Hey everyone. I always wished when we were in the application process, that more people would come back after their husbands got here and share what it was like settling in Canada...so I figured we would. We arrived in Canada January 2012. I had lived and worked in Jamaica for years before we filed to come to Canada...so I was lucky to not endure the separation. My husband got his papers in short time and him, myself and our oldest daughter thought it was smooth sailing. We got them in around six months...and came several months after that once we had our affairs in order on the island. However nothing prepares you for what comes next, especially when your so focused on the journey to get through the immigration process. I wish we'd known more of what to expect because its tough..and tough on a marriage too!!
The first two years were the hardest years of my entire life. Its not always easy for our guys to get into the workforce, not to mention they get tastes of racism and prejudice. This means financial struggle...but can also be incredibly hard on the men as its damaging to their pride. Imagine coming from a country where you struggle but always find a way...and you hustle..and suddenly your in a new country where your kind of hustle doesn't work the same way. Where you have to adapt to a different kind of work force, learn to budget, adapt to a new culture etc. And we the woman naturally are excited to show our country, but for these guys it can hurt the pride after the initial excitement wears off...to have to come to their woman to figure everything out. It makes them feel helpless. Our first two years the biggest struggle was how hard it was for my husband to find stable work. He is a class one driver...so he got trucking jobs here and there and now..a bit over three years later he has a good stable job and is making good money. That was so frustrating...I think he nearly lost his sanity in the struggle to get stable in the work force and his desire to provide for his wife and kids.
But it was a LONG journey...and lots of jobs think immigrant equals someone you can mistreat and screw over. The other hard part is they don't know their rights in Canada...so often in jobs etc...they get screwed at first. Another hard part...is the journey to find their identity in Canada. My husband doesn't like to party...its just not his thing. Once and a while he will go to a event and sit in the back with a glass of juice LOL and listen to music. And for many that is the cultural connection that helps them...so for my husband his homesickness was a huge thing for the first few years. He wanted us to go home to the island daily. We had our second daughter shortly after we got to Canada...Thank you God we were here because she came quite early and health care is the reason she is here today. So added stress...and as a man of course you want to provide. So all the stress...made it hard for my husband to find his place and make a life here. Eventually he did meet people who were not into the party scene...and more low key...so now we do alot more of family BBQ's and fires in the backyard etc..and he has those friends. Its a SLOW adaptation process...and these men often lash out along the way..partly because it is so frustrating and scary to be out of their element. If I could go back in time...I would have been more careful to not be bossy and motherish when my husband first got here. I would have tried harder to make him feel like he could do anything on his own and step back and let him do it without taking control because I know this country better. I would have also prepared myself better for the financial and emotional struggles that come with them adapting. Because once they are here and meet everyone and the excitement wears off...tough times come. And they can tear couples apart!! I've met numerous couples who broke up within five years of arrival...because behind the scenes it was so tough in the first years and it ripped them apart. I would have prepared my husband better for the struggles as well because he came here full of excitement thinking like was going to be incredible. Instead he found struggles getting into the work force, struggles feeling like he couldn't provide for his family the way he did on the island, feelings of frustration and shame having to ask me how to do everything which can lead to resentment, experiencing racism for the first time, experiencing being treated like an immigrant, struggles adapting to new ways of life etc. We have been married for over six years so luckily because we had lived together for years before...we were old news at sharing a home..and that helped. We love each other and are stronger than ever...but it took alot to get through the first years...which were a nightmare...compared to all we pictured in our head.
You picture having them here...taking them to family and friend events, going out with them to movies or parties or a road trip or vacation. You picture sharing your first home, all the new possibilities. You don't think of the dark side...you just want to be together. So I thought I would come share some of the struggles...not to be negative but because I wish someone had warned me so I could be prepared. I wasn't, so it took me a while to not lash out at my husband as well. Now years later..we are raising our two beautiful daughters...we both have excellent jobs and are going to be buying our first house soon and are more in love and happy than ever. But the road to get here from arriving in Canada till now was the darkest road I ever traveled.
My best advice is to prepare your self and your men for the struggles so they have no illusions about what they are coming too. Otherwise its going to be the rudest awakening for them...and they generally don't handle those too well!! And make them feel like no matter how rough the transition is..like they can do anything and stand back and let them learn without taking over. If you give them the tools to feel like they can succeed and the encouragement even in the darkest struggles where you feel overwhelmed and fed up...they will believe they can do anything...and they will!! My husband went to school for a bit...and is now working an excellent job as well has a business on the side. But the first two years...I felt like he would never hold a stable job!! Simple things were mental in the beginning... like he would show up right on time or a minute or two late for work and not get how that looks bad...now he's always half an hour early and understands the system of how to be successful in the Canadian work force. But it takes time!! I wish you all so much luck and blessing in your journeys!! xx Below is my husband and I and me and our beautiful daughters!!!
:'( well maybe by this year we will spend other holidays together!!! 