Hey guys. My visa was rejected for the September intake because
1) my course didn't make sense
2) I would not return to my home country after my education.
Could you please read my old SOP and give me advice on how I could improve it.
"My family has been engaged in business in India and globally for many generations. My great grandfather, the late XXXX XXXX XXXXX was a pioneering businessman who established business in gems and jewellery and general trading in India, Sri Lanka, U.S.A and U.K, in the early 1950s paving the way for other family members to join and expand the business and later open branches in Hong Kong and U.A.E.
In India, our family owns xxxxx Pvt Ltd. Mumbai(Est. 1975), who are manufacturers of industrial gases and medical oxygen and XXXXXX Investments Pvt Ltd.(Est 1978) involved in import and export of gems and jewellery. Another division - XXXX Gases & Chemicals., is engaged in trading of refrigerant gases, chemicals & industrial goods.
My interest in business was kindled when I used to spend time with my father at his office from the age of 14 during my summer breaks. Having grown up in a business family, I was naturally attracted to business. This led me to take up a bachelor’s course in business management after my 12th standard. I completed a three year course in B.A (Hons) Business Management from University of Wales Trinity Saint David, U.K between the years, 2010 to 2012. I did my schooling right from kindergarten to 12th standard in English medium in Chennai and this helped me to cope with studies and living in U.K.
I returned to India in September, 2012 and after a short break joined my father’s company– xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx Pvt. Ltd., Chennai, which represents manufacturers of machineries, equipment and products from India, USA, Europe, Malaysia, South Korea and China. He supplies them to leading industries and star hotels throughout India. He also arranges supplies of these products to clients outside India.
.
It didn’t take me long to realize the true potential of global business in which my dad was engaged in. I was thrilled to know that instead of just stocking and trading in limited number of items, one could source and supply any number of products by building a good relationship with manufacturers and clients.
As this model of global business had unlimited avenue for growth, I decided to gain more knowledge in global business management. After reviewing many courses in India, U.K and North America, I found that Humber Institute of Technology & Advance Learning, Toronto, Canada offers a post graduate diploma of two years in Global Business Management with internship.
Their program covers a breadth of fundamental business knowledge, builds skill in different areas of business and expands on that base with more complex and strategic studies in global business. The course content taught has equal application in both international and domestic businesses, making this a truly global business management program.
It prepares you to be a manager in a broad array of business areas in domestic and international business organizations. The program aims to make one a manager with leadership, communication, analytical and problem solving skills. It further teaches you team work and strategic planning methods.
The course at Humber College will provide me with an international exposure with hands on practical work experience through their two, flexible four-week work placement during the 1st and 2nd year of the course.
I found out that Humber College is a public institute recognized by the Ontario Government as an Institute of Technology and Advanced Learning. It has thousands of local and international students in their three large campuses with all facilities and residences.
Canadian institutes admit thousands of international students in a year and are recognized worldwide for their high quality education and training. Canada is a vast country stretching across North America with multi-ethnic population. It is a peaceful nation and places hygiene and public safety as its top priorities - an environment perfectly conductive for studies and student life. As it’s a place of great scenic beauty, I will get ample opportunity to travel during my holidays as well. It has been ranked consistently on the top for best living standards by the United Nations agencies.
In India, there are many post graduate courses in general management, finance and marketing, but only a few recognized courses in global/ international business management are available. However, none of them have internship in both years coupled with the course unlike the one offered at Humber College.
As Canada is a highly industrialized nation with large international trade, there are many manufacturing and trading companies, especially in Ontario province. This will help me to find companies for my internship while studying and work as a trainee for some time after the completion of my course. This would help to me to hone my skills before returning to India to join my dad in his global business of sourcing and supply and also help me to manage the family’s business in industry and trading.
The above benefits of Global Business Management course offered at Humber College, which is recognized globally and the advantages of studying in Canada has made me to choose both to achieve my goals and dreams."
Please advice.
1) my course didn't make sense
2) I would not return to my home country after my education.
Could you please read my old SOP and give me advice on how I could improve it.
"My family has been engaged in business in India and globally for many generations. My great grandfather, the late XXXX XXXX XXXXX was a pioneering businessman who established business in gems and jewellery and general trading in India, Sri Lanka, U.S.A and U.K, in the early 1950s paving the way for other family members to join and expand the business and later open branches in Hong Kong and U.A.E.
In India, our family owns xxxxx Pvt Ltd. Mumbai(Est. 1975), who are manufacturers of industrial gases and medical oxygen and XXXXXX Investments Pvt Ltd.(Est 1978) involved in import and export of gems and jewellery. Another division - XXXX Gases & Chemicals., is engaged in trading of refrigerant gases, chemicals & industrial goods.
My interest in business was kindled when I used to spend time with my father at his office from the age of 14 during my summer breaks. Having grown up in a business family, I was naturally attracted to business. This led me to take up a bachelor’s course in business management after my 12th standard. I completed a three year course in B.A (Hons) Business Management from University of Wales Trinity Saint David, U.K between the years, 2010 to 2012. I did my schooling right from kindergarten to 12th standard in English medium in Chennai and this helped me to cope with studies and living in U.K.
I returned to India in September, 2012 and after a short break joined my father’s company– xxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx Pvt. Ltd., Chennai, which represents manufacturers of machineries, equipment and products from India, USA, Europe, Malaysia, South Korea and China. He supplies them to leading industries and star hotels throughout India. He also arranges supplies of these products to clients outside India.
.
It didn’t take me long to realize the true potential of global business in which my dad was engaged in. I was thrilled to know that instead of just stocking and trading in limited number of items, one could source and supply any number of products by building a good relationship with manufacturers and clients.
As this model of global business had unlimited avenue for growth, I decided to gain more knowledge in global business management. After reviewing many courses in India, U.K and North America, I found that Humber Institute of Technology & Advance Learning, Toronto, Canada offers a post graduate diploma of two years in Global Business Management with internship.
Their program covers a breadth of fundamental business knowledge, builds skill in different areas of business and expands on that base with more complex and strategic studies in global business. The course content taught has equal application in both international and domestic businesses, making this a truly global business management program.
It prepares you to be a manager in a broad array of business areas in domestic and international business organizations. The program aims to make one a manager with leadership, communication, analytical and problem solving skills. It further teaches you team work and strategic planning methods.
The course at Humber College will provide me with an international exposure with hands on practical work experience through their two, flexible four-week work placement during the 1st and 2nd year of the course.
I found out that Humber College is a public institute recognized by the Ontario Government as an Institute of Technology and Advanced Learning. It has thousands of local and international students in their three large campuses with all facilities and residences.
Canadian institutes admit thousands of international students in a year and are recognized worldwide for their high quality education and training. Canada is a vast country stretching across North America with multi-ethnic population. It is a peaceful nation and places hygiene and public safety as its top priorities - an environment perfectly conductive for studies and student life. As it’s a place of great scenic beauty, I will get ample opportunity to travel during my holidays as well. It has been ranked consistently on the top for best living standards by the United Nations agencies.
In India, there are many post graduate courses in general management, finance and marketing, but only a few recognized courses in global/ international business management are available. However, none of them have internship in both years coupled with the course unlike the one offered at Humber College.
As Canada is a highly industrialized nation with large international trade, there are many manufacturing and trading companies, especially in Ontario province. This will help me to find companies for my internship while studying and work as a trainee for some time after the completion of my course. This would help to me to hone my skills before returning to India to join my dad in his global business of sourcing and supply and also help me to manage the family’s business in industry and trading.
The above benefits of Global Business Management course offered at Humber College, which is recognized globally and the advantages of studying in Canada has made me to choose both to achieve my goals and dreams."
Please advice.