A strain on your relationship?

[blueangel371115]

For many that process gives a true meaning to the "for the better or worse" because it involves sacrifice and to put aside "ego"...
We have gone through a lot since 2009 and the PR process was just one of the things...
I kept repeating her since we met: there is light at the end; we have finally reached that light...together!
If your love is genuine it will survive all...

I agree completely. I think we can last through anything. If anything, this has actually strengthened our realtionship. It shows to the other person the level of committment. He's been so helpful during this whole process, trying to understand what he's supposed to do, what I have to do. he backs me one hundred percent. He just wants me to come home. To me, he's said his vows to me already, even though we aren't married yet. He said he'll be right beside me in this process. I couldn't ask for more.

 

[Danny4450]

If your other half is causing a strain in your relationship due to this wait, thats when you get an idea of the level of patience and understanding he/she has. If anything, then it should strengthen the relationship rather than straining it.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

For us the frustrations really horrific (both financial and emotional). We're also ruining our health as we sit at these computers chatting for so many hours every day.
We've been waiting for my wife to get her visa and expecting it for so long now. Since we were already past the time when we should have received it Merlyn had sold or gave away almost everything in her house other than a couple of things she really needed there such as her bed (under my direction) because we wanted her to be able to catch the next flight out once she gets her visa.
I should also mention just when we felt she should be getting the go ahead they told her that her medical had expired and she needed to redo that. Both her and my step son went down to the clinic on Oct.1st and had that all looked after again at the cost of another $300.00 to me.
Having talked with the local MP's secretary she found out for us everything was good and they just needed to get the medical results again. You'd think by now she'd have her visa and be living with me, .. but still we wait and hope for the courier to show up every day.
I get really mad about how uncaring and inhuman the CIC (Manila) seem to be. It's been 20 months since I've touched my wife or laughed with her in person, and no matter how you look at it that's just not right.
To rub salt in the wounds an acquaintance from work said he liked what I did and went over there several months after me and married too. He and his wife filed their paperwork around 7 month after us. She landed in Canada this past Sunday, .. a total of 8 months after their documents were sent to Mississauga, while ours have now been 15 months and counting.
I do get mad, .. not at Merlyn, but at the CIC. I'm not saying she and I never have our disagreements, because we do and usually it's over money as well. Between spousal support for my ex and what I send Merlyn every month about half of my monthly income's gone right there. I go deeper in debt by the month because of the inactivity on our documents. Once she's here she plans on working and we can dig ourselves out, but it's really hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now, and my frustrations often come out as we talk. Thankfully she's the calm and rational one who can eventually settle me back down. I sometimes wonder if the CIC drag their asses on purpose just to see how many relationships they can break. Neither my wife nor I are young. I'm 61 while she's 53 so time together is maybe more precious than if we were in our 20's.
There's no doubt this is a strain on the relationship cause I've said a few things I regret as I become a little more unhinged by the day now. I have to remind myself this isn't Merlyn's fault and she's having just as hard of a time with it as I am. She tries to remain positive even in her disappointment, while I just cant seem to hide my anger and frustration about how slow things move.
There's no reason it has to take this long, .. absolutely none. How can the guy I work with get his done and his wife to Canada with him in 8 months, while 15 month later we still have no idea what's going on? Funny thing is he's 52 and married a 26 year old, which I would have thought would raise a few more questions as they went through things, .. but apparently not.
If I didn't love my wife I wouldn't care how long it took, but I do and nothing about this system seems fair. The other maddening thing is that my wife has made the trip from Antipolo to the embassy twice over the past few months, and since she wasn't allowed to see anyone was asked to leave her inquiry in a drop box. Not once has anyone there had the common courtesy to send an e-mail to let her know what's going on or how much longer we will have to wait.

 

[bonitanita]

For us the frustrations really horrific (both financial and emotional). We're also ruining our health as we sit at these computers chatting for so many hours every day.
We've been waiting for my wife to get her visa and expecting it for so long now. Since we were already past the time when we should have received it Merlyn had sold or gave away almost everything in her house other than a couple of things she really needed there such as her bed (under my direction) because we wanted her to be able to catch the next flight out once she gets her visa.
I should also mention just when we felt she should be getting the go ahead they told her that her medical had expired and she needed to redo that. Both her and my step son went down to the clinic on Oct.1st and had that all looked after again at the cost of another $300.00 to me.
Having talked with the local MP's secretary she found out for us everything was good and they just needed to get the medical results again. You'd think by now she'd have her visa and be living with me, .. but still we wait and hope for the courier to show up every day.
I get really mad about how uncaring and inhuman the CIC (Manila) seem to be. It's been 20 months since I've touched my wife or laughed with her in person, and no matter how you look at it that's just not right.
To rub salt in the wounds an acquaintance from work said he liked what I did and went over there several months after me and married too. He and his wife filed their paperwork around 7 month after us. She landed in Canada this past Sunday, .. a total of 8 months after their documents were sent to Mississauga, while ours have now been 15 months and counting.
I do get mad, .. not at Merlyn, but at the CIC. I'm not saying she and I never have our disagreements, because we do and usually it's over money as well. Between spousal support for my ex and what I send Merlyn every month about half of my monthly income's gone right there. I go deeper in debt by the month because of the inactivity on our documents. Once she's here she plans on working and we can dig ourselves out, but it's really hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now, and my frustrations often come out as we talk. Thankfully she's the calm and rational one who can eventually settle me back down. I sometimes wonder if the CIC drag their asses on purpose just to see how many relationships they can break. Neither my wife nor I are young. I'm 61 while she's 53 so time together is maybe more precious than if we were in our 20's.
There's no doubt this is a strain on the relationship cause I've said a few things I regret as I become a little more unhinged by the day now. I have to remind myself this isn't Merlyn's fault and she's having just as hard of a time with it as I am. She tries to remain positive even in her disappointment, while I just cant seem to hide my anger and frustration about how slow things move.
There's no reason it has to take this long, .. absolutely none. How can the guy I work with get his done and his wife to Canada with him in 8 months, while 15 month later we still have no idea what's going on? Funny thing is he's 52 and married a 26 year old, which I would have thought would raise a few more questions as they went through things, .. but apparently not.
If I didn't love my wife I wouldn't care how long it took, but I do and nothing about this system seems fair. The other maddening thing is that my wife has made the trip from Antipolo to the embassy twice over the past few months, and since she wasn't allowed to see anyone was asked to leave her inquiry in a drop box. Not once has anyone there had the common courtesy to send an e-mail to let her know what's going on or how much longer we will have to wait.

20 months! You haven't been able to visit? That must be awful.

CIC forgot to send our file to London so I understand your frustrations with them completely. But, luckily... I am waiting in Canada on a tourist visa in the meantime. Although, sometimes, I am not sure if it really does make it any easier waiting together as opposed to apart. Either way, waiting is waiting and whether you're together or apart, each situation definitely has its own pros and cons.

I am sorry that you're struggling so badly with CIC. I truly understand.

Can she come here on a tourist visa until she receives PR?

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

Unfortunately money's been tight with spousal support for my ex etc, ... and also trying to save for the air fare for both my wife and her son once the visa finally does arrive. So many times I wanted to fly back there if only for a week or two, but just couldn't.
Another thing that really sucks is my parents are getting up there in age, .. Dad being 88 and Mom 86, so they're living on borrowed time as it is and really want to meet my wife, and hopefully spend a bit of quality time with her.
Seems this strain the CIC puts on couples is pretty common. It should be a heck of a lot easier for couples starting out than what they make it.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

I mentioned to her today as we went through our chat that we may have to start contemplating that she might not be here for our second Christmas in a row. It's not something we want to think about but it's close enough to Christmas now that we can't put the possibility out of our minds.
Since she's got practically nothing left at home she just couldn't have a Christmas there. It would be like sitting in an empty house staring at loaded suitcases and too depressing, so if she gets moved onto the back burner by the CIC again and we dont have her visa in the next few days, I'm going to have to find money to fly her and my step son to Iloilo so they can at least spend that special time with family in a small town she grew up in.
Something else that caused a big strain is I saved my vacation all year to use once Merlyn arrived, but it got to the point where I had to use or lose it. I'm now on my 3rd week of four, and chances are good that the vacation time I saved for her, and so we could really spend a lot of time together once she landed will be all used up before she even gets here.

 

[amikety]

Unfortunately money's been tight with spousal support for my ex etc, ... and also trying to save for the air fare for both my wife and her son once the visa finally does arrive. So many times I wanted to fly back there if only for a week or two, but just couldn't.
Another thing that really sucks is my parents are getting up there in age, .. Dad being 88 and Mom 86, so they're living on borrowed time as it is and really want to meet my wife, and hopefully spend a bit of quality time with her.
Seems this strain the CIC puts on couples is pretty common. It should be a heck of a lot easier for couples starting out than what they make it.

I really hope you get to do the visits.

Financial strain is tough. My savings end in January and I can't find work. I'm so stressed I can't sleep! It's awful. It's even worse to know we misunderstood CIC's directions about being engaged or we'd applied already! Argh.

Hang in there.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

I really hope you get to do the visits.

Financial strain is tough. My savings end in January and I can't find work. I'm so stressed I can't sleep! It's awful. It's even worse to know we misunderstood CIC's directions about being engaged or we'd applied already! Argh.

Hang in there.

Thanks, ... and I know exactly what you mean about not much sleep. I don't know how many nights I just toss and turn and cant get the mind to shut down. I would bet a lot of people on here have the same trouble sleeping.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

I really hope you get to do the visits.

Financial strain is tough. My savings end in January and I can't find work. I'm so stressed I can't sleep! It's awful. It's even worse to know we misunderstood CIC's directions about being engaged or we'd applied already! Argh.

Hang in there.

As for me I had to start drawing my CPP early because of how long this whole ridiculous process is taking. If not for that I would have been in huge trouble long ago. I sincerely hope you find work cause I know what it's like worrying about money.

 

[bonitanita]

The added stress really does add a hell of a lot of troubles to the relationship. In a normal relationship, couples argue all the time about who is doing the dishes and how much money is in the bank and so on. But, with all this extra headache on top, it just makes it that much harder. There are days when I really feel like giving up and going home and either being single or finding someone from England. But in reality, your heart's desire is what it is and you can't control that.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

The added stress really does add a hell of a lot of troubles to the relationship. In a normal relationship, couples argue all the time about who is doing the dishes and how much money is in the bank and so on. But, with all this extra headache on top, it just makes it that much harder. There are days when I really feel like giving up and going home and either being single or finding someone from England. But in reality, your heart's desire is what it is and you can't control that.

I understand completely Bonitanita,

To me it's like the CIC takes the human aspect out of things completely and to them we're only numbers on a piece of paper. Like me though I have a feeling you'll hang in there come hell or high water. Most of our problems are CIC related. I'm over anxious, .. Merlyn's more of a realist, but now that it's getting close to Christmas it raises the tension for both of us so much higher since we had a lot of nice plans that could very well fall through.

 

[tink23]

Reading this thread is making me depressed. It's so upsetting what this process can do to relationships! I hope everyone gets what their heart truly desires really soon. I have been lucky with the fact that my husband was approved very quickly. He, however, hasn't moved to Canada yet (he just got the visa yesterday) and he still has loose ends to tie up, so even though we don't have CIC to worry about anymore, we still have the stress of being apart, also through Christmas.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

Reading this thread is making me depressed. It's so upsetting what this process can do to relationships! I hope everyone gets what their heart truly desires really soon. I have been lucky with the fact that my husband was approved very quickly. He, however, hasn't moved to Canada yet (he just got the visa yesterday) and he still has loose ends to tie up, so even though we don't have CIC to worry about anymore, we still have the stress of being apart, also through Christmas.

That really sucks and I truly feel for you. My birthday's the day before Christmas so last year I went without my wife for both of those special occasions, .. and if something doesn't happen darn soon we'll both have a really depressing Christmas again this year.
You are fortunate in him having his visa now at least, .. so you know as soon as he ties up those loose ends he can get to you and your life can really begin. Wishing you both the best!!

 

[CanadianJeepGuy]

For us the frustrations really horrific (both financial and emotional). We're also ruining our health as we sit at these computers chatting for so many hours every day.
We've been waiting for my wife to get her visa and expecting it for so long now. Since we were already past the time when we should have received it Merlyn had sold or gave away almost everything in her house other than a couple of things she really needed there such as her bed (under my direction) because we wanted her to be able to catch the next flight out once she gets her visa.
I should also mention just when we felt she should be getting the go ahead they told her that her medical had expired and she needed to redo that. Both her and my step son went down to the clinic on Oct.1st and had that all looked after again at the cost of another $300.00 to me.
Having talked with the local MP's secretary she found out for us everything was good and they just needed to get the medical results again. You'd think by now she'd have her visa and be living with me, .. but still we wait and hope for the courier to show up every day.
I get really mad about how uncaring and inhuman the CIC (Manila) seem to be. It's been 20 months since I've touched my wife or laughed with her in person, and no matter how you look at it that's just not right.
To rub salt in the wounds an acquaintance from work said he liked what I did and went over there several months after me and married too. He and his wife filed their paperwork around 7 month after us. She landed in Canada this past Sunday, .. a total of 8 months after their documents were sent to Mississauga, while ours have now been 15 months and counting.
I do get mad, .. not at Merlyn, but at the CIC. I'm not saying she and I never have our disagreements, because we do and usually it's over money as well. Between spousal support for my ex and what I send Merlyn every month about half of my monthly income's gone right there. I go deeper in debt by the month because of the inactivity on our documents. Once she's here she plans on working and we can dig ourselves out, but it's really hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now, and my frustrations often come out as we talk. Thankfully she's the calm and rational one who can eventually settle me back down. I sometimes wonder if the CIC drag their asses on purpose just to see how many relationships they can break. Neither my wife nor I are young. I'm 61 while she's 53 so time together is maybe more precious than if we were in our 20's.
There's no doubt this is a strain on the relationship cause I've said a few things I regret as I become a little more unhinged by the day now. I have to remind myself this isn't Merlyn's fault and she's having just as hard of a time with it as I am. She tries to remain positive even in her disappointment, while I just cant seem to hide my anger and frustration about how slow things move.
There's no reason it has to take this long, .. absolutely none. How can the guy I work with get his done and his wife to Canada with him in 8 months, while 15 month later we still have no idea what's going on? Funny thing is he's 52 and married a 26 year old, which I would have thought would raise a few more questions as they went through things, .. but apparently not.
If I didn't love my wife I wouldn't care how long it took, but I do and nothing about this system seems fair. The other maddening thing is that my wife has made the trip from Antipolo to the embassy twice over the past few months, and since she wasn't allowed to see anyone was asked to leave her inquiry in a drop box. Not once has anyone there had the common courtesy to send an e-mail to let her know what's going on or how much longer we will have to wait.

My wife is from Antipolo as well. Great place.
I certainly feel for your situation. I too get very pissed off at they way applications get processed seemingly with no rhyme or reason. I met a couple there from here in Winnipeg that had sponsored her husband and the whole thing took 3 months. How does that happen?
The trip to embassy is a wasted one. I went with my wife in October and was denied entry...to my own embassy...Just goes to show you what you get with a Conservative government.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

My wife is from Antipolo as well. Great place.
I certainly feel for your situation. I too get very pissed off at they way applications get processed seemingly with no rhyme or reason. I met a couple there from here in Winnipeg that had sponsored her husband and the whole thing took 3 months. How does that happen?
The trip to embassy is a wasted one. I went with my wife in October and was denied entry...to my own embassy...Just goes to show you what you get with a Conservative government.

Yes I really like Antipolo and told Merlyn it's one of the places I'd most like to live if we retire back there. She's originally from the province of Iloilo though and I loved that as well. So many nice places over there, and with a brother already retired in Quezon City I wouldn't mind calling The Philippines home in a few more years too.