Please evaluate my essay.
- Thread starter Hannan Khan
- Start date
I know it is painful to get your efforts dissected by a stranger. But that is how one improves. Please understand that someone who speaks the English language on a proficient level may not necessarily be an expert in writing it. Writing takes practice and it is good you are putting in effort.
Anyway - I'll give you my feedback and I hope it will help you.
1. Grammatical errors are there. I can see that the use of commas is abundant, even in places where they are not required.
2. You stated that there are several disadvantages ... and the next paragraph states that the "foremost disadvantage..". Thereafter the disadvantage sections ends and you start with the advantages. If you use words like "foremost", it gives the reader an impression that you are going to cover multiple topics under one header. In your case you only discussed one. That can lead to reduction in points.
3. Some sentences are too long and can be broken down into multiple fragments. Try doing that.
4. Your ideas are good. You need to support them properly. You present an idea, explain it perfectly but the perfection breaks off when you support it with evidence (evidence does not have to be hard quoted facts, general observations also do provided you can add weight to them - if you understand what I mean). P.S - there are better, more global issues than India Vs Pakistan , PTI U turns vs Pakistani people out there which make sense to people. Give examples that carry weight on a global scale.
5. Avoid using strong words like "hateful". There are multiple synonyms you can use to replace such words.
6. In my opinion words such as "game changers, catch ups" are slang we use when we speak. In writing, these words do not help you score. Again there are replacement words you can easily use.
7. Your conclusion needs to sum up everything very briefly. What your topic was, what was the argument etc etc.. Try rewriting the conclusion to give your essay a nice finishing touch.
Also - try searching for e2jay on Youtube. His videos will help you alot.
Very helpful. I see that there are some silly mistakes which I definitely want to avoid. As in this case, 'foremost' could have been replaced with biggest,most prominent e.t.c.
Complex sentences come naturally to me as I write but I am now trying to write some simple sentences as well. I can see how too many complex sentences break the reader's flow .
I will take care of the other mistakes as well. One question I did have is why strong words like 'hateful' are inadvisable? Not that strong now is it?
Thanks again for your feedback. You guys are pointing out the most silly mistakes ever that I have turned a blind eye to. I need to do better than this.
You have just received a credit card statement from your bank. The statement lists a number of expensive purchases that you are sure you did not make.
Write a letter to the bank manager. In the letter:
• Introduce yourself.
• Explain that you did not buy the items listed.
• Say what you would like the bank to do to fix the problem.
You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this to report an error regarding few ambiguous transactions on my credit card statement that I received today morning.
My name is John Smith and I have been utilising your platinum credit card ending with 9080 since 2 years without an issue. Whereas, today morning I got surprised by looking at my bill as it had few illegitimate purchases under it which left me concerned about my card safety.
If you can analyse my current month credit card purchases, you will be able to notice 2 payment on 18 March against a Fridge and Air conditioner worth of USD 1000 at the XXX store which is 500 Miles away from my place and situated in different city altogether. Moreover, I just did not travel there that day as I was in the hospital to run few medical check up.
I am certain that these transactions had got into my bill due to some technical glitch and hence can be sorted easily by your team. Therefore, I would request you to please run through my bill again and get me rectified version to make the payment as soon as possible to avoid any delay on payment. Also, It would be logical to ask for an replacement for my existing card to safeguard it from any potential threat in the near future.
Looking forward to hear from you!
Yours Sincerely
John Smith
Please evaluate @Hessam or anyone who can help me improving. Struggling for 7 in writing and please remember your feedback can help me sail through.
Much appreciation in advance.
Write a letter to the bank manager. In the letter:
• Introduce yourself.
• Explain that you did not buy the items listed.
• Say what you would like the bank to do to fix the problem.
You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this to report an error regarding few ambiguous transactions on my credit card statement that I received today morning.
My name is John Smith and I have been utilising your platinum credit card ending with 9080 since 2 years without an issue. Whereas, today morning I got surprised by looking at my bill as it had few illegitimate purchases under it which left me concerned about my card safety.
If you can analyse my current month credit card purchases, you will be able to notice 2 payment on 18 March against a Fridge and Air conditioner worth of USD 1000 at the XXX store which is 500 Miles away from my place and situated in different city altogether. Moreover, I just did not travel there that day as I was in the hospital to run few medical check up.
I am certain that these transactions had got into my bill due to some technical glitch and hence can be sorted easily by your team. Therefore, I would request you to please run through my bill again and get me rectified version to make the payment as soon as possible to avoid any delay on payment. Also, It would be logical to ask for an replacement for my existing card to safeguard it from any potential threat in the near future.
Looking forward to hear from you!
Yours Sincerely
John Smith
Please evaluate @Hessam or anyone who can help me improving. Struggling for 7 in writing and please remember your feedback can help me sail through.
Much appreciation in advance.
Please evaluate my letter and give your expert opinion regarding where am I standing on the point scale.
You bought a TV set from a store which has some problems.
Write a letter to explain this problem to the store manager. In your letter:
-Explain what you bought from the store
-Explain what the problem is
-Explain how you expect the problem to be solved
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction and let you know about a problem I have been facing with a Panasonic TV set I bought from your store on 27th June 2019. I hope of getting my problem across through this letter and get that issue rectified.
The TV set has been creating problems from the day 1 I purchased it from your store. The remote that came with it malfunctioned and most of its controls work quite erratically and sometimes, don’t even work at all. I tried running it by changing the batteries but the problem still persists which means there might an issue with its circuit.
I have been a regular customer of your store and majority of electronic appliances I have in my home are sourced from there. This time, my experience has not been really great since I was anticipating this model for quite long because of its bigger screen and was quite excited to get this new model to enjoy latest movie releases with my family.
As a regular and loyal customer, I expect a timely repair or a replacement of this TV set in a timely manner.
Best regards,
KK
You bought a TV set from a store which has some problems.
Write a letter to explain this problem to the store manager. In your letter:
-Explain what you bought from the store
-Explain what the problem is
-Explain how you expect the problem to be solved
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction and let you know about a problem I have been facing with a Panasonic TV set I bought from your store on 27th June 2019. I hope of getting my problem across through this letter and get that issue rectified.
The TV set has been creating problems from the day 1 I purchased it from your store. The remote that came with it malfunctioned and most of its controls work quite erratically and sometimes, don’t even work at all. I tried running it by changing the batteries but the problem still persists which means there might an issue with its circuit.
I have been a regular customer of your store and majority of electronic appliances I have in my home are sourced from there. This time, my experience has not been really great since I was anticipating this model for quite long because of its bigger screen and was quite excited to get this new model to enjoy latest movie releases with my family.
As a regular and loyal customer, I expect a timely repair or a replacement of this TV set in a timely manner.
Best regards,
KK
Dear Friends and supporter,
Please allocate 5 min to check my letter and share your views. Your review is crucial to push me ahead in the right direction of preparation. Request to see if this can get 7 Band.
Thank in advance!
Guys - come on please spend 5 minutes- I know this T1 and reserves less marks but wanted to be sure that I am on track.
Help me...Please
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