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Oh boy, another person going for UCW.

There is only 1 truth, UCW is not at all one of the finest universities in Canada. It sounds like a joke. It is actually one of the WORST universities in Canada. Bad reputation, bad quality, bad opportunities.

To much thing in the educational background section that I don't find relevant. Why mention event management? Why online courses especially when they have zero connection to your intended program in Canada? Where is your GPA? Where is your academic result? You need to mention that. You are trying to prove that you are a genius student, not someone who is interested in everything. It gives you the impression like you chose MBA by accident.


Financial section should take a lot more spaces than that. You have the money, ok. But where is it coming from? Who sponsor you? Is it coming from your employment savings? You only mention your first year tuition and living expenses, how about the 2nd year? Maybe your parents are still working and they can support you financially after the 1st year? Nothing is clear.

After all, I see zero clear reason why you need to take an MBA at UCW at this time. You never mention about the professional opportunities that you will have after obtaining a such degree. Plenty opportunities? What are they? Who is gonna hire you as a MBA graduate? What post can you obtain? Manager ? Staff? In what industry? Run a family business is not relevant. MBA exist everywhere, why don't you take it in India where the program is built to train people working in that specific environment? It is so subjectif and there is no proof, no information, nothing that visa officer can verify.

Hope this can help you have a little bigger idea about how a SOP should be.
 
Oh boy, another person going for UCW.

There is only 1 truth, UCW is not at all one of the finest universities in Canada. It sounds like a joke. It is actually one of the WORST universities in Canada. Bad reputation, bad quality, bad opportunities.

To much thing in the educational background section that I don't find relevant. Why mention event management? Why online courses especially when they have zero connection to your intended program in Canada? Where is your GPA? Where is your academic result? You need to mention that. You are trying to prove that you are a genius student, not someone who is interested in everything. It gives you the impression like you chose MBA by accident.


Financial section should take a lot more spaces than that. You have the money, ok. But where is it coming from? Who sponsor you? Is it coming from your employment savings? You only mention your first year tuition and living expenses, how about the 2nd year? Maybe your parents are still working and they can support you financially after the 1st year? Nothing is clear.

After all, I see zero clear reason why you need to take an MBA at UCW at this time. You never mention about the professional opportunities that you will have after obtaining a such degree. Plenty opportunities? What are they? Who is gonna hire you as a MBA graduate? What post can you obtain? Manager ? Staff? In what industry? Run a family business is not relevant. MBA exist everywhere, why don't you take it in India where the program is built to train people working in that specific environment? It is so subjectif and there is no proof, no information, nothing that visa officer can verify.

Hope this can help you have a little bigger idea about how a SOP should be.
Thank you for your feedback if anyone is give more feedback will be very helpful
 
Go for it, but take my ideas with a grain of salt.

UCW is one of, if not the lowest ranked MBA in Canada. It is a private college that no employer or Canadians have heard of. It is for international students. Apply to a public university. VO will laugh when you say “one of the finest” in Canada. UBC, Western, McGill, U of Toronto those are a few of the finest.

Not really sure what your internship, event managment, or volunteer work have to do with pursing a MBA. You actually don’t even say why you want to take a MBA for when you have limited work experience. You give a textbook response and since you are working for your family business then you don’t need a MBA from Canada. You don’t even say what the family business is.

I also would not highlight that your entire schooling was in English and that you are fluent since your scores are 6.5 in writing and speaking. If your scores were over 7 or 8 then yes. Your brother’s studies is of no relevance. Mentioning you know MS Office is strange because most elementary kids know how to use the suite and again has no relevance to your studies.

Pick another school.
 
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Thank you for your feedback if anyone is give more feedback will be very helpful
My feedback is the same as the 2 above. Take their advice.

Also, I think you need another attempt at the SOP - after you pick another school. For someone going for an MBA, this SOP is substandard. All the best!