review about sop ¿why studying EET?

[lovepreet_singh]

Why Studying Electrical Engineering Technician:
I have always been intrigued by science and scientific discoveries and the way these discoveries define our world. A fascination for Science & Technology and a keen interest in the ever-growing world of technology motivated me to take up engineering.
Since childhood I was very keen on engineering; as a kid, I used to dismantle the parts of my toys in order to see the smallest parts inside. I used to play with electrical devices and components. When I got any damaged electronic devices like watches and radios, I would eject a magnet from the speaker of radios, bulbs like LEDs from watches and radios. I tried to take out the coiled wire from the transformers many times, but never could.
Taking from all my small experiences, I realized that I am interested in Electrical Engineering. These two years of undergraduate education will expose me to numerous electrical skills of installation, testing, maintaining, repairing, analyzing and troubleshooting specific kinds of electrical circuits, equipment and systems. Upon my program completion and return to ................., I will have ample opportunities for employment at top companies in ............ such as .......................…. with approx. Rs 120k to Rs 180k monthly as a certified electrical engineering technician. The electrical industry is a growing occupation across the globe, especially in ..........................
Yet my passion and an unquenchable thirst for engineering is driving me to pursue the undergraduate diploma in Electrical engineering Technician.


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[zekkeh]

installation, testing, maintaining, repairing, analyzing and troubleshooting specific kinds of electrical circuits, equipment and systems.

Can you rephrase this? A simple google search will tell us (and by extension, the VO) that you're applying to Seneca College.

with approx. Rs 120k to Rs 180k monthly

You dont need to say how much you'll earn. That's irrelevant.

And also, you should rephrase your entire SOP. Again, a google search will tell the reader that you got your SOP off of someone else, and that's not a good look, especially since you're trying to pursue tertiary education.

 

[lovepreet_singh]

Can you rephrase this? A simple google search will tell us (and by extension, the VO) that you're applying to Seneca College.



You dont need to say how much you'll earn. That's irrelevant.

And also, you should rephrase your entire SOP. Again, a google search will tell the reader that you got your SOP off of someone else, and that's not a good look, especially since you're trying to pursue tertiary education.

I applied in Centennial college ....
what should I add more to make it look good
any ideas??

 

[zekkeh]

I applied in Centennial college ....
what should I add more to make it look good
any ideas??

right, but i just need to google the entire phrase and could tell you copied it wholesale. dont do that. btw i also got linked to a centennial college website by googling that.

you just need to paraphrase. the sentence structure and quality of each sentence fluctuates so much that it’s really obvious that you copied bits and pieces off someplace else