It is 7:00 am here and I can barely keep my eyes open. I think we slept only 2 or 3 hours. I know what I told yesterday was not very pretty. I never had an incident before with my husband and what happened in the last two weeks were not right and I stood my ground. I told him to go to the beach without me yesterday, that we needed this time apart to reflect. Finally he stayed and we did things in different parts of the villa. Early evening he sat next to me on the patio for a long time and we did not talk.
Finally, I went in to work some more on my computer and he sat down next to me to apologize. I told him I could not stand this type of behavior in Canada, especially in front of my son. I told him that pouring some Sprite on my shoulder was irrespectful in our culture. He told me that I should put more efforts in things regarding the house. My mother has been telling me the same, so for me it was nothing new to hear. However, I told him that I did not notice the sand and my carelessness was not done on purpose but his behavior yes.
To make a long discussion short, he said that when he is real nervous and finds something not acceptable (in his book as he does not own the truth), he gets carried away for 2 or 3 minutes and after he is fine. That is why yesterday he poured some Sprite on me to be funny and break the tension. I told him it was not funny.
Having said that, that does not excuse him or other things, but we came to a certain understanding of our differences, of our perceptions, of our expectations, etc. We have come such a long way, we have fought for too long, we endured too much, I cannot (for now) just give up and be radical about our marriage. If he repeats this kind of behavior in Canada, I will deal with it. I am strong enough to face the music. Furthermore, it will be easier as I will be in known territory. Here in Morocco, I feel lost and isolated. At least, in Canada, I have my own resources and I am more free.
I must say I am not without worries. We are going to enter a new chapter of our life. What I have been telling him for years will sink in once he sees for himself. What I mean is that for two years, he told me about Morocco, his life and so many things. I could not grasp his reality and there are things I could not imagine. When I came here, all the pieces were put together and I had a great understanding of what he has told me for months and from there my understanding of him grew. It will be the same for him once he is in Canada.
It will be a huge adjustment for both of us... lots of stresses and conflicts. And I told him that if it is not done in a climate of encouragement, love, tolerance, understanding, then we will be doomed to failure. He understood.
I must stopped here as I feel so so tired. I crossed so many rivers. I still cannot believe that the Ministry's counsel consented. I was so sure we would lose.
