Kingston,Jamaica

[CanadianWifey89]

Ummm, this is something that I find difficult..I've said to him 'I feel like I'm always the one struggling through this, do you even care?!" and he always is responding with 'how could you even say that??" or 'so it go' or 'I don't let it bring me down, it's not worth it' or 'mi soon come' or 'it's right around the corner'

I know he finds it hard too, but I feel like when he doesn't tell me when HE is having bad days that he doesn't trust me to support/encourage him...he is my support and comfort, and I just want to be that for him too! I have to try not to take offense to it...I know in the end he thinks if he dwells on it, it will make it worse for us both so he just doesn't.

Wow - you hit the nail on the head...I know and experience the same!

 

[cafelatte02]

Wow - you hit the nail on the head...I know and experience the same!

We all do. Jamaicans are so proud, especialy man. Sharing their feeling is frequently taken as a sign a weakness, it's a cultural thing, they were raised like that, we just cannot take it personal. After almost five years, my husband came to understand that sharing his feelings with his wife was not something weak, it was a proof of trust and love, and that it felt dawm good! It's not something that comes naturally, it cost him, but it's a work in progress.

It was the first time that he admited to find this holiday season so hard this year, beeing away from me. I felt so sad to know he was miserable, but it was tears of joy that came to my eyes knowing that he was opening himself to me so freely, without shame. It was ok to be a little down for once, tomorrow he'd be strong and positive, but not that night. We both hope that we'll plan and live it together next year with his extended Family. He knows I'll be there to support him going through every challenge he will have to face; culture, language, cold, job, etc...

We all experience the same things my friends, we are all in the same boat. We just have to remain strong, to support each other and our partners throughout that long and difficult process.

 

[Ninirae]

You are all so amazing and make me feel much better knowing that I am not in the turmoil portion alone. It makes a HUGE difference to know that basically every single couple is experiencing this in one form or another. Believe it or not, hearing THESE stories, make me feel as comfy as hearing a landing story (okay, so maybe not QUITE as comfy) lol

 

[greengurl]

*sigh*... so apparently it's a boastful war about how much better Jamaica is than Canada and if a choice was given, that Jamaica is #1 to live in... and by war, I mean him having a tirade of how wonderful Jamaica is and me just listening and trying to let it roll of my shoulder... that being said, it quickly ended when I finally said to him: "Honestly, if you don't want to come here because Canada is so awful and Jamaica is so amazing, then don't. I would rather know now, than after you get your VISA and then have to be sent back." All of a sudden it turned into; "I never said it was BAD, I was just trying to tell you the good points about Jamaica. Baby, I want to be with you and I don't care where in the world it has to happen." All of which I know. I have lived in country and city in JA, and I am becoming frustrated with his attitude.

Can I get a little insight here because I know there is NO way I am alone in this. It's like the closer we get to a possible call or update, the more ignorant he is becoming. Remember everyone, he has NEVER left Jamaica. It is the only place he has ever known... :'( :'( :'(

Hi Nini!

I have been through this "war" numerous times with my husband as well! It appears to get worse the longer we go through this process or the longer he has to think about the reality of leaving Jamaica. He also has never left Jamaica and acts like the entire world will end the day he will be leaving and talks about how he can never return once he comes to Canada - which isn't even true. Then the next moment he talks about how excited he is to be in Canada with me and all the amazing things we can do! I believe that this is just fear of the unknown and there are so many unknowns for him once he arrives in Canada that he gets overwhelmed and just says things that maybe he doesn't even intend to say or they come across not as he intended.

My hubby works at a hotel and says that tourists always tell him "why on earth would you want to come and live in Canada" He said to me "if Canada is so great why would anyone say that?" This makes him really wonder what is so bad in Canada that people tell him he is crazy to come and live here. I explain that it is real easy for tourists who are in a fancy hotel, enjoying their unlimited food and drinks and in a tropical destination to say why would you ever want to leave this place!

I find it helps to just go with the flow! I usually let him say what he needs to say as I believe it is how in his mind, he is sorting out all of the change that will be happening.

 

[oneandonly]

Nini everything will work out darling it's just that your hubby hasn't had the canada taste of life yet. Once he gets here all those opinions of his will become an understanding and an apology. Just let the man talk his talk till he gets here. Everything will pan out. My hubby knows all about canada he's been here so I never went through what some of you are going through.

 

[oneandonly]

Greengurl I hear you on that with tourists asking "why would you want to leave and come to canada"

Most tourists don't even know half of what goes on in Jamaica they just see the beautiful parts an luxury hotels. If they actually toured around they would realize why most people want to immigrate to somewhere else. I bet you if a Canadian was to stay in ja for a year they would be complaining about the heat sooner or later. Don't let those tourists get to your husband they will have him going mad.

 

[oneandonly]

Good evening everyone thanks need to be with hubby for the shout out. Hussy soon will get his passport back I'm praying.

How's everyone ?

 

[Ninirae]

Hi Nini!

I have been through this "war" numerous times with my husband as well! It appears to get worse the longer we go through this process or the longer he has to think about the reality of leaving Jamaica. He also has never left Jamaica and acts like the entire world will end the day he will be leaving and talks about how he can never return once he comes to Canada - which isn't even true. Then the next moment he talks about how excited he is to be in Canada with me and all the amazing things we can do! I believe that this is just fear of the unknown and there are so many unknowns for him once he arrives in Canada that he gets overwhelmed and just says things that maybe he doesn't even intend to say or they come across not as he intended.

My hubby works at a hotel and says that tourists always tell him "why on earth would you want to come and live in Canada" He said to me "if Canada is so great why would anyone say that?" This makes him really wonder what is so bad in Canada that people tell him he is crazy to come and live here. I explain that it is real easy for tourists who are in a fancy hotel, enjoying their unlimited food and drinks and in a tropical destination to say why would you ever want to leave this place!

I find it helps to just go with the flow! I usually let him say what he needs to say as I believe it is how in his mind, he is sorting out all of the change that will be happening.

Thanks, I appreciate that side of the insight as well. My hubby works at a 5 star so he has had a couple of comments regarding his desire to leave and their surprise, but I have told him to kind of make a joke and push them a little as to why they think Jamaica is so much better and he actually listened to me finally! lol he said exactly what you just said greengurl... "you would leave this paradise for Canada? Canada is cold and you have to work." It's like they forget that my husband is AT work when they say this, so they are simply referring to having to go back to reality.

I am getting better at letting him say what he needs to... especially since his friend recently went foreign and hubby even told me that he confided in my hubby all his fears about leaving (he too had never left Jamaica). The good news is that after he had been in USA for a bit he contacted hubby and told him that his fears are unfounded. Simply because they are of the unknown. I feel his fear, I have lived it.

I guess it's a one day at a time process for us (as it is for all of you)

 

[Ninirae]

Nini everything will work out darling it's just that your hubby hasn't had the canada taste of life yet. Once he gets here all those opinions of his will become an understanding and an apology. Just let the man talk his talk till he gets here. Everything will pan out. My hubby knows all about canada he's been here so I never went through what some of you are going through.

I just want to grab you and squeeze you with a hug!!!! I already know he is going to eat his words when he finally gets to come here (God willing), but in the meantime that man is driving me to drink!!!! :-* : ???

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

Hun u dnt have to worry... its the same with me and hubby... we argue because off this long ass process and knowing the fact our lives are in kingston hands. It come to.the point where hes so stressed he wanted to end things and when i said fine go ahead, he came back saying he wants to spend his rest of his life with me... its just stress and depression... just try to comfort and tell him everything will work out... be patient in the end theres always a reward...

Yes this is true. This process sure is a test!

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

It is definitely minor and I'm definitely putting more effort into making him see how wonderful I think your country is My hubby thinks he's super Canadianized because he works around Canadians all the time. I giggle and tell him it's very different when he's here.

Your hubby is right! USA and Canada are very different for sure even though we are right next door to one another! ;D I've been told by hubby that he knows "all about Canada" because he has a couple of buddies in the USA. And then he starts reciting things and I try to find the best way possible to tell him he is oh so very wrong and that's not how it is here.

I'm not worried about him adjusting once he's here though and I'm definitely not worried about you adjusting if you've already travelled! Everything will work itself out :

Yes you guys will be alright. Be strong.

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

Ummm, this is something that I find difficult..I've said to him 'I feel like I'm always the one struggling through this, do you even care?!" and he always is responding with 'how could you even say that??" or 'so it go' or 'I don't let it bring me down, it's not worth it' or 'mi soon come' or 'it's right around the corner'

I know he finds it hard too, but I feel like when he doesn't tell me when HE is having bad days that he doesn't trust me to support/encourage him...he is my support and comfort, and I just want to be that for him too! I have to try not to take offense to it...I know in the end he thinks if he dwells on it, it will make it worse for us both so he just doesn't.

You are a strong woman. I hope when you are together that he will become more open. Give this sometime, after all this immigration stuff is over.

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

Nini everything will work out darling it's just that your hubby hasn't had the canada taste of life yet. Once he gets here all those opinions of his will become an understanding and an apology. Just let the man talk his talk till he gets here. Everything will pan out. My hubby knows all about canada he's been here so I never went through what some of you are going through.

Hahah this is so true! I prob have few to make myself Lol

 

[cafelatte02]

You are all so amazing and make me feel much better knowing that I am not in the turmoil portion alone. It makes a HUGE difference to know that basically every single couple is experiencing this in one form or another. Believe it or not, hearing THESE stories, make me feel as comfy as hearing a landing story (okay, so maybe not QUITE as comfy) lol

Sooner or later (preferably sooner ) this madening process will be just a distant memory. We both going to come here to post our own spouse landing story for our fellow Jamfam members ;D I can't wait for that lol!

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

Greengurl I hear you on that with tourists asking "why would you want to leave and come to canada"

Most tourists don't even know half of what goes on in Jamaica they just see the beautiful parts an luxury hotels. If they actually toured around they would realize why most people want to immigrate to somewhere else. I bet you if a Canadian was to stay in ja for a year they would be complaining about the heat sooner or later. Don't let those tourists get to your husband they will have him going mad.

Oh trust me, my husband was one of those tourists until he married me and got to know Jamaica. Last week he said babe I wish I never had to go back to Jamaica. Sad he felt that way but so many thing contribute to that!