supervisa for toxic inlaws - PLEASE HELP

[GandiBaat]

Hello my name is Rathod as I applied visiting visa in 2015. But due to misrepresentation my visa is banned for 5 years. After 5 years I can reapply visa pls reply.
Thanq

Yes, but expect to be scrutinized more thoroughly anytime you apply any visa anywhere.

 

[canuck78]

@scylla wonderful advice really!
let us say she gets separated, get sole custody of her children and even wins child support
Hurrah !
now this is what might happen

her children will grow up without their real father around. we know how that works out.
children suffer the most in such cases

he might even go back home, get married again, start a new life with his young wife, and take his toxic parents with him. come back again and settle in US or another province etc. he will a lot better off unless he loves his kids too much. And so much for paying child support and the ruling and the case etc will be a total waste of time. or he might even runway before the case even begin.

she will end up trying to raise the kids all by herself, while paying the bills etc
there might be even huge lawyers bills that she might have to deal with for the rest of her life
she will need a nanny as she will be too busy trying to make a living
she wont be able to find a decent husband or partner again.
i mean who in the right mind would want to marry someone with excess baggage
once the kids are grown up, she will find herself in the same situation as her toxic in-laws

few years down the road while playing candy crush on her broken phone in a nursing home somewhere while waiting for a visit from one of her kids, she will be wondering why she even listened to some strangers on the net!

are you okay with that scylla?

all she had to do was to serve tea and biscuits on time and tried to make it work

Thank goodness she lives in Canada where a divorced woman with children who has been the primary breadwinner for her family is not seen like someone who had no prospects. There is no mention about how the husband will be able to survive financially now that his wife is no longer supporting him and his parents. What about his baggage? He will also has children from a previous marriage and parents that seem to be hard to get along with. He is the one who is likely to end up divorced again if his parents remain abusive to his partners. Being a single parent, whether a father or a mother, is certainly difficult but living in an abusive situation is far more damaging for most children. Parents who put the children first are able to co-parent and do what is best for the children. If a father walks away from his children after a divorce he is the one to blame for the lack of father in their lives not the mother. Fathers are awarded various levels of custody in Canada from full custody to visitation. In Canada women and men aren’t judged if they get divorced and can go on to enter another relationship or marriage if they want to.

I hope OP appreciates that there is life after a divorce for women in Canada if that is the route that she takes. Being in a healthy environment is more important for children than parents that remain together and that parents also deserve to live their lives without abuse. I wish her the best of luck.

 

[taherkhan]

*Ahem*, it is a basic civic duty to help anyone going through abuse. Its that simple. If this is a Canadian forum, it is as Canadian as it gets. Helping a person who is undergoing abuse to seek the right help is ALWAYS relevant in ANY public forum. If you have issue with that then I guess about time you learn what is considered acceptable in Canada and Canadian society in general.

To give you an example, in my workplace a person started crying in the middle of a business meeting because they received a text from their partner threatning them with something. We dropped the meeting and helped them to find a counsellor and advisor. In most of halfway decent employers counselling and advice is available as an expected benefit. I have seen complete strangers helping people under abuse. I have seen neighbours reporting suspected abuse especially when children are possibly affected.

Sorry do not have time to go over all the posts after this but one thing that I am really surprised about is: How do you know if she is telling the truth without listening to the other side of the story? Anyhow, being emotional doesn't help. Be logical and see both sides of the coins before jumping into the conclusions. Have a good day!

 

[GandiBaat]

Sorry do not have time to go over all the posts after this but one thing that I am really surprised about is: How do you know if she is telling the truth without listening to the other side of the story? Anyhow, being emotional doesn't help. Be logical and see both sides of the coins before jumping into the conclusions. Have a good day!

Its entirely logical.
If someone says "I am feeling unwell, my head hurts" your suggestion will be "Go take rest and if you are really feeling unwell see a doctor. They may give you some medicine". Your advice is based on the fact that the person complaint. If they were not unwell they would not complaint in the first place. If they are faking the sickness, doctor will be able to tell it.

On a similar lines,

If someone says "I am being forced to do something in my marriage I do not want to" then your suggestion will "Being forced is a sign of abuse in the marriage. Talk to your spouse, go meet a marriage counsellor or social worker. If the situation does not improve there is a possibility of separation for you too, a family matter lawyer might help at that point."

Its that simple. If someone is seeking help, we can tell where they can get help and what might be their options. We cannot investigate the entire matter, we are not privy to all details but we can say who can give right help. That person (social worker or marriage counsellor) will listen to both side. If matter escalate and ends in a family court, its the judge who will listen to both side. We are neither, so we are not doing that part. We are just pointing in their direction.

 

[taherkhan]

Its entirely logical.
If someone says "I am feeling unwell, my head hurts" your suggestion will be "Go take rest and if you are really feeling unwell see a doctor. They may give you some medicine". Your advice is based on the fact that the person complaint. If they were not unwell they would not complaint in the first place. If they are faking the sickness, doctor will be able to tell it.

On a similar lines,

If someone says "I am being forced to do something in my marriage I do not want to" then your suggestion will "Being forced is a sign of abuse in the marriage. Talk to your spouse, go meet a marriage counsellor or social worker. If the situation does not improve there is a possibility of separation for you too, a family matter lawyer might help at that point."

Its that simple. If someone is seeking help, we can tell where they can get help and what might be their options. We cannot investigate the entire matter, we are not privy to all details but we can say who can give right help. That person (social worker or marriage counsellor) will listen to both side. If matter escalate and ends in a family court, its the judge who will listen to both side. We are neither, so we are not doing that part. We are just pointing in their direction.

Yes, it looks THAT SIMPLE when you haven't seen the exploitation of these laws. Take care

 

[GandiBaat]

Yes, it looks THAT SIMPLE when you haven't seen the exploitation of these laws. Take care

And every victim looks doubtful unless you have yourself faced the abuse.

 

[asaeed100]

Isn't it funny how all these people assuming the woman's guilt seem to have names indicating a particular geographical origin

indeed it is. just like all those who want her to get separated over a manageable disagreement while calling it an "abuse", and make the lives of children a living hell in the process, have names indicating a particular geographical origin

 

[asaeed100]

thank you for your reply
there is no evidence or any evidence of any action other than what is said by the OP or what was supposedly said by the parents
and even if there was , i find it very strange that some people , just by reading a paragraph would make mountain out of a mole hill and give all sorts of crazy advise and claim to know what is/was actually going in her or her family life

i wouldnt claim to know so much if i lived next to a family for tens of yrs

if OP needed one she would ask. the "only" advice she asked was if her husband would find out if she had altered the application some how
she joined in 2013, first post in 2018. if there was any abuse , she tolerated for 5 long years.! children could have been taken away even before the couple filed for SV.


i am sorry to say the entire thread is running on speculation, assumptions, gut feelings and personal intuitions
there hasnt been any comment from the OP in the last three pages i believe. that in itself is telling a different story.

the fact the the couple got along for 5+years and became citizens , ready to apply for SV is suggesting there were no big issues they couldnt deal with


who in the right mind would support an abuser and not support a victim of domestic violence?

the husband is trying to bring his old parents to live with him. they may be the worst in-laws.
but at the end of the day, they are his parents. which son would abandon his parents for the sake of his wife?

lastly i dont know how forcing someone can translate to abuse.

my boss forces me to work late, is it abuse?
he tells me he will fire me if i dont work on the weekends. should i resign? or should i go to HR for help?
i have held this position for 5+ years. people who know me are telling me that i should continue, considering its hard to find a new job these days etc some people i dont even know are telling me to go to HR, file a complaint against my boss and shoot myself in the foot?

my boss who i dont speak with much is asking me to roll the dice and take my chances
he wont fire me, as he needs me just like i need him

what do i do?

 

[k.h.p.]

thank you for your reply
there is no evidence or any evidence of any action other than what is said by the OP or what was supposedly said by the parents
and even if there was , i find it very strange that some people , just by reading a paragraph would make mountain out of a mole hill and give all sorts of crazy advise and claim to know what is/was actually going in her or her family life

i wouldnt claim to know so much if i lived next to a family for tens of yrs

if OP needed one she would ask. the "only" advice she asked was if her husband would find out if she had altered the application some how
she joined in 2013, first post in 2018. if there was any abuse , she tolerated for 5 long years.! children could have been taken away even before the couple filed for SV.


i am sorry to say the entire thread is running on speculation, assumptions, gut feelings and personal intuitions
there hasnt been any comment from the OP in the last three pages i believe. that in itself is telling a different story.

the fact the the couple got along for 5+years and became citizens , ready to apply for SV is suggesting there were no big issues they couldnt deal with


who in the right mind would support an abuser and not support a victim of domestic violence?

the husband is trying to bring his old parents to live with him. they may be the worst in-laws.
but at the end of the day, they are his parents. which son would abandon his parents for the sake of his wife?

lastly i dont know how forcing someone can translate to abuse.

my boss forces me to work late, is it abuse?
he tells me he will fire me if i dont work on the weekends. should i resign? or should i go to HR for help?
i have held this position for 5+ years. people who know me are telling me that i should continue, considering its hard to find a new job these days etc some people i dont even know are telling me to go to HR, file a complaint against my boss and shoot myself in the foot?

my boss who i dont speak with much is asking me to roll the dice and take my chances
he wont fire me, as he needs me just like i need him

what do i do?

You stop excusing marital abuse with nonsequitors.

 

[canuck78]

thank you for your reply
there is no evidence or any evidence of any action other than what is said by the OP or what was supposedly said by the parents
and even if there was , i find it very strange that some people , just by reading a paragraph would make mountain out of a mole hill and give all sorts of crazy advise and claim to know what is/was actually going in her or her family life

i wouldnt claim to know so much if i lived next to a family for tens of yrs

if OP needed one she would ask. the "only" advice she asked was if her husband would find out if she had altered the application some how
she joined in 2013, first post in 2018. if there was any abuse , she tolerated for 5 long years.! children could have been taken away even before the couple filed for SV.


i am sorry to say the entire thread is running on speculation, assumptions, gut feelings and personal intuitions
there hasnt been any comment from the OP in the last three pages i believe. that in itself is telling a different story.

the fact the the couple got along for 5+years and became citizens , ready to apply for SV is suggesting there were no big issues they couldnt deal with


who in the right mind would support an abuser and not support a victim of domestic violence?

the husband is trying to bring his old parents to live with him. they may be the worst in-laws.
but at the end of the day, they are his parents. which son would abandon his parents for the sake of his wife?

lastly i dont know how forcing someone can translate to abuse.

my boss forces me to work late, is it abuse?
he tells me he will fire me if i dont work on the weekends. should i resign? or should i go to HR for help?
i have held this position for 5+ years. people who know me are telling me that i should continue, considering its hard to find a new job these days etc some people i dont even know are telling me to go to HR, file a complaint against my boss and shoot myself in the foot?

my boss who i dont speak with much is asking me to roll the dice and take my chances
he wont fire me, as he needs me just like i need him

what do i do?

Being an in-law does not mean that abuse should be tolerated. Assume that the in-laws have not been here for 5 years and this woman had been hoping that things would get better over time. Unfortunately the son is likely going to pick his parents living with him over his wife which is why most of us were suggesting a counsellor to discuss how much this is affecting the wife. If nothing changed unfortunately the woman may need to separate from her husband. Having your parents live elsewhere is not abandoning them if you continue to support them. Your boss making you work overtime in no way compares to emotional abuse.

 

[GandiBaat]

thank you for your reply
there is no evidence or any evidence of any action other than what is said by the OP or what was supposedly said by the parents
and even if there was , i find it very strange that some people , just by reading a paragraph would make mountain out of a mole hill and give all sorts of crazy advise and claim to know what is/was actually going in her or her family life

i wouldnt claim to know so much if i lived next to a family for tens of yrs

if OP needed one she would ask. the "only" advice she asked was if her husband would find out if she had altered the application some how
she joined in 2013, first post in 2018. if there was any abuse , she tolerated for 5 long years.! children could have been taken away even before the couple filed for SV.


i am sorry to say the entire thread is running on speculation, assumptions, gut feelings and personal intuitions
there hasnt been any comment from the OP in the last three pages i believe. that in itself is telling a different story.

the fact the the couple got along for 5+years and became citizens , ready to apply for SV is suggesting there were no big issues they couldnt deal with


who in the right mind would support an abuser and not support a victim of domestic violence?

the husband is trying to bring his old parents to live with him. they may be the worst in-laws.
but at the end of the day, they are his parents. which son would abandon his parents for the sake of his wife?

lastly i dont know how forcing someone can translate to abuse.

my boss forces me to work late, is it abuse?
he tells me he will fire me if i dont work on the weekends. should i resign? or should i go to HR for help?
i have held this position for 5+ years. people who know me are telling me that i should continue, considering its hard to find a new job these days etc some people i dont even know are telling me to go to HR, file a complaint against my boss and shoot myself in the foot?

my boss who i dont speak with much is asking me to roll the dice and take my chances
he wont fire me, as he needs me just like i need him

what do i do?

We don't need to judge who is wrong or who is right. The OP asked for specific information that was given. The OP presented a situation which looked like marital abuse, and advice related to that was offered.

Had the in-laws or husband would come to this forum saying that he was falsely accused of abuse OR his parent's super-visa was denied or barred due to his wife's action, folks here would have given an advice to the best of their capabilities.

Its hard to judge the story given because we don't know the person. So we don't judge the story. We assume it to be true and tell them what we know based on our knowledge.

If a woman says that she has been forced to give consent for super-visa by husband, we tell her whom to contact about marital abuse and their options. If a man comes and says that her wife has possibly caused his parents super-visa to be rejected, we will possibly direct him to the proper source of laws on it, may be suggest that he should see a consultant and possibly tell him his options.

 

[GandiBaat]

Being an in-law does not mean that abuse should be tolerated. Assume that the in-laws have not been here for 5 years and this woman had been hoping that things would get better over time. Unfortunately the son is likely going to pick his parents living with him over his wife which is why most of us were suggesting a counsellor to discuss how much this is affecting the wife. If nothing changed unfortunately the woman may need to separate from her husband. Having your parents live elsewhere is not abandoning them if you continue to support them. Your boss making you work overtime in no way compares to emotional abuse.

Honestly there is no justification needed. A person came to the forum seeking help and you helped. Its that simple.