IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[cansha]

Hi guys
One of my problems is the lack of ideas, both main and supporting ones. I believe the best way to improve this weakness is reading sample essays and news. However, I also think that I need to build my vocabulary repertoire that is suitable for ielts essays. Therefore, I should read and analyse sample essays first.
I know Simon, Pauline Cullen, Chris Pell, Elizabeth(ieltsliz), Ryan Higgins. So if are there other ielts teachers who are native like these people and do post their samples, please tell me their names or webs. Thank you.

I think your vocab is good enough. I have seen your posts and 1-2 essays. So don't worry about it unless you are facing an issue while writing a particular word. If that happens, note the situation and search for the word. Don't try to learn the words and then try to fit them in essay. Write essays figure out where you may have used a better word and learn those.

Lack of ideas ... this is tough one for me ... because I hardly faced this issue. So this one is tough for me to advise on. But, still here is what I did when I was preparing.

I used to read an essay topic and then write down all my ideas. Just the ideas not full essay. Then I would search a few more essays on same topic if people had better ideas than me. Then I would note down any better ideas. This way I prepared an "idea bank". And I would read that once every 2-3 days on a different topic. Say for example topic in IELTS are fixed .. School / Education, Health, Arts etc.

Let's say health. Find out 5-6 different essay topics on Health.

Write down your ideas and don't give up immediately and keep thinking what you can think of. Spend some 2-3 hours. After that go online search few essays on same topics and add to your ideas. Prepare a notebook or word document for each topic. And revise your ideas occasionally.

 

[vmsanthosh.chn]

I would probably rephrase the last line. Also, the beginning of the last line and the second half of previous line are almost same but written in different words. If you are writing one more line better to give glimpse of your ideas and state your opinion. My suggestion is bring the phrase " I completely agree' at the beginning of the sentence. It is not wrong per se the way you have written, but it reads a bit awkward.

Overall the intro is somewhere in between. It's not bad at all but it's also not jumping at the reader with any new information. Your introduction can help reader to understand what is coming ahead and also make him feel curious about it. So let the reader know you support regulation as a means of tackling the problem of social inequality. Now it is more interesting for me as a reader.

One more thing ... I always think the essays with discuss both views and give your opinion are a bit tough. I generally advocate only two body paragraphs but I think in an essay topic like this probably it is better to write three body paragraphs. Intro, BP1 View 1, BP2 View 2, BP3 Your opinion, Conclusion.


Okay so the good things. Clearly you have very good English. There are no obvious grammatical errors. And overall you have followed the structure of a good body paragraph. Idea, Support and example. So far so good.

The bad rather not so good .. I think you can write much better with much more concise points. I can clearly see that but it's just not there. I hope I will see even better essay than this one. Don't get me wrong. This is good! But I still feel you have not reached your peak yet.




So I understand overall purpose of this paragraph. But it is messy. The message could have been much better communicated.

And secondly, as I said above you needed three paragraphs here. It may seem like you have addressed the task but for me you have left a little bit in task response. Do not leave it to chance.

I don't like the conclusion. There is no question of equality here. You know why? Because even if you cap the wages the CEO won't make the same money as the factory worker so that is not even the question asked.

Your essay started with a lot of potential but to be honest it did fizzle out in the end. But there are a lot of positives. I don't see any issues in your English or Grammar so that part is set. I think spend some more time reading essays and even more time writing down your ideas and then try and structure them. All the best!

Thank you very much Cansha and baxa... Appreciate your honest feedback !! I agree, I could have done it better, but somehow I messed it up at the end. For some reason, I am not getting enough ideas at all and you might have noticed I am rushing to wrap it up all at the end..probably I am worrying too much on the clock ticks I guess. Will practice more as you said...thanks vm again..

"indeed with an asterisk" - Just to indicate a hidden meaning that "only if people pay taxes properly". I read it somewhere recently.

cutting corners - to indicate not to adjust anything for any reasons. again I admit a fancy phrase I could have avoided.

 

[cansha]

Thank you very much Cansha and baxa... Appreciate your honest feedback !! I agree, I could have done it better, but somehow I messed it up at the end. For some reason, I am not getting enough ideas at all and you might have noticed I am rushing to wrap it up all at the end..probably I am worrying too much on the clock ticks I guess. Will practice more as you said...thanks vm again..

"indeed with an asterisk" - Just to indicate a hidden meaning that "only if people pay taxes properly". I read it somewhere recently.

cutting corners - to indicate not to adjust anything for any reasons. again I admit a fancy phrase I could have avoided.

Yeah ending was a bit rushed. I think in terms of ideas you just needed one more idea and the essay was perfect. The idea communication needs to be more clean and concise. Let's relook at your essay ideas.

BP1: Supporting view 1: High income individuals are good for a nation as they also pay the highest taxes (I kind of disagree with the idea but still a believable one)

BP2: Supporting alternate view: We need government to regulate income levels ... as gap between rich and poor is widening and we need to do something about it.

BP3: I think you needed a punchline kind of idea where you would have built upon the idea in BP2 and then said see I agree with above and in addition I think this should be done because of this and that.

Of course, above is not the only way of doing it.

 

[cansha]

"indeed with an asterisk" - Just to indicate a hidden meaning that "only if people pay taxes properly". I read it somewhere recently.

If you read this in some sample essay then okay ... honestly I found it to be too awkward plus I'm not sure it is appropriate for a formal essays. I think a formal essay on exam like IELTS wants you to be clear and not subtle. That's my opinion .. if you feel comfortable using this please go ahead.

cutting corners - to indicate not to adjust anything for any reasons. again I admit a fancy phrase I could have avoided.

Not that I found it to be fancy. I found it to be inappropriate given the context and your message. It is idiomatic language so its good to use in an essay. I didn't agree with the current usage in essay. But if in real essay you're short on ideas ( and it can happen) I think it is better to at-least bring in all the writing elements in the essay like question sentences, idiomatic usage etc. So from that perspective not bad. I hope you understand my point.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Ooh ... This one was harsh and brutal! Are you trying to scare off people? Although, I agree with most of the things you pointed out but seems like the essay caught you at the wrong moment! I know for sure your intentions are good. But, don't scare people off in their first essay man. We can't help if people don't post again. Hope he posts another essay after this one.

He sincerely asked for it, be careful what you wish for.

He already know we have nothing but his best in our heart.

He asked for a genuine opinion, a person can never improve if nobody tells him/her what's wrong.

Sometimes politeness doesn't work, you need a shake down.

Was he reading essay reviews ? He will waste money like me, which I don't want him to.

He will read all again, and will come back with very good essay, kinda sure of it.

I hope he wouldn't kill me for my honesty, I am merely the messenger.

 

[MaryNguyen]

He sincerely asked for it, be careful what you wish for.

He already know we have nothing but his best in our heart.

He asked for a genuine opinion, a person can never improve if nobody tells him/her what's wrong.

Sometimes politeness doesn't work, you need a shake down.

Was he reading essay reviews ? He will waste money like me, which I don't want him to.

He will read all again, and will come back with very good essay, kinda sure of it.

I hope he wouldn't kill me for my honesty, I am merely the messenger.

Yes, I kinda agree with you Hope
I understand that you had spent a large amount of money and time for this scam. It's bullshit, really, but we have to accept its rule. Damn it. If I had to choose, I'd rather like your rudeness instead of loosing money and more importantly, precious time. Besides, who could tell if my essay would be assessed by a strick, brutal examiner! So, we should write better the level we aim to.
Don't worry, Cansha. We're here because we follow the FSW of Canada, which means we're adult, not adolescents. We know what is more important.
All in all, I love you both, guys. I love the different approaches that you assess and comment our essays. Wish one day I can settle in Canada, and I would meet and give you traditional gifts from my country.

 

[kingkong88]

Please review the following :

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Ans: Companies and organisations frequently gather information about the hobbies and the marital status of prospective employees during recruitment processes. In my opinion, such information can give them a more holistic view of candidates, and is useful in assessing them.

One of the biggest concerns regarding gathering such information is that some people feel that it is an invasion of their privacy, even when the questions are relatively harmless. I think that while the questions should not involve deeply personal matters such as health and sexual preferences, questions can be a little personal since the employer has a right to understand the employee's personality and motivations.

A second reason why objections are raised to such questions, is that this kind of information can be used to discriminate against certain kinds of people. Although these concerns can be legitimate in a few cases, most employers do not gather such information to discriminate against people, since they have a vested interest in hiring the best candidate. Moreover, in numerous cases, such information is collected purely for statistical purposes, and can even help organisations in making sure that their recruitment processes are not discriminatory in nature.

Lastly, several people hold the opinion that hobbies and interests should have no place in the recruitment process, and that it should be only about the professional achievements of the candidates. I agree that the focus should be kept on professional qualifications and experience, but hobbies and interests can be a way for candidates to stand out when they do not have much work experience and it can give employers a fuller idea of the temperament and personality of the candidate.

In conclusion, I feel that the personal information requested by employers can be useful in finding the candidates that are the right fit for the organisation, and even though some of the objections to the gathering of such information have merit, I believe the information is mostly useful in assessing candidates.

 

[vmsanthosh.chn]

If you read this in some sample essay then okay ... honestly I found it to be too awkward plus I'm not sure it is appropriate for a formal essays. I think a formal essay on exam like IELTS wants you to be clear and not subtle. That's my opinion .. if you feel comfortable using this please go ahead.


Not that I found it to be fancy. I found it to be inappropriate given the context and your message. It is idiomatic language so its good to use in an essay. I didn't agree with the current usage in essay. But if in real essay you're short on ideas ( and it can happen) I think it is better to at-least bring in all the writing elements in the essay like question sentences, idiomatic usage etc. So from that perspective not bad. I hope you understand my point.

Absolutely, I am with you on all points and will take care of it in my next attempt. Thank you again..

 

[vmsanthosh.chn]

What do you guys think about this site? I came across this morning which I thought I should share with you.

https://www.debate.org/

It is not anything directly about IELTS essays, but the site is about "debating" various topics which is what ielts essays are about in any case.

Skim through the topics and make a note of all ideas, it might help you with your essays. You never know, probably you might even get one directly from this website in real exam!!

 

[cansha]

Please review the following :

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Ans: Companies and organisations frequently gather information about the hobbies and the marital status of prospective employees during recruitment processes. In my opinion, such information can give them a more holistic view of candidates, and is useful in assessing them.

Nothing really wrong in the introduction. Nothing too mind blowing either. I would say it is a little light and could be more interesting.

One of the biggest concerns regarding gathering such information is that some people feel that it is an invasion of their privacy, even when the questions are relatively harmless.
I think that while the questions should not involve deeply personal matters such as health and sexual preferences, questions can be a little personal since the employer has a right to understand the employee's personality and motivations.

A second reason why objections are raised to such questions, is that this kind of information can be used to discriminate against certain kinds of people. Although these concerns can be legitimate in a few cases, most employers do not gather such information to discriminate against people, since they have a vested interest in hiring the best candidate. Moreover, in numerous cases, such information is collected purely for statistical purposes, and can even help organisations in making sure that their recruitment processes are not discriminatory in nature. I loved that point. Well done!

Lastly, several people hold the opinion that hobbies and interests should have no place in the recruitment process, and that it should be only about the professional achievements of the candidates. I agree that the focus should be kept on professional qualifications and experience, but hobbies and interests can be a way for candidates to stand out when they do not have much work experience and it can give employers a fuller idea of the temperament and personality of the candidate.

In conclusion, I feel that the personal information requested by employers can be useful in finding the candidates that are the right fit for the organisation, and even though some of the objections to the gathering of such information have merit, I believe the information is mostly useful in assessing candidates.

So to be honest, I would not have followed this essay structure. But this is a very interesting approach. In each para you have discussed a new point and given both sides and your opinion. I just can't find any fault with this essay. I really liked it. The language is simple. Points coherent and concise. Flow is good. It took me just one reading and I understood the message. Marvelous and Mellifluous!!

I don't see any reason why this essay is not worthy of high bands. Okay the introduction could be better Well done!

 

[kingkong88]

Nothing really wrong in the introduction. Nothing too mind blowing either. I would say it is a little light and could be more interesting.









So to be honest, I would not have followed this essay structure. But this is a very interesting approach. In each para you have discussed a new point and given both sides and your opinion. I just can't find any fault with this essay. I really liked it. The language is simple. Points coherent and concise. Flow is good. It took me just one reading and I understood the message. Marvelous and Mellifluous!!

I don't see any reason why this essay is not worthy of high bands. Okay the introduction could be better Well done!

Thank you.

I need 7.5 or above in writing. Would 8 be possible here?

 

[cansha]

Thank you.

I need 7.5 or above in writing. Would 8 be possible here?

I can give it an 8 but examiners may not. In my opinion they will always give half a band less than you deserve .. 7.5 sure ... 8 not so sure.

 

[priteshgondalia]

Hello,


Some people think the government should be responsible for solving the pollution problems which result from heavy traffic. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is usually believed that owing to the congested roads, diverse pollution problems should only be solved by the central authority. In my opinion, I completely agree with the aforementioned statement as they generally have complete authority to enforce various traffic related rules and ameliorate public transportation.


A good reason to support the authority responsible for eradicating the pollution is that they mostly have sufficient power to regulate divergent rules and regulations. This is due to the fact that in such situations, strict law enforcement often plays a key role in inspiring citizens not to use private vehicles in their day-to-day life. For example, if the government impose the carbon tax on fuels, such as petrol, diesel, coal, and crude oil, most middle-class and poor family members would prefer to commute through the public transportation or eco-friendly vehicles, especially bicycle, diminishing the greenhouse gas mixed emission from the environment.


Another point to consider is that they can also allocate adequate budget for public transport services which can encourage people to use governmental buses or trains, instead of their cars or bikes. In other words, providing low-cost transportation would have a significant effect on alleviating the heavy traffic in urban areas. Increasing popularity of free public transportation and minimal traffic on most highways in the West simply shows how significant is the impact of governmental aids in reducing the total number of private vehicles on the roads. As a result of this, more and more people would prefer to travel by public mode of transportation rather than polluting the atmosphere by utilizing cars or bikes.


To recapitulate, I think it is a must for the government to solve the pollution problems arising from overcrowded roads by introducing strict regulations and providing cost-effective public transportation for local people. If the authority enforces such laws, the pollution and total vehicles on the roads would drop soon.

Thanks,

 

[priteshgondalia]

Hi,

I gave a computer-based test on 1st November and got the result.

L: 8.5
R:8.5
S:7
W:6.5

Should I go for rechecking or book a new exam?

Thanks,
Pritesh

 

[cansha]

Hi,

I gave a computer-based test on 1st November and got the result.

L: 8.5
R:8.5
S:7
W:6.5

Should I go for rechecking or book a new exam?

Thanks,
Pritesh

Depends on how confident are you about what you wrote? How much time will it take for revaluation and most importantly do you have spare money in case reval doesn’t go your way?