IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[marosa]

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Many prefer watching movies on their phones, whilst others prefer to experience it in a cinema house. This discussion would elucidate both the viewpoints with a section dedicated to my opinion too. Of course it will, or else you won’t get the grade. Instead, give a short preview of what you’re going to talk about in your body paragraph and give your opinion too. E.g. “ In my opinion, while this trend has drawbacks in terms of incomplete experience, it still has an overall positive impact, since it has made watching movies widely accessible”.

World at your fingertips, this is the catchphrase which has enticed all, furthermore phones and tablets with enormous computing power have become the norm, gigabit speed of internet has turned phones into mini cinema on the go. You need a sentence with the main idea here, where you’ll say that people are now able to watch movies no matter where they are. So, even if people live away from the main cities they are no longer isolated from the contemporary culture. Traditional media houses have joined the bandwagon by introducing Netflix, Amazon Prime Video among many, which host thousands of Movies, TV shows and Documentaries. For example, in 2019 the digital platforms in India have introduced cut throat pricing. Your previous sentence is already an example. Phones have broken the barrier of affordability and even a villager in remote location is able to relish movies at his own pace and leisure in the comfort coziness of his home. You can paraphrase this and put it at the beginning of the paragraph, since this is your main idea.

On the other hand, Cinema lovers emphasize that experiencing movies on large screen with special acoustic technology such as Dolby is second to none. Movies such as the Avengers series or Avatar can only be relished in a multiplex with 3D and 4D technology. Besides, Going to the cinema also leads to more social interaction between friends and family. Develop this idea, for example say “this is very essential especially at the age of social networking, when people have reduced face to face interaction drastically”. The age of Cinema has not seen it's sunset yet, the prime example is the expansion of the Inox and PVR chain of multiplexes in India. Does not answer to the task.

All things considered, I opine that both of these mediums have their place in the society catering to a myriad of populations in ways we have never seen before and none of them can be shunned. Here, you can: 1. Agree that the described situation is positive (it’s good that people watch films on el devices), 2. Say that it’s bad (since you don’t get the full experience from the movie), 3. Say that it’s good in some cases and bad in other (e.g. good for those who live in rural areas and have no access to cinemas, but those who live in the city should not replace cinemas with mobiles). If you select the 3rd version, it’s ok to have the 3rd paragraph, if not, you don’t need this paragraph and it’s better to put your opinion in the intro and conclusion only.

In Conclusion, phones and tablets have revolutionized entertainment landscape, nonetheless there is a sizable number of old school film lovers who love to watch the reel on big screens too. Shortly remind of your main ideas and restate your opinion. Don’t give new ideas, they’ll deduct scores for that.

Hi!
Please get to know the Task 2 structure. You have no issues with grammar or vocabulary, but you almost didn’t answer to the task + your essay is not structured properly, for IELTS at least. (See my comments above).

 

[marosa]

In modern times, young adults are spending more time with their friends rather than with their family members.
Why this is happening?
Do you think parents should force their children to stay at home with them?

Is Task Achievement OK?


Youngsters spend more time with their friends rather than with their parents and siblings in recent times years. One of the main reasons for this issue is that the young feel restricted in their homes. Also, However, in my opinion, mothers and fathers should not influence them to stay at home to make their relationships better to avoid potential social issues. Btw you almost didn’t paraphrase the task.

Young adults feel restricted when they are with their family members because their thoughts are not welcomed normally in any conversation or any decision. It is a tradition in most countries in which Where every decision in a family is taken made by an elder member, whether significant or not. Moreover, it is believed that adolescents are immature and not capable to take any decision. However, at the same time? they feel relaxed and valuable when they are with their friends since friends decide and negotiate every activity mutually. For example, parents force their children to study whenever they are at home; however, they study according to their schedule when they do group study with their friends. You need a better example to show how teens prefer friends over parents. E.g. overwhelming majority of young people go out with friends not parents, or most of capps/text messages during the day goes to friends and very rarely teens call or especially text to their parents. Though I’m sure you can think of a better example.))

Link this to the previous paragraph with despite the above mentioned trend, however etc. Parents should refrain to force the young ones to stay at home. This is because the young blood is usually immature and can take any wrong decision when they are not given liberty to do things according to their needs. This decision could lead to a rebellious attitude against parents or to increase the chance of dependency on illicit substances to cope up with the stress caused by their parents' autocratic behavior. Moreover, it can affect their long-term relationship with their parents which they may realize later in their life. So What? Either develop or remove) For instance, the intimacy between mothers and the young ones is higher in the United Kingdom than any other country because parents allow their children to do things in their way without questioning their capability.

In conclusion, independence is not felt by youngsters when they are at their home and this is the main reason why the young ones often spend more time with their friends where they feel liberal and free. At the same time It must also be noted that fathers and mothers should not force their children in any manner to stay home as they are immature. As it can cause drug abuse issues))))) I mean put the real reason here, “they are immature” - means parents should indeed limit their freedom.

Hi!
In general, in your case:

BP1 should overall be about the psychological reasons of teens prefering to interact with people of the same age rather than the older generation

BP2 should be about social problems that can rise shall parents decide to violate children’s freedoms.

 

[marosa]

Hi All,

I am new to this website. I have passed IELTS twice, but struggling to get 7 in writing as many Would appreciate your valuable comments regarding my latest essay.


Many students take part-time jobs while studying in university.
Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea???

Nowadays, working part-time during the university years is a common practice among students. In my opinion, despite some drawbacks I consider it as a positive trend because students realize the value of money and the importance of the competition in the job market.

On the one hand, students who manage to combine both work and study effectively during the time in the university tend to benefit later both in life and career and I agree. Firstly, those who start their career early in life understand the value of money and as a result, they gain money-management experience which is a crucial skill for anybody. In other words, keeping balance between earnings and expenditures is useful not only for business people but for any individual who starts to pay bills from the received income. Secondly, students ought to learn how to compete with each other in order to be successful later in life when, as adults, they must compete against others in the job market. Maybe you could add an example here, e.g. it’s therefore no wonder that many successful people combined studies and work during university years; or many companies prefer to hire graduates with at least some work experience...

On the other hand, part-time jobs during the learning process in the university may or “might” to show you don’t give too much importance to that possibility distract a student from gaining knowledge. Students in universities often have a tight schedule, especially in the MBA course, they possess very limited free time, thus working even a couple of hours a day can may/might be an exhausting experience. Students have to apply themselves while in university and the emphasis should be on the learning process and gaining valuable knowledge. Maybe you could switch BP1 and BP2, it’s always better to first talk about the idea you don’t support.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions whether this tendency is positive or negative how about - even though work might distract some students from their studies, I think that students, who can dedicate time to work for working up to 20 hours a week, stand a better chance to succeed later in life.

Hi!

I’m not sure at all, but your BP1 is longer than BP2, especially if you add one more sentence for the example. Maybe you would want to divide it into 2 paragraphs, to discuss two aspects - everyday life and business/career. You could first say it’s beneficial in terms of budgeting in everyday life (“keeping balance between earnings and expenditures is useful not only for business people but for any individual who starts to pay bills from the received income.”). And then talk about benefits in terms of career growth.

On the other hand BP1 is the idea you support so it can be ok to have more details on that one.

And again, many tutors advise to leave the idea you support for the last paragraph(s).

Overall, I believe you should be fine. Sometimes there are tiny mistakes here and there that don’t let people proficient in English jump from 6,5 to 7+.

 

[arsnur]

Hi!

I’m not sure at all, but your BP1 is longer than BP2, especially if you add one more sentence for the example. Maybe you would want to divide it into 2 paragraphs, to discuss two aspects - everyday life and business/career. You could first say it’s beneficial in terms of budgeting in everyday life (“keeping balance between earnings and expenditures is useful not only for business people but for any individual who starts to pay bills from the received income.”). And then talk about benefits in terms of career growth.

On the other hand BP1 is the idea you support so it can be ok to have more details on that one.

And again, many tutors advise to leave the idea you support for the last paragraph(s).

Overall, I believe you should be fine. Sometimes there are tiny mistakes here and there that don’t let people proficient in English jump from 6,5 to 7+.

Thank you for your feedback. Comments are really helpful!
Now I am checking this website https://ieltsliz.com and there Liz write in the same order as I did, however, I agree with you that most of the tutors teach vice versa)

 

[Nerd13]

Hi!
Please get to know the Task 2 structure. You have no issues with grammar or vocabulary, but you almost didn’t answer to the task + your essay is not structured properly, for IELTS at least. (See my comments above).

thank you so so much for this review ... i really appreciate it

 

[Frk4]

Hi,
I am writing my ielts onApril 26 2020,can I get help where I can get material for ielts practice to improve my reading and writing and speaking skills basically its for PR so need to get a good band trying to get around 8 to 8.5

 

[Frk4]

I am looking for a speaking partner too.If anyone interested please let me know.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Hi!
In general, in your case:

BP1 should overall be about the psychological reasons of teens prefering to interact with people of the same age rather than the older generation

BP2 should be about social problems that can rise shall parents decide to violate children’s freedoms.

Thankyou sir. Working hard to correct mistakes.

 

[hardeep bal]

Hi every body,
I really want my Writing result to be 7 or more.
Could you please help me with assessing the following essay:

Q: Shopping is the favorite past time for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities?

A: In the last few decades shopping has become an interestingly common practice for youngsters. Although it is just about purchasing useful things such as groceries, clothes, it also ameliorates adults to pass their leisure time. I firmly believe that young individuals should participate in other activities so that they will develop themselves both physically and mentally.

Young people find it extraordinary to amalgamate fancy things at their homes. As modernization has brought numerous companies in the market, which sells a plethora of items to lure customers and compel them to purchase them. In a BBC survey, for instance, the majority of the United States civilians find it lucrative activity to visit shopping malls instead of staying at home during holidays. Subsequently, if the collection of things is usually preferred by the hoi polloi, it means that this activity has a tendency to work as a top-rated leisure job.

Moreover, sports and reading are two significant aspects of a person's life to become a well-developed citizen. It is because with the assistance of sports a corpulent person can lose his weight, similarly with reading one can overcome his dearth of knowledge regarding any subject. In fact, research at Oxford University has conducted studies on eclectic hobbies of individuals and resulted that both playing games and looking into books are simultaneously vital even if a person is well-equipped with all other necessary items. Hence, life would be insipid without the encouragement of these practices, also it eventually leads to contribute to the development of a body.

In conclusion, shopping is undoubtedly a paramount practice. Despite purchasing common items, visiting the shopping sites can also be considered as a crucial activity. However, other practices must be acknowledged too because those will not only burnish a skill-set of an individual but also improves his metabolism.

 

[cansha]

I have been away from this thread for few days but so great to see people helping each other. There were some great reviews done in last few pages and hopefully our new members found them useful. I still see some of the common mistakes in the essays which have been discussed numerous times on this thread.

if you are new to this thread please read this post on most common things to avoid. https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

So keep posting your essays but please do read this post first.

All the best!

 

[cansha]

Hi every body,
I really want my Writing result to be 7 or more.
Could you please help me with assessing the following essay:

Q: Shopping is the favorite past time for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities?

A: In the last few decades shopping has become an interestingly common practice for youngsters. Although it is just about purchasing useful things such as groceries, clothes, it also ameliorates adults to pass their leisure time. I firmly believe that young individuals should participate in other activities so that they will develop themselves both physically and mentally.

Young people find it extraordinary to amalgamate fancy things at their homes. As modernization has brought numerous companies in the market, which sells a plethora of items to lure customers and compel them to purchase them. In a BBC survey, for instance, the majority of the United States civilians find it lucrative activity to visit shopping malls instead of staying at home during holidays. Subsequently, if the collection of things is usually preferred by the hoi polloi, it means that this activity has a tendency to work as a top-rated leisure job.

Moreover, sports and reading are two significant aspects of a person's life to become a well-developed citizen. It is because with the assistance of sports a corpulent person can lose his weight, similarly with reading one can overcome his dearth of knowledge regarding any subject. In fact, research at Oxford University has conducted studies on eclectic hobbies of individuals and resulted that both playing games and looking into books are simultaneously vital even if a person is well-equipped with all other necessary items. Hence, life would be insipid without the encouragement of these practices, also it eventually leads to contribute to the development of a body.

In conclusion, shopping is undoubtedly a paramount practice. Despite purchasing common items, visiting the shopping sites can also be considered as a crucial activity. However, other practices must be acknowledged too because those will not only burnish a skill-set of an individual but also improves his metabolism.

Curious .. your profile says you got visa in 2016. Why IELTS again?

 

[hardeep bal]

Curious .. your profile says you got visa in 2016. Why IELTS again?

Hay, its for GT now I am applying under EE

 

[cansha]

Hi every body,
I really want my Writing result to be 7 or more.
Could you please help me with assessing the following essay:

Q: Shopping is the favorite past time for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities?

A: In the last few decades shopping has become an interestingly common practice for youngsters. See such generic lines kill your essay. If you begin your essay with such line chances are examiner has already made up his / her mind subconsciously about your scores. Why? Because of the phrase in last few decades. Seriously. What does it even mean? You mean to say young people were shopping a lot in 80s and 90s also.
The key to writing an essay is to understand the context of it. Chances are this topic wants to address the recent consumerism driven by advent of online shopping and relatively high disposable income that youngsters can get based on conventional jobs like being a software developer in Google or just being a social media influencer on Instagram at a very young age. THINK about the topic.
Although it is just about purchasing useful things such as groceries, clothes, it also ameliorates Another example of a learnt word being used out of context just to show off vocab and hence low scores. adults to pass their leisure time. I firmly believe that young individuals should participate in other activities Like what? so that they will develop themselves both physically and mentally.

Young people find it extraordinary to amalgamate fancy things at their homes. No idea what this line means. Again fancy words, no context and no message.
As modernization has brought numerous companies in the market, which sells a plethora of items to lure customers and compel them to purchase them. Okay when did this happen? In last few decades?
In a BBC survey, for instance, the majority of the United States civilians find it lucrative activity to visit shopping malls instead of staying at home during holidays. Subsequently, if the collection of things is usually preferred by the hoi polloi, it means that this activity has a tendency to work as a top-rated leisure job.

Moreover, sports and reading are two significant aspects of a person's life to become a well-developed citizen. It is because with the assistance of sports a corpulent person can lose his weight, similarly with reading one can overcome his dearth of knowledge regarding any subject. In fact, research at Oxford University has conducted studies on eclectic hobbies of individuals and resulted that both playing games and looking into books are simultaneously vital even if a person is well-equipped with all other necessary items. Hence, life would be insipid without the encouragement of these practices, also it eventually leads to contribute to the development of a body.
My feedback is rather than focusing on complex vocab which is making this a rather laborious read focus on the message and idea flow. Not to say the ideas are not there. I can see it. BUT the flow is juts not there.

In conclusion, shopping is undoubtedly a paramount practice. What?
Despite purchasing common items, visiting the shopping sites can also be considered as a crucial activity. WHY? Your whole argument in BP1 is that people are shopping because they want fancy things and because they are being lured. Now you say it is crucial. You see a problem here?
However, other practices must be acknowledged too because those will not only burnish a skill-set of an individual but also improves his metabolism. Seriously one should do different things just for metabolism?

This essay is no where close to 7.

 

[cansha]

Hay, its for GT now I am applying under EE

Ah okay. Makes sense. That probably was student visa. Just reviewed your essay. My apologies if it sounds harsh. That was not the intention. Please don't take the feedback personally.

All the best!

 

[hardeep bal]

Ah okay. Makes sense. That probably was student visa. Just reviewed your essay. My apologies if it sounds harsh. That was not the intention. Please don't take the feedback personally.

All the best!

Thanks for your feedback though I posted it for the same reason, just one thing I guess it is close to 7 (but not 7) coz I got 6.5 twice in last 2 months hehe, You’re doing great job keep it up