have any kind of insurance(my travel insurance is gone, cause i have been away from my home country over a year) and my hubby just changed job, so he doesnt have medical/health coverage yet.
and what volunteering would help...nothing with the money anyway...

Thank you that i had chance to share this

 

[bobshynoswife]

Personally, I would go back home and work. The time will probably go by more quickly when you're being productive, even if you are apart. You can phone and skype and talk everyday. Your relationship may grow stronger when you have more time talking and less time fighting about money.

Check out the posts by sogwap. Living in Canada while waiting for his visa and not being able to work has almost ruined his marriage. It's not worth it.

Go home, work, spend time with your family, and before you know it you'll have your PR and you will in Canada, working!

 

[Millu]

Personally, I would go back home and work. The time will probably go by more quickly when you're being productive, even if you are apart. You can phone and skype and talk everyday. Your relationship may grow stronger when you have more time talking and less time fighting about money.

Check out the posts by sogwap. Living in Canada while waiting for his visa and not being able to work has almost ruined his marriage. It's not worth it.

Go home, work, spend time with your family, and before you know it you'll have your PR and you will in Canada, working!

Thank you for your post. I will think about it seriously.
I think everything has gone downhill after moving from Toronto. We moved cause my hubby had to travel alot with his job...he wanted to stay more with me...
Maybe fighting starts cause he is also unhappy with his current job and im frustrated cause i cant do anything....

thanks anyway

 

[angelbrat]

You could get a job. When I arrived in Canada in September 2007, I was here on a visitor visa. After 4 weeks, I knew I would go crazy being at home, so I spent 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, sending off my resume to anyone and everyone. After 4 weeks I got a job, a LMO and a 2 year work visa.

This enabled me to live and work, have health coverage and my son attend school, whilst I committed myself to the relationship. After 18 months, I sent off my PR application (Inland) and was approved and a PR in less than 8 months.

I am telling this story, not because I don't sympathize with you, because I do...very much so....but because there are stories that can give hope to others as well.

I hope that my story helps you and others to see that anything is possible in this minefield of immigration.

 

[Millu]

You could get a job. When I arrived in Canada in September 2007, I was here on a visitor visa. After 4 weeks, I knew I would go crazy being at home, so I spent 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, sending off my resume to anyone and everyone. After 4 weeks I got a job, a LMO and a 2 year work visa.

This enabled me to live and work, have health coverage and my son attend school, whilst I committed myself to the relationship. After 18 months, I sent off my PR application (Inland) and was approved and a PR in less than 8 months.

I am telling this story, not because I don't sympathize with you, because I do...very much so....but because there are stories that can give hope to others as well.

I hope that my story helps you and others to see that anything is possible in this minefield of immigration.

Thank you!!!
i dont know can i apply twp cause we sent my application already outland...
i tried that last spring...and i didnt get anything, not even asked to interview. Reason for this employers said the paperwork. (im not skilled.)

Plus i had bad feeling we forgot something from the application... and its gonna be my fault cause i had all the time to make the research etc... :-X

Thank you so much, its easier to talk to people who are or had been in same boat. i tried to talk with my friends back home and they had no idea what we are going thru. plus i dont have many friends here...i know there is groups etc, but it costs money to go there etc. had to move outside downtown to keep costs low.

But everyone who is going similar what i am. i hope the best. it feels hopeless, but everyone in this forum seems to be so helpful and giving hope people who are going thru hard times.

 

[Mwahugs]

Personally, I would go back home and work. The time will probably go by more quickly when you're being productive, even if you are apart. You can phone and skype and talk everyday. Your relationship may grow stronger when you have more time talking and less time fighting about money.

Check out the posts by sogwap. Living in Canada while waiting for his visa and not being able to work has almost ruined his marriage. It's not worth it.

Go home, work, spend time with your family, and before you know it you'll have your PR and you will in Canada, working!

i agree with you....

Goodluck Millu...

 

[Black-Berry]

Angelbrat what field did you work? I wanna try that

 

[angelbrat]

Angelbrat what field did you work? I wanna try that

Actually, I came to Canada with a pHD in psychology, I was told to be able to practice in Canada I needed to re school and attain a Canadian degree. As time was not on my side, I applied for a retail job. Got the job, work visa and 3 years on I am still employed by the same retail company but as a senior Manager now.

Contrary to belief, I love my job. If you told me 3 years ago I would be working in retail and love it, I would have laughed out loud at your stupidity. So moral of this story, look beyond what you think you are, open your mind to new possibilities, a new Country and new life.

Again, I hope this gives people hope.

 

[Love_Young]

My hubby and I are going through a similar situation right now. We never use to fuss but we do about money. Right now we know there is nothing we can do about it but to try and make our best of the income he has and wait. It will be worth it before long. I have been in Canada for almost 2 years on visitor extensions. So I can feel where you are coming from. Wanting to help your hubby but can't do anything to take the weight off of his shoulders. Sounds to me like we both have wonderful husbands. Mine just works his butt off and doesn't complain that I can't do anything yet. I try to keep encouraging and keeping him as happy as I can within my limits. Even though money can be low, we still try to treat ourselves to hotel getaways for a weekend, go out to eat at a different restaurant, and buy gifts for each other. Just remember to make time for each other and let your mind escape. Immigration is a process we unfortunately have to go through but it isn't our lives so try to enjoy your lives together and do things you used to do. And if you can't afford to do much, that is okay. Make a movie night at home, romantic supper, and a homemade gift. This is always enough to help take away all the pain and realize the true reason I am in Canada and that is to be able to see my hubby's face and give him a hug every second if I like. There are times that I feel like a true prisoner but indeed we are not. We are given an opportunity to see a beautiful place.

We finally have the time to focus on us for a bit. Get to the things we couldn't before. Like a new hobby or continuing a once loved hobby. And when it all gets too hard, it is okay to cry and scream. I did that a couple of days ago. I just screamed as loud as I could into my pillow a couple of times and then broke down into tears. Afterwards, I felt more like myself again. What was even better is having my hubby to cuddle me into his arms and say into my ear that he loves me and that everything will be okay. In that moment I realize that if I was at home and had broken down, who would have been there to do that? No one. I couldn't get through it alone. I know that I am sacrificing a lot but I would be sacrificing a lot more in my opinion if I wasn't here. I need his support and he needs mine as well. I know there are times that it is hard for my hubby but he doesn't admit that, not even to himself. He is so good at seeing life as it is and not what it could be. He knows in his heart that we have nothing to worry about and if he knows that then I do too and I trust in that. I guess what I am trying to say is, don't let immigration make you forget the whole reason you are going through this. It is to be with the love of your life. And remember that if it is love then your hubby will not care if you aren't able to support right now. He understands. But maybe he wants to take care of you and wants to know he is able to. Keep encouraging him while he is there and continue to thank him fo sacrificing so much for your lives together. I am sure that will end the fighting.

Now maybe I am realizing all these things because we applied Inland and I can't leave but I still find it more worth it to be with one another. I mean if you can't make it through these struggles then where does that leave your relationship? We are all going to break down and have moments of weakness and fuss about the money that isn't there but we shouldn't let that over take our love for each other. Plus, I don't know if it is because my husband has a disease that can cause him to die young but it makes me appreciate the time we have together. Also, I realize that one day he will more than likely need a transplant and that will leave him without a job. I will be the main supporter so I realize that just now in life is probably not the only time we will have to make it on one income. I think everyone needs to realize that there may come another time in life where an incident may occur and leave someone unemployable for life. What are you going to do, fight because they can't support the family anymore? No you continue to do what you have to do to support the family. I feel that is what my husband is doing. And if there ever comes a time that he can't work then I will never blame him or make him feel bad for something that is out of his control. I will just do what I have to do even if that meant working three jobs. I would do it because I love him.

I am sorry for the rambling but I just wanted to help others see the other light of the situation. I mean yes you can easily leave and if that makes you both happier then you should do that. Especially if money is tight. But just know that this doesn't last forever and you can work it through together even if it is on a tiny income. You will always make it work or at least that is how I see our marriage. If couples are having a tough time making it through this process then maybe they should reconsider where their marriage is? This is one of the toughest things to go through and if you can't make it through that together then I would be concerned. If you are like me though and sometimes feel the blame for all your hubby's pain and work load, don't because they know you are doing everything you can. They wouldn't be doing all this work for us without complaining if they didn't love us. If you do feel bad then just show how grateful you are and thankful. He will appreciate it none of the less. If me and several other couples can make it through this then I truly believe others can as well. As I said though, don't forget the real reason you are here, where it all began. Life gets a hold of us way too easy and we just got to remember it is okay to take a break from life now and again.

Sorry if this message does not make sense or help you or any others but maybe it will reach to someone. Everyone stay strong and good luck. We think of all of you and wish the best through this process. :-*

 

[Black-Berry]

Love-young,
I could have written THAT!.... i feel every word you said. i have done everything you have said .
This process can either make you or break you as a couple. I have seen couples split up after this process esp the newer couples who have been married for 1 year or less!
This is a very trying period for sure!!A test!
For us, its made us!.we are stronger than before, who is married for 8 years in this day and age and has no problems with their marriage??. i count myself very lucky!. my husband is my soul. When he goes to work every morning i miss him terribly. when he comes home after work i look forward to it.. run to him... hug him. i love him now more than ever!. he is truly my other half for life. i will never ever find a man like him. We have stood the test of time!. i cannot live even one day without him leave alone 6 hours a day!. i feel like we have grown apart when he goes to work!..
it makes me feel sooo sooo sooo goood to be in love like this with my husband of 8 years!!..God preserved him for me. who could have thought we met in a random chat room on Yahoo Messenger??. It was meant to be.

hang in there!. Before it reaches up it has to reach rock bottom. there is nowhere else to go but .... UP Smile and find some volunteer work!..

 

[waitingintz]

Hi Millu

I don't know what to advise you between staying or going... I chose to stay overseas with my partner while we apply even though I was unable to find work for a long time then found work that we could barely live off. We've had plenty of stress over money but still feels better to be together as long as it's possible. Having said that, if you can easily go and get a job elsewhere it's very tempting to do so and know that it's only temporary and you'll have your whole lives together after that.

My only advice to you is that if you decide to stay in Canada, maybe try volunteering somewhere. It feels crummy to feel useless when you're not working so volunteering will be nice for getting you out and giving you something else to think about. Also, it may help you build up contacts for work once you can work there and you'll meet new people in a place you're planning to live. And you never know, some small unofficial work might come of it. I know I've been lucky enough to find the odd job from time to time typing up reports and things like that for a bit of undeclared cash when I was a student. Maybe some childcare? If you get out there and do something you'll feel better about yourself and you never know what opportunities will come of it.

Good luck.

 

[Millu]

Thank you all for your sympathy!!!! and also thanks for advices and encouraging stories!

I feel alot better, focusing xmas and working out(finally i have time be at the gym as long as i want!!! and maybe hopefully loose some weight )

anyway, i hope everyone is feeling better and i keep thumbs up for all of us! hopefully processing times are short!!!

 

[ditta]

Dear Millu, I do understand every word you wrote- I would encourage you to stay. As others wrote before try to get a work permit. You said that you are not skilled, I tell you sometimes you have better chance to find a job in semi-skilled category. Which part of Canada do you live in? In Alberta it`s relatively easy, of course you may not get the big buck first, but the point is to do something. See my story- I came to study here and met my husband during the first semester. I decided that I want to stay with him and as we moved in together to support us with my income. I went out to find a job, sent thousands of resumes and two weeks later I walked in a restaurant where the owner offered me a job right away and sent my LMO request in on the same day. There are miracles... I`m an interior designer but I knew I had no chance to find any position in my profession as we live in a smaller town. I have a semi-skilled job too and I delayed my studies at college to be able to work. Now I`m about to join the `visitors` again after two years and wait for my PR. It scares me to death as well, I need to work to feel useful- even at home I`m always busy with something. If it happens I will get through it, I do feel that the time in Canada made me a way stronger person- and I think about it as an advantage I will profit from in the future. Best luck for you and stay positive!

 

[Kess]

It is a very difficult process. My husband and I just celebrated 6 months since our wedding last Monday... apart.

Right now he is living in the US (about 2000km from me) while I am working and going to school here in BC. Our file is sitting in limbo at Buffalo. We're hoping that the next thing we hear from them is a PPR but no idea when that could be. We were given 90 days to send in additional documents and my fear is that will mean early next year before they even look at our file again.

It has been so hard to be on my own. A couple weeks ago I was in a car accident on my way to work (vehicle in front of my slammed on her brakes while merging onto the highway and I just happened to be doing a proper shoulder check at the time)
It really sunk in that day how alone I felt and that the one person who should've been there to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright wasn't there.

We made the decision a few months ago to set a deadline for him to move up here (end of this month). Since our application hasn't finished processing yet, it is a bit of a risk to have him come to Canada as a visitor. I've been reading all the posts from others who have done this and trying to be as prepared as possible. I'm flying down on the 20th to help him finish packing and to spend some time with his family (thanksgiving dinner. Then we are driving a uhaul for 2 days and putting his stuff in storage just south of the border and driving across in his car with just a couple suitcases of clothes, his computer and cat. I am so paranoid that something is going to go wrong (we really have no contingency if they deny him entry since his work wouldn't give him a leave). With all the stress and pain from this process I've been feeling like nothing in my life is going to go right.

At least being on this forum I know I'm not the only one going through this.

 

[kiwikris]

Thank you everyone for sharing, I know it is a tough situation and I am glad I can share with others going through the same thing.

I had 3 months of not working before I was lucky enough to get my work visa. Also in Ontario you don't need a work visa to get your drivers licence. During that time it was very lonely and I wouldn't want to leave the house as that would mean having to spend money we didn't have. We definitely had a good few fights but we made it through and now I feel we are stonger than ever! I count our lucky stars we have AIP and I am wishing , hoping and praying for a fast second stage for us and fast service for everyone on here.

The good thing about volunteering is that you get a police check that you can send in with your application. The Ottawa Humane Society never asked if I was covered with insurance, I just needed a police check whick was free as you get a letter from them.


Millu it looks like you applied through London? You sent in application on 10 Oct? They are processing first stage approval for outlanders within 37 days so it won't be too much longer for you for AOR. I have read on other forums that UK applicants are getting PR in less than 6 months. If you have been here a year already then 6 months is not too long

Good luck