Yeah
Rewriting it to state only relevant information and making to fit just one page is better
Have a look at my sop
- Thread starter Jaskler
- Start date
Rewriting it to state only relevant information and making to fit just one page is better
Did you apply with the SOP?
Good to know. Did you apply for study permit? Did you get accepted?
yes, I have received Approval in principle on 14 August with the above Sop.
Respected Visa officer, I was recently refused study permit. To understand the refusal points better, I requested GCMS notes and found the following case notes of visa officer upon which the decision to refuse upheld.
“Below I have reproduced the notes (in yellow) mentioning only the material wordings followed by my rebuttal / explanations to those reasons. The full version of the notes is part of the Embassy record and I am sure it can be retrieved by your office”
GCMS NOTE 1
O level grades from Kuwait are 2 C's and 2 D's……The client has a poor academic record. PA accepted into a bridging program offered by International College Manitoba. PA would be required to satisfactorily complete four semesters before being admitted into U. Manitoba Bachelor of Science program. Given PA's previous academic achievement which demonstrated C and D level grades, I am not satisfied that applicant's previous studies and employment align with proposed studies in Canada…..I am not satisfied that the cost and difficulty of studying in Canada are commensurate with the applicant's circumstances.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
Not having better grades during my IGCSE was mainly due to lack of academic planning which I now seek to correct by registering myself for the appropriate study route and course offered by University of Manitoba through their partner college called International College of Manitoba.
It is submitted that discussion in my family about migration back to Pakistan initiated during 2018 and so in order to avoid future disruptions I also had to do my education planning according to that. Therefore, after completion of 10th Grade from the School based in Kuwait, I went to Pakistan to get admission in A levels; however after a while I realized that this was not possible and that I was ill-advised. I then had to come back to Kuwait where I took admission in one year IGCSE course. I believe that the bad decision making, lack of academic planning, the decision taken in haste and cursory manner and the family migration process were really the factors of my little below average performance in IGCSE. I have shared my 9th & 10th Grade report where you can see that I have been a good student throughout. I have also recently undertaken IELTS tests and have secured 7.5 band and in 1 component 8.5 band.
Please note that the proposed study route is specifically designed to help student with previous difficulty in studies. Where I come from, it is a natural study progression and route and that the best any student could get with similar profile. For example my last completed qualification is IGCSE or equivalent to 11th Grade. In Canada if you need direct admission in the University, you have to have at least 12th standard with required University grades. Now my study route is University Transfer Program Stage 1 which is equivalent to 12th Grade in Canada, followed by University Transfer Program Stage 2 which is equivalent to Undergraduate Year 1. After completing 4 semesters, I will have increased academic capacity to take on University level study from entry point Year 2 of Bachelor Degree. The current lacking in my academic capacity to which you rightly mentioned will be sufficiently catered for by studying 4 semesters in the proposed University before transferring into 2nd Year of my proposed Undergraduate program. By choosing this route I do not have to study extra year or semester and at the same time University will help me improve my academic capacity.
GCMS NOTE 2
It is not clear if the PA is now resident in Kuwait or Pakistan: he is not well established and pull factors to CDA may outweigh ties elsewhere. I am not satisfied he is a genuine student or that he will leave CDA.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
It is submitted that we are now fully migrated back to Pakistan and have robustly established our presence here. My father worked as an engineer for the last 25 years at the world’s one of the known Oil Field services company called Schlumberger Limited. My father is currently engaged in a multiple businesses in Pakistan and earning sufficient income per month. My father owns substantial land in Pakistan as well as own profit shares in the two gas stations. His current net financial worth is in the region of 245.6 million PKR or Canadian Dollars 6.4 million. Our financial and economic circumstances are considered amongst the top tier elite of Pakistan and that there are prima facie no economic factors to change my intention other than to study. Also my friends and family are based here demonstrating strong social and family ties in Pakistan. My only intention for traveling to Canada is to pursue higher education.
I respectfully submit that if you separating my personal economic situation from my parents’ then every student at my age and education level would bound to be refused as I am a student and have not yet have the required formal higher education.
GCMS NOTE 3
The study plan does not appear reasonable given the applicant's employment and education history.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
I respectfully submit that my study plan is and has been very clear. I further hereby make an attempt to explain more clearly.
At the outset I would like to add that I did an internship (unpaid though) at a local company whereby I shadowed the IT department of that company. Due to Corona that internship ended in Feb 2021 but that very short period of time working in an IT Company actually provided me an opportunity to explore my career options and that is when I decided to pursue computer science course using the proposed study pathway i.e. UTP (University Transfer Program). Please note that I could not have any sustainable employment history as I am just a student learning and pursuing my career.
Nevertheless, I submit that I am pretty much clear about my study and career plan. As I explained above, that the proposed course is literally designed to help student with difficulties in their previous study and so I decided to take on 4 semesters of University Transfer program and when I reach Year 2 of Undergraduate course, my academic capacity is increased. Look if I was University study ready, I would not have embarked to take on the University Transfer course. This program is a natural progression route for students with profile such as mine.
My full sop is not fitting in here im adding the rest after this
“Below I have reproduced the notes (in yellow) mentioning only the material wordings followed by my rebuttal / explanations to those reasons. The full version of the notes is part of the Embassy record and I am sure it can be retrieved by your office”
GCMS NOTE 1
O level grades from Kuwait are 2 C's and 2 D's……The client has a poor academic record. PA accepted into a bridging program offered by International College Manitoba. PA would be required to satisfactorily complete four semesters before being admitted into U. Manitoba Bachelor of Science program. Given PA's previous academic achievement which demonstrated C and D level grades, I am not satisfied that applicant's previous studies and employment align with proposed studies in Canada…..I am not satisfied that the cost and difficulty of studying in Canada are commensurate with the applicant's circumstances.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
Not having better grades during my IGCSE was mainly due to lack of academic planning which I now seek to correct by registering myself for the appropriate study route and course offered by University of Manitoba through their partner college called International College of Manitoba.
It is submitted that discussion in my family about migration back to Pakistan initiated during 2018 and so in order to avoid future disruptions I also had to do my education planning according to that. Therefore, after completion of 10th Grade from the School based in Kuwait, I went to Pakistan to get admission in A levels; however after a while I realized that this was not possible and that I was ill-advised. I then had to come back to Kuwait where I took admission in one year IGCSE course. I believe that the bad decision making, lack of academic planning, the decision taken in haste and cursory manner and the family migration process were really the factors of my little below average performance in IGCSE. I have shared my 9th & 10th Grade report where you can see that I have been a good student throughout. I have also recently undertaken IELTS tests and have secured 7.5 band and in 1 component 8.5 band.
Please note that the proposed study route is specifically designed to help student with previous difficulty in studies. Where I come from, it is a natural study progression and route and that the best any student could get with similar profile. For example my last completed qualification is IGCSE or equivalent to 11th Grade. In Canada if you need direct admission in the University, you have to have at least 12th standard with required University grades. Now my study route is University Transfer Program Stage 1 which is equivalent to 12th Grade in Canada, followed by University Transfer Program Stage 2 which is equivalent to Undergraduate Year 1. After completing 4 semesters, I will have increased academic capacity to take on University level study from entry point Year 2 of Bachelor Degree. The current lacking in my academic capacity to which you rightly mentioned will be sufficiently catered for by studying 4 semesters in the proposed University before transferring into 2nd Year of my proposed Undergraduate program. By choosing this route I do not have to study extra year or semester and at the same time University will help me improve my academic capacity.
GCMS NOTE 2
It is not clear if the PA is now resident in Kuwait or Pakistan: he is not well established and pull factors to CDA may outweigh ties elsewhere. I am not satisfied he is a genuine student or that he will leave CDA.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
It is submitted that we are now fully migrated back to Pakistan and have robustly established our presence here. My father worked as an engineer for the last 25 years at the world’s one of the known Oil Field services company called Schlumberger Limited. My father is currently engaged in a multiple businesses in Pakistan and earning sufficient income per month. My father owns substantial land in Pakistan as well as own profit shares in the two gas stations. His current net financial worth is in the region of 245.6 million PKR or Canadian Dollars 6.4 million. Our financial and economic circumstances are considered amongst the top tier elite of Pakistan and that there are prima facie no economic factors to change my intention other than to study. Also my friends and family are based here demonstrating strong social and family ties in Pakistan. My only intention for traveling to Canada is to pursue higher education.
I respectfully submit that if you separating my personal economic situation from my parents’ then every student at my age and education level would bound to be refused as I am a student and have not yet have the required formal higher education.
GCMS NOTE 3
The study plan does not appear reasonable given the applicant's employment and education history.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
I respectfully submit that my study plan is and has been very clear. I further hereby make an attempt to explain more clearly.
At the outset I would like to add that I did an internship (unpaid though) at a local company whereby I shadowed the IT department of that company. Due to Corona that internship ended in Feb 2021 but that very short period of time working in an IT Company actually provided me an opportunity to explore my career options and that is when I decided to pursue computer science course using the proposed study pathway i.e. UTP (University Transfer Program). Please note that I could not have any sustainable employment history as I am just a student learning and pursuing my career.
Nevertheless, I submit that I am pretty much clear about my study and career plan. As I explained above, that the proposed course is literally designed to help student with difficulties in their previous study and so I decided to take on 4 semesters of University Transfer program and when I reach Year 2 of Undergraduate course, my academic capacity is increased. Look if I was University study ready, I would not have embarked to take on the University Transfer course. This program is a natural progression route for students with profile such as mine.
My full sop is not fitting in here im adding the rest after this
GCMS NOTE 4
Limited explanation as to the relevance of proposed studies to PA's academic achievements and future academic/career goals.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
I submit that the proposed course is 100% relevant to my previous academic profile and future career goals. Look it is equivalent to grade 12 & 13, thereby it is considered a start-up line for any student to start a journey towards an academic achievement.
Look, my last completed qualification is IGCSE or equivalent to 11th Grade. Canadian Universities requires 12th standard for direct admission with average grades at least. Now my study route is University Transfer Program Stage 1 followed by University Transfer Program Stage 2 respectively equivalent to grade 12 & Undergraduate Year 1. After completing 4 semesters, my academic capacity will have increased and I will be ready to take on the University level study from entry point Year 2 of my Bachelor of Science Degree. The current lacking in my academic capacity to which you rightly mentioned will be sufficiently catered for by studying 4 semesters in the proposed University before transferring into 2nd Year of my proposed Undergraduate program.
The University of Manitoba experts consider the proposed course offers a clear pathway for student wishing to pursue a career in computer science. (See attached their letter). I religiously intend to pursue my future career as a computer science graduate and that I want to study the major in Artificial Intelligence.
GCMS NOTE 5
The stated benefits of their intended studies do not seem to warrant the cost and difficulty of undertaking foreign education.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
First of all let me state that I have already explained that the study route will cater whatever difficulties I have faced previously so I request to kindly dismiss this notion.
Secondly, given our economic and financial profile and my father’s sustainable and regular income in Pakistan, the cost of studying the proposed course is not a problem and the fact that I have taken a proper study route and study plan, the benefits (Which I have re-explained below) are appropriately commensurate.
Thirdly, I probably may have understated the benefits of the intended studies in my previous study plan. The computer science graduates with foreign degrees are in great demand in Pakistan as well as in neighboring countries such as Saudia Arabia, UAE and other Gulf countries. The IT industry of Pakistan and other countries in this region are poised for immense growth. Apart from China Pakistan Economic Corridor project already going on with its maximum pace, Pakistani government has also approved two island cities project, 1 in the state of Sindh called “Bundle Islands” and other in the state of Punjab called “Ravi City” with 5th generation facilities. These projects will boost the employment especially in the tech industry to an unprecedented level in Pakistan within 4-6 years. In addition to this, since the ties initiated with Israel and Arab countries, the world’s investors are seeing it as an opportunity in many business sectors including blue chip industries. Not to mention Saudia Arabia has also planned tech city with the collaboration of Isreal. The Governments in this region have already started seeking IT Graduates with latest tech knowledge and skills such as Artificial Intelligence. The use of Artificial Intelligence in Pakistan in the next 5 years will become the necessity like using a smart phone and in multiple sectors of Pakistan whether it is environment, manufacturing, transport and services The AI graduates will be highly paid and their demand will continue to increase to cater the work load it will create. I see myself earning around USD 50,000 to USD 100,000 a year from regular employment as well as in person and virtual trainings through various social media platforms.
GCMS NOTE 6
PA does not appear to be working despite completing his secondary studies in mid-2019.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
As I explained above, that I did seek to work but that was unpaid and for about roughly 4 months starting in mid-October till Feb. After the results of my IGCSE announced (in mid August) I was in Kuwait and then I moved to Pakistan whilst my family was still in process of moving back. The migration process was not easy for our family as it effected many things, particularly I was not able to secure an internship in Kuwait and so couple of months did go to waste because of mind being at two places, plus even if I had secured one, it would not be for long term either. There indeed were mitigating circumstances which prevented me to follow through with study and career plans.
The internship I did in Pakistan was meant to continue after February 2021, however due to COVID-19 and lock down situation it had to end. Once the lock down was over, then I applied for admission followed by visa to join my course in January 2021 which was refused and here I am seeking entry again as a student to travel to Canada. My intention after completing IGCSE was to seek academic advice and explore a career pathway which I did. I was advised to shadow IT experts in an IT focused company to know more about this field and it did greatly help me to choose the career path.
Other Explanations
Why do I wish to study in Canada in the program for which I have been accepted?
According to prior research, I’ve come to the conclusion that Canada offers world class education to its students which I highly believe is by reason of the award winning researches that are being carried out especially in the area of science. My chosen institution, The University of Manitoba due to its world class and diverse teaching methods was awarded Nobel Prize in Physics by the Swedish Academy of Science. My humble conclusion is that I will have an opportunity to interact with the best of the researchers, award winning professors and great minds. Canada is a better option as it has incomparable education system with noteworthy standards whilst offers universal recognition with affordable cost compare to similar institutions based in Australia, US and UK.
Canada is known for its diversity and multicultural community. It will offer me an experience to see the different side of the world, without having to worry about losing my culture. Not only will it allow me to benefit from its world class education, there is absolutely no language barrier, allowing me to remain in my comfort zone. Life becomes a lot less complicated when we internationals are able to speak the local language. There’s also a general view that Canadians are amongst the nicest people. This makes me and my parents a lot more confident.
Why are you not pursuing a similar program in your country of residence or of citizenship? OR What research have you done into studies in your country of residence or of citizenship?
I’m not pursuing a similar program in my country of residence or citizenship because I do not find that
Science related degrees will offer me the same exposure that I will have by studying in Canada. The researches, the latest techniques, the quality being applied and taught in Canadian based institutions have no match with the institutions based in Pakistan. The educational institutions in Pakistan are currently far behind in the race of research, the quality, the research and teaching equipment and the latest innovations. There must be a reason why University of Manitoba’s professor was awarded a noble prize? And I think the reason is that he was the best and he has the team, he was provided the best quality, equipment and so forth. The same level of education is not offered in Pakistan. I do not see that I can get the right knowledge and skills required to excel in this field or get a good exposure with the pace this field is going forward internationally if I continue my study in the country of citizenship or residence.
Financial Capacity
My dad will sponsor me. He has already the advanced tuition fees around CAD 19,484 which accounts for a little more than 1st year tuition fees. This time we wanted to apply through SDS however the bank in Canada called Scotia Bank did not give us the option to transfer funds through my parents account as it asks for either student account or student joint account. Have we not had this difficulty we would have also paid the GIC amount in the Canadian bank as my IELTS score would have allowed me to apply through SDS. Nevertheless, as you can see that financial capacity is sufficiently demonstrated and that future costs of study and stay will also be effortlessly met. See my father’s accountant letter and statement of his income and assets. In the light of above I request you to kindly grant me study Visa so I can initiate my higher education in Canada ASAP.
This is the second part of my sop can you please have a look and tell me what you think about it
Limited explanation as to the relevance of proposed studies to PA's academic achievements and future academic/career goals.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
I submit that the proposed course is 100% relevant to my previous academic profile and future career goals. Look it is equivalent to grade 12 & 13, thereby it is considered a start-up line for any student to start a journey towards an academic achievement.
Look, my last completed qualification is IGCSE or equivalent to 11th Grade. Canadian Universities requires 12th standard for direct admission with average grades at least. Now my study route is University Transfer Program Stage 1 followed by University Transfer Program Stage 2 respectively equivalent to grade 12 & Undergraduate Year 1. After completing 4 semesters, my academic capacity will have increased and I will be ready to take on the University level study from entry point Year 2 of my Bachelor of Science Degree. The current lacking in my academic capacity to which you rightly mentioned will be sufficiently catered for by studying 4 semesters in the proposed University before transferring into 2nd Year of my proposed Undergraduate program.
The University of Manitoba experts consider the proposed course offers a clear pathway for student wishing to pursue a career in computer science. (See attached their letter). I religiously intend to pursue my future career as a computer science graduate and that I want to study the major in Artificial Intelligence.
GCMS NOTE 5
The stated benefits of their intended studies do not seem to warrant the cost and difficulty of undertaking foreign education.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
First of all let me state that I have already explained that the study route will cater whatever difficulties I have faced previously so I request to kindly dismiss this notion.
Secondly, given our economic and financial profile and my father’s sustainable and regular income in Pakistan, the cost of studying the proposed course is not a problem and the fact that I have taken a proper study route and study plan, the benefits (Which I have re-explained below) are appropriately commensurate.
Thirdly, I probably may have understated the benefits of the intended studies in my previous study plan. The computer science graduates with foreign degrees are in great demand in Pakistan as well as in neighboring countries such as Saudia Arabia, UAE and other Gulf countries. The IT industry of Pakistan and other countries in this region are poised for immense growth. Apart from China Pakistan Economic Corridor project already going on with its maximum pace, Pakistani government has also approved two island cities project, 1 in the state of Sindh called “Bundle Islands” and other in the state of Punjab called “Ravi City” with 5th generation facilities. These projects will boost the employment especially in the tech industry to an unprecedented level in Pakistan within 4-6 years. In addition to this, since the ties initiated with Israel and Arab countries, the world’s investors are seeing it as an opportunity in many business sectors including blue chip industries. Not to mention Saudia Arabia has also planned tech city with the collaboration of Isreal. The Governments in this region have already started seeking IT Graduates with latest tech knowledge and skills such as Artificial Intelligence. The use of Artificial Intelligence in Pakistan in the next 5 years will become the necessity like using a smart phone and in multiple sectors of Pakistan whether it is environment, manufacturing, transport and services The AI graduates will be highly paid and their demand will continue to increase to cater the work load it will create. I see myself earning around USD 50,000 to USD 100,000 a year from regular employment as well as in person and virtual trainings through various social media platforms.
GCMS NOTE 6
PA does not appear to be working despite completing his secondary studies in mid-2019.
MY EXPLANATION TO THIS REASON
As I explained above, that I did seek to work but that was unpaid and for about roughly 4 months starting in mid-October till Feb. After the results of my IGCSE announced (in mid August) I was in Kuwait and then I moved to Pakistan whilst my family was still in process of moving back. The migration process was not easy for our family as it effected many things, particularly I was not able to secure an internship in Kuwait and so couple of months did go to waste because of mind being at two places, plus even if I had secured one, it would not be for long term either. There indeed were mitigating circumstances which prevented me to follow through with study and career plans.
The internship I did in Pakistan was meant to continue after February 2021, however due to COVID-19 and lock down situation it had to end. Once the lock down was over, then I applied for admission followed by visa to join my course in January 2021 which was refused and here I am seeking entry again as a student to travel to Canada. My intention after completing IGCSE was to seek academic advice and explore a career pathway which I did. I was advised to shadow IT experts in an IT focused company to know more about this field and it did greatly help me to choose the career path.
Other Explanations
Why do I wish to study in Canada in the program for which I have been accepted?
According to prior research, I’ve come to the conclusion that Canada offers world class education to its students which I highly believe is by reason of the award winning researches that are being carried out especially in the area of science. My chosen institution, The University of Manitoba due to its world class and diverse teaching methods was awarded Nobel Prize in Physics by the Swedish Academy of Science. My humble conclusion is that I will have an opportunity to interact with the best of the researchers, award winning professors and great minds. Canada is a better option as it has incomparable education system with noteworthy standards whilst offers universal recognition with affordable cost compare to similar institutions based in Australia, US and UK.
Canada is known for its diversity and multicultural community. It will offer me an experience to see the different side of the world, without having to worry about losing my culture. Not only will it allow me to benefit from its world class education, there is absolutely no language barrier, allowing me to remain in my comfort zone. Life becomes a lot less complicated when we internationals are able to speak the local language. There’s also a general view that Canadians are amongst the nicest people. This makes me and my parents a lot more confident.
Why are you not pursuing a similar program in your country of residence or of citizenship? OR What research have you done into studies in your country of residence or of citizenship?
I’m not pursuing a similar program in my country of residence or citizenship because I do not find that
Science related degrees will offer me the same exposure that I will have by studying in Canada. The researches, the latest techniques, the quality being applied and taught in Canadian based institutions have no match with the institutions based in Pakistan. The educational institutions in Pakistan are currently far behind in the race of research, the quality, the research and teaching equipment and the latest innovations. There must be a reason why University of Manitoba’s professor was awarded a noble prize? And I think the reason is that he was the best and he has the team, he was provided the best quality, equipment and so forth. The same level of education is not offered in Pakistan. I do not see that I can get the right knowledge and skills required to excel in this field or get a good exposure with the pace this field is going forward internationally if I continue my study in the country of citizenship or residence.
Financial Capacity
My dad will sponsor me. He has already the advanced tuition fees around CAD 19,484 which accounts for a little more than 1st year tuition fees. This time we wanted to apply through SDS however the bank in Canada called Scotia Bank did not give us the option to transfer funds through my parents account as it asks for either student account or student joint account. Have we not had this difficulty we would have also paid the GIC amount in the Canadian bank as my IELTS score would have allowed me to apply through SDS. Nevertheless, as you can see that financial capacity is sufficiently demonstrated and that future costs of study and stay will also be effortlessly met. See my father’s accountant letter and statement of his income and assets. In the light of above I request you to kindly grant me study Visa so I can initiate my higher education in Canada ASAP.
This is the second part of my sop can you please have a look and tell me what you think about it
Very poorly written. And you are NOT GOING to the University of Manitoba. You are going to the International College of Manitoba, a private school that just happens to rent space on the grounds of U of M. Officers don’t even think you will be able to graduate from the International College.
Do not bold any text and don't use headings. Use indentation in paragraphs. Make your SOP more specific to yourself.
The way you have written SOP is a reflection of your academics, and lack of clarity regarding your purpose of the visit to Canada. You don't know that its called study permit, and not study visa, which is very basic for someone who has been researching about studying in Canada. These are small details which show how much research you have done to come to Canada and shows if you are a bonafide student. You are boasting that your father is a rich man but you have come up with an excuse why you didn't pay GIC. There are thousands of students who have paid their GIC and there is no such issue. Not being able to pay for GIC is a lack of proof if you would be able to fund your studies. VO cannot be sure that your father will actually fund for your studies. I would genuinely advise again to not jump to writing an SOP but do some research about your studies, Canada in general, about the whole visa process and what they see in an application then make an effective SOP. This forum is a great resource to know everything, provided you are willing to find out. Good luck!
GMP97
Hero Member
- Jun 25, 2019
- 120
- 26
- Category........
- STUDY
- Visa Office......
- Abu Dhabi
- App. Filed.......
- 22-11-2019
- Passport Req..
- 19-12-2019
- VISA ISSUED...
- 23/12/2019
- LANDED..........
- 25/12/2019
you cannot write an SOP like
it has no beginning or purpose or end you are basically answering the rejection reasons in an informal manner don't do that
attach what you have a as separate file but reduce it down a bit, make it brief and say explanation regarding the previous refusal
but this is not an SOP, it has to be precise , specifically about you, don't write general things like scotia bank did not allow you transfer funds from your father's account you actually think the VO is stupid or something? is it impossible to get a bank account in Pakistan?
send me your email i can send you a good reference email but that is just it a reference you cannot copy paste just look at the format if you wish