On July 4, I went to the souk by myself to buy us some food with my money. It was my first time alone in that city. On the way back, I got lost and for more than one hour I walked with my heavy bags in the sun. After several text messages with my husband, I finally found my way to the mosque where he usually goes. He phoned me and then he found me. I was getting an ice cream next to the mosque because I was shaking (I suffer from hypoclycemia and I have not eaten in a long time). He did not come to me. He made me a sign to come to him. I told him to come and showed him the bags on the ground. I thought we could eat an ice cream together like we used to during my other trips.
He would not bulge. Finally, I went to him and I left the groceries at the ice cream shop. He went to get them and he got angry that he had to get them. I said they were heavy and they were hurting my arms. He took the bags and said they were not heavy at all. I said that I was carrying them for more than one hour and my arms got sore. Then, he mocked me saying in a plaintive voice: "It is heavy". All the way he was angry. He said I should go to the souk with him or if I want to go alone I should manage by myself without his help. Then, as I was eating my ice cream, he violently grabbed it, took a bit and threw it on the ground. Then, at home, he continue imitating me and mocking me.... "That's heavy".
A few days later, my husband borrowed the car from his brother for a couple of days. My brother-in-law needed his car back. So my husband left last night around 8:30 and he said he would be back at 10:30. He had to go back to another city which is 30 minutes from where we rent a villa.
That night I got quite busy with online work and then I realized it was 11:30. Since there was so much work, I continued working but I was worried. Finally, at 12:30 I text him... asking him where he was. He text me saying that he was waiting for his brother in a cafe as he will give him a ride home. At 1:00 I decided to go to bed as I was very tired. I felt asleep right away and woke up at 3:00 am. My husband was not there! I freaked out! I text him.. no answer. I text him 10 minutes later... no answer. I tried to call him, it was a recorded message from Meditel. I was in total panic. Ten minutes later I text him again. Finally he text back saying not to worry and he is coming.
He got home at 4:00 am !!!! I was mad at him. He said there were visitors last night at his house and he took coffee with them until 11:30. Then, he had a hard time to find a taxi. His brother who is working in their shop told him he would give him a ride once the shop is closed. So when they closed the shop, my husband, his brother and their friend got in the car. They took a wrong turn and it reminded them of a place where they used to go during their childhood. They spent some time there.
My husband says it is in their culture not to tell their wife when they are out. His father used to do that with his mother, not telling where he was going and when he was coming back. My husband said that I should not have worried and sleep since I was safe and sound. It was not like I was in the middle of the jungle! He also said that when people are not working, day becomes night and night becomes day. They live with the flow... they have no routine. After some discussion, he admitted what he did was wrong, that is not having the consideration to think of me in all this. He said next time, he will communicate more with me.
One or two days after this event, another incident happened during meal time. I was sitting on an ottoman. I got up to get something from the kitchen. When I came back to sit down, my husband pushed back the ottoman far from me and I fell right on my coccyx. It hurts so much and he was laughing. He told me it was an accident, he did not do it on purpose. I have doubts...
Later that week (July 13), I gave him 800 dihrams so he could buy himself sunglasses. He broke his by accident some weeks before and knowing how his eyes are sensitive to the sun, I wanted him to have a new pair. For me, health matters regarding my son or my husband or even myself are my priority. He did not know how much they would cost but if it cost less than 800 dihrams, he would bring back the change. I said yes, because we needed the money for food. He had appointment in the city with his friend who knew the owner of a shop. He left around 4:00 pm. I went to the souk and text him around 5:30 to ask him if he needed any food. He text back right away saying no. He also said he was in a cafe with his friend and in half an hour they would go shopping for sunglasses.
Around 7:30 pm, I started to be hungry. I text my husband: "Are we going to have dinner soon?". No reply. Fifteen minutes later, I tried again. No reply. It was 8:00 pm and I decided to phone him. He said that he was still shopping and was not hungry since he had coffee and croissants in the cafe. He said he never received my two text messages about dinner. I got upset. He said he would not go shopping and come home right away. I hung up on him and at 9:30 pm he showed up. I was upset. He said he had to go to mosque and spend time in a cafe with his friend he has not seen in 2 or 3 months. But what about me??? He has not seen me in one year!!! He was so happy to show me his new sunglasses and the beautiful book he got with the change. Not once he thanked me. He said that I should stop complaining because he won't be able to stand for long that kind of behavior. It made me more upset.
On July 14, we went to Casablanca to visit the Morocco mall. We were trying to find a parking space. He asked me where he should park. I told him where and he raised his voice and he said: "Shut up!". I told him it was not right to talk to me that way. He said that he was nervous and did not mean to.
Today July 19, we got ready to go to the beach. I heard my husband calling me from the kitchen. You could tell he was angry. He opened the fridge to show me. On a shelve, there was one teaspoon of sand. It is because when we came back last night very late from the beach, I put my bottle of Sprite in the fridge. I guess I did not notice there was sand at the bottom of the bottle. I told him it was not a reason to get angry with me. He said that what I did was a serious offense and he punched my arm (not to the point to injure me). He said I was doing nothing, no cleaning, no tidying up, nothing. It is not true! Once in a while when I have some time, I do a few things here and there but he does not notice I guess. Most of the times, I keep very busy with online work as there is competition. I am under pressure regarding money. If I don't find money, I cannot pay my monthly bills, provide for my son or even cover our food and villa and other expenses here in El Jadida. I tried to explain to him I cannot take care of everything. He poured the bottle of Sprite on me. I was wearing my dress I wear usually for the beach. I have to go wash it and I gave up on our outing. He continued accusing me. What I did was totally wrong. I could have spoiled the eggs, the cheese, the fruits, etc. There was only one teaspoon of sand on a shelve and on that shelve there were the bottle of Sprite, a bottle of water, a jar of jam and a bottle of maple syrup. He insisted we go to the beach. I said no and I started to clean up, tidy up and organizing the whole apartment. I went back to work on my computer. He came to me. I told him to stay away from me as I was scared of him. I told him his behavior was abusive. For what I did (the sand), I did not deserve this kind of reaction that was 100 times worst. He got so angry that he punched the wall and broke into pieces the switch for the light. Later he told me he was hoping I learned my lesson!!!
Ok... ok... I hear you. I know you cannot believe your eyes and I know what you are thinking. If I was reading this, I would say: "Run away!". I know deep down that my husband is not using me for entry to Canada. I know deep down how he loves me. He was almost crying one day this week as he is so scared to lose me because of the decision of the Ministry's counsel. I could see how he was in pain that day. He has anger management issues and it has nothing with Immigration. We are married and I cannot throw that marriage away impulsively. I am not in a position to do anything right now. I miss home terribly, I miss my son even more. I am stuck here until September 2nd. I gave up my whole summer to be with my husband. I would prefer 100 times more to be at my lake, going camping with my son, driving my car in the Okanagan valley, be on my patio at night, working in my gardens, etc. I don't have the financial means to change my flight. I know no one here who could pick me up with my suitcases and drive me to the airport which is 90 minutes away.
The Ministry's counsel is supposed to submit his report today. If he has not decided to overturn the decision, I still want my immigration consultant to go ahead with her final reply to him. I still want the judge to decide our fate because I believe in God. Whatever the outcome of this whole nightmare, I want to go to the end, until the arrival line. And from there, I will take the right decision. I want my immigration consultant to do her job in a professional manner in the event she reads these lines. I hope her final arguments won't be influenced by all this.
I am writing all this because maybe someone will shake me in the right way. Also because what I am writing might serve someone or have a purpose one day. This story has a moral. You don't know someone until you go through stuff together. I am so so so sad. You cannot imagine the depth of my sadness. The person I am dealing with is not the person I used to know for four years. I feel I lost that person. In the other hand, I see something very good in him. He told his mother about the incidents when I got lost and the two times he came back home very late without letting me know. She scolded him and told him I was right. She told him to take care of me and with humility he accepted what she said. He apologized to me and he admitted what he did wrong. I am not done with reflecting. I just feel like someone who lost her way in the dark forest.
Finally its done and you can be reunited with your husband!!!
