To fraud or not to fraud, that is the question

[Cdagal]

Many of you won't remember me, but many of you will. I sponsored my Nigerian spouse from Brazil and he landed in March of last year. It was a tough process, but we made it through.

On arrival, he was not the same man I had known and loved for almost 4 years prior. He was secretive, always lying to me and hiding money...never willing to discuss financial things with me at all. The close relationship and friendship I thought we shared became very one-sided almost right away.

He did not make an effort to be a husband to me or be a part of my children's lives, instead spending hours and hours daily on the phone or computer to his people in Nigeria and Brazil.

After depleting my substantial savings and obtaining all the certificates and licenses he needed to obtain the kind of lucrative job he wanted in order to "provide for us", he flew up north to look for work. On arrival, he remembered that he didn't actually love me and said he was not coming back. This whole process took less than 10 months.

I am on the hook for 2 more years for someone who has already taken everything I have and left me in a pile of debt, humiliated and heart broken. I signed that sponsorship agreement and did so knowingly, but it still feels like an extra slap in the face. There is nothing that can be done to my children and I, but hopefully this story helps someone.

 

[scylla]

I certainly remember you. I am very very sorry this has happened to you.

 

[chickie72]

I was not on here last year but I have to say that is terrible what he done to you. In this process you need to have alot of trust in the person you are sponsoring and even though you have that trust, it sometimes is not enough. He will get his in the end because karma will come back and bite him in the butt. He will have to face his maker one day.

 

[MSP2YYZ]

And of course, cases like yours are the reason CIC has implemented the Conditional PR for spouses.

I am very sorry that you had to go through this situation, and it is even worse that your kids were involved.

 

[charmainefrances]

I am really sorry that this happened to you! I really can't believe that there are people like him who does not have a heart or even a conscience to do this kind of thing! grrrrrr!!!!

 

[LeisaP]

Sometimes I question when people just meet a person, get married, and wonder why there spouse "changes" after landing as PR. Because i feel like you dont know someone when it happens so fast..


But in your case, I really cant believe after 4 years He would do something like that! I am so sorry to hear this!
I cant even imagine how hurt you and your children are. Hearing stories like this is so sad and unfortunate. But the other posters are right he will get his, Karma is a strange thing.
I hope everything works out for you and you do find true love and happiness!

best Wishes, keep your head up

 

[Patience21]

I' m so sorry that you are going through this. You may not be able to see how your going to get through this but you are ... With time you will heal.
One day this guy will experience the same pain you are going through- it always comes right back to the person.

I'm not sure about your religious background but The Lord is a healer- please pray about your situation and you will see the blessings.

 

[bagelbagel81]

I am so sorry to hear this happen to you, and could not even begin to understand how your trust and faith in this person was broken.
Thanks for sharing your story, I hope with time you can get to a better place emotionally and financially.

He will definitely get what is coming to him.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[messenger]

Hi.
I am new here and I feel for you dear! What he did is used you, used the system just to get access to Canada. I would not bother saying sympathies for you but the only thing I can tell you is get in touch with immigration and report the whole thing to them. This way you will get off the hook and he will get what's coming to him

Best of luck

 

[Nevaeha]

Cdagal, I am so sorry this happened to you and your family, it is absolutely heart-wrenching to read your story. Stay strong, remain positive, believe that there are good men in this world, and know we are all here for you.

 

[tuyen]

Many of you won't remember me, but many of you will. I sponsored my Nigerian spouse from Brazil and he landed in March of last year. It was a tough process, but we made it through.

On arrival, he was not the same man I had known and loved for almost 4 years prior. He was secretive, always lying to me and hiding money...never willing to discuss financial things with me at all. The close relationship and friendship I thought we shared became very one-sided almost right away.
...
There is nothing that can be done to my children and I, but hopefully this story helps someone.

I hope that the person it helps the most is you, and I hope it will serve as a stiff reminder if you should once again find yourself in a position of getting involved with someone from outside the country in the future.

I'm not familiar with your story, but if you didn't spend any time living with this person for some time before getting married, then you have to be willing to share half of the blame. I mean...the very fact that you chose to sponsor someone from Nigeria - a country that has become synonymous with the word "scam" - suggests to me that you were never really looking for warning signs, even if they were present.

As others have suggested, I hope that this guy gets what's coming to him.

 

[Patience09]

I think whether or not she spent time living with him doesn't make much of a difference. Many spouses here don't have the benefit of living together before the sponsorship process, but they know their partner more than anyone. Others maybe lived together for years, and things just don't end up right.

Cdagal, I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. Just know that if you are a good person at heart, good things will come to you eventually. You can get through this with your kids. I also hope he gets what's coming to him

I hope that the person it helps the most is you, and I hope it will serve as a stiff reminder if you should once again find yourself in a position of getting involved with someone from outside the country in the future.

I'm not familiar with your story, but if you didn't spend any time living with this person for some time before getting married, then you have to be willing to share half of the blame. I mean...the very fact that you chose to sponsor someone from Nigeria - a country that has become synonymous with the word "scam" - suggests to me that you were never really looking for warning signs, even if they were present.

As others have suggested, I hope that this guy gets what's coming to him.

 

[truesmile]

Yes, sorry to hear of such ill will. The big red flag in this story that "I" see is how he was "...never willing to discuss financial things with me at all." AND YET HE was the one "depleting my substantial savings".

SO, he depleted your savings without ever discussing it with you!?

LOVE is WAY-blind!!

 

[tuyen]

I think whether or not she spent time living with him doesn't make much of a difference.

On the contrary, I think it makes a world of difference.
Getting to know someone by TALKING to them every day is very different from LIVING with them every day. You get to know every little nuance about a person when you share your daily life, and it's completely inconceivable to me that if she was living with him, that he would NOT have given off any signals or indicators to at least raise some serious red flags in her mind.

Many spouses here don't have the benefit of living together before the sponsorship process, but they know their partner more than anyone.

To the first part of your point, yes, that's true - and if you don't have the ability to live together, then you're taking an even bigger risk and you have to be willing to live with the consequences. But as to the second part regarding "they know their partner more than anyone", how can that possibly be true? How can you KNOW a person "more than anyone" if the only contact you have is a few minutes on the phone or online every day? Maybe she "knew" her partner more than I did, because I obviously didn't know him at all, but I guarantee there are people in Nigeria who knew him a lot more than she did...and perhaps if she had the opportunity to live with him and meet some of those people, she would've had a lot of eye-opening moments.

Others maybe lived together for years, and things just don't end up right.

Yes of course, but there's a big difference between a marriage ending in divorce, versus a marriage ending in divorce that was founded on a scam.
Living together before marriage doesn't guarantee a happy lifelong marriage, but it would certainly help you in truly knowing whether this is a person you really do want to marry and live with.

 

[Patience09]

I do understand your point tuyen, I didn't make my point very clear. I did not mean to compare couples who lived together with couples who have had little to no physical contact.

People who have not been able to 'live together' for years, but who have had the opportunity to visit each other (maybe extensively and regularly, maybe a few times), probably still have had situations in their relationship where one person has had to help the other out in difficult times, whether financially or emotionally. Or one person has had to sacrifice something for the other. Maybe they have been in a long relationship, maybe not. Of course never meeting the person except to get married is something else also.

The reason why I said that is because I've seen both types of scams. Where the couple never lived together, visited each other a few times, and where the couple lived together for at least a year. Once the sponsored spouse landed, they turned into completely different people and disappeared so quickly.

Sadly enough, I think the conditional restrictions is a good move, but there are still those people with all the patience in the world who would not mind waiting those 2 years out, then disappearing once the restrictions are over. It's amazing what some people would do.