Relationship tips: how to 'stay together' while not being physically together

[scrls5]

So we are all waiting to finally being reunited with our loved ones, and as much as we want to go there be together while this process is done: it may not be possible.

So I thought I would start a thread so that we can all share tips on how to not drift apart, and keep the relationship strong while we are in process.
We can all contribute, and use the tips that we read here so that we can apply them to our situation and hopefully make things easier.

I'll start:
One of the things that I like to do is to very frequently do skype dates, we get some wine/beers and we have our 'date', another thing we do is that we watch movies together while being on skype. And usually after that we talk a lot about the movie, so that is always fun and interesting.

 

[Ponga]

I've heard of people that meet at a land border, without crossing into each others country...which doesn't sound like it's possible, but it is.

For example, at one of the main border crossings in BC, a person can walk into the `unclaimed zone' between the CBSA building and the US building. The `unclaimed zone' is a place where someone from Canada and someone from the US can stand together, without breaching the `border'.

People can have a physical connection, have a picnic, etc., and then they each turn around and go back to their respective countries, by in essence `flag polling'. I don't know if it's as simple as that, or if at the very least, they would have to walk back through their own country's border checkpoint, but since they have never technically crossed into the other country...I wonder. If anyone considers doing this, please get corroboration from someone before attempting this. I had heard of this working for some people, in a news story from a few years ago.


Of course, this only works if you are living relatively close to each other.

 

[keesio]

Skype (or any video chat) was HUGE for us. We Skyped almost every night. Basically when we were both home, we'd hop on Skype and just let it run. Even if we have nothing to talk about. For example, I would watch her watch TV. And she'd watch me surfing the web. Silly as it sounds, it makes a difference.

 

[jomz]

just as Keesio, me and my husband do the same. We are connected on Skype every night after I get home from work, I usually take the laptop into the kitchen, while we talk he can watch me prepare dinner etc.. In addition I am fortunate enough to also be able to connect with my husband on Skype while I am at work, obviously we cannot talk much as I have to do work, answer calls, have different people come in and out of my office, but him just being there on the other side, reading, or watching TV while I work is comforting. My husband is studying now so he does have a little bit more time to be online (with our time difference it's great), because he's usually done school by the time I wake up.

 

[Capricorn25]

I'm jealous of you couples who are able to chat everyday..

For now, text messages and calls are the main ingredients in our marriage..
Communication is the key!

 

[taffy7]

We do the same thing . We leave facetime running while we are cooking dinner . With the time difference i am with him every night , while i am in work . Lucky for me i work on my own and if someone comes in he just keeps quiet for a bit lol . On the weekends we watch a movie together . I even go to parties with him . He lets me talk to every one at the party and we have a great laugh . We whatsapp a lot too . We are a part from each other but in each other lives every minute, so to speak . When i start work he is just finishing . I get to say good night to him every night . If it wasn't for facetime this really wouldn't work. Long distance relationships are really hard when you are applying outland . One lucky thing we are grateful for is that he is visa exempt so we get to see each other physically every 4 months .

 

[bobisa]

My husband and I are on skype and we text throughout the day when something funny/strange happens. We share videos, pictures, recipes, web pages that we find interesting, and then we discuss these things. This keeps the conversations and connection alive. We also do things like organize a time period where we both work out because it's more motivating or start the same book and talk about it. This gives you some common experiences even though you are not together. You could send each other packages as well. Good luck.

 

[Kuudir2]

My story is very similar to all your stories.

My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and I believe we are still as strong as we were form the beginning of our relationship. I do agree that isn't the easiest thing being so far from each other, but it is manageable!!! Just like everyone here we Skype very regularly, and if we don't get the opportunity to, we talk via phone. And if worse comes to worst....we Facebook. But it doesn't get that bad normally (LOL)

Since we have such a big time difference, we wouldn't be able to eat breakfast together ... so while making my breakfast he would be making an extremely late lunch...or early dinner. Or while doing my assignments (I am currently studying at a university in Ontario) we would be video chatting... and it makes me feel like he is with me.. instead of 1000s of kms away!!

It honestly helps; keeping in touch with your loved ones. And I want everyone to remember that...

Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...


Take care my fellow sponsors,
Kuudir2

 

[truesmile]

Pretty much the same here. I would get up in the middle of the night for one hour of video chat which was middle of the day on the other side. Other than that, simple texting . . . I would actually hold my phone (on vibrate) while sleeping. So if I'm out cold, I could still sleep through it (with the ringer "on" I would never sleep through it).

To each his own, while we for a certainly "missed" each other, we NEVER really felt "alone".

 

[SenoritaBella]

Very nice thread - thanks for creating it @scrls5.

I wish we could Skype, mainly for the ability to see each other and cost wise but we are not able. Internet is quite slow where hubby is, so the closest we get to instant chat is on facebook. Otherwise, it's text, email, calls. We have a 5 hour time difference, so early mornings or evenings work best.
@kuudir2, that was such a sweet message(in bold). Definitely not for the faint of heart. I wish us all the best and may be we reunited with our loved ones soon. CIC do you hear us? LOL

 

[scrls5]

Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...

Absolutely true.

Thank you all for sharing your tips, I hope we all get something out of this that will help us continue.
Has any of you (most likely yes) have ever reached the point of desperation? I sometimes feel super anxious and desperate, its nothing critical as it passes in some hours, but if we could share also how we cope with the hard times it would help.

One thing I did recently, is that I bought a Rubik's cube! and I solved it today! (small stupid thing, but helped me!) wuu! hahah but finding small things to distract myself seems to help a lot sometimes, specially to get out of those desperate times.

 

[SenoritaBella]

When I'm having the hard times, I try to focus on things that are of interest besides this process. For instance:
1. my husband and I have specific days we agreed to not discuss this process unless an emergency arises(lawyer/CIC contacts us). This gives us the opportunity to connect on 'lighter' matters that are of interest to us.
2. talk to people who have either been through the process or are optimistic - sometimes, we are so focused on what hasn't happened yet that we don't stop to appreciate how much we have achieved or overcome.
3. treat myself to something nice - there are many ways to do it on a budget or for free. I went to comedy night which was free cover, only paid for my beverage and laughed my head off.
4. exercise -
5. extended family - allow them to be there for you, even if they don't quite 'get' what you're going through.

Absolutely true.

Thank you all for sharing your tips, I hope we all get something out of this that will help us continue.
Has any of you (most likely yes) have ever reached the point of desperation? I sometimes feel super anxious and desperate, its nothing critical as it passes in some hours, but if we could share also how we cope with the hard times it would help.

One thing I did recently, is that I bought a Rubik's cube! and I solved it today! (small stupid thing, but helped me!) wuu! hahah but finding small things to distract myself seems to help a lot sometimes, specially to get out of those desperate times.

 

[ism45]

Well, it is not easy!

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Distance relationship needs a lot of care and time. I do take a lot of my time to chat, text, Skype .. Etc. And I don't regret it .

This is a special period in the marriage and I advice every one to enjoy it's benefits, . in real life, you might not have the chance to experience romance and communication as well as you do now.

Always be positive and keep faith. Time to be together is not far! For me, days are just numbers, every morning rises, we know we are one day closer to each other s

 

[jomz]

totally agree with ism45. I think in a way we are fortunate to be able to communicate so much. We learn so much about our spouses, we talk, we talk openly, we become patient, where in reality a lot of couples who have not been forced to be in a long distance relationship don't even know each other.

 

[Nevaeha]

It honestly helps; keeping in touch with your loved ones. And I want everyone to remember that...

Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...


Take care my fellow sponsors,
Kuudir2

+1. I shared this on the KG thread -- beautiful, thank you.