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Love or Opportunity? Coffee Social

spaceraceone

Star Member
Oct 6, 2011
154
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Re: Love or Opportunity?

Yeah, if someone would give a worthy advice on how to prepare yourself for 9-12 months (or maybe more) of being apart. That's speaking about love, patience and the rest of the basics of any relationship. I guess, get two jobs so all the free time you'll get would be for sleeping (((. And doing some sports on weekends and forget the concept of holidays till you get any more or less worthy news.

dreading all this
 

amikety

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

Two jobs really helped me. Also I kept a journal where I could carry on about my loneliness all I wanted. Also did a lot of gardening. That's one task I focus on and my mind doesn't wander so it was like a break in the "I wish he was here" whining in my head. Gardening might not work for you (and its not exactly the right time of year!) but everyone has "that" hobby. Find one that helps you :)
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

spaceraceone said:
Yeah, if someone would give a worthy advice on how to prepare yourself for 9-12 months (or maybe more) of being apart. That's speaking about love, patience and the rest of the basics of any relationship. I guess, get two jobs so all the free time you'll get would be for sleeping (((. And doing some sports on weekends and forget the concept of holidays till you get any more or less worthy news.

dreading all this
LIKE!! I'll post back to this later this eve.... but wanted to earmark this. ;D
 

saint4peace

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Jul 11, 2012
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Re: Love or Opportunity?

Hi Halfmoon: wow! What a thread you started! Nice! I read all of the posts and found very good infos. ALL immigration officer should read them. hah? Thank you though.
 

gsize

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

saint4peace said:
Hi Halfmoon: wow! What a thread you started! Nice! I read all of the posts and found very good infos. ALL immigration officer should read them. hah? Thank you though.
phony relationships are nothing new. Immigration Canada is well aware of it.......and thats one reason why waiting times are longer than ever. As ususal, its the crooks that make it bad for all of us !
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

saint4peace said:
Hi Halfmoon: wow! What a thread you started! Nice! I read all of the posts and found very good infos. ALL immigration officer should read them. hah? Thank you though.
Thank you Saint4peace!! Really appreciate the feedback. I wasn't sure what would become of it but I think with all the feedback here, it's a great place to provide advise, seek support or just simply put "give your 2 cents"!! There shouldn't be any hard feelings on anyone's post as these are just individual opinions. Would love to hear your thoughts on LOVE or OPPORTUNITY aka MONEY or SCAM or FRAUD!! And indeed, the VO's should take a stroll here - maybe we should start a movement.... LOL
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

gsize said:
phony relationships are nothing new. Immigration Canada is well aware of it.......and thats one reason why waiting times are longer than ever. As ususal, its the crooks that make it bad for all of us !
You're right, they've always existed and will continue to. However our goal here is really to help the individuals who get involved in long distance relationships who eventually are faced with the sponsorship decision or moreso whether they can identify within themselves if they're being used as a means for someone to get into the country.

Dam those crooks because all the genuine relationships suffer due to all the EXTRA red tape!!!

How long have you been waiting in the process?
 

amikety

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

gsize said:
phony relationships are nothing new. Immigration Canada is well aware of it.......and thats one reason why waiting times are longer than ever. As ususal, its the crooks that make it bad for all of us !
Laws are in place for the crooks.

Bylaws are in place to make the city money. :D
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

amikety said:
Laws are in place for the crooks.

Bylaws are in place to make the city money. :D
LOL - Hope one of your interviews are to work for the city!!!! Make that Monayyyyyyyyy :p
 

amikety

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

Halfmoon said:
LOL - Hope one of your interviews are to work for the city!!!! Make that Monayyyyyyyyy :p
I want to be a Bylaw officer.

I'll be the most hated person in Calgary!
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

amikety said:
I want to be a Bylaw officer.

I'll be the most hated person in Calgary!

That's awesome!!!! Best of Luck - You'll get there and do share when you do.
 

itscoezy

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

Halfmoon said:
Love or Opportunity? - I'm sure this question has skated across a sponsors mind at least one time - minimum.

Hi Everyone,

With all the recent discussions within the forum and in headlines across various media channels regarding immigration fraud specifically on spousal sponsorship, I thought it would be valuable for us to share our thoughts on this topic as it could be helpful to many. Advices and warning signs...

To start, I think it's important to note the basics and foundation of what builds a loving relationship. TRUST, RESPECT, HONESTY, PATIENCE.

I'm female therefore I will speak from a female's perspective so men please feel free to share from the male angle.

I feel it's important to check out a man's values and core beliefs not just by his words but by his actions especially when developing a relationship from long distance:

Does he include you in his every day activities, are his whereabouts accounted for and does he always keep you posted on who he's with and where's going?

Does he go MIA for extended periods of time without a "sound" explanation?

Is he "present" when speaking with you. Does he show sincere interest in your life?

Does he show genuine interest and extend help when you are in need, whether it be emotionally, financially?

Does he discuss future plans with "you" in it consistently or do you have a nagging feeling of "not knowing" where you fit beyond today?

Have you sent him money consistently (people do fall in ruts HOWEVER I think there's a difference between helping another adult in a crisis vs sending consistently enough that the Western Union rep knows you on a first name basis)

Has he discussed finances with you and what his role will be in the home when you are both united in Canada?

Was he quick to talk about marriage before a serious bond was developed?

Has he considered the both of you living in his home country?

When you visit him, is EVERYTHING open access?

Does he provide financialsupport to you if needed?

Are you honest with yourself? I think that many people who've been used as a means for a gateway to Canada to some extent haven't been honest with themselves and may have "ignored" red flags in hopes that "everything will work out".

More importantly, if your inner voice is always going off in your head, that's your instinct advising you to take precaution and certainly something you need to listen to. IF, you are the one having to do the traveling to see your spouse, are the expenses shared between the two such as cost of flights, food, transportation, etc.

I am in a loving relationship with my husband waiting to be reunited however I'm hoping this discussion will help some people who currently have doubts and may have to reconsider their situations before it could cost them their hearts, sanity and bank accounts....

Love all of that! great post :). My CL Partner and I are going through sponsorship and have been together for 3 years now almost. However, the first 6 months of our relationship I was continuously questioning if it was real. Simply because I've heard so many horror stories about being used for an opportunity.

I agree, we need to be honest with ourselves, but at the same time we have to give our relationship room to grow and breathe. I think time really will set the truth free and one in this position should take the time needed to be 100% sure.

And to anybody out there, who was like me and spent hours on google trying to "find the answer" if my spouse was real or not... Forget it. You will not find your answer there or in someone else's experience. Just pay attention and take your time.

Goodluck to all!
 

Halfmoon

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Re: Love or Opportunity?

itscoezy said:
Love all of that! great post :). My CL Partner and I are going through sponsorship and have been together for 3 years now almost. However, the first 6 months of our relationship I was continuously questioning if it was real. Simply because I've heard so many horror stories about being used for an opportunity.

I agree, we need to be honest with ourselves, but at the same time we have to give our relationship room to grow and breathe. I think time really will set the truth free and one in this position should take the time needed to be 100% sure.

And to anybody out there, who was like me and spent hours on google trying to "find the answer" if my spouse was real or not... Forget it. You will not find your answer there or in someone else's experience. Just pay attention and take your time.

Goodluck to all!
Appreciate your feedback itscoezy with an "E" :)

I'd like to add - don't confuse fear with "doubt" - Fear doesn't exist and is made up in the mind - Doubt is your intuition cautioning you about something....Listen to that voice and never ignore it. Just my two red cents.
 

Halfmoon

Champion Member
Jul 3, 2012
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Kingston
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28-01-2013
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11-02-2013
LANDED..........
Valentine's Day
Re: Love or Opportunity?

spaceraceone said:
Yeah, if someone would give a worthy advice on how to prepare yourself for 9-12 months (or maybe more) of being apart. That's speaking about love, patience and the rest of the basics of any relationship. I guess, get two jobs so all the free time you'll get would be for sleeping (((. And doing some sports on weekends and forget the concept of holidays till you get any more or less worthy news.

dreading all this
What to do While Waiting

Hi Space-race-one 8)

A wise person said to me once that while waiting and if you're the one in Canada waiting for spouse to come, it's important to comfort your spouse that you are "both" waiting. Sometimes it may appear as if, the PR applicant is the one waiting as they'd be the one immigrating to Canada but truly, it's the both of you waiting to be reunited. 1 year can seem like a very long time so what my hubbie and I do is not focus on the time because all it does is remind us of how long we've been apart and that can increase the sadness/depression.

Try to approach this time apart as a journey - a journey is not just about getting to the finish line but rather taking in, learning and experiencing each step of the way. Depending on how well you both make this journey, you won't be the same couple when you get to the end as from when you first started. Hopefully, you'll be a much stronger and loving couple. Discuss your plans together and talk about building your lives together so that you have something to look forward to other than the obvious. ;)

On a daily basis, it's sooooooooo important to create a routine where it feels as if you are both in the same place, including one another on what you do, where you're going, what you're going to cook, and making sure each night ends with I LOVE YOU. Those words are so powerful. Support each other with your ups and downs. Be a good listener and friend. Build the trust by reassuring one another. I find the days are easier to endure when you feel confident in your relationships. Don't do anything that would cast doubt because it's hard to fix from miles away. Make decisions together no matter how small. Your spouse will feel appreciated for it thus increasing your foundation. The main thing while being apart for my husband and I, is feeling confident about each other and our marriage. When you have confidence, you can tackle anything. When you're insecure, you feel needy, and being needy for one whole year will feel like 10 (that's torture). :-\

My husband and I made an agreement that no matter what, if I call him, he would answer no matter how busy he is and vice versa. That has helped us so much. Call each other throughout the day (not insanely) to give positive words, encouragement, just to say "hey just wanted to see how your day is and if you're ok". These words alone is like fuel. It takes effort from both sides to make this journey positive and happy for both. It's normal to disagree but try to appreciate your differences and don't let arguments drag out, it's harder to fix from miles apart and also can create uncertainty and insecurity. NOT GOOD. :'(

While apart, focus on self development, career, projects, so that when you are together, you have even more to offer. Give each other space from time to time. Go out with friends and do some of the things you always wanted to do but never got a chance to. Such as volunteer, visit a museum, make a gourmet dinner, work out!!! I find that after a good work out, I'm energized, focused and feel upbeat!! The sweat gets rid of all physical and emotional toxins.

My two cents....hope this helps even if it's a little bit. This is just a moment in time until you are both together for an eternity.


Anyone else care to give some advice to this question?
 

spaceraceone

Star Member
Oct 6, 2011
154
1
Re: Love or Opportunity?

Halfmoon said:
What to do While Waiting

My two cents....hope this helps even if it's a little bit. This is just a moment in time until you are both together for an eternity.


Anyone else care to give some advice to this question?
Wow and thank you so much - quite a response

I never thought about it from my husband's point of view - thanks for that reminder

You know, being insecure never even crossed my mind - same for my husband, but the distance can do the trick - we'll stay focused )

And I yes - I'll finally get to work on those last 5 lb's - that's a heart-warming thought


You know, I was thinking about it, I guess I am also worried that I will have hard time adjusting once I am back in canada. It is one thing that my husband'll be back home but another that I'll just be handling everything by myself. I ain't a whiney little kid, but... but I don't know - seems different this time around.


Well, enough for the sentiments - thanks once again. It'll all be ok))