hi guys
can anyone please help me in assessing my language skills, i am stuck at 6.5 and wanto to score 7, can you ppl please give this essay a good read and let me know what you think of its band. please score it on all four criteria. the essay is below for your marking
in Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with
other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes
the government has to pay for this care.
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
15:21
Many times the old care facilities are funded by the government, especially in Britain. This invokes the question as to who should be responsible to provide for these old people, state or their relatives.
To begin with, I believe that the government should be principally responsible to fend for the people who are in advanced years of their life. This practice could not only ensure the existence of up-to-date mobility-friendly old homes, but also the standardization of the same. For instance, in Canada, it is common for the government to sponsor old care centres which lead to uniform technology in each centre especially addressing the mobility-related issues of the old through the installation of elevators, lifts etc.
Having said that, I think some contribution can be made by their families as well if they want to do so willingly. This sum can be used for any additional benefits to these people such as satisfying any specific food preferences they have or donating them their choice of clothes etc. However, this funding should be in addition to the one made by the state; that is to say that it should be an add-on, rather than the sole source. The reason for this is that it would not hinder the provision of basic facilities to those who do not have many relatives to pay for them but at the same time entitling some to extra benefits.
To conclude, in my opinion, due to the possibility of uniform technology-driven geriatric-friendly old houses it would be best if government resource them with occasional contribution from relatives to satisfy any luxurious need of their kin.
please respond.
Sarah.
can anyone please help me in assessing my language skills, i am stuck at 6.5 and wanto to score 7, can you ppl please give this essay a good read and let me know what you think of its band. please score it on all four criteria. the essay is below for your marking
in Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with
other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes
the government has to pay for this care.
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
15:21
Many times the old care facilities are funded by the government, especially in Britain. This invokes the question as to who should be responsible to provide for these old people, state or their relatives.
To begin with, I believe that the government should be principally responsible to fend for the people who are in advanced years of their life. This practice could not only ensure the existence of up-to-date mobility-friendly old homes, but also the standardization of the same. For instance, in Canada, it is common for the government to sponsor old care centres which lead to uniform technology in each centre especially addressing the mobility-related issues of the old through the installation of elevators, lifts etc.
Having said that, I think some contribution can be made by their families as well if they want to do so willingly. This sum can be used for any additional benefits to these people such as satisfying any specific food preferences they have or donating them their choice of clothes etc. However, this funding should be in addition to the one made by the state; that is to say that it should be an add-on, rather than the sole source. The reason for this is that it would not hinder the provision of basic facilities to those who do not have many relatives to pay for them but at the same time entitling some to extra benefits.
To conclude, in my opinion, due to the possibility of uniform technology-driven geriatric-friendly old houses it would be best if government resource them with occasional contribution from relatives to satisfy any luxurious need of their kin.
please respond.
Sarah.