IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[artificial.nocturne]

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.

Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It's no secret that we have seen a significant explosion in the number of cars being used worldwide and it has had its impact on the way world travels. In Britain, for instance, the first car was observed over a century ago, in 1888, and by the turn of the
millennium their number had already crossed 29 million. In this essay, I discuss how we need to incentivize the usage of alternate methods of transportation and how introduction of few international laws can aid this process.

The rapid increase in the number of cars worldwide has also resulted in many adverse effects; pollution and congestion to name a few. A good way to stem this would be to make the public transport more accessible and comfortable for masses. People, in general, tend to use cars because they feel the public transport is not quick enough and doesn't offer the same amount of comfort as private cars do. To overcome this hurdle, many countries now have dedicated corridors for rapid transit systems which allow for speedy commute. However, a lot of such systems go unutilized due to their high cost or limited routes. If these two problems can be looked into, a good number of people will start using public transport. This will not only result into less pollution as a metro, for instance, can accommodate hundreds of people at a time whereas it would require tens of cars to do the same but also reduce congestion considerably.

Another way to curtail the growth in number of cars would be to enforce international laws. A study published in NY Times stated how the developed nations , in spite of their low population, have more number of cars as compared to developing and highly populous countries such as India or China. International laws should be introduced to limit the production of cars in a country in accordance to its population. Laws can also be placed to ensure the transfer of technology so that poorer nations can build efficient rapid transport systems.

In conclusion, it can be said that developing the public transport infrastructure and enforcement of certain laws to curb the production of cars and allow for sharing of technology can go a long way in ensuring that people start using alternate methods of transportation.


@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne
Please share your review guys. My second essay, still trying to figure out correct structures for different kind of essay questions. Your inputs are needed.

Not impressed. Although you used a bit high level of vocabulary you messed up here and there. And where are your examples? Not providing any example properly is gonna leave your argument weak!!


It's no secret that we have seen a significant explosion (wrongly used here, the correct word is 'surge' or 'upsurge') in the number of cars being used worldwide and it has had its impact on the way world (people travel not world) travels. In Britain, for instance, the first car was observed over a century ago, in 1888, and by the turn of the
millennium their number had already crossed 29 million (this is all just extra info that is really not needed). In this essay, I shall discuss how we need to incentivize the usage of alternate methods of transportation and how introduction of few international laws can aid this process.

The rapid increase in the number of cars worldwide has also(no need to use 'also' here, this is a new paragraph, new idea - why are you putting also??? i don't understand!! e.g. if your first sentence was the increase in number of cars worldwide has blablabla. and then 2nd sentence 'and it has also blablabla' you understand?? instead you are writing a new paragraph and writing a new idea and right away using 'also' that is completely wrong!! ) resulted in many adverse effects; pollution and congestion to name a few. A good way to stem (completely wrong usage of the word 'stem'... stem means 'cause'!!!) this would be to make the public transport more accessible and comfortable for masses. People, in general, tend to use cars because they feel that public transport is not quick enough and doesn't offer the same amount of comfort as private cars do. To overcome this hurdle, many countries now have dedicated corridors for rapid transit systems which allow for speedy commute. However, a lot of such systems go unutilized (find another synonym pls dont use unutilized) due to their high cost or limited routes. If these two problems can be looked into, a good number of people will start using public transport. This will not only result into less pollution as a metro, for instance, can accommodate hundreds of people at a time whereas it would require tens of cars to do the same but also reduce congestion considerably.

Another way to curtail the growth in number of cars would be to enforce international laws. A study published in NY Times (why are you giving an example so early in the start of the paragraph, i have told time and time again to everyone here that always always always ALWAYS give example at the very end of a paragraph it should be your last sentence!!!) stated how the developed nations , in spite of their low population, have more number of cars as compared to developing and highly populous countries such as India or China. International laws should be introduced to limit the production of cars in a country in accordance to its population. Laws can also be placed to ensure the transfer of technology so that poorer nations can build efficient rapid transport systems.

In conclusion, it can be said that developing the ( no need to put 'the' here!!) public transport infrastructure and enforcement of certain laws to curb the production of cars and allow for sharing of technology can go a long way in ensuring that people start using alternate methods of transportation.

i give this essay a 5.5

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

I assume it's meaningless to target band 9.

Just pray for 7 bands that would be enough

Agree bro, but many who are targeting for 7 are ending getting 6/6.5 except a few like @H0peAndFa1th (though I believe in his recent attempts he targeted more than 7) so better to target more.

yup I targeted 8 bands, that's what I believe

My strategy was, give all things to examiner, he can't deny band 7,

if he does so, I can get them via revaluation, with my reval fees in refund.

in last 3 attempts I got 7, with revaluation, I guess all of them deserve a half band more, maybe one essay could get 8 bands.

I shared everything here, kept no secrets, just have the courage to read this thread, and execute the plan.

 

[tbamrah]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha and others please evaluate this essay

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?



People are usually considered particular about their capabilities and limitations.While it is highly argued whether or not some positions be kept exclusive on the basis of gender, this essay believes that it is not the right approach because women can also perform physically challenging jobs and men can do home-based jobs just as good as women can.



Ladies, once considered weak, can even outperform gents in some male-dominant jobs. Ranks like pilots, police-men and fire-fighters were earlier thought to be male-oriented, but in the recent years it has been well proven by female workers that they can not be considered inferior, infact they perform better under physically stressful conditions than most males. Take last year’s survey of HMI London as an example, which found that more than 50 percent of working women were engaged in those ranks, while for men that number was less than 20 percent.



Males, on the other hand, are exploring new horizons in jobs that were earlier considered as female-jobs. Men working as a nanny, cook, or a nurse is not a rare view in today’s day and age and it is because of these professions that men have found a new identity which has ‘care’ as the basic skill. As more and more of these sort of vacancies are getting filled up by men, they begin to ask themselves, why were they hesitant about these ranks earlier? A recent study by QHSE department of a reputed university found that men are more inclined towards these professions now than a decade ago.



To conclude, although both the genders are thought to be having distinct qualities and limitations, reserving a job profile on the basis of whether a person is a man or a woman is neither thoughtful nor morally right, as women are as tough as men can be. On top of that, men can be equally caring when it comes to jobs that demand such skill-set.

 

[velocityblood]

Just pray for 7 bands that would be enough





yup I targeted 8 bands, that's what I believe

My strategy was, give all things to examiner, he can't deny band 7,

if he does so, I can get them via revaluation, with my reval fees in refund.

in last 3 attempts I got 7, with revaluation, I guess all of them deserve a half band more, maybe one essay could get 8 bands.

I shared everything here, kept no secrets, just have the courage to read this thread, and execute the plan.

Yes, whenever time permits I am reading the thread and you might have received notifications when I like your old posts.

Still, if you can share any post related to a higher band essay will be helpful.

 

[akh136]

Not impressed. Although you used a bit high level of vocabulary you messed up here and there. And where are your examples? Not providing any example properly is gonna leave your argument weak!!


It's no secret that we have seen a significant explosion (wrongly used here, the correct word is 'surge' or 'upsurge') in the number of cars being used worldwide and it has had its impact on the way world (people travel not world) travels. In Britain, for instance, the first car was observed over a century ago, in 1888, and by the turn of the
millennium their number had already crossed 29 million (this is all just extra info that is really not needed). In this essay, I shall discuss how we need to incentivize the usage of alternate methods of transportation and how introduction of few international laws can aid this process.

The rapid increase in the number of cars worldwide has also(no need to use 'also' here, this is a new paragraph, new idea - why are you putting also??? i don't understand!! e.g. if your first sentence was the increase in number of cars worldwide has blablabla. and then 2nd sentence 'and it has also blablabla' you understand?? instead you are writing a new paragraph and writing a new idea and right away using 'also' that is completely wrong!! ) resulted in many adverse effects; pollution and congestion to name a few. A good way to stem (completely wrong usage of the word 'stem'... stem means 'cause'!!!) this would be to make the public transport more accessible and comfortable for masses. People, in general, tend to use cars because they feel that public transport is not quick enough and doesn't offer the same amount of comfort as private cars do. To overcome this hurdle, many countries now have dedicated corridors for rapid transit systems which allow for speedy commute. However, a lot of such systems go unutilized (find another synonym pls dont use unutilized) due to their high cost or limited routes. If these two problems can be looked into, a good number of people will start using public transport. This will not only result into less pollution as a metro, for instance, can accommodate hundreds of people at a time whereas it would require tens of cars to do the same but also reduce congestion considerably.

Another way to curtail the growth in number of cars would be to enforce international laws. A study published in NY Times (why are you giving an example so early in the start of the paragraph, i have told time and time again to everyone here that always always always ALWAYS give example at the very end of a paragraph it should be your last sentence!!!) stated how the developed nations , in spite of their low population, have more number of cars as compared to developing and highly populous countries such as India or China. International laws should be introduced to limit the production of cars in a country in accordance to its population. Laws can also be placed to ensure the transfer of technology so that poorer nations can build efficient rapid transport systems.

In conclusion, it can be said that developing the ( no need to put 'the' here!!) public transport infrastructure and enforcement of certain laws to curb the production of cars and allow for sharing of technology can go a long way in ensuring that people start using alternate methods of transportation.

i give this essay a 5.5

QUOTE="artificial.nocturne, post: 7805750, member: 728816"]Not impressed. Although you used a bit high level of vocabulary you messed up here and there. And where are your examples? Not providing any example properly is gonna leave your argument weak!!


It's no secret that we have seen a significant explosion (wrongly used here, the correct word is 'surge' or 'upsurge') in the number of cars being used worldwide and it has had its impact on the way world (people travel not world) travels. In Britain, for instance, the first car was observed over a century ago, in 1888, and by the turn of the
millennium their number had already crossed 29 million (this is all just extra info that is really not needed). In this essay, I shall discuss how we need to incentivize the usage of alternate methods of transportation and how introduction of few international laws can aid this process.

The rapid increase in the number of cars worldwide has also(no need to use 'also' here, this is a new paragraph, new idea - why are you putting also??? i don't understand!! e.g. if your first sentence was the increase in number of cars worldwide has blablabla. and then 2nd sentence 'and it has also blablabla' you understand?? instead you are writing a new paragraph and writing a new idea and right away using 'also' that is completely wrong!! ) resulted in many adverse effects; pollution and congestion to name a few. A good way to stem (completely wrong usage of the word 'stem'... stem means 'cause'!!!) this would be to make the public transport more accessible and comfortable for masses. People, in general, tend to use cars because they feel that public transport is not quick enough and doesn't offer the same amount of comfort as private cars do. To overcome this hurdle, many countries now have dedicated corridors for rapid transit systems which allow for speedy commute. However, a lot of such systems go unutilized (find another synonym pls dont use unutilized) due to their high cost or limited routes. If these two problems can be looked into, a good number of people will start using public transport. This will not only result into less pollution as a metro, for instance, can accommodate hundreds of people at a time whereas it would require tens of cars to do the same but also reduce congestion considerably.

Another way to curtail the growth in number of cars would be to enforce international laws. A study published in NY Times (why are you giving an example so early in the start of the paragraph, i have told time and time again to everyone here that always always always ALWAYS give example at the very end of a paragraph it should be your last sentence!!!) stated how the developed nations , in spite of their low population, have more number of cars as compared to developing and highly populous countries such as India or China. International laws should be introduced to limit the production of cars in a country in accordance to its population. Laws can also be placed to ensure the transfer of technology so that poorer nations can build efficient rapid transport systems.

In conclusion, it can be said that developing the ( no need to put 'the' here!!) public transport infrastructure and enforcement of certain laws to curb the production of cars and allow for sharing of technology can go a long way in ensuring that people start using alternate methods of transportation.

i give this essay a 5.5 [/QUOTE]
Thank you for your time and inputs.

I see there were some structural flaws and will work on them . However, there are few points where I tend to disagree. "The way world travels" is not incorrect usage and you will such a phrase being used at a lot of places. Also, stem can mean to stop or restrict ( ref: Oxford dictionary) .

I do have a tendency to use extra "the" here and there and you have correctly pointed it out. Similarly, great observation about that unnecessary "also" in the second paragraph. About the examples , I will try to use them in my future essays.

Look forward to more thrashings in future...lol

Thanks again

 

[tbamrah]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha please evaluate this essay. thankyou

Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Some would argue that studying pupils who out-perforn others academically should only be given rewards while others think that improving students should be given preference during reward-seminars. While rewarding the ones who have shown superiority in studies over others ensures them that their efforts are identified, I believe awarding the school or college goers who have improved during last year is essential to boost their morale.


On the one hand, studying folks who are superior academically need to be identified and awarded accordingly in order for them to realise that their efforts did not go un-noticed plus this would encourage them to do better again in the next academic year. A recent study conducted by Cambridge University found that sole purpose of performing well was ‘recognition’ among children who were studying. However, I believe that using this approach can have some ill-effects as well, because the toppers then feel that they are superior than others and can make them egoistics.


On the other hand, the kids who are still under-developed and are showing improved scores need to be boosted morally, which can be done by rewarding them suitably. This gives them a sense of achievement and encourages them further to perform harder next time. Take this survey by Harvard University, for example, which concluded that more than half of the under-performers are willing to work more religiously if they were rewarded. I believe that this system of rewarding can do wonders because not only does it let under-achievers think positively, but makes them confident as well.


To conclude, although, rewarding the toppers ensures their identity as winners, it does not mean that yet improving students are to be ignored because by recognising their talent, the confidence hidden under their performance can be sky-rocketed.

 

[tbamrah]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha please evaluate this essay.

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?



Under-developed nations are welcoming more and more non-domestic organisations in today’s day and age. This essay will explain that major merit such corporations bring is the employment opportunities but at the same time drainage of local economy overseas is the biggest de-merit.



Having an international organisation operating on it’s soil enables a nation to explore many employment opportunities that they bring with them. An employee with a particular skill-set can now reach new horizons as he/she has more choices because more vacancies are required to be occupied. As vacancies increase, unemployment rate reduces which motivates youth and kids to educate themselves further. Take this survey by Employment Exchange of China, for example, which states that more than 40 percent of workers are employed because of international manufacturing contracts given to China by other rich nations.



A major concern associated with having a foreign company is that the profit earned goes directly overseas, which otherwise would have been stayed within nation itself. Although the local workers are getting paid in their currencies, the gains that the organisation is making, goes directly to the head-offices, which are located in another country, boosting their economy. A recent study by British Broadcasting Channel found that backward countries are responsible for 20 percent economic growth of the USA, because of outsourcing.



To conclude, companies that have ties with many states, are being popular in comparitively poorer countries nowadays, which prevents un-employment and provides more opportune circumstances for the workers, but along with that, it affects the local economy of the nation negatively as well.

 

[velocityblood]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha please evaluate this essay.

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?



Under-developed nations are welcoming more and more non-domestic organisations in today’s day and age (loday's day and age? seriously? look for a different word choice nowadays or something). This essay will explain that the major merit such corporations bring is employment opportunities, (missing comma) but at the same time drainage of local economy overseas is the biggest de-merit.


Having an international organisation operating on it’s soil enables a nation to explore (why would a nation explore employment opportunities? I mean a country would like to boost/increase employment opportunities but not explore) many employment opportunities that they bring with them. An employee with a particular skill-set can now reach new horizons as he/she has more choices because more vacancies are required to be occupied. As vacancies increase, unemployment rate reduces, (missing comma) which motivates youth and kids to educate themselves further. Take this survey by Employment Exchange of China, for example, which states that more than 40 percent of workers are employed because of international manufacturing contracts (please be understood that a manufacturing contract and a company opening its manufacturing unit are two different things, example is not relevant) given to China by other rich nations.


A major concern associated with having a foreign company is that the profit earned goes directly overseas, which otherwise would have been stayed within the nation itself. Although the local workers are getting paid in their local (workers do not have their own currency, it is the place/state/nation that have its currency) currencies, the gains that the organisation is making, goes directly to the head-offices, which are located in another country, boosting their economy. A recent study by British Broadcasting Channel found that backward countries are responsible for 20 percent economic growth of the USA, because of outsourcing (again the example states why the economy in USA is increasing, but it would be better if you give an example stating that so and so country's economy drained due to this).


To conclude, companies that have ties with many states, are being popular in comparitively (spelling mistake may be typo, compared with what?) poorer countries nowadays, which prevents un-employment and provides more opportune circumstances for the workers, but along with that, it affects the local economy of the nation negatively as well.

Sentences have grammatical errors, wrong word choices affects the elaboration of ideas, examples do not sound relevant, missing cohesive devices, and it seems someone told you not to use words from prompt so you have not used the word Multinational even a single time.

Suggestion: Read essays and their corrections in thread. Find out "The List" in the previous essays.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Sentences have grammatical errors, wrong word choices affects the elaboration of ideas, examples do not sound relevant, missing cohesive devices, and it seems someone told you not to use words from prompt so you have not used the word Multinational even a single time.

Suggestion: Read essays and their corrections in thread. Find out "The List" in the previous essays.

review every essay, then you will develop "the skill" to find problems, then you can avoid them, you can proof read your own essay better.

that is the way, I can see you are right on it.

 

[velocityblood]

H

review every essay, then you will develop "the skill" to find problems, then you can avoid them, you can proof read your own essay better.

that is the way, I can see you are right on it.

Hi @H0peAndFa1th is it in addition to the suggestion that I gave or your are telling me to improve something?

 

[tbamrah]

Sentences have grammatical errors, wrong word choices affects the elaboration of ideas, examples do not sound relevant, missing cohesive devices, and it seems someone told you not to use words from prompt so you have not used the word Multinational even a single time.

Suggestion: Read essays and their corrections in thread. Find out "The List" in the previous essays.

Thanks for the valuable input. Will work on it

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

H

Hi @H0peAndFa1th is it in addition to the suggestion that I gave or your are telling me to improve something?

just telling you that you are on right path, checking other's essay, give you more insights.

 

[velocityblood]

just telling you that you are on right path, checking other's essay, give you more insights.

@H0peAndFa1th yes, that is what I believe too. Thanks!

 

[Aruntocanada]

Team and senior member - I intentionally picked this topic as the response might largly overlap, though response or point can be simpler. I tried to write precisely to avoid any confusion or overlapping. this way I challenged my writing as wanted to see how would I do perform in such a tricky scenario.


Please pay some attention and let me know if I followed a right of writing/handling confusing essays like this: Thanks in advance!

@H0peAndFa1th @velocityblood @Cansa and all senior member..


Solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries around the world. Why is this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of solar energy?


It has been seen recently that, nations are inclined towards the usage of solar power as a sources of the energy for their domestic consumption due to the fact that it is environment friendly. While opting, it helps conserving other resources like coal and fuel however solar energy mandatorily needs climate support to function.


Solar energy is an Eco-friendly way to harness the sunlight into consumable energy as this process does not emit hazardous gases like carbon-dioxide while originating electricity as opposed to our conventional method of electricity production.Furthermore, countries usually take this factor into consideration while developing a parallel system for power as this not only save their own citizen but also enhance the overall natural health of our planet.


Since, production of energy using solar system, needs sunlight, it saves lots of other sacred resources like coal and fuel which can be utilized for other purposes. This way a few countries can certainly save hefty amount of money which would be required to import other form of supplies which are essential for power generation.


On the other hand, solar power generation heavily rely on climatic assistance as the whole process can only undergo in the presence of sunlight. Therefore, areas where the sun usually shine for less time would not be able to develop adequate amount of power.


To conclude, countries are taking solar energy as a secondary source of energy because the whole process does not harm the environment as it take sunlight as an input. The upside about solar energy is that it does not need coal or fuel to operate however it does require natural support in the form of sun light in order to work.

 

[velocityblood]

Team and senior member - I intentionally picked this topic as the response might largly overlap, though response or point can be simpler. I tried to write precisely to avoid any confusion or overlapping. this way I challenged my writing as wanted to see how would I do perform in such a tricky scenario.


Please pay some attention and let me know if I followed a right of writing/handling confusing essays like this: Thanks in advance!

@H0peAndFa1th @velocityblood @Cansa and all senior member..


Solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries around the world. Why is this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of solar energy?


It has been seen recently that, (comma not required) nations are inclined towards the usage of solar power as a sources (is should be "source") of the energy for their domestic consumption due to the fact that it is environment friendly. While opting, it helps conserving other resources like coal and fuel however solar energy mandatorily needs climate support to function.


Solar energy is an Eco-friendly way to harness the sunlight into consumable energy as this process does not emit hazardous gases like carbon-dioxide while originating (generating) electricity as opposed to our conventional method of electricity production.Furthermore, countries usually take this factor into consideration while developing a parallel system for power as this not only save their own citizen (save their own citizen from what??) but also enhance the overall natural health of our planet.

Make your thesis sentence something like this "State that due to increased awareness among citizens about environment they are using eco-friendly source of power." and then the whole paragraph to be centered around this thesis statement.

Since, production of energy using solar system, needs sunlight, it saves lots of other sacred resources like coal and fuel which can be utilized for other purposes. This way a few countries can certainly save hefty amount of money which would be required to import other form of supplies which are essential for power generation.
Mix of ideas.

On the other hand, solar power generation heavily rely on climatic assistance as the whole process can only undergo in the presence of sunlight. Therefore, areas where the sun usually shine for less time would not be able to develop adequate amount of power.
Good one

To conclude, countries are taking solar energy as a secondary source of energy because the whole process does not harm the environment as it take sunlight as an input. The upside about solar energy is that it does not need coal or fuel to operate however it does require natural support in the form of sun light in order to work.

It was not really a very interesting read, rather a clumsy attempt.
The topic you have chosen to write needs a little broader thinking. Think of the reason why it has become a source of household energy?

What I think as reason and advantages of this:

Because people looking for cheaper source of energy.
State that due to increased awareness among citizens about environment they are using eco-friendly source of power.
Power shortage due to high demand in peak time can be avoided.
Less costly to install and less space occupied for the setup.
Does not need transmission from other places as power generated at the customer end it self.
Requires no or very less maintenance expenses.
Think why it has become popular for people like us as we are discussing about household uses.


Power generation depends on the sun light.
Produces electricity only during the day time and thus only stored power can be used at night.
Could not be used to run heavy load machines such as washing machines.
Cost of installation increases if the required amount of power increases.
Rainy season is burdensome.

I mean when they are asking about household energy you can think from a normal civilian's point of view, not always require high level of thinking from governments perspective.