Scared

[shells]

I'm a woman myself.. coming all the way from Asia, studied, work, and now engaged to a Canadian.. it's important to try living with someone before you commit yourself long-term into a marriage. It's easy to go for dates and do things together, it's another thing to live together and be with each other day in, day out. It's even way harder, if you are from different culture, different backgrounds, and a completely different part of the world. During my first year living with my fiance, we quarrelled and fought all the time. I cried my heart out god knows how many times.. we are poles apart when it came to our tolerance levels for things.. be it people, cleanliness, food, or even clutter. He has extremely high standards for himself, which he in turns expects the same of me and everyone around him(which is fine for him, but not entirely fair to me). There has been numerous times we almost broke up, but never did. I don't know how I managed to hang in there for so long, but I've certainly grown and developed from it.

There's also a possibility that the wife, having sponsored the husband successfully, comes to expect alot more things unrealistically, which she normally might not have. When the sponsored husband does not live up to her expectations, she's definitely going to complain or become grouchy.

 

[amikety]

Or it could be possible he lied about himself to get her to marry and sponsor him. Maybe he told his wife he wanted the kids and the house so she would bring him to Canada and now that he isn't living up to his words, she is upset.

 

[Halfmoon]

Noooo, then we'd have to behave and not discuss biscuits and other silly things!

K just keep the convo's and topics going and it'll stay up at the top.

 

[scos]

Sunsun: True, you are hearing just my side. And "Wife jealous means she loves you so much" is wrong. If a spouse is jealous there is fear of losing you to someone else. Love may or may not be involved in it (and in this case, it wasn't). As for your comments of "just an excuse" well lets hope you never have cause for excuses. I can tell you though that the Catholic Church doesn't hand out annulments casually yet I got one...

Aerogurl87: You are absolutely right. She didn't change overnight. But as I said, people kept reassuring me that it was wedding jitters and I figured that must be it. After all, we had been in a relationship for over two years at that point. But we had never lived together (a good reason to live together first before marriage). So when things got worse with the wedding over and us living together it was obvious it wasn't a phase.

But the point in this case remains that the "issues" he is bringing up are things that would have been discussed prior to marriage and prior to her bringing him here. He is not saying her temperment is different, or that she lied about anything. If anything he lied to her. Now that they are settled she is expecting children and he is refusing. So it is pretty understandable that she would be upset. I am sure she is wondering why he no longer wants children and who knows what else. That he has moved right to divorce and worrying about his PR instead of trying to save his marriage or go to counselling speaks volumes.

 

[saint4peace]

Hi scos: I liked your story and the way you explained things in your life could be good example for many of us. You are a good communicator in my judgement. plus 10 points for you. I am not judging you good or bad. But you have clear "reasoning" to defend yourself. Rationale. Thanks, man.

 

[saint4peace]

I agree jealousy is natural but somepeople is way more than some other, and jealousy is not only woman that feels towards their man but the opporsite too. And yes jealousy is caused because that person is afraid to loose you, or of you having interest in someone else some people consider this as low self estime but they are totally wrong!. Is truly because that man or woman really love their husband or wife. I honestly can admit that i am a very jealous person even though i am physically attractive i dated all sort of man in my life but i get anoyed and nervous of woman less or way less attractive than me when am with my man somehow. And no my husband dont find it anoying but he is happy and glad that i am this way and am being protective even though he is not the type of fooling around or being a pervert. I am truly happy that my man love me for who i am. Ive never seen a man or woman being jealous of someone they dont care about.

shiny88: Now I am jealous to your husband. Do I care about you? Just kidding. Please take it easy. hahahahha..

 

[blueboom]

let's answer ''yes you're going to lose pr status'' to such posts next time we see here, how is that? : D

it will cause them to feel some pain, can we do anything more than that?

I definitely wrote that and deleted it before I hit post. "Yes, you're going to lose your PR." but then someone would have ruined the fun of misinformation. D:

 

[shells]

Also, I'm sure many of us who just moved to a new country had difficulties initially trying to find a job or adapt here. A lot of times, when we move to a new country, it's almost like we have to start new again because we don't know anyone here. Even if he did agree to have kids and start a family with her before he came here, he may not have foreseen those situations. I graduated from a private Canadian art school with a good diploma, and it took me a year before I found a proper full time job (I tried hard too). When you are faced with that kind of challenges, not sure what the future is going to be, would you still dare to have a kid? Just because you have a job, doesn't mean it's going to be your iron bowl, doesn't mean it's going to be secure. Raising a kid is not cheap nowadays.. If you don't feel confident to raise and afford one, is it more responsible to have them (for the sake of a promise you made to your wife), or is it more responsible to wait a little more when you are more established? If, like what he said, he is a family man, it would make perfect sense that he doesn't want to have his kid suffer with him. My fiancé has been at his job for the last 5 years already, but he's even saying to me, if he loses his job tomorrow, he can still manage to somehow feed us with the savings.. It would be a whole different story if there was a kid in the picture. Paranoid? Insecure? Who can we blame but the poor economy in the last few years?

 

[sariss]

Def some scammer. OP if your not even ready to have a family why are you getting married in the first place?

I don't find that too fair. My husband and I do not want children. Does that mean we shouldn't have gotten married?

 

[Shiny88]

this thread is getting weirder each day lol

 

[scos]

I don't find that too fair. My husband and I do not want children. Does that mean we shouldn't have gotten married?

If you both got married with that understanding then there is no problem. But if you wanted children and your husband lied and said he did too so you would marry him then I would say there is a problem. And if he didn't lie but has since changed his mind he can't expect you to have to accept that. You have the right to decide whether you want to remain in the marriage. You might love him enough that children are not as important, or you may decide you really want the children and you want to find someone who is of like mind (after all, you thought you HAD someone of like mind to begin with). Marriage is not and should not be viewed as a trap.

 

[lunas]

this thread is getting weirder each day lol

I agree

 

[samaseemo]

I don't find that too fair. My husband and I do not want children. Does that mean we shouldn't have gotten married?

obviously OPs wife talked to him about kids before getting married. are you telling me couples dont agree on these majors topics before getting married ?

let me ask you this did you discuss this with your wife after getting married or before ?

 

[sariss]

obviously OPs wife talked to him about kids before getting married. are you telling me couples dont agree on these majors topics before getting married ?

let me ask you this did you discuss this with your wife after getting married or before ?

I would HOPE people do, but you'd be surprised. My husband and I discussed it at length before marrying (heck, even before we got too serious dating-wise).