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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

Ashinder

Full Member
Aug 19, 2018
21
2
The intro : In this technological era of emerging technology -> Usage of technological makes your stence redundant. Correct : In this era of emerging technologies.

Task Achievement - The question is straight forward, is it a positive or negative development? This question expects you to choose a side, you can write the positives and negatives in body paragraphs, but in your conclusion and opinion, you are expected to choose a side. Typically, before you start writing the essay, you give 3-5 minutes to it's planning, try to come up with both, positives and negatives and base your conclusion and opinion on the basis of number of points you are able to come for each side.

Coherence and Coherence - It is fine, your paragraphs are appropriately written and in order and do not seem to be illogical.

Lexical Resources - It is also fine. You have used some uncommon words such as paucity, utterly, plethora, cognitive, realm, pernicious, which is good. However, avoid usage of words that are already mentioned in topic such as positive, negative, children, electronic, games, toys and use synonyms for them to get more points on lexical resources. Also, I feel that the word, utterly has been used in wrong manner, I would had avoid it's usage because it's a very strong negative word.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy - This is where you need to focus the most. You should write smaller, complex and compound sentences to score more. Also, I found certain noticeable mistakes with your grammar which would mark your essay down, such as:

1. there are many good reasons for the growing popularity of electronic games -> there are many good reasons for <omit the> growing popularity of electronic games.
2. Moreover there is a convenience that cannot be disregarded -> moreover, there is a convenience factor that should not be disregarded.
3. In conclusion, I assert that electronic games help children to improvise their aptitude and intelligence level while traditional games helps them to stay fit.Both qualities are imperative for the childrens and it becomes responsibility of elders to aware the little ones about the significance of all types of games. -> In conclusion, I believe that electronic games help children improve their aptitude and IQ, while traditional games, such as football/soccer, help them stay physically fit (note: when you say fit? how? physically or mentally?). Both qualities are essential for a child's development and I believe that is the responsibility of the elders to be informed about the benefits of such games.
@dotslash227 Thanks for your feedback.I have used "utterly" because it means 'Absolutely' or Completely or Totally.Please correct me if I am wrong.Once again thanks for your time and suggestions.I'll definitely work on the above stated areas.
 

dotslash227

Champion Member
Apr 28, 2019
1,846
365
@dotslash227 Thanks for your feedback.I have used "utterly" because it means 'Absolutely' or Completely or Totally.Please correct me if I am wrong.Once again thanks for your time and suggestions.I'll definitely work on the above stated areas.
You are right about the meaning of "Utterly", but "utterly" is a very strong word, used to describe negative things, strongly. I would avoid it's usage in the context you wrote. It's like the word "juvenile", juvenile means young children or minors, but would you say, juveniles are playing soccer in the field? No, you'd use children instead of juveniles as a juvenile is primarily used in legal and criminal contexts for children.
 

Aruntocanada

Star Member
Feb 21, 2016
158
28
NOC Code......
0124
You recently read an article in a newspaper about your childhood friend with whom you have lost contact for a long time.
Write a letter to the editor. In your letter:
  • Say which edition and when did the article appear
  • Explain why you lost contact with your friend
  • Say how you want them to help you to get back in touch

Dear Sir,


I am writing to seek your help in order to get in touch with the Author of the article titled “Iron Man” which was published in your mid-day newspaper dated on 15 August, 2018.

I am pleased to let you know that I have been a regular reader of your paper based edition for last 10 years, and particularly admire the “technology fact” section which usually published on 10th page. I read an article mentioned above, under the same section, which was written by Mr. John Hamilton.

I and Mr. John were classmates since we were in primary school and became good friends, however we lost contact after a few years as we both went to different universities abroad. I have been exploring ways to reconnect with my old friend.

Therefore, I would need your cooperation to establish a contact with Mr. John again since you must have his contact details. I would certainly appreciate if you could send me his phone number or at least his postal address so that I can either call him or drop a letter. I am enclosing my contact details which you can use for further correspondence.

Looking forward to hear from you!

Your Sincerely
Mark Hortons


Dear All - please review and suggest !

Thanks in advance
 

oryx_np

Star Member
Apr 22, 2018
86
20
You recently read an article in a newspaper about your childhood friend with whom you have lost contact for a long time.
Write a letter to the editor. In your letter:
  • Say which edition and when did the article appear
  • Explain why you lost contact with your friend
  • Say how you want them to help you to get back in touch

Dear Sir,


I am writing to seek your help in order to get in touch with the Author of the article titled “Iron Man” which was published in your mid-day newspaper dated on 15 August, 2018.

I am pleased to let you know that I have been a regular reader of your paper based edition for last 10 years, and particularly admire the “technology fact” section which usually published on 10th page. I read an article mentioned above, under the same section, which was written by Mr. John Hamilton.

I and Mr. John were classmates since we were in primary school and became good friends, however we lost contact after a few years as we both went to different universities abroad. I have been exploring ways to reconnect with my old friend.

Therefore, I would need your cooperation to establish a contact with Mr. John again since you must have his contact details. I would certainly appreciate if you could send me his phone number or at least his postal address so that I can either call him or drop a letter. I am enclosing my contact details which you can use for further correspondence.

Looking forward to hear from you!

Your Sincerely
Mark Hortons


Dear All - please review and suggest !

Thanks in advance
Apparently, you misunderstood the question, there is a chance of losing a lot of marks for Task Response here.
The newspaper published article about your friend not the one written by your friend.
 
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Aruntocanada

Star Member
Feb 21, 2016
158
28
NOC Code......
0124
Apparently, you misunderstood the question, there is a chance of losing a lot of marks for Task Response here.
The newspaper published article about your friend not the one written by your friend.
Oh yes - I tried to write it in haste and end up missing the core task: Will fix that.

Apart from the above mentioned error, how do you think about the English and flow overall..

Much appreciated.Thanks
 

Neha_89

Member
Jun 5, 2019
12
1
Can someone please evaluate. I am looking for advice to improve.

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children others think that it is dangerous and unhealthy opinion and state both sides with example

Although, it is considered by some that having pets at home is beneficial for kids, while others believe that they might pose threat to the children. In my opinion, I believe that tamed animals are best friends' to children.

On one hand, there are obvious benefits of keeping a pet at home. They not only protects the children but also entertains by playing and listening to them. This keeps them engaged and help them learn to be sensitive to other creatures. A dog for instance not only plays with small kids but also children learns to develop emotional connect with them. Pets become vital part of the family without which life becomes incomplete. Furthermore, pets helps in diverting children's attention from virtual medium such as video games by engaging them in physical activities. This results in turning them a healthy human being. Indeed, pets are essential for the development of small children and in my opinion, it is necessary to keep pets for their well being.

On the other hand, people believe that pets can harm kids and might cause thread to them. While tamed animals are thought to be safe, but they can loose control and turns to be dangerous. Thereby, in such scenarios keeping kids alone with them could prove harmful. Apart from this, a lot of care and cleanliness is required for the animals this is because they can easily catch infection to which kids are exposed to. Thus, treating pets and taking them to doctor regular check up is mandatory to prevent any such occurrence.

In conclusion, though there are certain fears associated with keeping a pet but in my opinion, they prove to be best friend for small children and also safeguards them.
 

oryx_np

Star Member
Apr 22, 2018
86
20
Can someone please evaluate. I am looking for advice to improve.

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children others think that it is dangerous and unhealthy opinion and state both sides with example

Although, it is considered by some that having pets at home is beneficial for kids, while others believe that they might pose threat to the children. In my opinion, I believe that tamed animals are best friends' to children.

On one hand, there are obvious benefits of keeping a pet at home. They not only protects the children but also entertains by playing and listening to them. This keeps them engaged and help them learn to be sensitive to other creatures. A dog for instance not only plays with small kids but also children learns to develop emotional connect with them. Pets become vital part of the family without which life becomes incomplete. Furthermore, pets helps in diverting children's attention from virtual medium such as video games by engaging them in physical activities. This results in turning them a healthy human being. Indeed, pets are essential for the development of small children and in my opinion, it is necessary to keep pets for their well being.

On the other hand, people believe that pets can harm kids and might cause thread to them. While tamed animals are thought to be safe, but they can loose control and turns to be dangerous. Thereby, in such scenarios keeping kids alone with them could prove harmful. Apart from this, a lot of care and cleanliness is required for the animals this is because they can easily catch infection to which kids are exposed to. Thus, treating pets and taking them to doctor regular check up is mandatory to prevent any such occurrence.

In conclusion, though there are certain fears associated with keeping a pet but in my opinion, they prove to be best friend for small children and also safeguards them.

I am not quite good at IELTS writing skills. But I will mention some errors that i came across while reading your essay.
Although,(There should not be comma after although) it is considered by some that having pets at home is beneficial for kids, while(You don't need while because you already have used although in the same sentence) others believe that they might pose threat to the children. In my opinion, I believe that (You already said "In my opinion") tamed animals are best friends'(Why apostrophe?) to children.


On one hand, there are obvious benefits of keeping a pet at home. They not only protects the children but also entertains by playing and listening to them. (Here, I found some subject-verb agreement problem with verb "entertain" and I would use 'pets' instead of 'a pet' for pets in general. Also, it would sound natural to continue using "they" )

This keeps them engaged and help them learn to be sensitive to other creatures. (Not sure what "this" refers to. Also, is "them" being used for the pets or the children, it isn't obvious looking at the previous sentence)


A dog for instance n
ot only plays with small kids but also children learns to develop emotional connect with them.
(Here you are missing commas before and after "for instance" and the second clause is not parallel to the first one. if you are using a dog as subject in first clause use the same in the second one too, and there is a mistake in subject-verb agreement)

Well, I could see issues with every other sentence. So, I am not going through each sentence in detail.
I suggest you focus more on grammar because writing error-free sentences is very important.
 
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Aruntocanada

Star Member
Feb 21, 2016
158
28
NOC Code......
0124
Dear all,

Today I have got my IELTS result below from DP-PB

L=7.50,

R=7.00,

W=6.50,

S=8.00,

Over All=7.50 Scores

Obviously, I did not score what I needed, 8777. Please suggest if I should go for revaluation where I suppose my writing can score can change but anyone has seen listening got changed too.

Please advice.

Next step : I am planning for IDP CB - Please suggest if anyone has any tip or experience for the same.

@hope @CanSA - need your special guidance.
 

Neha_89

Member
Jun 5, 2019
12
1
I am not quite good at IELTS writing skills. But I will mention some errors that i came across while reading your essay.
Although,(There should not be comma after although) it is considered by some that having pets at home is beneficial for kids, while(You don't need while because you already have used although in the same sentence) others believe that they might pose threat to the children. In my opinion, I believe that (You already said "In my opinion") tamed animals are best friends'(Why apostrophe?) to children.


On one hand, there are obvious benefits of keeping a pet at home. They not only protects the children but also entertains by playing and listening to them. (Here, I found some subject-verb agreement problem with verb "entertain" and I would use 'pets' instead of 'a pet' for pets in general. Also, it would sound natural to continue using "they" )

This keeps them engaged and help them learn to be sensitive to other creatures. (Not sure what "this" refers to. Also, is "them" being used for the pets or the children, it isn't obvious looking at the previous sentence)


A dog for instance not only plays with small kids but
also children learns to develop emotional connect with them.
(Here you are missing commas before and after "for instance" and the second clause is not parallel to the first one. if you are using a dog as subject in first clause use the same in the second one too, and there is a mistake in subject-verb agreement)

Well, I could see issues with every other sentence. So, I am not going through each sentence in detail.
I suggest you focus more on grammar because writing error-free sentences is very important.
I am not quite good at IELTS writing skills. But I will mention some errors that i came across while reading your essay.
Although,(There should not be comma after although) it is considered by some that having pets at home is beneficial for kids, while(You don't need while because you already have used although in the same sentence) others believe that they might pose threat to the children. In my opinion, I believe that (You already said "In my opinion") tamed animals are best friends'(Why apostrophe?) to children.


On one hand, there are obvious benefits of keeping a pet at home. They not only protects the children but also entertains by playing and listening to them. (Here, I found some subject-verb agreement problem with verb "entertain" and I would use 'pets' instead of 'a pet' for pets in general. Also, it would sound natural to continue using "they" )

This keeps them engaged and help them learn to be sensitive to other creatures. (Not sure what "this" refers to. Also, is "them" being used for the pets or the children, it isn't obvious looking at the previous sentence)


A dog for instance not only plays with small kids but
also children learns to develop emotional connect with them.
(Here you are missing commas before and after "for instance" and the second clause is not parallel to the first one. if you are using a dog as subject in first clause use the same in the second one too, and there is a mistake in subject-verb agreement)

Well, I could see issues with every other sentence. So, I am not going through each sentence in detail.
I suggest you focus more on grammar because writing error-free sentences is very important.
Thanks @oryx_np for your valuable comments. I will try to work on the areas you mentioned
 

Rashmika

Newbie
Jun 14, 2019
1
0
I have given my 3rd attempt on 1st june however, again I lacked in writing at 6.5. My others score are L 8-9 R 7.5 -8.5 and speaking 7.5 .
I m sending for revaluation
But honestly i dont want to waste time and I want to still do practice, in case I have to reattempt.
So please, guide me to achieve 7
 

lucky1943

Newbie
Jun 10, 2019
1
0
Can someone please review my letter and tell me improvements that i can make. I have IELTS general on June 30. Previously, i got 6.5 in writing and above 8 in all other modules. I would really appreciate if you guys can help me out.

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.

Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter

  • describe the problem with the equipment
  • explain how this problem is affecting your work
  • say what you want the shop or company to do

Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing to complain about a product that I bought from your company last year for my home based job. Actually, I bought a Lenovo laptop from your company last year from the company outlet in Nehru Place, New Delhi and I have been having connectivity issues with it from past one month which is causing a substantial effect on my daily job.

Let me explain it to you in detail. I work as a virtual medical scribe for my clients who are physicians in United States. So, while they are discussing the medical history and medications with patients, I have to listen to their conversation and document it. To achieve this task, my laptop should be continuously connected with the internet but from past one month I have been experiencing connectivity issues due to which I am unable to connect calls to my clients. Due to this issue, I have already lost two clients. Initially, I thought that the problem is with wifi modem or connection and i have had it checked. There is no issue with the internet connection and they have recommended me to consult with my laptop company.

I would like to suggest you to send a company professional to my home as soon as possible as you can because I have been unable to do my work properly because of the issue. I would really appreciate if you could send someone in next 2-3 days. I have enclosed my contact number with the letter as well, so that the company professional can call me when they are coming to my place to take a look at it.


I am looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours faithfully,

Robin Matharu
 

bsingh

Star Member
Jan 8, 2013
140
15
Category........
Visa Office......
CPP Ottawa
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
LANDED..........
15-01-2015
Got 6.5 in writing.... should I go for EOR?