IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Aruntocanada]

I have picked it you from recent past topics and find it challenging : see if I wrote it as needed for 7

Governments prohibiting the underage children for getting a full-time job in certain countries .

Do you agree or disagree ?

In many countries, Governments are ensuring that minor must be forbidden to full-time work. I certainly agree with this viewpoint due to the fact that children who are in their early age can build their fortune by investing ther time and energy on higher studies and sports activities.

To begin with, teenage can take advantage of their age to attain higher education by entering into prestigious college namely IIT, which are usually open for certain age group and the position held in competitive exam. This way students can learn global subject and methodology which will be helpful for them to build a successful career. Since, a student who carries a considerable academic credential will not only get exposed to a wide range of opportunity but also likely to land a high salary job hence, will be qualified to enjoy a high standard of living. To exemplify , an MBA holder from tier 1 college reserves a higher chance to get employment than an ordinary applicant for the same position.

In addition, Young generation should also engage themself in ang hobby or sport and become a professional later in life. As it takes a decent amount of time and practice to master any activity, a children who has an adequate amount of time, can certainly become proficient and continue that as a full-time profession, if they start on time. To illustrate , kids who opt for the cricket in their higher secondary school , can qualify for state level competition by they reach 18-20 years of age.

To conclude, few nations are forbidding full-time job for children and I advocate the same as Young people can create more sucessful future by acquiring higher education and adopting any sport as a profession.



I have types here from my workbook using mobile device. Hope no major blunder is there in terms of spelling and commas.

Please check and see if my TA is aligned and suggest what needed for a band 7 .

I tried to be simple and easy for reader and logical. Hope all okay there. Thanks in advance hope,cansa, vilocityblood, and anyone who is going to read this.

 

[Aruntocanada]

It would be kind if anyone can check this essay and share feedback. I am writing this Saturday and willing to take up any changes needed to get 7

Thanks in advance !

 

[Hannan Khan]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th and @cansha . Hope all is well with you guys. Please help me with this essay:

Successful sports professionals can earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.


Sportsmen earn a hefty amount playing for their countries across the globe. However, are their superfluous earnings justified when people from other professions make only a fraction of their pay cheques? Some people believe that they are not, while I agree with those who think that they are.


On the one hand, it can be argued that the extravagant earnings of sportsmen may be unfair to people in other professions. People who disapprove of huge payments argue that its biggest disadvantage is leaving the people in other professions demotivated. A doctor fulfilling his duties is on an important job. However, he may look up to the sportsmen’s huge salaries and feel demotivated about not earning anyway near the amount. Moreover, they believe that salary amounts come out of national treasure, amounts which can be better spent on poor people. There are a number of people who are in need of financial assistance so instead of paying only a few people for their services, financial aid should be provided to the needy.


On the other hand, I agree with the advocates of sportsmen’s handsome pay cheques. Firstly, unlike other professionals, sportsmen have to travel a lot. The extensive travelling may exhaust them continuously so they have to push themselves to fulfill their responsibilities. Therefore, the physical exertion in travelling justifies huge payments made to them. However, I believe that the biggest reason for their huge salaries is that they are representing an entire nation. Unlike other professions, players are directly associated with the country’s name. The extra responsibility of carrying the country’s name calls for a surplus payout.


In conclusion, although huge payout of sportmen may demotivate other professionals, the duty of representing the entire nation justifies every penny of their salary. Therefore, on balance, I believe that sportmen’s salaries are fair and that they should continue to receive them.

 

[tinu28111987]

Hi All,

Can anyone evaluate my writing task 1 and provide

Write a letter recommend someone to work in a company

Who the person is
How did you know the person
Working experience of the person
Why do you recommend the person

Hello Mr. Sam,

I am writing to give a reference of one of my friend for the job posted by your organization on LinkedIn. My friend's name is Susheel Kumar and hw has rich experience in the IT field suitable to the job requirements you have posted.

Moreover, he is not only my friend but I have worked with him in my previous organization for 2 years. He has 8 years of versatile experience of working on various technologies and under his mentorship and technical guidance, he has achieved success in various projects and win recommendations of his many clients.I am attaching link of his Linkedin profile for your reference with this email.

Though he has started his career from a very small organization but nowadays he is working with big clients such as Pearson. In addition, he has participated in many conferences overseas and has achieved many certifications.

My main reason of recommending him is his thorough and precise knowledge on all subjects and he experience can become an strong factor for the success of your start-up product furthermore he also liked your product idea and shown his interest in joining you team. I hope you will like his profile.

Awaiting for your response.

Thank You

Preeti Sharma 17th March, 2019

Hey,
I got this essay in my recent exam on 11-May.
I got 6 bands in writing. Giving the exam again on 1-June.
This will be my 3rd attempt.

 

[AB17]

A bit busy but, Hannan had a quick glance over your essay. Its a good one and your writing style has really improved. But i had some issues with your essay.

When i read your introduction first and second sentence i felt like you don't agree with sportsmen pay due to usage of very strong adjectives like Superfluous, hefty and extravagant(in BP1). Whereas, in the essay you have argued in favor of the huge pay. I believe it would it affect your TA score. You gotta tone down your words because you are justifying it. Usage of words should be natural.

In your BP2, your biggest reason came afterwards some other small reason. Just rearrange it, always write your main argument first as it also formed part of your conclusion.

Overall, I feel you can score 7.

 

[tinu28111987]

Can you please evaluate my essay too?

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries.
Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Childhood obesity is not an alien concept in today's era. Developed countries thrive to provide as many benefits as possible to their citizens so that people will grow for the betterment of the country. A healthy childhood means a lot in shaping childrens' future. This essay will describle some possible causes of children gaining an excess weight and their impacts in rich countries.
Wealthy nations provide more facilities to their residents. Transporation is better and easily accessible than developing nations. Roads and infrastructure are booming everyday. While all this is great, it seems to have come with a price. Indirect impacts have been seen in younger generation. Children have started using scooter for their daily commute which was not the case 80 years ago where they used to walk to their schools. In addition, with easy access to internet, today's children are not keen on playing in the park or garden. Most of their time is spent on social media or playing online games which only add to their sedentary lifestyle.
Having an almost inactive lifestyle can produce a lot of problems. The major concern is the health. Many cases of heart diseases are seen in older people and the age at which people get heart attack seem to have fallen to the age group of 20-25 years. Other impacted areas which are not directly visible as they are difficult to identify such as depression, anxiety etc. should not be ignored. Also, children may be subject to bully in the school because of their weight. This leads to a lot of pressure at such a young age and we see a lot of teen suicide cases in the news.
Children are the future of the nation and should be brought up well. I am sure if education regarding nutrition and advantages of healthy lifestyle is provided at an early stage, it will be easily embedded in their mind and indirectly seen in their health.

 

[velocityblood]

I have picked it you from recent past topics and find it challenging, see if I wrote it as needed for 7

Governments prohibiting underage children for getting a full-time job in certain countries.

Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, Governments are ensuring that minor must be forbidden to full-time work. I certainly agree with this viewpoint due to the fact that children who are in their early age can build their fortune by investing their time and energy on higher studies and sports activities.

In the first sentence, you wrote about minors, then in the second sentence you wrote "children at an early age" and then "higher study" it does not relate at all. How "Minors/Children" at an early age will attain college?

To begin with, teenage (I'm not sure if teenagers are considered as underage children. If a Ninteen-year-old boy is underage?) can take advantage of their age to attain higher education by entering into prestigious college(s) namely IIT, which are usually open for admission to a for the certain age group. and the position held in the competitive exam (did you mean based on merit? you may want to reeconsider the word choice, more the topics you add more the explanation is required.). This will lead students to way students can learn global subject and methodology which will be helpful for them to gain knowledge in specialized verticals such as Artificial Intelligence. This, in turn, will help them to not only build a successful career but also uplift their standard of living Since, a student who carries a considerable academic credential will not only get exposed to a wide range of opportunity but also as since they are likely to land a high salary job after completion of academics. hence, will be qualified to enjoy a high standard of living. To exemplify, an MBA holder from tier 1 college reserves a higher chance to get employment than an ordinary applicant for the same position.

In addition,(the) Young generation should also engage themself (themselves) in any hobby or sport and become a professional later in life (choose either hobby or sport and extend the idea based on it, remember more the topics you add more the explanation is required). As it takes a decent amount of time and practice to master any activity, a children (child) who has (have) an adequate amount of time, can certainly become proficient and continue that as a full-time profession, if they start on time. (Now, after reading the above lines I am not able to relate it to "Sports activities" that you introduced in the introduction so, essay level cohesion is messed.) To illustrate, kids who opt for the cricket in their higher secondary school, (wrong comma) can qualify for state level (missing Hyphen "state-level") competition by they reach 18-20 years of age (by the age of 18-20 years).

To conclude, few nations are forbidding full-time job for children and I advocate the same as Young people can create (a) more successful future by acquiring higher education and adopting any sport as a profession.


I have typed here from my workbook using a mobile device. Hope no major blunder is there in terms of spelling and commas.

Please check and see if my TA is aligned and suggest what needed for a band 7.

I tried to be simple and easy for the reader and logical. Hope all okay there. Thanks in advance hope,cansa, vilocityblood, and anyone who is going to read this.

Arun, please find my evaluation of your essay. You should consider the sentence level, paragraph level, and essay level cohesion. While reading, the tone of the essay is not consistent. For you, it is very difficult to keep it simple you are trying to write at a level where you are not comfortable. It seems you are not proofreading after writing the essay, this I am saying because of the article and comma mistakes. Remember a two minute of proofreading can turn your 6.5 in 7.

 

[Aruntocanada]

Arun, please find my evaluation of your essay. You should consider the sentence level, paragraph level, and essay level cohesion. While reading, the tone of the essay is not consistent. For you, it is very difficult to keep it simple you are trying to write at a level where you are not comfortable. It seems you are not proofreading after writing the essay, this I am saying because of the article and comma mistakes. Remember a two minute of proofreading can turn your 6.5 in 7.

After writing and reading the same, I also felt that I went away what was expected and slapped my self. But yes, you are truly correct that I should read my writing .

thanks in advance.

 

[Aruntocanada]

Employer should give longer holidays to employee to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree?

Perks usually a big motivator for people to perform better job at work-place. Some people advocates that organization should provide longer holiday to its worker in order to uplift their proficiency. I completely disagree with this viewpoint as soft skills and adequate training are the absolute ingredients for becoming more proficient at work.

To begin with, companies must conduct seminar or workshop for their employees in order to make them learn or adopt better soft skills namely, prioritization. This skill would allow worker to identify which task to pick up first in tight deadlines. For example, one must be aware that talking to clients on phone is critical than compiling daily report hence, that must be prioritize. Also, professional will be able to imbibe how to gauge the criticality of the task and allocate their time to them accordingly.

Additionally, business must opt to brush up their employee’s skills by conducting training session. Training sessions about latest tools and methodology are helpful in order to help workers to perform the work in an improvised manner. For example, a graphic designer who is well verse with latest designing tools like “Adobe Suite” will be able to perform their task quickly and with more creativity. Furthermore, these training session also make them updated and competitive in the industry which is useful for their professional growth later in life.

To conclude, some opine that longer paid leaves should be a key to motivate employees to perform better job however, I disregard this view due to the reasons that companies needs to focus more on development of other skills like prioritization and training about latest tools etc. which is more impactful.

I had written this with my old shitty method. This is time I have altered and way I write and try to be simple and to the point.

Please see if this way if fine...My exam in on 1 June. @velocityblood @hope @CanSA: please check and share feedbcak

 

[velocityblood]

Employer should give longer holidays to employee to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree?

Perks usually are a big motivator for people to perform a better job at work-place (wrong hyphen it is "workplace"). Some people advocates advocate that an organization should provide longer holiday(s) to its worker workers in order to uplift their proficiency. I completely disagree with this viewpoint as soft skills and adequate training are the absolute ingredients for becoming more proficient at work.

To begin with, companies must conduct seminar seminars (if it is one seminar than article "a" is missing) or workshop(s) for their employees in order to make them learn or adopt better soft skills namely, prioritization. This skill would allow the worker to identify which task to pick up first in tight deadlines. For example, one must be aware that talking to clients on the phone is critical than compiling daily report hence, (add the type of job while giving an example, the job you are discussing here seems a job of a salesperson, better to mention it in the example) that must be prioritize prioritized. Also, professional will be able to imbibe how to gauge the criticality of the task and allocate their time to them accordingly.

Additionally, business businesses (if it is one business than the article "a/the" is missing) must opt to brush up their employee’s skills by conducting training session sessions. Training(s) sessions about the latest tools and methodology are helpful in order to help workers to perform the work in an improvised manner. For example, a graphic designer who is well verse versed with latest designing tools like “Adobe Suite” will be able to perform their his/her (Since you have mentioned a graphic designer, "their" does not go with "a") task quickly and with more creativity. Furthermore, these training(s) session also make them updated and competitive in the industry which is useful for their professional growth later in life.

To conclude, some opine that longer paid leaves should be a key to motivate employees to perform a better job, (missing comma) however, (wrong comma) I disregard this view due to the reasons that companies needs need to focus more on the development of other skills like prioritization and training about latest tools etc. which is more impactful.

Here in the essay you have not written about the views of others but discussed your views so need not to write some opine that etc in the conclusion.

I had written this with my old shitty method. This is time I have altered and way I write and try to be simple and to the point.

Please see if this way if fine...My exam in on 1 June. @velocityblood @hope @CanSA: please check and share feedbcak

Arun, please find the review.
1). Task achievement is good. You have tried to keep it as simple as required.
2). There is a serious problem with your subject-verb agreement. The mistakes that you are making are not avoidable.

Are you taking Computer-based IELTS?

 

[Aruntocanada]

Arun, please find the review.
1). Task achievement is good. You have tried to keep it as simple as required.
2). There is a serious problem with your subject-verb agreement. The mistakes that you are making are not avoidable.

Are you taking Computer-based IELTS?

Thanks velocity!

My TA has improved which is a good sign for me. If I write the above essay on test day and minimise my “a” and “the” and comma errors, what score I can expect ?

I am taking paper based as CBT is not available in my city .

Any upsides of CBT?

Thanks again

 

[velocityblood]

Thanks velocity!

My TA has improved which is a good sign for me. If I write the above essay on test day and minimise my “a” and “the” and comma errors, what score I can expect ?

I am taking paper based as CBT is not available in my city .

Any upsides of CBT?

Thanks again

You should minimise the article mistakes and the mistakes related to correct verb form. You are using Verb forms wrongly People is Plural so you have to use are not is, because of such mistakes sometimes sentences are not cohesive. Having corrected your Grammar mistakes with such TA you can get a 7. CBT is available at a few places only.

 

[velocityblood]

You should minimise the article mistakes and the mistakes related to correct verb form. You are using Verb forms wrongly. For example People is Plural so you have to use "are" not "is", because of such mistakes sometimes sentences are not cohesive. Look at "He needs the cable and They need the cable" When you say "He" you have to use "needs" and when you say "They" you have to use "need". Having corrected your Grammar mistakes with such TA you can expect a 7. CBT is available at a few places only.

 

[velocityblood]

Any upsides of CBT?

For me listening is a challenge in CBT cant say about other.

 

[Aruntocanada]

You should minimise the article mistakes and the mistakes related to correct verb form. You are using Verb forms wrongly People is Plural so you have to use are not is, because of such mistakes sometimes sentences are not cohesive. Having corrected your Grammar mistakes with such TA you can get a 7. CBT is available at a few places only.

I will try to minimise this as much as possible.