Getting a divorce. Question

[JustMarried81]

My wife sponsored me with family class. I got approved sometime in Jan after 7 months of waiting for the application out of Paris.

I landed here 2 months ago. First weekend the wife kicks me out, then comes and visits me at the hotel with all her time after work. She is very bi-polar and it's not getting any better. She says I don't show love and want to provide for her. So I got an apartment for the both of us and paid 1 year ahead of time just to get it because I don't have a job in the country. Already settled in and got a bunch of furniture paid already brand new.

One minute she is find, then the next minute she flips out on me for no reason. Then cries then she's fine then cries I'm like really out of it.

Then the abuse I get from her with the words makes it really hard for me to do anything. I wonder if I can get my money back for the 1 year paid in full at my place and try to sell off my new furniture. Plus she only comes here on the weekends to sleep cause it's very noise by our place with traffic and she is a very light sleeper yet always some kind of a abuse/fight breaks out. I don't even say anything at all because I know how she is and her mom is on medication for mood changes to keep her stable. She told me last night she wanted to take medication to be stable that it might help then says it's only around me. Yet her mom said she is like this with her also. I'm just to the point where If I had a rope yeah I'd end it. I don't even know how much money I blew on this since we started dating $40k+ and now all gone and done for. I wish I knew the future for the 6 months ahead in life but we don't.

I plan on going to city hall today to file for a divorce, because she says that's what she wants then she changes her mind then back again etc. I can't stay here because you have to be married for 2 years. But when I do file for this divorce. I'd like to sell off everything and try to get my 10 months prepaid for my place already. How much time do I have before I got to pack up and leave Canada?

Thank you.

 

[Rob_TO]

I assume all these issues were there while you were dating/engaged?

Anyways, if/when you get divorced or just separate so you are no longer cohabiting, it is not an automatic process that your PR will be revoked. First, CIC actually has to learn of the separation by you or your wife telling them, or if they somehow notice another way (like CRA tells them you aren't filing taxes together anymore). Then they would need to do an investigation, and then finally may make move to revoke your PR. So depending how this all happens, it could be a long time before your PR is actually in jeopardy.

 

[JustMarried81]

I assume all these issues were there while you were dating/engaged?

Anyways, if/when you get divorced or just separate so you are no longer cohabiting, it is not an automatic process that your PR will be revoked. First, CIC actually has to learn of the separation by you or your wife telling them, or if they somehow notice another way (like CRA tells them you aren't filing taxes together anymore). Then they would need to do an investigation, and then finally may make move to revoke your PR. So depending how this all happens, it could be a long time before your PR is actually in jeopardy.

When dating it was fine, engaged we couldn't wait to be with each other. Sure we'd have fights maybe like every 3 months for a few minutes then it was brushed off.

We'd spend countless hours on skype video chat and typing for countless hours. Her mom told me when we got married "If you got any problems with her give me a call you know how she is" When I got this that day we got married. I was thinking to myself "what?" like there was something wrong and this weekend her mom said it's best when she keeps busy working her 2 jobs and has no time to fight because she is like this with her parents also. Not just me.

 

[rhcohen2014]

well she obviously has a medical issue. how about getting her some help?

 

[JustMarried81]

well she obviously has a medical issue. how about getting her some help?

Her answer is she doesn't want to get fat from using the medication. And it's not a life to live.

 

[Ninirae]

Her answer is she doesn't want to get fat from using the medication. And it's not a life to live.

Having a healthy marriage should take precedence, but I have heard of people complaining about weight gain from it. I'm sorry to hear this is occurring, and hopefully you are able to figure something out. It's a tough place to be in.

 

[Alurra71]

Her answer is she doesn't want to get fat from using the medication. And it's not a life to live.

While everyone has their own choices to make, if you really want to salvage your marriage, then perhaps you should both visit a therapist. Using a 3rd party can sometimes help the other person to finally 'hear' what their spouse has been trying to say the entire time. Maybe she feels insecure that if she were to take the meds and gain weight from it, you wouldn't love her anymore or want to be with her, find her attractive, so on and so forth. There are SO many reasons why people do what they do and everyone is different.

Marriage is hard work. There is no two ways around it. The easy thing is to walk away. The hard thing is to stick it out, through all the tough times and KNOW this is where you want to be regardless. You have to make that decision for yourself. You have to know in your deepest heart if you truly want to be with her and if you could be happy if the current problems found a solution.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide to do.

 

[Christoph100]

Your married you obviously love her or you would not have gone through the whole PR process, Every relationship has its ups and downs. Too many people take the easy way out when there is a little bump in the road. You really should try and salvage the relationship don't give up.

Chris

 

[Abrassain]

Well, the abuse is unacceptable. Fine line between helping and enabling.

 

[Avadava]

she needs a psychiatrist or psychologist.... they may not giv her any medicines.... or they gav therapies or counsellin to both of u.... matter cn b sort out....

Remember!! every problem has a solution... dont wry everythn vl b fine oncw u started goin to psychiatrist... m vry sure...!!

I honestly don't know the reason why a person would write the way you do. Are you that lazy that you can't be bothered to spell properly? Are you 15 years old by any chance?

everythn - just two letters missing here, you couldn't be bothered to include them?
goin - one g at the end, and everything would've been fine.

...and the list can go on.

I'm sorry, but to me this shows disrespect for all the readers of this forum and especially for the OP.

For your sake, I hope you didn't write in this manner in your PR application. And if you did write correctly there, then why would you not write the same on here? Are the readers of this forum less important?

 

[rhcohen2014]

because there are some people out there that actually still believe in proper grammar and spelling. texting shorthand belongs on cell phones, not on public internet forums where people come for advice. i will promise you will find greater success in life if you actually cared to write properly. people and future employers will take you more seriously. at this point, i don't consider anything you write to be valid, since you can't seem to concern yourself with writing it so real people can understand it. Nor do I actually bother reading everything you write, because i don't care to take the time to decipher your sentances like they are ancient hieroglyphics. this is not twitter. you are not limited to 140 characters. It's one thing if english is not your first language. It's another to do it because of sheer laziness or ego. I feel for the future of this world if this becomes a globally accepted use of the English language. *shakes head in disappointment*

 

[Avadava]

And this is the very mature message s/he sent me privately:

y u have a problem..... its my wish wateve i want to write i will write!
y dont u c ur matter..... r u screwed? y ru peepin in my writin... hhuhhhh,...hell...u people dont hav sense!! luk at urself,,,,before writin to me...

y r u writin it in forum..cnt u write it here? huhhhh...

think before u write!!

I think you really are 15 years old. I'm not peeping in your writing, you wrote on a public forum for everyone to see. And being in a hurry is not an excuse for how you write. If you don't have the time to do it properly, then don't do it at all. Like I said before, this shows disrespect not only for the people reading your comments, but for the OP also.

 

[Christoph100]

Well, the abuse is unacceptable. Fine line between helping and enabling.

How is a medical condition considered abuse...look up bi-polar

Imagine you develop it..there is no cure it can be controlled somewhat, You end up giving your spouse a hard time because of it. Not always as it shifts your moods from time to time, Sometimes your ok and sometimes your attitude is not good. Your spouse is getting fed up and wants a divorce and that is the only reason sited for the separation, Is it fair to you? something that is not really in your control. Would you not like your spouse to stand by you and work through it even tho its very difficult to deal with. Through sickness and health right..

Just my opinion

Chris

 

[uskyoot]

And this is the very mature message s/he sent me privately:

I think you really are 15 years old. I'm not peeping in your writing, you wrote on a public forum for everyone to see. And being in a hurry is not an excuse for how you write. If you don't have the time to do it properly, then don't do it at all. Like I said before, this shows disrespect not only for the people reading your comments, but for the OP also.

I think the way s/he has responded is very telling.

 

[rhcohen2014]

I think the way s/he has responded is very telling.

i would encourage people to stop responding to this 1272 member. since my response, i received 7 personal messages from them. i think they expressed how bad of a person i am for stating my opinion on an open forum? i am not quite sure as i stopped reading after the first sentance because i can't decipher the shorthand language. i have since reported them to the moderator to ask them to stop messaging me personally. apparently i am old, shouldn't hurt people's feelings, i need to delete my comment, and this person is a well respected professor. again, i'm not too clear because of the way the messages were written. also, the OP's question is now lost in this thread, and i am unsure if they got the answer they needed. *sigh**thinks - why do i even bother sometimes?*

Edit: it appears 1272's comments are no longer in this thread. let's move on!