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Need Serious Professional Advice

WhatDidiDo

Newbie
Dec 4, 2020
4
0
I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong forum.
I have been in Canada since 2009. I came here with my common-law wife from the Caribbean. She is a PR. Before making this move, we'd been living in the Caribbean for more than a year, so she told me that we would need a place to stay for a couple days until we secure an apartment, then we can apply for my PR, etc. She made it seem so easy. I have a distant cousin here that arranged a room for us to share an apartment with others (not with my cousin, himself). I sold my car and other business assets to come here and start a life. When I got here it was on a visitor visa, of course.
We stayed in the person's apartment for two months before getting kicked out because my wife did not seem interested in finding a job. I'm going to make a very long story short and say that in 11 years, this woman has never worked a full time job and seems to have grown comfortable living on EI/social. We have been struggling together - from sleeping on the floor on a blow-up bed in a tiny room, to having our apartment and furniture and appliances and lots of stuff now - and I have been undocumented all this time. We have had three kids since and am not ashamed to say that I have had done various (full time) work dishonestly to support my family - some for a few years straight. In terms of trying to get my papers, we had been to a lawyer once in maybe 2011 but nothing has started because she won't get off assistance. There is always some excuse: she need to do some school course, nobody is hiring, etc.
I am currently a student at the tuition-free (because this is what I can afford) American online university - University of the People. I am pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration, and I am doing very well academically. I am an aspiring entrepreneur and there are products I want to try to launch but, being in my situation, I cannot even start a business. Thinking about these things makes me depressed and stressed and I can feel my health deteriorating. Even as I write this I can feel my heart palpitating, as it has been doing for almost three months now.
Lately, we have been fighting a lot. From my frustration I have told her a lot of hurtful things - like how she is not motivated enough to get a job and file for me - and other issues from the past. I take responsibility for my hurtful words but I am approaching my 40s and I just feel like I am getting older and going nowhere. I have no bank account of my own, no type of insurance or annuity, no career, no social or professional network, I am just like an undocumented housewife. Our fighting has gotten to the point that It feels like it is over and I am considering leaving.

My options:
  • Stay with my distant cousin for a while until I figure things out. He has a house now and is doing OK.
  • Move to Chatham-Kent where I have an uncle (my mom's brother). He is going through a nasty divorce and is unemployed for the past month due to COVID
  • Go stay at a shelter
  • Go back to the Caribbean when it's clear to travel. I might die of shame and don't know if I can afford the ticket.
  • Try to work things out and hope she looks for a job soon
Leaving would be heart-wrenching for me to leave my kids. Toronto is all I know now, I don't know how I will survive in the Caribbean. Is there anything that I can do immigration-wise? I do not want to get my kids' mom in trouble - she is a wonderful mom but she is lazy and unambitious professionally. I put my trust in her and now I am just stuck and waiting for years. I consider myself highly intelligent academically, but clearly I am an idiot in other areas of life.
I am sorry for the long post, I tried cutting out many details. I don't know if many other people would put up with what I have, but can anyone offer some advice. I would like to get my life together, and it would appear that my wife can not help.
Thanks for reading.
 
Last edited:

canuck78

VIP Member
Jun 18, 2017
52,959
12,760
You can try filing for H&C based on the best interest of your children but the social assistance is going to keep being an issue. You may actually have a better chance if you were separated but H&C is always a gamble. Only separate because you want to and not for potential immigration reasons that aren't guaranteed. At a certain point you're going to need to try to normalize your status because what if you get sick? You'd need to pay for healthcare.
 

WhatDidiDo

Newbie
Dec 4, 2020
4
0
I got injured once and it cost $650 at the hospital just for triage. I am afraid to go check my heart even though I assume it's just stress.
 

canuck78

VIP Member
Jun 18, 2017
52,959
12,760
I got injured once and it cost $650 at the hospital just for triage. I am afraid to go check my heart even though I assume it's just stress.
Your only option is H&C but there is always a risk. There is also a risk if you remain without status that you could be discovered by CBSA, get sick, not be able to make money, etc.
 

scylla

VIP Member
Jun 8, 2010
92,541
20,360
Toronto
Category........
Visa Office......
Buffalo
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
28-05-2010
AOR Received.
19-08-2010
File Transfer...
28-06-2010
Passport Req..
01-10-2010
VISA ISSUED...
05-10-2010
LANDED..........
05-10-2010
I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong forum.
I have been in Canada since 2009. I came here with my common-law wife from the Caribbean. She is a PR. Before making this move, we'd been living in the Caribbean for more than a year, so she told me that we would need a place to stay for a couple days until we secure an apartment, then we can apply for my PR, etc. She made it seem so easy. I have a distant cousin here that arranged a room for us to share an apartment with others (not with my cousin, himself). I sold my car and other business assets to come here and start a life. When I got here it was on a visitor visa, of course.
We stayed in the person's apartment for two months before getting kicked out because my wife did not seem interested in finding a job. I'm going to make a very long story short and say that in 11 years, this woman has never worked a full time job and seems to have grown comfortable living on EI/social. We have been struggling together - from sleeping on the floor on a blow-up bed in a tiny room, to having our apartment and furniture and appliances and lots of stuff now - and I have been undocumented all this time. We have had three kids since and am not ashamed to say that I have had done various (full time) work dishonestly to support my family - some for a few years straight. In terms of trying to get my papers, we had been to a lawyer once in maybe 2011 but nothing has started because she won't get off assistance. There is always some excuse: she need to do some school course, nobody is hiring, etc.
I am currently a student at the tuition-free (because this is what I can afford) American online university - University of the People. I am pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration, and I am doing very well academically. I am an aspiring entrepreneur and there are products I want to try to launch but, being in my situation, I cannot even start a business. Thinking about these things makes me depressed and stressed and I can feel my health deteriorating. Even as I write this I can feel my heart palpitating, as it has been doing for almost three months now.
Lately, we have been fighting a lot. From my frustration I have told her a lot of hurtful things - like how she is not motivated enough to get a job and file for me - and other issues from the past. I take responsibility for my hurtful words but I am approaching my 40s and I just feel like I am getting older and going nowhere. I have no bank account of my own, no type of insurance or annuity, no career, no social or professional network, I am just like an undocumented housewife. Our fighting has gotten to the point that It feels like it is over and I am considering leaving.

My options:
  • Stay with my distant cousin for a while until I figure things out. He has a house now and is doing OK.
  • Move to Chatham-Kent where I have an uncle (my mom's brother). He is going through a nasty divorce and is unemployed for the past month due to COVID
  • Go stay at a shelter
  • Go back to the Caribbean when it's clear to travel. I might die of shame and don't know if I can afford the ticket.
  • Try to work things out and hope she looks for a job soon
Leaving would be heart-wrenching for me to leave my kids. Toronto is all I know now, I don't know how I will survive in the Caribbean. Is there anything that I can do immigration-wise? I do not want to get my kids' mom in trouble - she is a wonderful mom but she is lazy and unambitious professionally. I put my trust in her and now I am just stuck and waiting for years. I consider myself highly intelligent academically, but clearly I am an idiot in other areas of life.
I am sorry for the long post, I tried cutting out many details. I don't know if many other people would put up with what I have, but can anyone offer some advice. I would like to get my life together, and it would appear that my wife can not help.
Thanks for reading.
In terms of becoming a PR, you really only have two options:

1) Try applying under H&C. Impossible for any of us to say what the chances of success will be and you'll likely be looking at 1.5 to 2 years for processing times.
2) Remain with your wife and fix the relationship. Have her get off social assistance and stay off so that she can sponsor you for PR.

That's really it. Based on your age and profile (and the fact you are out of status), applying for PR through an economic immigration stream is not an options.
 

scylla

VIP Member
Jun 8, 2010
92,541
20,360
Toronto
Category........
Visa Office......
Buffalo
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
28-05-2010
AOR Received.
19-08-2010
File Transfer...
28-06-2010
Passport Req..
01-10-2010
VISA ISSUED...
05-10-2010
LANDED..........
05-10-2010
I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong forum.
I have been in Canada since 2009. I came here with my common-law wife from the Caribbean. She is a PR. Before making this move, we'd been living in the Caribbean for more than a year, so she told me that we would need a place to stay for a couple days until we secure an apartment, then we can apply for my PR, etc. She made it seem so easy. I have a distant cousin here that arranged a room for us to share an apartment with others (not with my cousin, himself). I sold my car and other business assets to come here and start a life. When I got here it was on a visitor visa, of course.
We stayed in the person's apartment for two months before getting kicked out because my wife did not seem interested in finding a job. I'm going to make a very long story short and say that in 11 years, this woman has never worked a full time job and seems to have grown comfortable living on EI/social. We have been struggling together - from sleeping on the floor on a blow-up bed in a tiny room, to having our apartment and furniture and appliances and lots of stuff now - and I have been undocumented all this time. We have had three kids since and am not ashamed to say that I have had done various (full time) work dishonestly to support my family - some for a few years straight. In terms of trying to get my papers, we had been to a lawyer once in maybe 2011 but nothing has started because she won't get off assistance. There is always some excuse: she need to do some school course, nobody is hiring, etc.
I am currently a student at the tuition-free (because this is what I can afford) American online university - University of the People. I am pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration, and I am doing very well academically. I am an aspiring entrepreneur and there are products I want to try to launch but, being in my situation, I cannot even start a business. Thinking about these things makes me depressed and stressed and I can feel my health deteriorating. Even as I write this I can feel my heart palpitating, as it has been doing for almost three months now.
Lately, we have been fighting a lot. From my frustration I have told her a lot of hurtful things - like how she is not motivated enough to get a job and file for me - and other issues from the past. I take responsibility for my hurtful words but I am approaching my 40s and I just feel like I am getting older and going nowhere. I have no bank account of my own, no type of insurance or annuity, no career, no social or professional network, I am just like an undocumented housewife. Our fighting has gotten to the point that It feels like it is over and I am considering leaving.

My options:
  • Stay with my distant cousin for a while until I figure things out. He has a house now and is doing OK.
  • Move to Chatham-Kent where I have an uncle (my mom's brother). He is going through a nasty divorce and is unemployed for the past month due to COVID
  • Go stay at a shelter
  • Go back to the Caribbean when it's clear to travel. I might die of shame and don't know if I can afford the ticket.
  • Try to work things out and hope she looks for a job soon
Leaving would be heart-wrenching for me to leave my kids. Toronto is all I know now, I don't know how I will survive in the Caribbean. Is there anything that I can do immigration-wise? I do not want to get my kids' mom in trouble - she is a wonderful mom but she is lazy and unambitious professionally. I put my trust in her and now I am just stuck and waiting for years. I consider myself highly intelligent academically, but clearly I am an idiot in other areas of life.
I am sorry for the long post, I tried cutting out many details. I don't know if many other people would put up with what I have, but can anyone offer some advice. I would like to get my life together, and it would appear that my wife can not help.
Thanks for reading.
Just to add to my comment above, in order for the sponsorship application through your wife to be successful, she would not only have to get off social assistance for several months before applying - but also stay off social assistance for the entire duration of time that it takes to process your application (which would likely be at least one year). It's your relationship and life obviously. But from an observer's perspective, I'm not sure I would be expecting anything to change here if she's been on social assistance since you arrived in Canada.

Your best bet is most likely H&C. This is you going at it alone and trying to make a case based on your kids. Not a sure path certainly. But I'm not sure I see your wife changing (again, that's very obviously an outsider's opinion).

Anyway - good luck regardless of what you try to do. Crappy situation.
 

WhatDidiDo

Newbie
Dec 4, 2020
4
0
Just to add to my comment above, in order for the sponsorship application through your wife to be successful, she would not only have to get off social assistance for several months before applying - but also stay off social assistance for the entire duration of time that it takes to process your application (which would likely be at least one year). It's your relationship and life obviously. But from an observer's perspective, I'm not sure I would be expecting anything to change here if she's been on social assistance since you arrived in Canada.

Your best bet is most likely H&C. This is you going at it alone and trying to make a case based on your kids. Not a sure path certainly. But I'm not sure I see your wife changing (again, that's very obviously an outsider's opinion).

Anyway - good luck regardless of what you try to do. Crappy situation.
Thank you, guys, for your advice. She claims to be trying but, frankly, I don't think she was "built" for
working - especially in a team. I'm better off trying on my own and if Canada decides to turn me away, that's fine. Nobody wants to feel like a prisoner in such a wonderful country.
 

WhatDidiDo

Newbie
Dec 4, 2020
4
0
Your only option is H&C but there is always a risk. There is also a risk if you remain without status that you could be discovered by CBSA, get sick, not be able to make money, etc.
Thank you. One question: can my uncle sponsor me if he is working? Thanks.
 

scylla

VIP Member
Jun 8, 2010
92,541
20,360
Toronto
Category........
Visa Office......
Buffalo
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
28-05-2010
AOR Received.
19-08-2010
File Transfer...
28-06-2010
Passport Req..
01-10-2010
VISA ISSUED...
05-10-2010
LANDED..........
05-10-2010
Thank you. One question: can my uncle sponsor me if he is working? Thanks.
No, he can't. You mentioned a few relatives in Canada so he won't meet the requirement.