Making Marriage work?

[sogwap]

In another post I asked about others going through immigration. As I'm filling out the immigration papers I'm reminded of an other perplexing question/problem....

Normally when a couple marries they move in together, both work and begin a new home life. One of the most important parts of immigration is proving that your relationship genuine authentic and continuing. Additionally CIC expects that after you secure immigration (PR) you work and become an active part of the (Canadian) community. However while waiting for PR (immigration) these objectives are often impossible. The couple is either separated or the PR applicant is only a visitor and can not legally work! Being with your new spouse/family and building a new home is nearly impossible.

Can anyone explain how CIC expects that a couple to move in together to start a marriage, work and begin a new home/family? Am I missing something?

 

[HoneyBird]

sogwap,
the reasons there are these rules and regulations and complications is simply becuase of how people have abused the system in the past with marriage of conveniences..so now we all must pay for that. And lots of people more and more are meeting their partners on line so there is more work annd not enough vo to process.

in the meantime, its difficult but we try to maintain the relationship long distance.

 

[Kess]

It sucks that the cheaters and liers have ruined the process for everyone else. I've never experienced a more invasive process and there is a constant fear that someone will say no.

It's not easy to be apart for so long (we are doing an outland app with him living in the US) and there is also the worry since we've never lived together yet. We talk every day and hope that the communication skills we build now will ensure a successful marriage down the road.

CIC claims that family reuinification in regards to spouses and dependant children is a priority. In theory they should understand that we are just trying to get to the point where we can "build our lives" with our spouses. I hate being penalized for falling in love outside the country.

 

[sbwv09]

It is very frustrating.. I've told the story on here before about our old neighbors who were in a marriage immigration scam and they were approved in less than 3 months. Maybe I'm a bit of skeptic but it's hard to see that the system is doing that great a job in weeding out the false marriages. They do a terrific job in putting a strain on real marriages!

It's not easy to maintain a solid marriage through an ordeal like this. Most of us spend our relationship apart.. and when we do move in together, there is the hard task of the immigrant being able to fully join the society (good job, new friends, etc). I have to say that it is much more difficult than I thought, adjusting to marriage and a new country at the same time... and the fact that we're still going through immigration makes it that much harder.

 

[HoneyBird]

i totally agree with you and thats why little by little i am preparing in my home country for the move up.
its just that i am going to go broke from everything. my husband has suggested i take a part time job while i readjust and even think about maybe some school. so i think thats my route. part time or school then full time. i am honestly a little scared of the move because where i live, we have no subways etc. so the subway system is confusing for me among other things like getting used to the weather, becuase in the caribbean its sunny all through most days of the year!

 

[AllisonVSC]

I think that Canada (at least the govt) is a very protectionist society. They don't want visitors (read foreigners) working and taking away jobs from deserving Canadians. This is in my view in direct contrast with promoting itself as a land with lots of opportunity for immigrants. They have similar protectionist laws for ownership of companies. Many, like the telecom industry which has been in the news lately, are required to limit foreign investment in Canadian companies so that control remains in Canadian hands to the determent of the company's ability to build capital, expand services and serve customers. Layer on top of this protectionist philosophy an overly burdensome bureaucracy (as high as 40% of all workers are employed in the public sector... I've heard but no confirmation on that) and what it seems you end up with is a frustrating mess of contradictions, long processes for public services, and seemingly unreasonable requirements for the "certification" of workers.

The above comments are not exactly about making marriages work, but my relationship is strained these days because while I am legally able to work, I can't work in my field (due to lack of certification pre-requisites) and I haven't been able to find a job in another field. I guess I could always work at a Timmy's or Mickey Dees...unless I need certification or that too.

 

[sogwap]

sogwap,
the reasons there are these rules and regulations and complications is simply because of how people have abused the system in the past with marriage of conveniences..so now we all must pay for that. And lots of people more and more are meeting their partners on line so there is more work and not enough vo to process.

in the meantime, its difficult but we try to maintain the relationship long distance.

The problem with this logic is that I've never heard of (born and raised in) US/Canadian citizens in a "Marriage of Convenience".

Where I'm from and here in Canada, if a newly wed couple operated like Canadian immigration expects... Where, you get married and move back to your respective country/home live apart for 6-18 months. Or if you do live together and can not work and support your new family, and at any time could be asked to leave!... If you lived like that for the first 6-18 months you would be considered abusive/wrong, screwed up, dishonest, or using someone.

For many of us, this time has been a "Marriage of Inconvenience" to say the least.

 

[dair2dv8103100]

For many of us, this time has been a "Marriage of Inconvenience" to say the least.

AMEN to that!! I am not even married to him yet and looking through the posts here...phew...we are a different breed of animal to be able to maintain a relationship AND jump all the hoops (burning hoops mind you) that is "required" by immigration.

Wishing you all the best!!

 

[tgchi13]

Been there. My husband was able to show that he was actively contributing to society by volunteering in a position that would have otherwise gone unfilled. Exceeding the minmum skill level for an unpaid positon was crucial.

 

[sbwv09]

It's hard to even get anything done without PR. I just wanted to send my credentials to the Teacher's College to be evaluated, but oh no, I have to have documentation of eligibility to work before I can do that!

Been there. My husband was able to show that he was actively contributing to society by volunteering in a position that would have otherwise gone unfilled. Exceeding the minmum skill level for an unpaid positon was crucial.

I've looked at different volunteer opportunities as well, and some of them require credentials that would make most people jealous... for volunteer work!

 

[dair2dv8103100]

I don't know about anyone else...but this process is sure taking a toll on me.

I have not been able to visit my fiance in over a year due to an unexpected surgery in April this year which made it impossible for me to work full time for almost 8 weeks. I did manage to work part time from home as my previous manager gave me a laptop. But when I returned to work my manager had left and the new manager would not allow me time off this year to visit my fiance even though I did not use any holiday time or sick leave and just relied on EI for income during that time. This is the only reason I am not leaving until Jan next year.

Why am I telling you this??? I dont know... I am just having a hard time today. Have not talked online with my fiance for 2 days because he is travelling to visit family. I am guessing others have gone through this up and down cycle.

I suppose all these trying times can either make or break a relationship...anyone else experience this??

 

[kelKel]

I first wanted to say my heart goes out to every one of you who can't be with your partners or spouses. I can't imagine not being with the person you love. I have mine here with me but he can longer work and I don't know if I'll be able to do it by myself. Its only the beginning and the strain is already beginning to affect us. I'm a nervous wreck and he can't handle it. I hope we can make it to the end. Only time will tell.

Its okay Dair its actually one of the best things about this forum is being able to get things off your chest and share your experience during this very trying time.

 

[locolynn]

my husband and i have been married for six years and in the immigration process for over three years now. i can not describe the toll this process has taken on our relationship. The years apart have devestated us and i wonder if we are going to be able to salvage it when this process is finished. My heart is broken.

 

[dair2dv8103100]

I first wanted to say my heart goes out to every one of you who can't be with your partners or spouses. I can't imagine not being with the person you love. I have mine here with me but he can longer work and I don't know if I'll be able to do it by myself. Its only the beginning and the strain is already beginning to affect us. I'm a nervous wreck and he can't handle it. I hope we can make it to the end. Only time will tell.

Its okay Dair its actually one of the best things about this forum is being able to get things off your chest and share your experience during this very trying time.

Thanks kelKel,

I am sure all will be fine for you both. Relationships that are not trying at times do not test us and these are the things that can make stronger bonds in relationship. It can also go the other way...but in my experience...if we keep the lines of communication open and let each other know how we are feeling and respect those feelings it helps us appreciate the good times even more.

Yes, it has been terribly difficult to not be able to even hold his hand. But I try and remember how sweet it will be when I can and eventually I will be able to hold it forever...He is the love of my life and I cannot imagine spending my life without him...so some sacrifice now compared to a lifetime with my love...I will make that sacrifice. But phew...it is hard...a lot harder than I could ever have imagined.

I knew nothing about immigration and sponsorship before and had no idea what was involved. When you love someone you almost expect others to just believe you and not have to prove it! It is a terrible thing that so many have abused this opportunity and the system. I live in an area with alot of immigrants and it seems so easy...I mean they got here with huge families, no work experience and are now living off the welfare system. I have a perfectly healthy man, willing to work more than one job if needed to take care of his family, who I KNOW loves me and wants to make a life with me and is ONLY making the sacrifice of coming to Canada because I cannot leave with my daughter to live there...and I have to prove the relationship is real just to have some anonymous person(s) make their own decision about MY relationship based on "proof" that I may or may not have depending on how we have communicated or a few photos?!?!

Sorry...ranting abit...only because I know a man that married after knowing her only 4 months, first trip there and they married...and he still tries to contact me occasionally asking if when he gets to Canada (he is in the states with his wife) if I will marry him!!!!! This is the kind of person, including some of my neighbours, that has made this all sooo difficult for those of us having real and true relationships and who intend to actually contribute to society. Grrrrrr

Ok done my rant...so sorry if I have offended anyone...I do hope you will understand my frustrations. In the meantime we are maintaining as best we can with the technology available to us.

I do hope the best for everyone and encourage them to hang on through the tough times! 8)

 

[Tallen]

I think one of the hardest parts of being apart is the time difference for my wife and I. I am in Ontario, she is in Moscow. The 8hrs difference is hard. By the time I get home from work it's 2am in Moscow, she stays up most of the time so we can share some time.

I guess we are lucky now with the internet as I cannot think of how hard this process would be without it.

We watch a lot of movies together (Start them at the same time, then talk/type to each other as we watch), use Skype (video chat), Instant Messaging, and SMS a Lot.