IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[rer1]

Congrats on 8.5. Yes it is possible. I know a few who have got 9 in writing.

Dear Cansha,

I will be grateful if you can evaluate this essay. Thank you,

With internet improvements, people can leave views or opinions on certain goods or services that they have purchased. Is it a good or a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.





In today’s world, technological advancements have enabled the individuals to give feedback about their online purchases. In my opinion, although it may create unreal impressions on the sellers, it is helpful for the potential buyers as it assists them to choose the most viable option.


First and foremost, I believe that comments in merchandising websites facilitate customers’ decision as they can receive preliminary opinion about products or services easily or avoid unwanted situations. This is because an online comment can ensure them to buy the most suitable item or it can even help them to avoid fraud which is common in online websites. To illustrate, Amazon has an extensive user feedback system where people can give ratings or post comments that helps the purhasers choose the most appropriate item or get informed about theft. Consequently, in my view, online comments are useful for the consumers because they can compare and select the products conveniently with the aid of these reviews.


On the other hand, some people argue that the feedback system may be manipulated to affect the buyer decision with unrealistic comments. Considering this, fake feedbacks may undermine the sales figures of the sellers or guide the customers to wrong products. For instance, when a seller posts a negative or false comment under the opponent retailer, it may confuse the customers and hamper their purchasing behavior. However, this can be prevented with careful screening of the host websites if they check the red flag comments which potentially try to impede the sales of the sellers. As a result, even though there are potential negative effects of the online feedback system, it can be obstructed as online stores can solve this issue easily.


To sum up, it is clear that the internet has brought new improvements to the society. While an online comment might be used as a manipulation to change customer decisions, I believe that it is totally helpful for the customers because it allows them to make the correct decisions before their purchase.

 

[nthalork]

Can you please review this task 1 write up @cansha @H0peAndFa1th

I will be appearing for IELTS for the 5th time in a row on 14th September and need your help correcting my writing.

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter

• describe the situation
• explain your problems and why it is difficult to work
• say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Naresh Kumar, and I am living in room 20 of University Hostel on double sharing basis, and writing to request a change of accommodation as I am having a hard time adjusting with my new roommate.

My roommate, who is from Brazil, is a music student and he likes to host parties at room every other day. His late-night parties are not only affecting my studies in the evening but also disrupting my slumber which affects my next day as well.

I tried to discuss this situation with him a few times, but he is not giving heed to my requests. Since I will be appearing in the final semester examination next month, I would like to spend quality hours with my book so that I can pass with flying colors.

Considering the aforementioned situation, I request you to allocate me a single private room in the same hostel. Although it would cost me almost double to what I am paying, I can not afford to take a chance with my studies in the crucial phase.

I look forward to receiving your favorable response.

Yours sincerely,
Naresh Kumar

 

[nthalork]

In Many Cities (most cities) today, most people live in large apartment blocks, does this kind of accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages?

A large number of high rise complexes are being built in the cities across the globe. In today’s world, the majority of people in urban areas are living in these skyscrapers. While increased security and capacity to accommodate large numbers of families are key advantages of this approach, there are some disadvantages like lack of space and social life of this new style of living.

One of the major disadvantages of living in the multi-story building is that space is very limited and there is no room for children to play. This leaves children with very limited or no space to play around, which limit children to indoor activities and may contribute to making their life more sedentary. Another disadvantage of this fashion of living is limited social interaction among the residents owing to the structure of these buildings, unlike the traditional houses where there only fences between the houses as demarcation which does not hamper the communication and interaction between neighbors, the same is not possible in new buildings. Despite these drawbacks, there are significant advantages to this style of living.


One prominent advantage of living in flats is that they can accommodate a large number of families, which is not feasible with the traditional style of living, owing to the space crunch in most cities. For instance, on a small piece of land, only a few independent houses can be built while the same space can host a large number of flats. In addition to this, these complexes are often more secure than traditional buildings. Most of these buildings have state of the art security and surveillance system, which makes these buildings more secure. Also, trespassing is not possible in these buildings as there are multiple checkpoints, for example, one at the main entrance another one the tower entrance. This is not feasible in the conventional houses as cost of maintenance of such system and process is too high to maintain for a middle-class family.


To conclude, although life in a flat has some disadvantages such as limited social interaction and compact, it some major advantages like the higher capacity to accommodate families and enhanced security it provides to the residents. Considering the space constraint in large cities, benefits of the high rise complexes are comparatively greater than independent houses.

 

[Ashinder]

@cansha , @Not_Your_Donkey_Kong ..can you review the essay below and provide your feedback. Thanks in advance

Topic:
Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while other think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

Essay:

With the advent of technology in every walk of our life, space exploration is no more exception. Due to the cutting-edge technology and scientific discoveries, mankind has a great opportunities to investigate boundless space. There are some critics who supports the idea of knowing more about universe and some argue with this view. In my opinion, I believe that good understanding of universe can help us to resolve the crucial problems of our home planet.

On one hand, space exploration helps in dealing with the concern of limited sustainable land due to increasing population and resource depletion. Searching new planets (which are suitable for people life and which are abundant in essential survival resources) is what modern space science is dealing with. For example, a recent discovery of NASA about the availability of water on planet moon has proved the possibility of human life on this planet. In addition to this, scientist may explore new form of life and living beings such as aliens which are considered to be beneficial for the mankind. That is why space research is worth continuing.

On the other hand, some people think that funding astronomical research is futile. As these projects requires hefty investment which results in putting financial stress on government as well as on the people. For instance, the citizens of Somalia went under poverty due to the heavy investment by the government in cosmic projects. Furthermore, rather than finding new planets we should invest in improving our healthcare and education which will bolster to make our planet a living heaven. All these reasons represents the darker side of the space exploration.

In conclusion, space research provides significant knowledge to us about the universe and I assert that we should allocate adequate funds such that we can fulfill the basic necessities of mankind and at the same time we can continue with our research about the galaxies.

 

[priyanka.kanawat]

Dear @cansha @H0peAndFa1th,
Can you please evaluate my writing task 1 & 2 done in exam environment.

Letter

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.

Write a letter to the company. In your letter

-Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team

-Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts

-Say how you think the company should spend the money

(25 Mins, 251 words)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I truly appreciate the generous step that your company has decided to take for the benefit of the local community in the Malviya Nagar area. I am writing this letter to express my opinion on the two projects that your company has decided to take up under this initiative.

Firstly, the initiative to sponsor a local children’s sports team can bring about the much-needed focus on sports, especially among youngsters. As you are aware, most of the residents of this area belong to the middle to low-income families which makes it difficult for them to afford sports facilities for their children. Therefore, even those children who have a natural talent for sports, are unable to gain the exposure they deserve.

Secondly, the initiative to pay for two open-air concerts will orient people towards performing arts, which are otherwise not one of the focus area for members of these low-income families. This event can also be a great platform for them to come together and socialize on this platform. This could help build more harmony in the community.

While both the initiatives will be extremely beneficial for the community, in my opinion sponsoring children’s sports team deserves more attention right now. If you sponsor children’s sports team in this locality, it can have long term impacts on shaping the personalities of these youngsters, especially in the growing years. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you support this initiative.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Priyanka K.



Essay 4

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

(38 mins, 297 words)

Several people believe that we should push youngsters to take part in organized community activities during their free time whereas another school of thought propagates that they should decide their activities themselves. In this essay, I shall discuss both the perspective and share my opinion.

On one hand, when children engage in organized group activities, especially with other youngsters of their own age group, the interaction enhances their learning skills as it helps develop their mental abilities. A fascinating study was done among school-going children from age 3 to 10 years. It highlighted that the academic performance of those children who are exposed to community activities at least for an hour every day was at least 20% better than those who did not engage in group activities as much.

On the other hand, those children who are left on their own to decide how they were going to spend their time, start independent thinking early on. Such an environment can help them find their own answers and grow up to be great thinkers. An interesting observation that elucidates this is the fact that over 60% of the noble laureates of the last decade grew up in an atmosphere where they occupy themselves on their own. In other words, that environment encourages great thinking.

In my opinion, I believe that encouraging children to decide their own preoccupation can help them blossom as better human being because when anyone is forcibly pushed for any activity it might hamper their growth, more so in the formative years of their lives.

In conclusion, while it might positively influence the learning abilities of youngsters when they are forced to engage in group activities, it could also hamper their personality development. Therefore, children should be left on their own to decide how they want to occupy themselves.

 

[nthalork]

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It believed by some that manager along should be empowered to make decisions in companies, others, however, opine that staff members should be included in the decision-making process. While some consider collective decision making more prudent, others think managers are more capable and can make quick decisions.

Proponents of individual decision making argue that this style of decision-making is better as managers are often experienced and capable of making the right decisions. For instance, decision on the level of inventories can be better taken by a manager as he understands the overall market position and has more experience and exposure than all other staff members. Moreover, they also counter that group decision-making is unnecessarily lengthy as reaching consensus on a matter may take time, most of the times decisions need to be made instantly. Thus, a manager should be given authority to make company decisions.


Those in favor of a collective decision making often argue that this method is more effective as multiples dimensions are taken into consideration and different angles and ideas are discussed before making a decision. For example, a decision to start a new product line should be taken in a group as salespeople better understand customer demands, production staff can better elaborate on quality and material aspects. Since a group decision is taken after due consideration and consultation and multiple minds are involved, hence, it is considered more effective.

Personally, I believe that a combination of both the decision-making style should be used by organizations. While complicated and policy decisions should be taken in a group for more effectiveness, other petty decisions should be taken by the managers alone for efficiency reasons. For example, Branch Managers in the Bank of New Zealand can make related to local hiring but the content of the training is often decided in the group.


To conclude, although some consider individual decision making better as a manager is experienced enough to make a decision, others think that collective decisions bring different thoughts in the decision making process hence they are better. In my opinion, small decisions should be taken by the manager while complex and strategic issues should be decided in a group.

 

[Aruntocanada]

Some businesses observe that new employees who just graduated from a college or university seem to lack interpersonal skills needed for communication with their colleagues. What could be the reason for this? What solutions can help address this problem?


It has been observed by a few businesses that recent graduates from college or university usually lack basic communication skills required for conversing with other colleagues. Though having no specified course seems to be a primary cause of this however, the same can be combated by adding up a required course at the University level.

To begin with, the primary reason why freshers are lacking communication etiquettes while conversing with co-workers is because most of the colleges does not offer any such subject to study. This means, usually universities does not teach specifically about how to interact with other working professional at work, which is quite different than conversing with clients and customers. Since a typical workplace consists of people from different back-ground, ethnicity, and position hence, the style of communication needs to be subtle as well. For example, a new joinee needs to handle a variety of conversation while handling different people like manager, senior manager, and mentor in office.

However, academic institutions can tackle this challenge by formulating a course and by placing it in last semester. This way, students who are going to achieve their degree and ready to join the labour market will also be equipped with the required communication tools. Since this subject will particularly work on the use cases and situations which would arise after joining the work and teaches them how to go about handling tough situations. For example, new joinee will learn how to participate and respond in formal meetings such as target and appraisal meetings.

To conclude, business houses have found a great lack of interpersonal skills in fresh graduate when it comes to communicate with co-workers. Even-though, the primary sources of this issue is that university does not have a module to teach students about this subject however, having a particular subject in last semester which teach work-place related use cases and scenarios would solve this issue.



Please check and see if this can get 7- hopes all is good this time.

Thanks

 

[Aruntocanada]

Hi,

I just had a quick review. Here are my comments:

1 - Your topic sentence doesn't cover all the points mentioned in your body paragraphs.
2 - Your conclusion is just same as your introduction.
3 - I think in the first body paragraph, you should have discussed the advantages as the questions pattern is like that.
4 - There are many grammatical mistakes. I am not going to comment on them as I do struggle with it.
5 - Overall, you have stayed on topic and it seems that the ideas are relevant to the question.

Thanks a lot on your views, please keep checking and sharing feedback.

 

[eunisgreen]

Hi @cansha @Not_Your_Donkey_Kong, i would really appreciate it if you can comment on my Discussion essay. Thank you

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is argued that a university degree is the most useful piece of qualification when applying for a job, but some believe that having experience is more crucial. This essay will discuss both arguments, and explain why higher education and practical experience in the workplace are equally important.

Many people stressed that in order to get a good role at a reputable company, it is essential to have a university degree in hand. This is because higher education has become more accessible, and the world population is getting increasingly educated. As a result, those without a post-secondary degree today are finding it very difficult to get a foot in the job market. This is evident as a bachelor degree is the basic requirement for most entry-level positions nowadays, whereas only high-school diplomas were required about 20 years ago. Therefore, it is advisable that individuals complete their university education prior to starting a job hunt.

On the other hand, others think that employers prefer to hire individuals with practical experience. Working experience provides one the opportunity to learn about time management, and more importantly, how to deal with adversity. The real world is very dynamic and there are many other factors contributing to success in the workplace, knowing how to balance priorities within tight timeline, as well as how to manage push-back will help one to stand out from other qualified applicants. Speaking from personal experience as a recruiter, I receive over 50 applications with excellent education every day, but only those with years of hands-on experience are contacted. Undoubtedly, practical experience gives a job applicant an advantage over those who have not set foot in a working environment before.

In conclusion, although university education is an essential part of one’s qualification when being considered for a job, having related work experience can only further one’s chance in being chosen as the successful candidate. I believe that it is equally important for individuals to both finish a post-secondary degree, and obtain practical experience before entering the labour market.

 

[ieltsOnly]

Can someone take a look at this and let me know how can I improve my writing task2.

Thanks in advance.


The internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive. what are your opinions on this?


While internet has negatively impacted some people's lives, majority of us are benefited with this invention. I strongly agree with this notion as internet played a tremendous role in health care industry and created great employment opportunities to people.


Use of internet in medical industry has drastically changed the lives of many people who do not have access to any basic medical facilities. Often people from rural areas are neglected by governments and the corporate firm in providing basic health facilities. doctors can perform complex operations with the help of experts who are on a video calling over internet. Recently in a village called ABC, where there are no multispecialty hospitals, a local doctor performed a heart surgery with the help of experts over face-to-face conference. Therefore, Internet is definitely a game-changer for medical industry.


In addition to this, In the year 2000, when there is a Y2K boom, suddenly, companies across globe were in dire need of people who has basic computer skills. This later transformed into a major industry providing jobs to millions of young people. According to a research report published, information technology has created 80% more jobs than any other industry in the world from the year 2000. So, Internet has been a disruptor in job creation as well.


To recapitulate, Internet has greatly helped people to solve some of the pressing issues in hospitals industry and generated ample opportunities of employment. So, i strongly feel that internet has positively affected people's lives.

 

[ieltsOnly]

Dear @cansha @H0peAndFa1th,
Can you please evaluate my writing task 1 & 2 done in exam environment.

Letter

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.

Write a letter to the company. In your letter

-Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team

-Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts

-Say how you think the company should spend the money

(25 Mins, 251 words)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I truly appreciate the generous step that your company has decided to take for the benefit of the local community in the Malviya Nagar area. I am writing this letter to express my opinion on the two projects that your company has decided to take up under this initiative.

Firstly, the initiative to sponsor a local children’s sports team can bring about the much-needed focus on sports, especially among youngsters. As you are aware, most of the residents of this area belong to the middle to low-income families which makes it difficult for them to afford sports facilities for their children. Therefore, even those children who have a natural talent for sports, are unable to gain the exposure they deserve.

Secondly, the initiative to pay for two open-air concerts will orient people towards performing arts, which are otherwise not one of the focus area for members of these low-income families. This event can also be a great platform for them to come together and socialize on this platform. This could help build more harmony in the community.

While both the initiatives will be extremely beneficial for the community, in my opinion sponsoring children’s sports team deserves more attention right now. If you sponsor children’s sports team in this locality, it can have long term impacts on shaping the personalities of these youngsters, especially in the growing years. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you support this initiative.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Priyanka K.



Essay 4

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

(38 mins, 297 words)

Several people believe that we should push youngsters to take part in organized community activities during their free time whereas another school of thought propagates that they should decide their activities themselves. In this essay, I shall discuss both the perspective and share my opinion.

On one hand, when children engage in organized group activities, especially with other youngsters of their own age group, the interaction enhances their learning skills as it helps develop their mental abilities. A fascinating study was done among school-going children from age 3 to 10 years. It highlighted that the academic performance of those children who are exposed to community activities at least for an hour every day was at least 20% better than those who did not engage in group activities as much.

On the other hand, those children who are left on their own to decide how they were going to spend their time, start independent thinking early on. Such an environment can help them find their own answers and grow up to be great thinkers. An interesting observation that elucidates this is the fact that over 60% of the noble laureates of the last decade grew up in an atmosphere where they occupy themselves on their own. In other words, that environment encourages great thinking.

In my opinion, I believe that encouraging children to decide their own preoccupation can help them blossom as better human being because when anyone is forcibly pushed for any activity it might hamper their growth, more so in the formative years of their lives.

In conclusion, while it might positively influence the learning abilities of youngsters when they are forced to engage in group activities, it could also hamper their personality development. Therefore, children should be left on their own to decide how they want to occupy themselves.

Hi Priyanka,
I am a newbie to this forum and cannot really do an assessment sentence by sentence like other members here, However, I have few comments on your task1 length and task2 introduction.

Task1: Try not to exceed 180 words, as this will take your valuable time and increase the chances of errors.
Task2 intro: Do not use any generic statements which do not have any information related to the essay. You may replace your last statement with something like this.
In this essay, I shall discuss why the children should be given the freedom to choose what they want.

 

[ieltsOnly]

@cansha

If you get some time please have a look at my essay. Thanks in advance.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.


To what extent do you agree with this statement??


It is frequently believed that investing government wealth on improving basic facilities for citizens is a wiser choice than spending it on a certain group of artists. While artists can still seek funding from private investors, public services are completely dependent on government spending. I strongly believe that the government should divert all their spending towards these services.


On the one hand, musicians or actors often get sponsorships for their plays from corporate companies, who promote their products in these shows. It is a win-win situation as the artists get money and firms get to promote their product at the same event. A recent study shows that 90% of the theater plays in India are sponsored by various organizations for promoting their products. Therefore, the artists are not dependent on government money.


On the other hand, there are many countries in the world, who do not have basic facilities to cater the needs of their citizens. Spending the money to improve these services would greatly benefit lots of people. A recent study indicates that, Bhutan, a country who spend significant amount of their budget on improving public services, is a top ranked nation in terms of happiness index. So, spending funds on developing these facilities is a better idea.


In conclusion, rather than investing funds on a small group of people, spending them on public services add more benefits to the country. Hence, I strongly believe that government money should be spent on building public infrastructure.

 

[nthalork]

Nuclear Energy is a better choice for meeting increasing demand, agree or disagree?

Many people consider nuclear power as a superior alternative to meet growing energy needs. I completely agree with this statement and believe that its cheaper and greener source of mass-energy.

Nuclear energy is preferred over all other options as it is a greener and cleaner source of mass-energy as the process of energy generation from nuclear emit no harmful gases while other major energy sources such as natural gas and coal are known to emit harmful greenhouse gases which substantially degrade the environment. A research report by the World Energy Commission has shown that it is the cleanest mass-energy source available at present. Although people raise a concern about the safety of this source, technology is in the final stage of development to mitigate this risk.


Another reason why nuclear energy is favored over other contemporary options is the cheaper cost of production owing to its portability and mass-energy generation capacity. Transportation of traditional sources of energy such as coal and natural gas is an arduous task as huge quantity of regular supply required at power generation plants whereas a very small quantity of nuclear material is sufficient to power a metropolitan city. This lower operational cost results in cheaper output per unit. This can be illustrated by the fact that one kilogram of uranium can generate power equivalent to 1 tone of coal or 42 gallons of oil.


To conclude, nuclear power is a preferable option to meet rising power demand due to its lower cost of production and environmentally friendly production process than the traditional fossil energy sources.

 

[cansha]

Hi Friends,

I know there are quite a few essays pending for review. I'm in midst of my final move to Canada and have been occupied in packing and stuff. I will try to review the essays in coming weekend once I have settled a little bit in Canada.

All the best to anyone who is appearing for exam in this week. And apologies for ignoring your essays for this long.

 

[ieltsOnly]

Nuclear Energy is a better choice for meeting increasing demand, agree or disagree?


In general, nuclear energy is preferred over other forms of energy to cater to the ever-demanding energy needs of planet earth. As it is one of the cleanest ways of generating power, I would agree to its preference, provided there are strict laws in place to restrict the misuse of nuclear power.


To begin with, nuclear energy which can also be referred to as atomic power is by far the cleanest energy available right now. There are no harmful gases being released in its production unlike in the conventional power generations. Currently, planet earth is in dire need of clean power sources, and atomic power is the best solution for this. For instance, Iceland is praised all over the world for its adoption to clean energy sources. Therefore, the use of nuclear energy should be encouraged.


However, there are serious threats such as 'misuse of nuclear energy' and 'violation of safety norms for atomic power plant', are associated with this. Having access to nuclear energy is like having a nuclear weapon, which can destroy humans in a fraction. So, the governments should control its usage with some stricter laws. Moreover, the manufacturing units should be regularly audited to make sure the unit is safe to be operated. In a recent atomic power plant accident in Japan, 100 workers are killed due to excess exposure to its strong radiation.


In conclusion, I agree with the point that, Nuclear energy is an ideal choice for the future energy needs provided the safety measures are followed and unauthorized usage is limited.