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On a casual note... LESSONS OF LIFE -Enjoy it's every Moment !!!

Canadian4U

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Pls let me share this one :

The Art of Appraisal


Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*
 

OmSai73

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Canadian4U

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Here's another one directly from Arab :

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:


Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, whenall my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stopembarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad

Regards
 

Simon123

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Jun 4, 2009
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lol ....

Canadian4U said:
Here's another one directly from Arab :

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:


Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, whenall my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stopembarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad

Regards
 

qorax

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Canadian4U said:
Here's another one directly from Arab :

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:


Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, whenall my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stopembarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad

Regards
Wow!
That was apocalyptic.
 

WAY

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Canadian4U said:
Here's another one directly from Arab :

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:


Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, whenall my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

hahhaa....cant stop laughing.......nice one...:)

Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stopembarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too. Your Dad

Regards
 

lakhvinder.kaur

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qorax said:
Those were some awesome Meanings, Ma'am! Ms. Lakhvinder.
U deserved a +, but couldn't, as did it already yesterday. I owe that one to u...

Some of them were real gems...
@ Qorax sir

I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks. ;)

That Cig thing has me on the other end! Invariably every time.
we trust u will get rid of it soon sir.
 

qorax

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In a softer mood to Maverick's thread...
http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/is-this-present-day-india-or-what-yes-i-too-am-an-indian-t41513.0.html

Indian Hell :)o ;D)

An Indian dies & goes to hell. He finds that there's a different hell for each country there. Being choosy & got allowed too, he muses to check each out before he selected one.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "what do u do here?" He's told, "first they put u in an electric chair for 1hr. Then they lay u on a bed of nails for another hr. Then the German devil comes & whips u for the rest of the day."

The guy doesn't like the sound of it at all, so he moves on. He checks the US hell, the Russian hell & many more. He discovers that they r all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell.
And finds that there's a long queue of desirous entrants, from nearly every country.

Amazed he asks,"what do u do here?" He's told, "first they put u in an electric chair for 1hr. Then they lay u on a bed of nails for another hr. Then the Indian devil comes & whips u for the rest of the day."

Aghast he asks, "but that's exactly the same as in all other hells, then why r here so many ppl waiting to get in?"

Up comes the reply, "becoz maintenance is so bad that the electric chair doesn't work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed; & the devil is a former Govt. servant -so he comes in >signs the register >& then goes to the cafeteria for tea, snacks & what not, for rest of the day."

Ye, beat that!
Qorax

Source: BrownBuzz.ca | July 2010 | Pg. 47
 

lakhvinder.kaur

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qorax said:
In a softer mood to Maverick's thread...
http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/is-this-present-day-india-or-what-yes-i-too-am-an-indian-t41513.0.html

Indian Hell :)o ;D)

An Indian dies & goes to hell. He finds that there's a different hell for each country there. Being choosy & got allowed too, he muses to check each out before he selected one.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "what do u do here?" He's told, "first they put u in an electric chair for 1hr. Then they lay u on a bed of nails for another hr. Then the German devil comes & whips u for then rest of the day."

The guy doesn't like the sound of it at all, so he moves on. He checks the US hell, the Russian hell & many more. He discovers that they r all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell.
And finds that there's a long queue of desirous entrants, from nearly every country.

Amazed he asks,"what do u do here?" He's told, "first they put u in an electric chair for 1hr. Then they lay u on a bed of nails for another hr. Then the Indian devil comes & whips u for then rest of the day."

Aghast he asks, "but that's exactly the same as in all other hells, then why r here so many ppl waiting to get in?"

Up comes the reply, "becoz maintenance is so bad that the electric chair doesn't work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed; & the devil is a former Govt. servant -so he comes in >signs the register >& then goes to the cafeteria for tea, snacks & what not, for rest of the day."

Ye, beat that!
Qorax
Its remarkable! Good one!
 

Canadian4U

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!

We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!!

Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!

Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.

Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving".
 

sanjeevindia

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Canadian4U said:
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter!! Oh my Gosh!! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!! Turn them!! TURN THEM NOW!!

We need more butter. Oh my Gosh!! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK!!

Careful ... CAREFUL!! be CAREFUL!!You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!! Turn them! HURRY UP!!

Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.

Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving".
:Dlol
 

vncviewer

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HIhihiiiiiiiiiii.... :mad: