Please review our proof of relationship (advice on bad family situation as well)

[epmarshall]

Hi all,

I am a US citizen and my boyfriend a Canadian citizen. We are currently living together in Canada. I have been up here 6 months and just recently applied for a visitor extension to extend my time up here. I have been on implied status for a few days now.

Our initial plan was to apply for PR via the common law route. However, we have run into some issues with that so we are considering spousal instead.

Originally, we didn't want to do spousal because we thought it would make any potential US PR harder, but apparently if I have Canadian PR then I can stay with him in Canada while a green card processes if we decide to go that route, so it won't make the process anymore difficult. Not that we are doing US PR, I just don't want to burn bridges in case our Canadian PR gets denied. I'm extremely worried about getting denied and not being able to be together in one country(Canada), in which case we are forced to use the other (US) and aren't prepared for it. Maybe I am just paranoid, but we just don't want to get denied and separated. Anyway that is a side note.

Back to our issue. We have been living with my boyfriend's family for the 6 months I have been here. At first, his mom made it very clear that she was glad for me to stay, so we thought, "Okay, well let's just start the PR process." However, within the first week she started to dislike me. I am very quiet, I will admit, which I think bothers her. And I do make things pretty awkward for her sometimes I imagine. However, I am not rude to her and I have never even raised my voice at all even when she is screaming at us. I think she wanted me to stay because she expected me to make her son more normal, but now she just complains because in her view we have an "abnormal relationship." She looks through our garbage, criticizes what we watch on tv, and says we don't go out enough. And not that I think she would actually do anything but she's even half-threatened me before saying something like "For her safety, keep her out of my face". I know people get angry sometimes, though, and that she didn't really mean it.

I keep thinking I must have done something awful to make her hate me this much, but I just can't understand why she does. The only thing I can think of is that having another person in the house raised her utility bills a bit, but we paid her extra to compensate for the extra body in the house. I wish I could make her like me and I try not to bother her, but it seems like she dislikes everything about me. She calls my bf stupid all the time and says that he only listens to what I say. She also does petty things like throw our things out when we are gone somewhere.

Anyway, sorry for the long drama part. The reason I mention all this is because we were going to do common law, but now her hatred of me has impacted things. We were going to get all of our packages sent to the house, but instead we've had some sent to post offices in the area instead because she starts fights over anything and questions everything we have sent to the house and wants to know what it is. And we were going to ask her to write up a lease for us for the months we have been at her house, but I don't know if she will even do it. She probably will when we've moved out of her house and have our own apartment, but even then I'm not sure she will want to help us. She also doesn't pay taxes on the rent money we pay her, so that will probably cause her to panic and not want to do the lease even if we just put $0 on it.

To make matters worse, his family knows nothing about the PR process but they think they know everything about it. They have told us that I am illegal up here even though my visitor status is legal and I have applied for my extension. We've had to explain implied status to them multiple times and they still think we are wrong. And they have also said we can't sign a lease together, which the folks on here helped me with. They are so worried about me being here being tied back to them and getting them in trouble somehow. His mom called a lawyer who at least told her that they'd be in no trouble, but who also gave her some incorrect info I think, like that only I would be in trouble for staying up here so long or something. All of this is frustrating because we are taking measures to ensure we do everything legally and do it right.

But due to all this, we have limited proof of common law. I think we have solid relationship proof, but little common law proof. So I'm wondering if you guys think it would be better to get married and go the spousal PR route?

TLDR; My boyfriend's family dislikes me and I'm worried about how this will affect PR. Do we have enough evidence?

Evidence:

Common Law:
-Joint bank account started 1 month ago.
-I am listed as a shared card holder for his credit card
-Receipts for vacation to Niagara Falls that show both our names on the receipt
-Paypal receipts for where I sent him money to cover some of my costs when I had a small online job.
-Presto Card statements that show our trips around town together on trains, buses, etc. (not sure if this is usable?)
-CBSA letters sent to me regarding GCMS notes at this address
-Letters/cards from my mom and a few other packages to us at this address
-Statutory Declaration of Common Law (we can get this in September)
-Changing my bf's CRA status to common law when the time comes
-Cell phone bills. He is going to add me to his cell phone account that we got 2 months ago. The provider told us they couldn't do it at first, but we found out how to do it.
-Receipts from shopping trips together. (they are marked up for budgeting and such)


Relationship:
-We may have a joint lease soon assuming we get this apartment. Either way we want to move out soon and have the lease anyway, just not sure when it will actually occur.
-Chat logs from all of our time on Skype together (May 1, 2013 to September 7, 2015). Also chat logs from our in-person time that show us communicating while he is on breaks from work sometimes, talking about what's for supper and all that.
-Print Screens of our Skype Video chats. I took so many of these before I even knew they'd be useful for PR. So I have many to use, probably some from each month since had a routine of video calling at least once per day)
-Receipts from gift purchases to each other. For example, I paid for him to get premium membership on deviantart once. He gave me a plushie through the mail and I have the package for that, etc.
-Movie Tickets and aquarium tickets together (not sure if these list our names, are they still usable if not?)
-A cheesy letter I sent him once.
-Pictures from my previous visits to him. I'm not sure how many yet, but we have some of us at Niagara, some walking his family's dog, some of us at the movies,aquarium, halloween decorations, christmas lights etc. But we only have one pic that shows his family at all back from when they didn't despise me. It was for my birthday a year ago and it shows his stepdad and sister in the background.
-Old letter from TJ's mom welcoming me to the family after a visit
-Letter from my mom. My mom will write us a letter saying she is supportive of the relationship and knows of it, etc.
-Letters from TJ's coworkers. We have met a few times and they have seen me at work events with him. They are going to help us when we move out and one of them was even going to rent us a place at one point until it fell through because her husband wanted to sell their house instead. So we can get a few of these.
-My bf can try to get me on his work benefits this July.

Here is what I'm worried about. We don't have much evidence with his family since they dislike me so much and my family is in the US and they have not met my boyfriend yet. However, they are very supportive and say we are welcome anytime. We would have gone down to visit already, but I am worried about getting split up at the border because we don't have an app in process yet. I assume a visit with my family would make this a much stronger app, though. I also think my bf's grandmother would write a letter for us. She has been nice to me even though I know his mom talks about me to her a lot and must say awful things (some of which I have heard since she loudly proclaims it on the phone in the living room). I like to think that my bf's mother will be civil when we are out of her hair and in an apartment and will write us a letter at that point, but I really can't count on that. Also, if we marry, then his mom will flip out because she already worries about him sponsoring me at all because of the undertaking agreement. So even less likely to help us at that point, but we'll still try and ask her I suppose.

So I just need some advice on how to proceed from here. Do we get married, visit my family, then prepare our PR app? Is it possible to pay the fees early after we get married/visit my family, so that I am able to cross the border again with my boyfriend and stay with him while PR goes through? Should I ask my family if they can visit us so I don't have to cross the border? Is it necessary to get in a visit with them at all before sending the app in?

Sorry for such a long post. I will stop writing for now so it doesn't become more of a novel than it already is. Any advice on what we should do would be very much appreciated.


Thanks to everyone for reading!

 

[Zake424]

Obviously, I don't know all the details of your situation, but maybe his mother acts the way she does because she doesn't know how to deal with the fact that her son doesn't act the way she wants him to. You say your quiet but maybe his mom was hoping you would be more outgoing and talkative towards her. If that's the case, try to talk to her or find out her interests and go shopping or do a hobby with her. Make her feel like she's part of your and your boyfriends lives (not just that you live in the same house). Make more of an effort to make her happy. My advice would be to get married. I'm American and my husband is Canadian. We got married, filed for PR and it only took 5 months to get my COPR. I'll be landing and moving to Canada in about a month. Common Law will take a little longer to get approval from what I understand from this forum. We just had a civil ceremony that didn't cost much. We got married in April and then had a reception party in July and invited all of our friends and family. We didn't file for PR until Sept. 9. You don't have to spend a bunch of money or have a big wedding in order to prove your relationship to Canadian Immigration. You're American so it's not like your gaining a lot by moving to Canada since our countries are very similar economically. If you plan on getting married in the next month or two, then you need to go ahead and send off for your FBI background check because that takes about 3 months to get back. Then you will need to get your medical exam upfront so that when you file your application, you'll have the FBI background check, medical exam and pay fees upfront - that way, your application will be complete and will get approved within 5-7 months.

 

[canuck_in_uk]

And we were going to ask her to write up a lease for us for the months we have been at her house, but I don't know if she will even do it. She probably will when we've moved out of her house and have our own apartment, but even then I'm not sure she will want to help us. She also doesn't pay taxes on the rent money we pay her, so that will probably cause her to panic and not want to do the lease even if we just put $0 on it.

But due to all this, we have limited proof of common law. I think we have solid relationship proof, but little common law proof. So I'm wondering if you guys think it would be better to get married and go the spousal PR route?

I assume a visit with my family would make this a much stronger app, though.

So I just need some advice on how to proceed from here. Do we get married, visit my family, then prepare our PR app? Is it possible to pay the fees early after we get married/visit my family, so that I am able to cross the border again with my boyfriend and stay with him while PR goes through? Should I ask my family if they can visit us so I don't have to cross the border? Is it necessary to get in a visit with them at all before sending the app in?

She doesn't need to write up a lease with rental details. A letter confirming that you've been living together there for X time is fine. I doubt she'd be willing to have it notarized but you could try.

There are many other ways to prove common-law. Do you both have mail covering your whole time at the address? Can you ask your neighbors to write letters confirming the cohabitation? Ask friends or his coworkers to write you letters. Have you registered at a doctor/dentist/walk-in clinic/church/organization? Ask them for a letter confirming your address on file. Have you changed your address with anyone in the US, such as your US bank, student loan provider etc.? May people have successfully applied common-law without a lease; it isn't the be-all and end-all of proofs.

A visit with your family won't really make a difference. They support the relationship and CIC understands that it's not the easiest thing to meet the family when they are in another country. Also, leaving Canada is probably not to best idea; given the mother's attitude towards you and her belief that you aren't following the rules, I wouldn't put it past her to report you for any reason she can think of. That could lead to issues at the border.

No one can tell you whether to get married or not. That is completely your choice. You can pay the fees whenever you want.

 

[epmarshall]

Obviously, I don't know all the details of your situation, but maybe his mother acts the way she does because she doesn't know how to deal with the fact that her son doesn't act the way she wants him to. You say your quiet but maybe his mom was hoping you would be more outgoing and talkative towards her. If that's the case, try to talk to her or find out her interests and go shopping or do a hobby with her. Make her feel like she's part of your and your boyfriends lives (not just that you live in the same house). Make more of an effort to make her happy. My advice would be to get married. I'm American and my husband is Canadian. We got married, filed for PR and it only took 5 months to get my COPR. I'll be landing and moving to Canada in about a month. Common Law will take a little longer to get approval from what I understand from this forum. We just had a civil ceremony that didn't cost much. We got married in April and then had a reception party in July and invited all of our friends and family. We didn't file for PR until Sept. 9. You don't have to spend a bunch of money or have a big wedding in order to prove your relationship to Canadian Immigration. You're American so it's not like your gaining a lot by moving to Canada since our countries are very similar economically. If you plan on getting married in the next month or two, then you need to go ahead and send off for your FBI background check because that takes about 3 months to get back. Then you will need to get your medical exam upfront so that when you file your application, you'll have the FBI background check, medical exam and pay fees upfront - that way, your application will be complete and will get approved within 5-7 months.

Hey Zake424, thanks for the advice. I think you might be right about the situation. I have actually been attempting some of what you have mentioned and it seems to be making things a little better. There's still a long way to go for her to like me, though. I will try and keep at it.

I was actually hoping someone would mention the background checks, so thanks for that! I know I need to start getting some things early like the FBI check, but just to make sure are there any others? Also, when you say get the medical upfront, do you mean to do the medical right before and then send it in with our application all at once?

Is there any way you can point me in the right direction for obtaining the FBI check? I'm not sure where to start.
Thanks again!

She doesn't need to write up a lease with rental details. A letter confirming that you've been living together there for X time is fine. I doubt she'd be willing to have it notarized but you could try.

There are many other ways to prove common-law. Do you both have mail covering your whole time at the address? Can you ask your neighbors to write letters confirming the cohabitation? Ask friends or his coworkers to write you letters. Have you registered at a doctor/dentist/walk-in clinic/church/organization? Ask them for a letter confirming your address on file. Have you changed your address with anyone in the US, such as your US bank, student loan provider etc.? May people have successfully applied common-law without a lease; it isn't the be-all and end-all of proofs.

A visit with your family won't really make a difference. They support the relationship and CIC understands that it's not the easiest thing to meet the family when they are in another country. Also, leaving Canada is probably not to best idea; given the mother's attitude towards you and her belief that you aren't following the rules, I wouldn't put it past her to report you for any reason she can think of. That could lead to issues at the border.

No one can tell you whether to get married or not. That is completely your choice. You can pay the fees whenever you want.

Thanks for the reply, Canuck! You make a good point. Crossing the border is probably out of the question for now, then. I am also glad to hear that the lack of meeting my family won't make much of a difference.

I will check the mail we have and see if it covers each month we've been here. We can definitely get the letters from friends and coworkers, too. If we do decide to go the marriage route, do you think our current evidence is good enough, provided we get the additional letters from friends/family and anything extra we can find? I really don't want to be called for an interview if we can avoid it. Thanks for the help!

 

[Zake424]

Go to fbi.gov and then search Identity History Summary Checks and it will guide you through the process. You will have to go and get your fingerprints taken (just follow the instructions on the fbi website). It takes about 13-15 weeks to get them back. You will need to go to CIC.CA and look up the list of approved panel physicians that you can go to for your medical exam. You can't just go to any doctor. Do the medical exam about 2 weeks or so BEFORE you file your immigration application. I'm not sure what province you are in in Canada or if you will go back to the states to get your medical exam. Just an FYI, insurance won't cover the exam. I had in done in Texas where I live and it cost $350.00. I had blood work, eye chart test and chest xray. It was pretty simple.

 

[Alurra71]

I think the only thing that jumped out at me here was the fact that you have only lived together for 6 months? You do realize you'll need a FULL 12 months to qualify as common law, right?

As for the mother, don't sweat it too much. Mothers are sometimes strange creatures. We get happy when our children are happy, but sometimes their happiness makes us all weird because suddenly we aren't 'top' of the food chain any more. You can try to talk with her to see what is really bothering her, but in all it sounds like the standard "mom" stuff to me.

Good luck!

 

[Aquakitty]

Imo that goes a bit beyond the normal mom stuff. But, you are taking steps to get out of there so that's good. It sounds like the mom isn't handling another woman on her "territory" all that well. Just make sure if you do get married, it's because it's right for you and not just for easier immigration.

I'd suggest appeasing her, try to figure out what's causing the issue and get on her good side for now, so she will be willing to write a letter for you. There's no point in throwing away the 6 months if you do go the common-law route.

It is funny though how little people know about the immigration system, once you actually are involved in it. Though I suppose that's the case about any subject the average person isn't exposed to.

 

[epmarshall]

Thanks for all the help, everyone! Sorry for the delayed response, but I have been very busy.

Just thought I'd update the topic since I have relevant news for those that tried to help out. First, we got an apartment so we'll be moving out soon. Second, my boyfriend's mom has been a lot nicer to us lately (possibly because we are moving out) and even wrote an apology that basically said she had some other factors going on in her life and was sorry for being negative.

So hopefully things will be a lot smoother from now on. We can probably get her to help us with the letter as well.

Go to fbi.gov and then search Identity History Summary Checks and it will guide you through the process. You will have to go and get your fingerprints taken (just follow the instructions on the fbi website). It takes about 13-15 weeks to get them back. You will need to go to CIC.CA and look up the list of approved panel physicians that you can go to for your medical exam. You can't just go to any doctor. Do the medical exam about 2 weeks or so BEFORE you file your immigration application. I'm not sure what province you are in in Canada or if you will go back to the states to get your medical exam. Just an FYI, insurance won't cover the exam. I had in done in Texas where I live and it cost $350.00. I had blood work, eye chart test and chest xray. It was pretty simple.

Thanks, Zake. That will help me get started. We'll be getting the FBI check going soon.

I think the only thing that jumped out at me here was the fact that you have only lived together for 6 months? You do realize you'll need a FULL 12 months to qualify as common law, right?

As for the mother, don't sweat it too much. Mothers are sometimes strange creatures. We get happy when our children are happy, but sometimes their happiness makes us all weird because suddenly we aren't 'top' of the food chain any more. You can try to talk with her to see what is really bothering her, but in all it sounds like the standard "mom" stuff to me.

Good luck!

Thanks for the input, Alurra. Yes, we know we need to have 12 months cohabitation in order to be common law. We just want to plan everything out in advance to hopefully avoid any issues.

Imo that goes a bit beyond the normal mom stuff. But, you are taking steps to get out of there so that's good. It sounds like the mom isn't handling another woman on her "territory" all that well. Just make sure if you do get married, it's because it's right for you and not just for easier immigration.

I'd suggest appeasing her, try to figure out what's causing the issue and get on her good side for now, so she will be willing to write a letter for you. There's no point in throwing away the 6 months if you do go the common-law route.

It is funny though how little people know about the immigration system, once you actually are involved in it. Though I suppose that's the case about any subject the average person isn't exposed to.

Yeah, we've definitely noticed that no one really knows about the immigration process since most people don't have a need to go through it.

 

[canuck_in_uk]

Just thought I'd update the topic since I have relevant news for those that tried to help out. First, we got an apartment so we'll be moving out soon. Second, my boyfriend's mom has been a lot nicer to us lately (possibly because we are moving out) and even wrote an apology that basically said she had some other factors going on in her life and was sorry for being negative.

So hopefully things will be a lot smoother from now on. We can probably get her to help us with the letter as well.

That's good to hear, should definitely help your app go a bit smoother.