Protected Person PR-How to prove marital status if I was with an abusive husband?

[hopefuldreams]

Hello Everyone,
I hope you're all doing well.
Thanks for your wonderful information! I'm new here but have always read a lot of valuable advice/information here, and now.. I really need your help.

I'm a protected person in Canada (convention refugee), and I live in Montreal, QC.

I arrived to Montreal with my ex-husband. He is German-American, and he went back to the USA after 16 days from our arrival. He was verbally/physically abusive and very violent that I ended up depressed for many months.

After her went back to the USA, my ex-husband abandoned me for 2 months then sent me a text message saying he does not want to be with me anymore then he stopped contacting me, and now we have not contacted each other at all for 6 months and 17 days, and we will never do. I wrote about his abuse when I claimed refugee last November (2018), and the letter that I received accepting my request also indicates that he was violent with me.

We got married in another country (not Canada nor the USA), and we entered Canada as a couple.

Now, after becoming a convention refugee, I want to apply for the permanent residency and don't know how to prove my marital status. I have his text messages with me but no divorce certificate, and I can't contact him. He is very abusive and violent and won't accept to cooperate with me because he wants to waste my lifetime and prevent me from being able to marry again in a legal way. I feel scared to contact him, and at the same time, I don't want my PR to be postponed or rejected because of this.

How can I prove my marital status?
What marital status should I choose on the PR applications?
Any advice for me on this?

PS: I don't have money at all. That's why I can't hire a lawyer, and I was wondering if you know any way I can get legal aid to be able to issue a divorce certificate.


Thanks for all of you in advance.

 

[canuck78]

Where did you get married? You can order records from that country. You are married until you are divorced. Sounds like you are from a visa free country if you arrived as a couple in Canada. You must have included some proof of your marriage in you asylum application. This situation doesn't make a lot of sense. Why is a US/German spouse coming to Canada with their wife and you didn't return with him but you didn't have any money. I assume you have a work permit and you've been in the country for 6 months so you should be looking for employment as your number one priority and then you can hire a lawyer to file for divorce. You have to be in Canada for a year before you can file.

 

[hopefuldreams]

Hi,

Thanks for your answer.
I have my marriage certificate with me and have included it in my refugee claimant application.

The situation that doesn't make sense to you is my current situation, unfortunately.

We entered Canada with a visitor (tourist) visa. It was our so-called honeymoon! We officially wrote down our marriage certificate in February last year but had our wedding in September then traveled to Canada. He is mentally ill or so I thought, and I thought I should be patient and understanding and give him more love to "fix" him, but I was wrong. I realized he is just a bad man with a bad personality.

I was not permitted to enter the US. My situation is verycomplicated, but my refugee claim was accepted because my country of origin and country of residence both are not safe for me.

So...

What marital status should I choose in PR applications? I'm so confused because in my refugee claimant application I chose "separated", but the PR application has "*legally* separated", and some people here say I must prove it. Ok. How?

Do I have to wait until after I can hire a lawyer and get a divorce decision from the court?

Thank you.

 

[canuck_in_uk]

Hi,

Thanks for your answer.
I have my marriage certificate with me and have included it in my refugee claimant application.

The situation that doesn't make sense to you is my current situation, unfortunately.

We entered Canada with a visitor (tourist) visa. It was our so-called honeymoon! We officially wrote down our marriage certificate in February last year but had our wedding in September then traveled to Canada. He is mentally ill or so I thought, and I thought I should be patient and understanding and give him more love to "fix" him, but I was wrong. I realized he is just a bad man with a bad personality.

I was not permitted to enter the US. My situation is verycomplicated, but my refugee claim was accepted because my country of origin and country of residence both are not safe for me.

So...

What marital status should I choose in PR applications? I'm so confused because in my refugee claimant application I chose "separated", but the PR application has "*legally* separated", and some people here say I must prove it. Ok. How?

Do I have to wait until after I can hire a lawyer and get a divorce decision from the court?

Thank you.

You are legally separated. You do not need a lawyer to file for divorce right now. You can show your communications with him that indicate you have not been living together. If you have any other proofs that he has left Canada, that would be good to include as well.

 

[hopefuldreams]

You are legally separated. You do not need a lawyer to file for divorce right now. You can show your communications with him that indicate you have not been living together. If you have any other proofs that he has left Canada, that would be good to include as well.

Thank you very much. Your answer helped me a lot!

 

[canuck78]

This situation still doesn’t makes sense to me. Although you may have had a court marriage in February almost all couples from more conservative cultures (assume it is your case if you are banned from the US) don’t live together until the actual ceremony so that would be in September and then you arrived in Canada in November. This whole marriage seems suspicious to me.

 

[Mom31]

I searched online and found this information


legal separation’ in Canada. You are legally separated as soon as you and your spouse are ‘living separate and apart’. However, the term ‘legal separation’ is commonly used to describe the contract that is created between two spouses at the time of their separation.

Second, there is no time limit to being separated, and a divorce will never automatically occur after or because of a separation. In fact, you can remain indefinitely separated from your spouse without ever filing for divorce. The only legal reason to obtain a divorce is if one partner wishes to remarry.

In order to file for divorce in Canada you must first complete a full one year separation period. The only exception to this rule is if your divorce is filed under the grounds of adultery or cruelty


Based on this I think you can use the option legally separated in your application but please search yourself as well to find more about it.

 

[hopefuldreams]

I searched online and found this information


legal separation’ in Canada. You are legally separated as soon as you and your spouse are ‘living separate and apart’. However, the term ‘legal separation’ is commonly used to describe the contract that is created between two spouses at the time of their separation.

Second, there is no time limit to being separated, and a divorce will never automatically occur after or because of a separation. In fact, you can remain indefinitely separated from your spouse without ever filing for divorce. The only legal reason to obtain a divorce is if one partner wishes to remarry.

In order to file for divorce in Canada you must first complete a full one year separation period. The only exception to this rule is if your divorce is filed under the grounds of adultery or cruelty


Based on this I think you can use the option legally separated in your application but please search yourself as well to find more about it.

Thanks a lot Mom31!
I think you and Canuk_in_UK are right, so now I'm choosing "legally separated" for all my forms.

 

[hopefuldreams]

This situation still doesn’t makes sense to me. Although you may have had a court marriage in February almost all couples from more conservative cultures (assume it is your case if you are banned from the US) don’t live together until the actual ceremony so that would be in September and then you arrived in Canada in November. This whole marriage seems suspicious to me.

I don't understand your intention of writing such a reply.

So you think that my whole marriage is suspicious but the Canadian immigration and refugee board didn't know it? Why? Because you think you do have more information than them? I found your reply inappropriate to be honest.

Your analysis above is incorrect as we actually lived together starting from the day of our marriage certificate, in February, 2018. We were actually engaged for 6 months starting from August, 2017 before he traveled to where I lived to marry me AND live with me. He went back to finish some work in the US then came back again to where I lived then we had our wedding ceremony in September, 2018 and traveled together to Canada in September, the day following our wedding, not in November as you have assumed in your reply.

He lied to me about his mental, legal, and social status, tricked me into a painful marriage experience because he thought my family and I were rich enough to shower him with money AND because he thought a woman from my culture would be so submissive and worship him like a slave. After our wedding, he literally showed me he wanted a slave not a wife! He told me I must serve him because he was the man, used to say that I was "nasty and harsh and unpleasant" and that he was "just a little white kid" and a "victim" of my "attacks" against him, and used racist language about me and my people and was forever upset because I didn't praise his white skin and blue eyes as much as he wanted.

Before our marriage, I rejected his proposal to marry me 4 times because he was too romantic to be true, and after writing down our marriage certificate and living together I also asked him many times to divorce in a friendly way because I noticed he was frugal, cold, and bad tempered all the time. He kept on apologizing and grovelling and promising me he'd change. We fought A LOT because he thought I should be submissive and obedient and never ever say no to any of his "orders". I was so patient because I believed he was mentally ill and asked him to see a therapist, so he promised me he would but never saw him doing that.

I asked him to divorce me was few days before our wedding (while I was still in the country where I resided before travelling to Canada), and again, he apologized and begged me to continue. I paid a lot of money on everything including buying expensive gifts for him and his mother. He never bought me any fancy gift.. all his gifts he brought me from America where used things from a 2nd hand store.

He suggested that we travel to Canada as it's close to the US. I agreed and issued a 30-day exit-entry visa, so I had to travel back in 30 days otherwise I will lose my residency permit in the country where my family lived and would be forcefully deported to my original country where it was (and still is) not safe for me because of my political and religious beliefs. He told me that he would take care of me and that my US spousal visa is on its way, and I shouldn't worry.

When we arrived to Canada, he took advantage of the fact that I'm alone without my family knowing nothing and nobody here. He wanted to imprison me with fear and control me, but I resisted him. He told me that he was actually divorced twice before, had tried to choke his first African-American ex-wife and throw her from the window but stopped in the last minute, left his second European-American ex-wife after few months of marriage because she was, and I quote, "weak"!

His own mother said many times she was worried about me, but I didn't understand what she meant then, and when I used to ask him about the US spousal visa, he used to tell me to shut up and never ask him about it again otherwise he would consider me a "visa seeker"! But later, he told me that he was sent to jail 10 years ago because of he was arrested in a domestic violence case (his 1st ex-wife sued him over trying to choke her), and that was why the process of my US spousal visa was complicated and more likely to be rejected. We even talked to an American lawyer together on phone, and he told us his case is complicated. He told me it was almost impossible for him to find a wife in the US (because of his situation) that is why he looked for a wife abroad (his friend introduced him to my family). Yet, I forgave him and asked him not to lie to me again and to start fresh again.


During our so-called honeymoon, he literally hit me on our first night in Canada saying he had the right to hit me!!! He abused me sexually and verbally, locked me inside our room in the apartment where we stayed in Montreal, and I left him to stay in another hotel before he begged me to come back and apologized profusely. I came back thinking he had changed and because I really loved him truly from my heart. He thought I was naive and stupid and weak just because I loved him and was very nice to him. Unfortunately, he didn't know what love was.

I went to a lawyer and told her what happened to me after he traveled back to the US. He knew and actually apologized for the last time and told me he tricked me into that marriage because he wanted me no matter what. He told me he didn't want me anymore and we stopped contacting each other. In November, 2018, my lawyer submitted my refugee claimant request.

Until this very moment I suffer from depression and hopelessness because of what I have been through. I just pray I will be able to love and be loved again. He damaged me so deeply and so badly that I fear looking at his picture let alone meeting him in person. People keep telling me that I am strong because I have been able to resist his abuse, but I know how deep my wounds are. I feel them every day. The most painful part of what happened to me was not the abuse itself, but the fact that all of the love he gave me was a big fat lie, and all of the love I gave him was buried alive.


I hope that you are now LESS suspicious about my marriage!!!