Love or Opportunity? Coffee Social

[JimM]

Re: Is it Love or Opportunity?

True Jim ...would you have any suggestions for some of the men and ladies out there who are in this emotional bind with a potential fraudster?

Several more I'd like to add...is the person secretive, evasive when answering questions (the kind where you are still left wondering), been caught in multiple lies (stories change) or even gets angry/short if asked questions.......

I'd suggest bringing up the idea of you moving to their country. If they run screaming then you know they were only after a visa. If they have logical reasons why not or are willing to discuss it then that would be a good sign. And then you can always go back to "Yes, you moving here is the best plan" without risking the problems of them knowing they'd been "tested".

 

[bagelbagel81]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

I think anyone that rushes into marriage without considering other potential options to live together/get to know eachother in person first raises alarm bells.

There are indeed cases of genuine couples who have been together for more than a year needing to get married to make the immigration process easier along with cultures with arranged marrriages, and there are also fraudsters out there who I am sure are willing to wait it out, and even start families for their case, but I think whirlwind romances with the prospect of marriage just to be together without getting to know each other by living together or at least in the same country is something to be wary of.

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Is it Love or Opportunity?

I'd suggest bringing up the idea of you moving to their country. If they run screaming then you know they were only after a visa. If they have logical reasons why not or are willing to discuss it then that would be a good sign. And then you can always go back to "Yes, you moving here is the best plan" without risking the problems of them knowing they'd been "tested".

To be totally honest, I actually elluded to this early in our relationship not because I thought my husband wasn't genuine but I had a great business concept to start in his home country where we could merge both our passions together. He was pretty excited at the thought and said, Let's do it! LOL .... I then thought, oh boy, I just got him excited about me moving there .... All in all, it didn't matter where we lived as long as we could build our lives together.

But def a good point..

 

[gsize]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

thanks for the links! wasn't implying that you were wrong, just was honestly curious. only recently started following canadian news closely

be careful with the things you read. As a wise man once said " if you do not read current events, then you are uniformed. If you do read current events, then you are misinformed"

 

[R151NG5UN]

Re: Is it Love or Opportunity?

To be totally honest, I actually elluded to this early in our relationship not because I thought my husband wasn't genuine but I had a great business concept to start in his home country where we could merge both our passions together. He was pretty excited at the thought and said, Let's do it! LOL .... I then thought, oh boy, I just got him excited about me moving there .... All in all, it didn't matter where we lived as long as we could build our lives together.

But def a good point..

I agree totally the most important thing is to just be together. We had a hard choice between Canada and England and it really was a flip of a coin situation, the fact my wife has a daughter swayed in Canada's favour. That said once her daughter is elder and able to make her own choices then I will return the good deed my wife has done for me and sponsor her to become a U.K PR or equivalent.

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

I think anyone that rushes into marriage without considering other potential options to live together/get to know eachother in person first raises alarm bells.

There are indeed cases of genuine couples who have been together for more than a year needing to get married to make the immigration process easier along with cultures with arranged marrriages, and there are also fraudsters out there who I am sure are willing to wait it out, and even start families for their case, but I think whirlwind romances with the prospect of marriage just to be together without getting to know each other by living together or at least in the same country is something to be wary of.

I agree there are fraudsters out there who will wait it out for as long as it takes and for whatever it takes including starting a family. Having children can create a stronger impression that a relationship is genuine however is no assurance that the PR applicant turns out to as fake as those counterfeit items in NYC's infamous CANAL Street!!!

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

thanks for the links! wasn't implying that you were wrong, just was honestly curious. only recently started following canadian news closely

No worries. Hope the links shed some light in this area for you.

 

[JimM]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

I think anyone that rushes into marriage without considering other potential options to live together/get to know eachother in person first raises alarm bells.

There are indeed cases of genuine couples who have been together for more than a year needing to get married to make the immigration process easier along with cultures with arranged marrriages, and there are also fraudsters out there who I am sure are willing to wait it out, and even start families for their case, but I think whirlwind romances with the prospect of marriage just to be together without getting to know each other by living together or at least in the same country is something to be wary of.

Unfortunately I think many couples end up having to marry to make immigration work because unless they live in the same country there's no way to establish common law or conjugal status unless one of them can get a work or student visa.

My wife and I originally planned for me to get a work visa to let us live together and make sure we were good in a 24/7 situation and that Canada and I agreed with each other but the economy got in the way of that. We'd known each other several years at that point so we felt pretty secure deciding to go ahead and marry. I'm sure a lot of other people have similar stories...

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

Unfortunately I think many couples end up having to marry to make immigration work because unless they live in the same country there's no way to establish common law or conjugal status unless one of them can get a work or student visa.

My wife and I originally planned for me to get a work visa to let us live together and make sure we were good in a 24/7 situation and that Canada and I agreed with each other but the economy got in the way of that. We'd known each other several years at that point so we felt pretty secure deciding to go ahead and marry. I'm sure a lot of other people have similar stories...

Same here Jim. My concern was that my husband being raised in such a different climate and culture would not "agree" to our colder climate and dynamic life style so I thought it would be conducive for him to "try" it out here first and see how it goes. One of my best friends work for the Foreign Workers Program department here in Toronto and introduced the idea to us but then we figured that since we were already engaged at the time we would go ahead with the spousal sponsorship route and could always relocate elsewhere if decided at a later point.

Circling back to our original topic, based on my experience, big decisions are discussed with eachother without the sense of defensiveness or hostility. Those two go hand in hand and if an innocent idea/suggestion is raised to the spouse who is being sponsored, and they in turn show these behaviours, might be worthwhile to take an even closer look at his/her intentions.

 

[IslandAnnie]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

Yes, I think there are always signs and flags to us when things are not quite right...in any situation in life. When to comes to love and relationships (that we all want to make our lives complete), we have a much harder time recognizing them, let alone paying them the attention they need. Be willing to talk to people you really trust..family and friends that love you and look out for you..they may help you recognize something of concern, or they may help you see where you may be reading something wrong.

love to all,
Annie

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

Wow! I'm loving this topic!!

I really enjoyed everyones view on this Topic love or oppurtunity...my take on this as someone mentioned earlier, there are people out there that will wait as long as it takes to get what they really want, and will do anything in their power to get it. My best advice is to look out for the signs----this is where the problem lies dormant...there are those out there that get all the signs in the book that their being used for immigration purposes and completely ignore it. Sometimes it also takes a second eye to see what your eyes might miss...sometimes you may not see it and there are others that will...question is how does one know for sure if they are the victim of marriage fraud??...You just have to have faith in your marriage/relationship and your spouse...one must feel a sense of 100 percent confidence that their relationship is genuine. Once you're having doubts that's a problem...there's two options..1)follow what doubts you may be having and believe you may be a victim or 2), maybe you should evaluate what your doubts may be, and why you're having them....could be you're own personal fears or insecurities.

Good point here Cee - Sad but true, some folks wouldn't recognize they're being used as evident as the situation could be. I don't think anyone wants to be used, but when emotions are involved that's even more reason to put a magnify glass to the situation and take a deep hard look and listen to that voice of reasoning. This is what I consider "learning the hard way". The passing of time unfolds people's true colors and every wolf in sheeps clothing eventually snarls his/her teeth.

 

[Halfmoon]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

Yes, I think there are always signs and flags to us when things are not quite right...in any situation in life. When to comes to love and relationships (that we all want to make our lives complete), we have a much harder time recognizing them, let alone paying them the attention they need. Be willing to talk to people you really trust..family and friends that love you and look out for you..they may help you recognize something of concern, or they may help you see where you may be reading something wrong.

,
Annie

Thanks for this Annie. Friends and Family certainly have your best interest in mind and their inputs should always be considered. Of course there are always the few that don't but always important to listen to both pros and cons regardless.


love to all

Right back at cha!

 

[blueangel371115]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

I can relate and agree to the part where the spouse should also contribute to the costs of immigration fees and anything associated with it such as medical examination, police checks, etc. In my opinion it should be a combined "effort" as with any other financial matter a married couple partakes in and not one sided.

On a related note: (sorry for the interruption)
my fiance has offered to help pay some of my costs,is that even possible?

 

[amikety]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

It's completely possible. If you're together in person, it's easy to exchange money. If you're apart, wire transfers or Paypal can do the same.

 

[blueangel371115]

Re: Love or Opportunity?

yeah we are and we do also have a joint account ind addition to his personal one ( he had before we met).